More Than Friends (3 page)

“Your wounds?”

“Yeah, Seb. My wounds. I have a couple that need healing. I’m embarrassed and my heart is broken.”

He stood up a little straighter. “Don’t you dare feel embarrassed. Not with me. Not because of what you said.”

Her cheeks turned even redder.

“Your loving me? Fuck, it’s the biggest compliment ever. It’s nothing for you to feel ashamed of.”

She snorted humorlessly. “A compliment? You think my loving you is a compliment?”

“The biggest one you could give me.”

Lucy threw her shoulders back and marched into the kitchen, shoving her way past him. She headed straight to the parcels and began to unpack them. “I’m glad you feel flattered. Now could you go home?”

She shoved bread in the bread bin and coffee in the cupboard above her kettle. When she opened the fridge to put the milk in it, Seb couldn’t help but notice the full bottle already sitting on the shelf.

“And if I do leave, when will I see you again?”

She shrugged, opened a bag and pulled out seven bars of chocolate, staring at them blankly.

“They’re from me. I thought you might need a fix.”

Lucy grimaced, but said nothing about the chocolate. She just shoved them into her grocery cupboard, behind several boxes of cereal, out of sight.

“If I leave, will you meet me for breakfast tomorrow before work?” Not that he had the time, but for her, he’d sort something out.

“I can’t.”

“Lunch?”

She shook her head. “Busy.”

“Fine, supper then. My place, I’ll cook.”

“I have plans.”

His gut twisted. “Shit, don’t do this.”

“Don’t do what?”

“Don’t push me away.”

“I’m not.” Lucy unpacked a bag of fruit and vegetables, placing bananas, apples and mandarins in a bowl and the veggies in the fridge drawer.

“Morning tea?” he pressed.

She shook her head. “Working.”

“Coffee tomorrow arvo?”

“Can’t.”

“Yeah, babe, you are pushing. Hard. You’re not giving me a minute to be with you.”

“What can I say? I’m working tomorrow. My shift at the library runs from eight to five. I don’t have time.” She yanked a jar of strawberry jam out of the bag.

Strawberry jam?

She hated the stuff. Hated jam, full stop.

“What if I had told you I feel the same way? That I love you too? That I wanted to spend tomorrow doing every dirty, filthy thing you dreamed of?”

She froze with her arm stretched up to place the jam on a top shelf.

“Would you still have been busy tomorrow?” Shit. His cock stirred, his mind filling with several thousand dirty things he could do to her.

What the fuck?

The jam slid from her grip and crashed to the floor, cracking in two, spilling its contents on the white tiles.

Lucy stared at it, her face ashen.

Seb grabbed a few sheets of paper towel, scooped up the oozing gunk and tossed it all in the bin. Then he wet a few more sheets to wipe up the remaining mess.

“You don’t love me,” she said shakily. “It’s a ludicrous question.”

“Not ludicrous at all.” He scrubbed the last bit of jam from the floor and stood. “I’m just making a point. If things had played out differently, you wouldn’t be refusing to see me. I’m getting a bad feeling, Loo.”

“
You’re
getting a bad feeling?” She gave a hollow laugh. “Try standing in my shoes for a while.”

“You’re distancing yourself from me.”

“What would you have me do? Pour out my innermost feelings to you? Tell you what’s going on in my screwed-up heart and head? I did that once already tonight. And look how well that worked out.”

“Yeah, that’s exactly what I’d have you do. Talk to me. Really talk to me. Not cut me out like I’m someone you’d rather never see again.”

“I’m not cutting you out,” she snapped. “I told you I love you, and you told me you’re into another girl. I just can’t be with you now. It…it hurts too much. Okay?”

“Not as much as the thought of you cutting me out of your life hurts me.” He couldn’t deal with the Sarah issue now. Couldn’t even think about her. Not when Lucy was this upset.

His gut warned him that if he gave her some space, as she wanted, she’d exclude him from her life the way she did with anyone who hurt her.

Lucy had an amazing capacity to throw up walls. To pretend someone she’d cared deeply for no longer existed. Seb had witnessed it with at least two of her ex-boyfriends, and with a friend at her work who’d made a play for one of those exes.

She’d just closed the offenders out of her life and pretended they no longer existed.

Seb never wanted to be on the other side of Lucy’s impenetrable walls.

“Jesus. You’re worried about how I might behave tomorrow? How I might distance myself from you? I’m trying to focus on taking one breath after the next so I don’t roll up in a ball and die from your rejection. Trying my hardest just to deal with you standing here, so close I can touch you.” She took a shuddery breath. “So close it…it hurts not to touch you.”

She grabbed two handfuls of her lustrous curls and tugged on them, her white knuckles making her frustration that much more obvious. “It’s ripping my heart out.
You’re
ripping my heart out. Playing hell with my sense of self-preservation and self-worth. All I wanna do is throw myself into your arms and kiss you for the next year. Rip off your shirt and your pants, and fuck you like there’s no tomorrow, and all you wanna do is…is have a heart-to-heart. Work out the finer details of how we can still be friends.”

She grabbed the last remaining bag and marched out of the kitchen, yelling over her shoulder. “Don’t you get it?” Her voice grew even louder—and wobblier—as though she fought back either tears or fury. “I need you to get out of my place so I can breathe again, so I can find my balance. I don’t need you worrying about how I might act tomorrow.”

And with that she disappeared down the passage and into her bathroom.

He should go, should respect her wishes and leave her in peace. But Seb was too damned selfish to do that. Too damned concerned he’d lose her forever if he did, so he went after her, yelling, just like she had.

“No. It’s not okay. I know you too well. If I leave now, if I leave you to nurse your wounds alone, I’ll never hear from you again. You’ll just add my name to the list with Brian’s and Keith’s, and I’ll be another guy you don’t talk to. Another loose end you tie up by ignoring me.”

She’d cut Leo off too. But that hadn’t been too big of an issue between Seb and Lucy, since Leo had upped and moved to Melbourne a few weeks later.

He marched into the bathroom after her, found her slamming toiletries into the cabinet over the basin. Dove soap, Colgate toothpaste, Herbal Essences shampoo and conditioner. “I’m right, aren’t I? That’s how you intend on getting through this. By pretending I don’t exist.”

She didn’t turn around, didn’t modulate her tone. She just kept yelling. “I’ll deal with it however I need to. And right now that means you leaving me the hell alone.”

Seb was having none of it. He wasn’t going anywhere, and he wasn’t leaving her the hell alone. Instead he got in her face. Grabbed her by the shoulders and squeezed between her and the vanity, holding her still and forcing her to look at him.

She struggled to free herself, so he just held her tighter, pulling her closer, immobilizing her against his body.

“I won’t do that. And I won’t let you ignore me. I won’t let you pretend I don’t exist. I’m not one of
them.
Not an ex you can cut out and never think about again. No matter how unnecessarily embarrassed you might be now, you’re my friend, my mate, and I refuse to let your feelings for me come between us. Refuse to let you go because this is all making you feel a little awkward. We’re better than that. We’re stronger than that. Whatever’s going on, we can get through it together.”

“Get through it?” Rage blazed in her eyes. As did shame. “Get through it? Jesus, Seb. I masturbated in that very bath.” She jerked her head to the side, indicating the tub. “Fucked myself and fantasized it was you fucking me, and you want us to get through it? I don’t think so. I think I’m way past that point.”

Seb couldn’t help himself. He looked at the tub. And just like that, he was hard again. Painfully hard.

As fast as his head filled with images of a naked Lucy, lying in her bath, immersed in water with her hand buried between her legs, so blood filled his cock.

He saw her, her head thrown back, her neck arched, her breasts bobbing, nipples swollen and distended.
And he wanted her
. Wanted her with an intensity that blew his mind clean away.

A soft groan rasped from his throat as his body heated.

Lucy froze.

Just froze. She even stopped breathing for a few seconds.

Seb continued to hold her tight. Hold her close. His erection, full and throbbing, pressed against her belly.

“Seb?” His name was a question, whispered through trembling lips.

He had trouble breathing himself. Couldn’t get quite enough air into his lungs to fuel the rampant heat burning through his blood.

“Fuck.”
The word felt like sandpaper against his throat. “Jesus, Loo. You masturbated there?” He didn’t take his gaze off the bath. Couldn’t. Couldn’t see anything but the naked, submerged Lucy, touching herself.

She didn’t answer. Didn’t say a word, but he heard her breath hitch.

Static electricity filled the bathroom, zapping Seb’s chest, making his skin stretch taut over his bones. Every sense seemed to flick to hyper-alert.

Lucy’s scent, her familiar, floral scent, tickled his nose, tantalizing in a way it never had before. Her shallow panting echoed through his ears, so soft he almost didn’t hear it, yet loud enough to alter his breathing, making him pant too.

The soft cotton of her shirt beneath his hands slid like silk against his palms, outlining the feminine arch of her shoulders, making him want to hold her even tighter, pull her even closer.

He closed his eyes, let her nearness overwhelm him.

“Tell me what you did, Lucy-Loo.” His voice was a hoarse murmur. “Tell me how you felt, when you touched yourself and thought of me.”

“D-don’t do this.” Lucy’s words whispered over his neck, a soft plea. “Don’t go there. Not if you don’t feel what I feel.”

“Too late for that, babe. I’m there. In the bath with you, and God help us both, I’ve never seen anything sexier in my whole life.”

“Seb…please.”

Please what? Please stop? Please don’t?

He opened his eyes, stared at the tub, transfixed, dropped his hands to her waist and held her against him, trapping his cock between them, ensuring she felt exactly what her confession had done to him.

“You’re touching yourself. Running your hand over your cunt. Your eyes are closed, and there’s a hiss of air escaping your mouth.”

“Seb!”
She dropped her head to his chest, burning him through his T-shirt.

Was her face hot with embarrassment—or arousal?

“Your breasts… Christ, I’ve never seen them before, but they’re beautiful. Full. Your nipples are so hard, as though you’re waiting for something. Someone…to touch them? Kiss them?” He shook his head. “Suck on them. Me. I’d suck on them, pull each tip into my mouth individually and feast on the plump flesh.”

She whimpered, and the sensual sound sent a fresh flow of blood to his groin.

“Where’s your hand while you bathe, babe?”

His question was met only with Lucy’s shallow panting.

“Where are your fingers? On your clit? Playing with it?” Jesus, the thought turned him on so much he thought he might have a stroke. “Or are they exploring a little lower, slipping inside your pussy?”

Lucy muttered something nonsensical. Her voice was a low, sexy murmur, and she buried her head further into his chest, hiding her face from him.

“Tell me, Loo. Tell me where your fingers are, so I don’t have to guess. So I can see what you’re doing to yourself. What I’m doing to you.”

Lucy clutched at his shirt, her nails digging into his sides, and the sting only increased his awareness, only made the sudden lust sharper, the need for her more intense.

He wrapped one arm around her waist and the other around her shoulders, combing his fingers through her hair, pushing it aside. Then he dropped his head to her neck and nipped at her throat, ensuring the bite was forceful enough that she’d feel the sting—just like he felt the sting of her nails.

She yelped.

“What are you doing, Lucy? Fucking yourself, or rubbing your clit? Which one?”

She answered. He knew she did, but her voice was muffled against her chest, making her response inaudible.

“Louder.”

Silence.

He bit her neck again, harder this time, leaving a mark.

She yelped again, only this time the sound had meaning.
“Both.”

Seb froze. “Both?”

She nodded against his chest. “Both. I’m taking turns, fingering my clit and fucking my pussy. And I’m touching my breast with my other hand, caressing my nipple, wishing my hands were yours.”