More Than Her (38 page)

I swallowed down my nerves.

I loved him.

I loved him so fucking much it hurts.

I opened my mouth to tell him.

Logan

"Don't say it."

Her eyes widen, "What?"

"Don't say what you're about to say
—
what I know we both feel. Just don't."

"Oh," she said quietly. She slowly moved to get up front under me but I held on to her tighter.

I shook my head slowly. "It doesn't mean that I'm pulling away from you. Or that I don't feel the same way. Or that I don't want you." I took her face in my hands and made sure she was taking in every word I was saying. Because I needed her to
hear
them. "You have no idea how much I
need
you
—
I need you more than the air." I paused, thinking about how I could make her understand how I felt, without saying the actual words. "You know what my favorite part of the day is?" I shouted, hoping she could hear me.

She slowly shook her head.

"It's those few seconds in the morning, when my mind wakes up but my body hasn't, and I feel you in my arms. And I know that when I open my eyes, it's
you
that I get to see."

She stared at me, her eyes wide. She looked like she wanted to say something, but she didn't know what, so I continued. "I know that you've said those words before. I get that you've been in love with someone else, and that's fine. But I haven't. Not before
you
."

She gasped.

"I can't give you much, or anything at all. But when I say those words to you, it won't just be words
—
It will be
me
giving you something that
means
something. And you deserve to know that, to
feel
that. So please, let me be the first to say it
—
because I need to be able to at least give you that...and when I do
—
those three words will be yours,
forever
. And so will I."

And then I kissed her.

"What are you guys doing?" Ethan shouted.

I pulled back the same time Amanda turned her head to see him running up the driveway. "Making memories!" She laughed.

Then she faced me.

And smiled.

And it's all I ever wanted.

***

"It's fucking cold," Ethan informed, rubbing his hips. He was laying on the recliner, watching TV.

We'd come in soon after he did, and showered, dried and dressed. We also managed to have sex twice during that time but I couldn't tell you what the fuck order we did it in.

We were laying the sofa, Amanda on top of me.

Amanda kissed me a few times and got up. "I'll be back," she said, kissing me once more. I watched her leave.

"Dude, don't look at my sisters ass when I'm in the room."

I laughed.

"I'm not even joking."

I laughed harder.

She walked back in with a mug and handed it to Ethan, who smiled up at her. "Marshmallows?" he asked her, with eyes big like a little kid.

"Of course," she answered. "Only the best for you, big bro."

Then she walked out of the room again, only to return a few seconds later with his comforter. She placed it over him and tucked it around him like he was a Goddamn baby.

"Thanks, Demander."

"You're welcome, asshole."

"Seriously, though," his face turned serious. "You're going to make a good wife to some asshole some day."

She laid back down on top me. "Aw, thanks Ethan."

Then he smirked and jerked his head in my direction. "Hopefully not that one."

Amanda chuckled.

"Aw." I mock pouted at him. "Sad face emoticon."

Logan

"I have something to tell you and I don't want you to be mad."

Her eyes narrowed at me. "Logan, that's like saying here's a fucking cookie, don't eat it."

"Okay," I agreed. "Probably not the best way to start a conversation."

"Nope," she said, not looking up from her toes. She was painting her toenails in bed, one headphone in her ear. I'd just come home from a run and was sweating my ass off. "Also," her nose went up and sniffed, "you smell like sweat stained balls."

I laughed. "I know. I'm getting in the shower now." I leaned forward on the bed to kiss her.

She squealed. "No! Shower first." Then she looked up at me. "Whoa. You run shirtless?"

I nodded.

"All the time?"

"Not when I start off, but after a while, yes. Why?"

"Don't do that anymore," she deadpanned.

I laughed once. "What? Why?"

"I mean it, Logan." She capped her nail polish and put it on the nightstand. "That shit you're selling," she pointed up and down my body, "it's not for sale anymore. I own it. And I say it's for my eyes only."

I had to laugh. "Are you kidding me right now? You own me?"

"Problem?" She raised her eyebrows.

I dropped my shorts and walked into the bathroom. I heard her moan. "No problem at all, babe, but it goes both ways. Remember that."

***

I walked out of the shower and put on a pair of sweatpants. She had both earphones in now, reading a book on her e-reader. I don't think she heard me come out because she laughed quietly, her eyes never leaving the book. She shook her head, "Reid Knox," she whispered. "You hot piece of alpha male asshole."

"What?" I said, loud enough for her to hear.

She looked up and gasped, then slowly pulled her earphones out.

"Uh..." she stammered.

I raised an eyebrow.

"Just..."

I waited.

"Lucy told me to read this book, and it's..."

I waited.

Then she laughed, "Baby," she cooed, "you're better than all the book boyfriends in all the world. Promise." She was all out laughing now.

"What's funny?" I sat on the edge of the bed. She came up behind me.

"Just that you're insecure or jealous over a fictional character."

I rolled my eyes. "Cameron says Lucy reads dirty shit. Do you?"

"Yup," she said, almost proudly.

I turned around to face her, surprised "Really?"

"Yup," she repeated.

"Huh. You ever want to re-enact some of those scenes you let me know." I was only half joking.

"Actually," she whispered, moving so she was lying with her head on the pillow. Her knees bent. She motioned with her finger for me to join her, spreading her legs as she did. I swallowed, and moved up in between her legs. I was already sporting a semi caused by my imagination. Her arms went around my neck, bringing me into her. Then she kissed me. Her tongue didn't bother asking for permission. Her hips pumped up to me; I was hard as all hell. Her hands moved from my hair, down my bare back and into my pants. "Mm," she moaned. Her mouth left mine and made their way down my jaw, my neck and only my shoulder, back up and into my ear, "I read this book once," she whispered, her hips raised and rubbing my hard-on. I started pushing into her, harder.

"Yeah?" I managed to get out.

"Mm-hmm
—
mm, baby." She started moving faster, her body squirming on the bed. Her hands on my ass squeezed. "This guy...uh..his...girlfriend..." she panted.

"Mm?" I asked, thrusting into her now. Her hands moved further down my ass.

"...fingered his asshole."

I don't even know what happened next but I was up and against the wall adjusting my dick in less than second.

"That's fucked," I spat out.

She threw her head back in laughter.

"I'm not fucking kidding, Amanda."

She laughed harder, coming up to a sitting position. She held the sides of her stomach from the pain of laughing so hard.

"It's not fucking funny." There was panic clear in my voice. "Hard. Limit."

She was wiping tears now.

I shook my head at her. "Are you done?"

She tried to contain it, holding one finger up at me to wait. Her breathing started to slow and her laughs became sporadic. After five minutes, she finally spoke, "So what did you have to tell me?"

I sat back down on the edge of the bed. She sat with me. "It's my birthday today."

She gasped loudly, almost too loudly. I turned to face her. She was fucking with me. "You knew didn't you?"

She nodded. "Yep. I was wondering when you'd tell me." She came to a stand between my legs. Her arms went around my shoulders. "How come you didn't say anything?"

I shrugged. "Not really a day to celebrate, you know, with my parents and all."

She leaned down and kissed me slowly. I held her closer to me. She pulled away and moved the hair away from my face, and then she smiled. "We're making new memories, remember?"

"Right," I agreed. "And you're my favorite one."

She sighed. "I wish I could tell you how I feel about you."

"You don't need to tell me. I know."

"You do?"

"Of course." I picked up her hand to kiss her wrist but she quickly pulled it away.

"I got you something!" she said, excited. She leaned over me and felt under the bed on the opposite side. "Here it is!" Then she came back to stand. "Okay," she breathed out. "It's small, and stupid, and I think about it now and I don't even want to give it to you. Maybe I'll just
—
" she started to pull it away.

"No." I grabbed it from her hands. "You got me something?"

"Yeah
—
but it's stupid." A blush crept to her cheeks.

I smiled. "Babe, I'm sure I'll love it."

"Fine," she sighed out. She sat on one of my legs, so I could unwrap it. "It's dumb," she said, as if she was warning me.

A plain white box was underneath the wrapping. I glanced at her quickly before lifting the lid.

A stethoscope.

My eyes snapped to hers.

"See? Stupid," she said.

"No, baby, not stupid at all. I just
–
I mean this is amazing."

"You like it?" She asked, unsure of herself. She bit her lip anxiously.

I picked it up and placed the empty box next to me. "Of course I like it."

She took it from my hands. "I got your name engraved on it, see?"

I looked down. Dr. L. Matthews was engraved in the middle. "This is amazing. Thank you."

I tried to act cool. As if all she was doing was giving me a gift. But that's not all it was. Not to me. Not at all.

I loved her.

I opened my mouth to tell her.

"I figured you'd need one soon," she spoke, interrupting me. "This can be your first one. It's not the best, I couldn't afford anything amazing but the research I did said that this is the one most doctors start off with. I hope it is. I hope I did okay."

"You did better than okay."

She smiled huge. "Good!" She kissed me once. "Now we gotta get ready!

***

"Whuu
." A sound got stuck in my throat. I think I stopped breathing. My jaw dropped to the floor, my eyes moved down to her legs. My dick went up at the site of her. "Holy shit," I breathed out. I don't think I'd ever seen her look so fucking hot before. She was wearing the shortest dress I'd ever seen, it clung to her ass and left nothing to the imagination. The sleeves were long, loose, but buttoned up at the ends. It had no back.
At all. And the front dipped between her tits down to her navel. I don't even know how it was holding up. "You can't leave the house looking like that."

She just laughed at me.

I don't know why. I sure as shit didn't find it funny.

"Hurry up, asshole!" Cam shouted.

"You guys got me a fucking limo?" I waited for Amanda to get in, before getting in myself. It's what gentleman do, right? It was also a great opportunity to look at her ass, again.

"You only turn twenty-one once right?" Dylan handed me a beer.

I put my arm around Amanda's shoulder; her hand went to my leg. "I guess so."

Jake cleared his throat and raised his beer. "To my best friend," he said seriously.

Micky eyed him, then me. 'To douchebags that spill beer on random girls." She raised her glass and laughed.

We all did.

Lucy hiccupped next to them; she was sitting on Cameron's lap, clearly drunk. "To the best guy I know that I'm not screwing." She hiccupped again.