More than Just Sex (10 page)

All our picture files are stored in one area, our sound files are stored in another, our feelings in a third, and we even have a place to go to talk to ourselves in our heads and another to access our feelings. So as you watch your case study, just notice that she is moving her head and her eyes around, but perhaps for the first time realize that everyone does this. It is not an accident, and how she does it is packed with so much more information than the words coming out of her mouth. Given the choice, I would choose to act on signals rather than words every single time.

Now that you have noticed that she is indeed moving her eyes, notice if you think she is right- or left-handed. Which wrist she wears her watch on is an obvious clue. Even more so is which hand she holds an object or texts with. You are already noticing far more than most guys, but here’s the first real piece of psycho magic…

The eyes give away not only what she is thinking but ‘how’ she is thinking, and the diagrams below will show you exactly which type of folder she is opening in any given moment. Please note that you need to be careful: the initial calibration is SO important, because these subtle eye movements are for a right-handed person, and they swap over for the left-handed. The up and down movements are always the same.

GET DATING SMART – USE YOUR ‘EYE-Q’

So what does all this tell you? It tells you whether the person is collecting information in their mind or creating new ideas. It also helps you understand a person’s preferred type of communication system. If someone is always looking down and talking about how things ‘feel’, then their preference is rather obviously for dealing with feelings. If their preferred communication system is visual they will use visual language and might respond by saying ‘I see your point’, while a person that prefers an auditory form might say that they ‘hear what you’re saying’. We each have a preference for communicating in auditory, kinaesthetic (feelings) or visual ways. Understanding whether a woman, or anyone for that matter, is visual, auditory or kinaesthetic means she’ll ‘get’ you much quicker, and feel like you see ‘eye to eye’, are ‘on the same wavelength’ and just ‘click’ (to use all three main sensory preferences).

So now (diagram at the ready) look back at your case study and notice where her eyes moved to, then refer to the guide (opposite) to unlock the secret. Note that these movements are for a right-handed person, and will reverse direction if she is left handed.

Now, like many things, this makes very little sense out of context, so now that you are noticing movement, I want you to notice the sequence of eye movements during your next interaction.

Example eye movements

First
, her eyes go up and left when a question is asked.
Second
, her eyes go up and to the right.
Third
, she has a quick look down to the right then speaks.

First
, she has recalled from her primary visual memory.
Second
, she has constructed something in the future or a scenario that has not actually happened yet. And
third
, she has checked in with how she feels about that if it were to happen, and then answered.

First
, her eyes go across to the left.
Second
, her eyes go down and left and then she speaks.

First
, she has remembered a sound or perhaps a conversation from before.
Second
, she has had a quick chat to herself in her head before responding.

All very useful, all very clever and all very obvious once you switch on the sensory acuity part of your brain to notice what’s been there all along, and it’s exactly the same with everyone you have ever spoken to.

You are now properly reading subtle, subconscious signals but, like any new skill, I’m sure it will feel a little clunky at first. You will probably feel like you are being really obvious and that everyone will notice. Trust me, they won’t, and you do need the practice. This book has a far higher chance of getting you what you want if you actually do what I suggest, and it’s all for your own good. I suggest that you set aside a little time every day to practise your skills.

The good news is that even us guys can multitask, and you can practise in any social situation and at work. In fact, meetings are excellent places, especially those with a few
people where you can observe the interactions between the others. Lunchtimes are good, too, because you have a group of people together. In fact any situation where you can observe other people’s eye reactions at close quarters will help you to really hone your skills.

We are going to use this again later, so for now, happy practising while I give you more, even more obvious, things to watch out for. The top five sex sleuth signals will give you all the green-light go-ahead information you’ll ever need.

Sex Sleuth Signal 1: The eyes have it

Eye contact with a woman is where you immediately go from your internal dialogue out into the real world and start to get some proper feedback. By now you should be quite used to tuning in and noticing eye movements, but trust me, this one is so obvious it’s a no-brainer. When you make eye contact with a woman she WILL look away. But it’s
HOW she looks away that will tell you everything you need to know.

A look down – and especially a look down and across, as if she is sweeping the floor with her eyes, this is the holy grail, the one that you are looking for.

The shy, coy, demure, furtive look away is not the brush-off we have been led to believe. Quite the opposite: she is checking in with her internal dialogue and feelings and it is a surefire ‘come and get me’ signal of the highest order. Think about it and refer back to your diagrams, and you’ll see that looking down and to either side, or both, means she is accessing feelings and/or internal dialogue. In short, she is checking in with herself and experiencing some kind of emotion… perfect! So long as you make sure that the next emotion isn’t disappointment when you ignore her or are too shy to say ‘Hi’, then it’s a green light and all good. If she looks away and then looks back within 45 seconds, she’s as good as written her phone number on your bathroom mirror. Result!

However, three other less desirable options exist.

Warning signal 1: She stares you out

Best avoided at all times. Date a woman who stares you out in a pub and your date is likely to be spoiled when she strips to the waist to fight dogs in the car park after too many pints.

Warning signal 2: The sideways look away

Not as good as the floor, it means that the door is still open but a verdict hasn’t been returned. What you do next will sway her one way or the other.

Warning signal 3: Looking to the heavens

No, she is not making pictures of you and her running off into the sunset together. She is very likely just rolling her eyes and is either taken and unavailable or just not interested in you. Leave her alone and move on…