More Than Her (2 page)

I know I could ask Micky, and I've thought about it on more than one occasion
—
but here's the thing
—
if she wanted Micky to know then she would have told her, and I'd have had my ass kicked already. She's not telling her for a reason.

So, every day I look for her and she
’
s not here. And every day I got more and more pissed off and angry about what I did to her.
Then I turn that anger into the one thing I know will help: girls.

Between baseball, the parties, the girls and the sex I have just enough time to study. If I had to give up one of those things, it would be baseball. Honestly though, I'd give it all up it if it meant I could see
her
again.

The Meet.

Before summer, pre college

The first time I saw her was at Jake's house. It was at Mikayla’s families wake. To me
—
she was like a light in the darkness. I wonder now if Micky ever thought of Jake like that.

***

"Excuse me?"

Her voice was so low I almost didn't hear it. But when I turned around,
she was there. Standing in the middle of the Andrews' kitchen, plates in hand, waiting for me to
say—or do—something.

Finally, a sound travelled up my throat and out my mouth. I couldn't tell you what the fuck I said, because I can't remember.

All I can remember is
her
.

The way she stood there, unsure of the situation. Her bottom lip was caught between her teeth, her eyebrows drawn together.

She jerked her head towards me, "I need to put these in there."

"Huh?"

"The sink, behind you? I need to put these in there." She said this slowly, as if I were a child.

She lifted the plates in her hands and waited.

I took my time, taking her in. I’m pretty sure I didn't even try to hide the eye-fuck I gave her, because when my eyes finally left her body to settle on her face, she was blushing.

She tried not to smile, "Are you going to move or what?"

I smirked, and lazily stepped aside.

She took two steps forward and tripped—on absolutely nothing. The plates she was holding fell to the floor and shattered. We were both quick to bend and pick them up; so quick that we butt heads on the way down.

"Shit," she whispered, rubbing her head.

"Fuck," I said, doing the same.

I started to pick up the broken pieces and that's when I noticed the blood.

"Dude, you're bleeding," I told her.

She looked up and our eyes locked.

And that's one of the ways I remember her.

Her face so close to mine I could hear her breathing.

"Huh?" She looked down at her hand, and her eyes widened before she said, "Holy shitballs!"

And then she squealed like a little girl. Her eyes squeezed shut as she threw her hand out in front of her, waving it around, dripping blood all over the floor. "I can't see blood. I mean, technically I can
see
it, but I can't
look
at it. You have to make it stop." She hadn't taken a breath. "Seriously, it freaks me the fuck out. Make it stop! Oh my god! I'm going to throw up! Move!" She started to stand, then stopped, gripped my shirt, faced away from me, and continued, "Don't move...fix it. Please?" Then she looked at me with panic clear on her face. "I'm going to pass out. Oh God. Oh God."

"Hey," I tried to soothe her. "It's fine, I got you." I held her arm and helped her to stand. I couldn't help the chuckle that escaped.

"It's not funny, I swear I'll throw up if I look at it."

She still had that panicked look, and her face had paled a few shades. That's when I realized she wasn't fucking around. It was also when I realized how cute she was. "Don't look at it then, just concentrate on my face."

So she did.

"Does it hurt?"

She nodded slowly, never taking her eyes off mine.

"Okay, I'm going to turn the tap off now, just let me know if I hurt you when I look at it, okay?"

Another slow nod.

I finally managed to tear my eyes off hers, to check out her finger. "You're just going to need a Band-Aid."

I cleaned up the mess on the floor, led her to the bathroom where the first aid kit was and told her to sit up on the counter.

Once the Band-Aid was on, I glanced up at her. "You good?"

She bit her lip, nodding. "Thanks," she said quietly. "What are you? A doctor or something?" She smiled wide, her legs kicked back and forth in front of her.

"Something like that."

"Well, Thank you. And sorry for freaking out, about the blood thing. I really just...ugh...me and blood are not friends." She scrunched up her nose and made a disgusted face.

I took her in and her big blue eyes looked back. Her light brown hair hung loose. It was the only time I'd seen it like that.

And that's when it hit me. She wasn't just cute. She was kind of fucking hot.

She bit her lip again and my eyes zoned in on the action. I wanted to kiss her. I wanted my mouth on hers and I wanted it bad. For some reason, I thought it was okay to do what I did next, because I was Logan Fucking Matthews, and I was a goddamn boss. Plus—chicks loved me.

So I made a move to kiss her, but I saw her eyes widen slightly before our lips made contact and the next thing I knew, her knee was in my junk and I was folding over myself trying to breath through the pain.

I leaned down, both hands on my parts, trying to soothe the ache. I couldn't breath properly. I was doing everything I could to not fall to the ground and cry. I saw her jump off the counter and bend down to look in my eyes.
"First, I don't even know you. Second, we're at a fucking wake. And third, you're an asshole," she said. One of her fingers pushed the middle of my forehead; hard enough that it made me fall back a little.

She opened the bathroom door quickly, and shut it behind her. Once I knew it was closed for sure, I dropped to the floor and rocked back and forth like a goddamn baby. The pain was that fucking intense.

***

I was out on the back patio with everyone else when I heard her voice.
“
Hi, Mikayla. I'm really sorry about your loss.
“
She laughed once. "What a shit thing to say, like, you lost something but you'll find it again."

Micky laughed. "Amanda, how are you?"

Amanda.

I tuned out the conversation and just stared at her. She wasn't hot. Not the in your face kind of hot. She was something else. She's still something else.

***

As soon as she left, I knew I had to find her.

I rushed out of the house searching for her. She was on the sidewalk, pressing the fob to unlock a shitty red civic.

I virtually sprinted over to her. "Amanda!" I yelled.

She turned and froze in her spot.

I stopped inches in front of her, my breathing heavy from running.

"I need your number," I told her.

"What?" she said through an incredulous laugh.

"I need your number because I need to take you out." I tried my panty-dropping smile on her.

"Um, no." She turned around to open her car door.

"What?" I asked, disbelief laced in my tone.

"No," she repeated.

"Why not?" I was pissed off. "I'm just asking for your number."

She turned to face me, huffing out a breath.

"No,
asshole
." She rolled her eyes. "You weren't
asking
for my number. You were demanding it." She eyed my up and down. "Who are you anyway?"

"Logan Matthews," I put my hand out to shake hers.

She looked down at it, shook her head, laughed once, and then looked back up at me.

"
Definitely
no."

"What? Why? Give me one good reason," I spat out. I didn't know why it was getting to me, her not wanting me. But I was pissed off and I felt like I needed to win that argument, or whatever the fuck it was that was going on there.

"Because."

"That's not a reason."

"Because I have a boyfriend."

"No you don't." I shook my head and crossed my arms over my chest.

"Because you're an asshole."

"Valid, but not accepted. Next?"

"Because I like girls."

I eyed her up and down and licked my lips, "Even better."

She took a deep breath in and sighed out loud. "Fine." Her hand was out waiting, so I gave her my phone.

A huge shit-eating grin took over my face, because I just fucking won, and I couldn't wait to make her pay for it. She handed it back and rushed to get in her car. I watched her as she drove away.

Amanda.

Once she was gone, I looked down at my phone. The notes app was open:

In your dreams, asshole. Find another way to score your home run.

We were three weeks away from the first game of the season and I was trying to get my classes sorted before baseball consumed all my free time. Baseball
—
it wasn't a big deal for me. I wasn't the best catcher on the team. I definitely wouldn't be starting. I walked onto the team by default because Jake and I were best friends and we played high school ball together for three years. They assumed we had a special connection on the field or some shit
—
some sort of secret communication. The thing is, Jake Andrews is that fucking good he could pitch to a brick wall and still be a big deal. I stayed on the team because it helped clear my head and gave me a good work out schedule. It's not my passion and it's definitely not my career.

***

I was about to walk out of the library when I saw Micky, Lucy and a third girl. I did a double take because there was no way in hell it could be her. "Luce! Micky!"

I got scolded to shut up.

I didn't care.

They both turned around immediately.

And so did she.

Amanda.

Holy shit.

My steps faltered as I got closer.

I couldn't seem to take my eyes off her. She looked the same, but different? Fuck, I don't know. Her eyes widened as she saw me walking towards them, but they quickly averted to the to the floor. I waited until I was right in front of them before speaking. "Hey," I said to all of them, but I couldn't tear my eyes off Amanda.

"Dude," Micky laughed, her finger clicking in front of my face. It snapped me out of dazed state. When I finally peeled my eyes off Amanda and looked at Micky, she was smirking at me.

Lucy started giggling. "What are you doing?" she asked, trying to hide her own smirk. My eyes darted to Amanda, but she was still looking at the ground, playing with the straps of her backpack.

"Nothing, just had some shit to do. What are you lovely ladies doing?"

I don't think I realized that I hadn't taken my eyes off her, because Micky was laughing and waving her hand in front of my face again. I slapped them away and glared at her. She stopped laughing, smiled, and then nudged Amanda with her elbow. "Amanda," Micky said. She finally looked up.
“
Have you met Logan?" she continued with a shit-eating grin on her face.

My palms began to sweat; my thumb cracked the fingers on each hand. My pulse echoed in my ears. I could see Lucy's confused expression from the corner of my eye, but I couldn't take my fucking eyes off Amanda. My hands went in my front pockets while I waited for her reaction. I needed her to say something
—
anything. To tell me that she remembered me. But when she finally looked up, there was nothing.

"Nope. Never." She faked looking at her watch. "I gotta go. My rides coming and he's in a hurry, I'll see you girls later," she said quickly, and then walked away.

"We got book club on Tuesday. Don't forget," Lucy called after her.

She raised her hand in acknowledgement.

I let go of the breath I didn't know I was holding.

Lucy put her arm through mine as we walked out and towards the parking lot. "Logan, don't tell me you've slept with her, too. She's one of the good ones," she whined.

"What? No. I haven't. Swear it."

"Good." She laughed.

I put my arms around both their shoulders. "So what's this about a book club? You girls sit around, reading dirty books, fanning each other's vaginas? Because if so, count me in!"

"Ew!" Lucy yelped the same time Micky backhanded my stomach.