Morna's Legacy 04 - Love Beyond Measure (11 page)

Taking a breath, I stood, closed my laptop, and readied myself to give Eoghanan a full explanation, not that I believed it would make any real difference, no matter how much I wanted it to. Still, I couldn’t bear the thought of Eoghanan believing me a liar or a cheat. My little family—Jeffrey, Cooper, and me—was unusual and difficult for anyone outside it to really understand. It was part of the reason I’d avoided the dating scene since Cooper’s birth. I didn’t want to have to explain how it worked, to promise over and over that nothing was going on between Jeffrey and me, that nothing ever had.

“Grace, I need to speak to ye if ye will allow it, lass.”

“Of course I will,” I answered him as I swung the door open, stepping aside so that he would enter. I closed the door behind him, and to my surprise, turned right into his arms.

He hugged me tightly, apologizing with his chin against the top of my head. “I am no a good man, Grace. I dinna know what to think when wee Cooper and Jeffrey walked up on us, but I should have allowed ye to explain. ’Tis only that I’d no felt as happy as I did when I held ye in me arms for ages. When I saw them, believing that ye’d lied to me…it hurt me more deeply than I’d like to admit. I dinna behave as I should have.”

I rubbed his back gently with my hand, speaking against his chest. “I’m sorry, too. It just seemed a bit early to explain everything, and I never thought Jeffrey would show up here. He talked to you, I guess?”

He nodded, and his chin felt much more boney against my head than it truly was.

“What did he tell you?”

I couldn’t see Jeffrey getting into too deep of an explanation. While he spoke to me about everything, he wasn’t that way with most people. I imagined he would have told Eoghanan only what was necessary to convince him to let me explain.

Eoghanan released me and paced around the room a bit, confirming what I’d already guessed. Jeffrey had told him little. Eoghanan still appeared quite confused by the entire situation.

“No verra much. He said that ’twas yer story to tell, and he’s right. I should have allowed ye to do so. All Jeffrey told me was that ye are no married to him, which is what I thought when Cooper called him Da.”

“Well…” I moved to sit on the end of my bed, patting the mattress so that he would join me. Before last night, I would have worried about Cooper walking in and seeing a man in his mother’s room but, now that his father was here, Coop had gleefully moved into his dad’s bedroom to spend his nights there. “I almost was. Just last week, actually.”

“Ah.” I watched as Eoghanan’s body tensed slightly, but he still moved to sit next to me. “So ye are no married to him, but ye are his?”

Placing Jeffrey inside any sort of context where I belonged to him made me squirm internally. I shook my head, reaching for both of Eoghanan’s hands. “No. If you don’t hear anything else I say, hear that. Jeffrey and I are not an item and we
never
have been.”

His thick brows pulled in tight. He was trying to see, to understand what I meant, but understandably, he was having trouble. “But ye have a child together?”

“Yes, but we didn’t…Jeffrey isn’t Cooper’s real father.” I looked down at our hands, mine squeezing his tightly, his thumb moving back and forth as he’d done last night.

He exhaled loudly, as if he’d been holding his breath for a long time. We sat there, each of us avoiding the other’s gaze, our heart rates slowly escalating, the tension between us building once again.

Eventually, he pulled one of his hands away, moving it to my chin as he lifted my face to make me look at him. “I still doona think I understand all there is to know, but ye are saying that ye and Jeffrey are no married and willna ever be. That ye are no spoken for by anyone else, aye?”

I couldn’t help but smile. ‘Spoken for?’ It seemed archaic language. Why didn’t he just say, ‘Are you dating anyone else?’ Regardless, Eoghanan said many things in such a way, and he made it sound charming every time. “Yes, that is what I’m saying.” I held eye contact, determined not to break it so that he would understand that point. “I am entirely single.”

“I am pleased to hear it, lass.”

“Do you want to hear the rest?” I pulled away a bit so that I could kick off my shoes, standing so that I could pull my legs beneath me, settling into a more comfortable position.

“Aye. Verra much so.”

“Okay. Settle in.”

And so I began. I told him about my father’s job, the old money that he came from, not to mention the mounds of money he made on his own, all of it combining to create our family’s New York estate. How I’d grown up around unimaginable, disgusting wealth and that Jeffrey, along with his father, had been the primary grounding force throughout my entire life.

“I met Jeffrey when I was four. My father hired both his parents, his mother to work as a maid in our household and his father to manage our grounds. The family moved into one of the small cottages on our estate and, since Jeffrey and I were the same age, we just took to each other.” I paused, checking out Eoghanan, to see if he grew bored. It wasn’t the shortest of stories. He couldn’t have appeared more attentive.

He patted my hand gently. “Go on, lass. I wish to hear everything.”

So I continued. “I fell in love with Jeffrey and his family, spending more time in their cottage than our mansion because I felt wanted there. I was close to my sisters, and to a lesser degree, my mom, but we were a house divided. All of us girls versus my dad. It made for a cold, stressed, disingenuous environment.

“Jeffrey’s family did everything under a canopy of the love they felt for one another and it was contagious. Jeffrey’s mother died when we were eight, and it was the most devastating event of my childhood. I remember thinking that I was more heartbroken at her death than I would have been at my own father’s because I knew that Maggie loved me. To this day, I don’t know that about my father.”

I swallowed the lump that rose in my throat.

“Anyway, Jeffrey and I leaned on each other a lot during that time. He became my brother, my best friend, and we’ve just always stayed like that. In college, I started dating this guy, an exchange student from Australia. He was a real loser, and deep down I knew that. But after years of trying to be perfect, I wanted something wild, fun. The Aussie definitely was that. Jeffrey couldn’t stand him, but he did end up giving me the one thing I care most about in the entire world—Cooper.”

I sighed, the memory never a pleasant one.

“When I told him I was pregnant, he bounced, as in, he actually left and flew back home to Australia. I never heard from him after that. Jeffrey stepped in even before I told my family. And now…” I was ready to finish my explanation. Talking about myself wasn’t my favorite thing to do by any stretch of the imagination. “Jeffrey is Cooper’s dad in every way that matters. But, Jeffrey and I, he’s my best friend, not my lover. Never has been.”

I breathed deeply. It was a relief to tell him. As much as I tried to busy myself with work, I’d remained anxious all day wanting to talk to him and explain.

“Thank ye for telling me, lass. May I ask ye one more question?”

I nodded, feeling sleepy now that my previous anxiety melted away.

“Then why did ye and Jeffrey almost marry?”

“Oh. Gosh.” I rubbed my eyelids with my thumb and middle finger. My almost-marriage to Jeffrey seemed so much like a bad dream that it still didn’t seem real to me. “My father had taken a liking to Jeffrey once he saw what a great father he was to Cooper and talked him into going to law school. He even paid for it. Once Jeffrey graduated, he made him a partner at his law firm. And then he decided that just wasn’t good enough, so he blackmailed us. He said it wasn’t right for a partner at his firm to have a child and not be married. We went along with it, right up until the wedding day. But we couldn’t do it. The real kicker is that Jeffrey doesn’t even want to be a lawyer. He did that for me, too, because my father expected it of him.”

“I doona think I am fond of yer father, lass.”

I snorted. “Join the club.”

Eoghanan stood, moving toward the door. It wasn’t what I expected, for him to hear my explanation and leave so soon, but I was quickly learning that he was anything but predictable. “Can ye stand up for me, lass?”

I did, stepping toward him. “Why?”

“We were interrupted last evening, aye?”

Hesitantly, I moved closer. My chest all fluttery once again. “Yes.”

“Do ye think we should be interrupted again?”

I closed my eyes for a long second, allowing the trickle of anticipation to travel along my spine. “No. Cooper’s with his dad.”

He reached me in one long step and yanked me toward him with his left hand, pressing the front of my body flush against his chest. I moaned as he kissed me, a slow, sensual kiss that washed away every other thought outside of his touch. My body followed him easily, my mouth opening when his tongue sought entry, my back arching as his hand moved to my breast.

We kissed until both of us were weak limbed and needy. Just when we were on the brink of taking it further, he pulled away, moving quickly to open the door.

“I’ll leave ye, lass. ’Tis no the time for more.”

I nodded, agreeing on an intellectual basis, but my body screaming with unspoken disappointment. “Right. You’re right, though I wish that you weren’t.”

“Ach, I wish the same.” He turned away from me and began his trek down the hall. “Sleep well, lass, for I know that I willna do so.”

I don’t know if it was relief at having things sorted out with Eoghanan or my subconscious taking advantage of the fact that having Jeffrey here relieved me from having to be on constant Cooper watch, but I slept later than usual and woke feeling utterly relaxed.

After a quick shower and a messy hair job, I walked downstairs to find everyone visiting happily in the living room. This time Cooper had roped Jerry into getting down onto the floor with him. I silently worried about the old man’s knees, though he didn’t seem the least bit bothered by them as he dramatically role-played with Coop’s dinosaurs.

“Mom! I thought you were gonna sleep all day, lazy head.” Pausing their game, he ran to greet me. I scooped him up in my arms, kissing him firmly on the top of his head.

“All day? I might have slept a little later. It’s only eight in the morning. What time did you get up?”

“Oh, I don’t know, the usual time.”

“I know.” Jeffrey turned to answer me, his eyes still sleepy, rounded out by dark circles. Clearly, Cooper hadn’t given his father the same courtesy he usually gave me by occupying himself for a while. “It was four. Four a.m., and he’s jacked up like he had six cups of coffee.”

I played with Coop’s messy curls as I sat him back down on his feet. “Well, if that really is the usual time, I never did set my alarm that early. I truly don’t know how you do it, Coop.”

He shrugged, looking up at me with a grin. “I don’t know, Mom, I really don’t. I guess I’m just too excited for all the things I gotta do each day to sleep.”

I laughed, it was a beautiful attitude; I hoped he’d keep it always. “I guess so.” I turned my attention to everyone else in the room, catching Eoghanan’s eye for the first time this morning.

He smiled at me, but not widely enough so as to draw attention from everyone else. His eyes said more, nearly as tired as Jeffrey’s but excited and happy. I hadn’t felt that way in such a long time—that feeling of being in a room with many people, but being so intensely aware of just one person that it’s as if there’s a secret between you that no one knows. The promise of another encounter if you can just find the time to sneak away together. I hoped that the opportunity would come for us, very soon.

Eventually, I pulled my eyes away and willed myself to speak, addressing the room as a whole. “What’s on everybody’s agenda? How about we all drive to McMillan Castle and explore around there for the day?”

“McMillan Castle? Why there, lass?” Eoghanan seemed shocked by my suggestion, though I couldn’t imagine why.

“For the article. It looks lovely on the Internet, and I’d like to check it out. Do you know it?”

“Aye.” Eoghanan shared a knowing glance with Morna, puzzling me further. “I know it verra well, lass. ’Tis a good way from here.”

“Farther than Edinburgh?” I couldn’t begin to rationalize his reaction. As much time as he’d spent in the inn, I’d expected him to jump at any excuse to get out for awhile. Instead, he seemed genuinely hesitant. Even more than that really, he seemed afraid to go there.

“No, ’tis closer than Edinburgh.”

“Is it haunted or something?” I laughed, but his face showed he didn’t think me funny.

“No for ye, though it might be for meself.” He said it softly, almost underneath his breath.

I wasn’t given the chance to ask him what he meant by that, for as soon as he spoke, Morna leapt up from the couch, interrupting.

“I think it’s a lovely idea, Grace. We should leave soon, for it isna a short ride. Cooper,” she tapped him gently on the shoulder, “would ye mind helping me make some sandwiches to pack? Jerry, why doona ye and Jeffrey ready the cars? Grace, ye go pack yer camera.”

Everyone dispersed quickly, and I was left with little choice but to do the same. I hesitated, lingering in the doorway until it was only Eoghanan and me in the living room. “Are you okay?”