More Than I Wanted (7 page)

My
head fell to the side as his hands massaged my breasts, and with each
lunge, I cried out in pleasure feeling my lover take me to the edge.
His hands slid from my breasts down along my stomach and moved down
farther. With him inside, his fingers looking to heighten my
excitement, I couldn’t hold back and was groaning, bucking back
into him. I was so sensitive, and finally had to pull away, regaining
my composure. His hands ran across my rounded bottom, and slowly he
entered me again, finishing what he’d set out to do.

Collapsing
onto the bed together, we clung to one another, enjoying the high of
the orgasm we’d experienced.

I
love him, I love him so much.

Heather
and I had been discussing a double date for awhile, but our schedules
didn’t mesh, or we just kept putting it off. We finally set
aside a weekend to make it work. We tossed around ideas, mentioning
going to the movies or a wine tasting, but then finally settled on
something none of us had done in a long time – bowling!

We
decided we’d spend an afternoon bowling, and then head to lunch
at the local tavern. It would be nice to hang out together. We
usually did our own thing, but we were all friends, so it seemed like
a perfect opportunity for an afternoon of fun.

I
was excited to go out with everyone. Austin and I said we’d
meet Heather and Scott at the bowling alley, and then we’d
follow them to the pub. It was a gorgeous sunny day, and I couldn’t
stop smiling. I was curious to hear what Heather thought of us as a
couple, how we interacted together. Not that it mattered, but it was
just another layer of fodder for us to dissect and enjoy discussing -
girl talk and nothing more.

Standing
at the counter, we stood waiting to get our shoes, as we sorted out
our sizes. Everybody made jokes about our fashionable bowling shoes
with two tone colors, as each got sprayed out with Lysol before being
handed over to us.

After
being directed to our lane, we were relieved there was automatic
scoring, because none of us had been in a bowling alley in quite a
long time. My scoring skills were almost non-existent. Let’s
face it, my bowling skills weren’t any better than my scoring,
and I was in trouble.

Popping
on my stiff shoes and lacing them up, I groaned while looking down at
my feet. How can they not make more fashionable shoes after all these
years? I wondered how old the shoes were and how many pairs of feet
had been in them before mine. I shuddered and quickly thought of
something more pleasant.

Walking
along the racks of bowling balls, we went through the process of
dipping our fingers into them, trying to find a good fit and weight
for each of us. Heather and I went off in our own direction as the
boys went another.

“So,
how are you guys doing?” Heather asked, smiling.

“As
if you don’t know,” I laughed. “I talk to you
almost daily.”

“I
know, but you were really stressed about his deployment orders, and
I’ve been thinking about you a lot.”

“He
told me he loved me the other night,” I smiled.

“He
did!”

“Yes,
and he asked me not to let go,” I finished.

“Aww,
that’s so sweet. So the two of you are going to make a go of
it?”

“I
think so,” I said. “I’m not exactly sure what to
expect, but I can’t imagine being with anybody else. I adore
him, Heather.”

“I’m
so happy for you,” she said. “Oh, I found a fit! This one
should be good.” She picked up a black bowling ball with blue
swirls through it. “It’s a ten pounder, more than this
and I’d be in trouble!”

We
finally all made our way back to our lane and placed the balls in the
ball holder. We had a great time watching everyone have a go at it. A
few gutter balls later, a couple of lucky strikes and spares, and we
were wrapping up. None of us were especially good at bowling, but
Scott won the first match regardless, and then Heather took the rest.
Somebody had to win.

It
was a fun afternoon, but what was relaxing and silly, soon turned
awkward. As we were returning our shoes, Emily walked up to the
counter with a friend. Talk about timing! She was oblivious at first,
as our backs were turned facing the counter. They were behind us, and
as we went to turn around, we almost bumped into them. The look, the
silence, the stare…

“Hey,”
Austin said flatly.

“Not
going to introduce me to your new friend?” She asked, sarcasm
dripping in her voice.

“We’re
on our way out, see you,” he said, taking my hand and walking
past.

“Whatever,”
she snipped as we walked away.

“Who
was that?” I whispered, pretending like I didn’t know.

“My
past,” he simply said. Heather and Scott were decidedly quiet
during this exchange.

“Oh
is that…” I stopped. I knew I was playing dumb, and was
damn well familiar with who it was. I’d seen Emily’s
picture before on the internet. My stomach rumbled with knots seeing
her in person. It was stupid, but suddenly I was worried he’d
remember how pretty she was, or miss her, or want her back, or a
combination of other things. The end result in my mind was that he’d
linger on seeing her today, and choose her over me. It was stupid, my
own insecurities, but I couldn’t slow down the thought process.

“Yeah,”
was all he said, and then turned to Scott and Heather, “We’ll
meet you at the tavern shortly, can you give us about fifteen minutes
first?”

“Sure,
we’ll grab a pitcher to hold us over. We won’t order food
until you get there.”

“Thanks,
we’ll see you shortly,” he said. His face was stone cold,
and I was certain he was about to blow.

He
popped the locks on the car doors and we got in. “Who is that?”
He turned to me, questioning my judgment. “You know damn well
who that is.”

“What
are you talking about?” I bit my cheek, trying to dodge the
bullet.

“You
know damn well who that was! I saw your computer’s history,”
he said. “You were searching for information about me -
snooping.”

“You
what… Why would you do that? That’s not right. First
it’s my computer, secondly, that’s kind of creepy that
you’re checking up on me.”

“Oh
really?” He said, pot calling the kettle black.

“Fine,
I checked up on you. We had just started dating and I was trying to
scope stuff out. What’s the big deal?”

“The
big deal is you were just playing stupid back there. Who is that?
Don’t play games with me.” His tone was harsh.

I
looked down at my shoes, “And you stay the hell out of my
computer history. It’s not your business what I search.”

“My
wife cheated on me. I have a habit of checking up on people I’m
in a relationship with. If you have nothing to hide, then we don’t
have a problem.”

It
stung a little, hearing his tone. This entire thing caught me off
guard. We’d never discussed his ex-wife before, and now we were
fighting about her.

“What
about trusting someone? Why should I be criminalized because somebody
else did something wrong, that’s not fair?” I said,
annoyed we were even having this conversation.

He
shook his head, “Look, I’ve got trust issues okay. Just
don’t play stupid with me.” His voice softened.

I
was torn in the moment. I felt violated that he’d searched my
computer’s history. It was obvious when he did it. He often got
up in the middle of the night, having trouble sleeping. And foolish
me, I never emptied my searches. Why would I? I thought of my
computer as mine, as private. I guess I didn’t realize he
didn’t. I didn’t know what I felt in this moment.
Betrayed for one, but embarrassed at being caught on the other hand.

Our
first fight, and there it was – a trust issue. We’d both
done something questionable, and hadn’t revealed it to the
other. It wasn’t tragic, but it felt horrible. The tension was
thick, and I just wanted it to pass. I knew with enough time, we’d
be okay, but it felt like today was a mess. I didn’t want to go
put on a happy face and party with my friends, laughing over lunch
like everything was fine, but that’s exactly what I would do.

While
it all spilled out, I wasn’t ready to reveal my strong
insecurity to him. That was the last thing I needed to do, come off
needy and pathetic. Yet, as usual I couldn’t stop myself from
talking. Things just come out.

“Do
you still love her? Do you think she’s prettier than me? Why
didn’t you tell me your ex was your ex-wife? It’s kind of
a big piece of information.”

He
turned and looked at me like I had two heads. “Do I still love
her? She fucked another guy while I was away at war. I fucking hate
her; she destroyed my ability to trust.” He had nothing else to
add.

I
sat silently as he drove. Staring out the window, I bit my tongue
before saying anything else. This was slowly turning into something
else in my mind, morphing into a moment of insecurity. The issue was
trust, but all I could see was a pretty girl he used to love. I hated
that I couldn’t let go of it. I knew it was my mind playing
with me, head games of the worst kind. They would pass eventually and
I’d get over it, forget what happened, but I was feeling rather
raw at the moment.

Austin
parked the car in front of the tavern, and turned to look at me. “Are
we good?” His tone was flat, and not his usual voice.

I
shrugged, “I guess.” I didn’t know what I thought,
but this entire conversation caught me off guard. I needed time to
process it before I let it go.

Taking
my hand, he lifted it up to his lips, kissing my fingertips. “Listen,
I probably over reacted, but seeing her set me off. It was a rough
time for me, and holds a lot of bad memories. When I needed somebody
to be there for me, someone I thought was being faithful, waiting for
me…well, some days it was all that pulled me through. I held
onto that, cherished it, and then I realized I was played for a fool
the entire time I was gone. Only, it wasn’t revealed right
away. She let me believe she’d been faithful. It didn’t
come out until later. I felt like an asshole when it was all
revealed. Every time I think of her, see her, or anything to do with
her, it sets me into turmoil. It’s my past, trust me, I don’t
want it back. I want her to go away.”

I
nodded and accepted his explanation. I was certain he didn’t
want his life back with his ex-wife, no matter what my mind wanted to
tell me. She obviously elicits strong feelings in him, but I was
relieved they weren’t emotions of desire.

“Hey,
over here,” Scott’s hand went up, flagging us down.

Within
moments of sitting, Heather looked like she was going to burst. “I’ve
been dying to tell you this all day, but wanted to wait until we got
here where it’s quieter.”

“What’s
up?” I asked, curious to hear what had her so excited.

“Well,
Scott and I have some news,” she paused for barely a moment,
“We’re having a baby!” The joy on her face gave
away her excitement. Scott looked so proud, grinning ear to ear. “We
didn’t want to say anything until we were sure everything was
okay.”

“What?
A baby, oh my gosh, that’s awesome!” I squealed with
Heather, and then she filled us in on the details.

She
wanted to make sure they didn’t have any problems before they
shared the news, since they’d had a previous experience of
losing a pregnancy early on. With everything going well, and her
first trimester going smoothly, she was finally ready to spill the
beans. She was all ready three months along.

We
went into all of the details of her pregnancy, discussing things like
did they think it was a boy or girl, were there any favorite names
picked out, nursery ideas, and would she bottle or breastfeed, along
with every other topic we could think of. We talked non-stop. Scott
and Austin looked amused as we jumped from one topic to another,
covering every bit of information we could think of.

I
was happy for them; they’re such a strong couple and love each
other so much. It was a cause to celebrate for sure. I just wished I
wasn’t still stinging from my earlier fight with Austin. We
enjoyed a couple of drinks while Heather stuck to juice, and we
bathed in the idea of a new addition to their family. I knew Heather
would be a great mom; she had a nurturing way about her.

She
couldn’t stop smiling. “I was dying to say something
earlier, but I had to wait,” she said again. “And the
bowling alley was a little loud, but I figured I could finally tell
you here.” She was apologetic she couldn’t tell me
sooner, but I told her that was silly and not to even worry about it.

“I
wanted to tell you, but Scott made me promise we’d wait until
we got through the first trimester. You have no idea how many times I
almost spilled the beans!”

Scott
was beaming, proud as anything. His arm gently draped over Heather.
“She’s going to be such a good mother,” he said
leaning over and kissing Heather’s cheek. His face spoke of
absolutely joy at the prospect of being a father.

I
wondered if that would be me and Austin one day, or would trust
issues pull us apart before we even got started. Would we see a
future, or would he just be some guy I dated one time. I didn’t
even know if he wanted a large family or small one. I mean, I assumed
if we got married one day we’d have children. It just never
seemed to be the topic of conversation, since we hadn’t gotten
to “that point” in our relationship yet.

After
a leisurely lunch we parted ways. Scott and Heather went off to do a
little shopping, and Austin and I were heading back to my place. I
hoped it was for a loving afternoon, and not for more fighting. I
hated that we went at it earlier. It left me feeling weird and
uncomfortable. It was our first squabble, and while it didn’t
drag on and on, it still left me uneasy. I didn’t know if he
was past it yet or not.