Moth to a Flame (21 page)
Authors: Ashley Antoinette
She bent over the sink to splash water on her face. When she stood back up, she saw Ethic behind her and she jumped in fear. She didn’t like to have men behind her. Mizan had snuck up behind her plenty of times and attacked her when she was unable to fight back. She wanted to be able to see her opposition coming at all times, and with Ethic looming over her, she immediately tensed up.
“Oh my God ... you scared the shit out of me. Don’t do that! Don’t sneak up on me,” she exclaimed in exasperation as she put her hand near her breast, inhaling deeply. She suddenly felt as if she couldn’t breathe as the fear of Mizan coming after her settled into her shaken bones. She closed her eyes, but quickly popped them back open when she saw Mizan behind her lids. The more she thought about what he would do if he found her, the harder it was to breathe. She began to hyperventilate as she leaned over the sink.
“I can’t breathe, Ethic. What if he comes after me. He’s going to kill me,” she whispered as she reached out and gripped his wrist. Her hand was so ice cold that she caused goose bumps to rise on Ethic’s forearm. He grew angry as he finally realized why Raven had not called him to come to her aid. She was deathly afraid of Mizan. He had her head so twisted and detached that the only way she knew to survive was to do as Mizan said.
“Relax, ma. No one is going to hurt you here,” he said genuinely, the tone of his voice assuring her of her safety. He stood behind her, rubbing her back and massaging her shoulders tenderly, caringly.
“I’ve been through a lot, Ethic. He hurt me. Every day he found a new way to break my spirit. Fear has been all I’ve known for so long. Just please don’t sneak up on me. My mind knows you are nothing like him, but I have to get used to being treated like a human being again. You have to handle me with kid gloves, otherwise, I might break. It’s been so long since a man has been genuine with me that I don’t remember what it feels like. I haven’t had that since my father,” she said.
“I got you,” he said. No other words needed to be spoken for Raven to believe him. He took her hand and led her back out to the dining room, where he had grilled chicken, vegetables, and wine set up on the table.
As they ate dinner they talked, and this time Ethic wasn’t short or rude to her, but open and honest. She loved every minute of it, but she could not help but sneak peeks at his scarred face. Everything else about him was the same. The way he walked and talked were exactly as she remembered, but his face did not match her perfect memory of him. As her eyes roamed his face she felt tears building in her eyes. Inadvertently, she had done this to him. Ethic noticed her watching.
“You can look. I won’t get offended,” Ethic said.
Raven dropped her eyes to her plate and shook her head in shame. “I’m sorry, Ethic. That was rude. I don’t mean to stare. You just ... Your face, it’s ...”
Ethic put down his wine glass and sat back in his chair. “Come here,” he said. She placed her dinner napkin on the table and walked toward him. She was slightly tipsy. They both were on the second bottle of wine and she could feel herself becoming intoxicated. The antsy feeling that Ethic usually gave her was masked by the liquid courage, making her comfortable around him, and him more trusting of her.
He pulled her down onto his lap and took her hands in his. A shiver went up her spine as she felt his hands on hers. It felt reassuring, and she instantly felt a sense of security that had been lacking in her life. Nervous butterflies filled her stomach. She had never felt so close to Ethic, and she hoped that the moment could last forever, but time doesn’t stand still for anyone. When Ethic spoke she came back down to reality.
“Go ahead,” he said as he placed her hands on his face. “Touch me. Look at me. Do whatever you have to do to get used to it. I know how I look now, Raven. This is who I am, but when I talk to you I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable. I want you to be able to look me in the eyes. So go ahead.”
Raven’s hands roamed his face tenderly. Her left hand touched nothing but baby soft skin, while her right one felt rough, sandpaper, like scars. He stared her in the eyes to see what her reaction would be. He knew Raven well and thought that her shallow attraction to him was nothing more than a childhood crush that had followed her into adulthood. He was expecting her to be disgusted by his appearance. He suspected that her infatuation with him was purely superficial, but as they stared unflinchingly at one another, all he saw was sincerity in her eyes. He kept waiting for her emotions to change to contempt, but to his surprise they never strayed. She was stuck and lost in his stare. All that dwelled in her eyes was the love she had always harbored for him. Her eyes turned as dark as onyx as a look of sadness crossed her face.
“You’re perfect,” she whispered in awe.
Ethic felt the emotion pouring from her. He could not deny that she had grown up beautifully as he placed his hand on her chest. He could feel her apprehensive heart pounding furiously as she breathed in and out. His hand traveled up her neck as he pulled her face to his. He kissed the spots on her face that were battered, and kissed away each tear that fell gracefully from her eyes.
She had wanted this moment to happen for so long. She had dreamt of it and imagined it in her mind so many times, but nothing compared to the real thing. To have Ethic, the man she had loved from the first moment she saw him, kissing her softly, was simply amazing. It was rare like a full moon, a beautiful sunset, and she cherished it like an exquisite diamond. The memory that they were making in this moment was more valuable to her than gold.
This is what love is supposed to feel like,
she thought as she realized she had never in her life felt that way. She waited in anticipation for his lips to cover hers as her love box thumped wildly, soaking her satin panties. She wanted to grind on him. She wanted him to make love to her on his living room floor. At humanity’s most complex level she loved him, and at its simplest level she wanted him to ravage her. She closed her eyes and waited for him to take it to the next step, but when she felt his body tense up she knew that their moment had passed. The look of uncertainty in his eyes spoke volumes.
This is what love is supposed to feel like,
she thought as she realized she had never in her life felt that way. She waited in anticipation for his lips to cover hers as her love box thumped wildly, soaking her satin panties. She wanted to grind on him. She wanted him to make love to her on his living room floor. At humanity’s most complex level she loved him, and at its simplest level she wanted him to ravage her. She closed her eyes and waited for him to take it to the next step, but when she felt his body tense up she knew that their moment had passed. The look of uncertainty in his eyes spoke volumes.
He doesn’t trust me,
Raven thought desolately.
Raven thought desolately.
“Wait, this isn’t right, ma. You’re my man’s daughter. This can’t happen,” he whispered as he rested his forehead against hers.
“Is this really about my father, Ethic? Or is it about something else?” she asked with hurt feelings.
“It don’t matter what it’s about, ma. This just can’t happen,” he stated firmly.
“It can happen, Ethic. You just won’t let it,” she responded with disappointment as she climbed out of his lap.
Ethic watched her walk out of the room and he rubbed his Caesar haircut in frustration.
Fuck,
he swore to himself, beating himself up for allowing himself to lead Raven on. He knew that he had messed up, because although having her in his arms had felt so right, he wasn’t sure about her yet. Raven’s past decisions had caused a lot of good people to be hurt and he could not put himself or his daughter at risk, not for her or anyone else. He looked at the bottle of Chardonnay that they had been sipping and poured himself another glass, then retired to his room. Frustrated and full of uncertainty, he forced himself to walk past the guest room that Raven was staying in.
Get your head together. That’s not something you need in your life right now. First thing in the morning, I need to find her a crib. I don’t want to get used to having her around. She has been the downfall of plenty of men ... I can’t let her be the downfall of me.
Fuck,
he swore to himself, beating himself up for allowing himself to lead Raven on. He knew that he had messed up, because although having her in his arms had felt so right, he wasn’t sure about her yet. Raven’s past decisions had caused a lot of good people to be hurt and he could not put himself or his daughter at risk, not for her or anyone else. He looked at the bottle of Chardonnay that they had been sipping and poured himself another glass, then retired to his room. Frustrated and full of uncertainty, he forced himself to walk past the guest room that Raven was staying in.
Get your head together. That’s not something you need in your life right now. First thing in the morning, I need to find her a crib. I don’t want to get used to having her around. She has been the downfall of plenty of men ... I can’t let her be the downfall of me.
The next morning Raven lay in bed for hours staring at the ceiling. She could hear Ethic, Morgan, and Bella in the living room, but she refused to show her face. She was mortified that Ethic had turned her down once again.
How could I have been so stupid?
she asked herself.
He has never wanted to fuck with me before. So why would I expect him to now?
She felt foolish for allowing Ethic to shut her down the way he had. He had humiliated her, and she could not run away or shut him out as she had done in the past because she needed him. She was stuck in an unfamiliar city with him and he was all she had.
I should have stayed my ass in Flint,
she thought stubbornly.
How could I have been so stupid?
she asked herself.
He has never wanted to fuck with me before. So why would I expect him to now?
She felt foolish for allowing Ethic to shut her down the way he had. He had humiliated her, and she could not run away or shut him out as she had done in the past because she needed him. She was stuck in an unfamiliar city with him and he was all she had.
I should have stayed my ass in Flint,
she thought stubbornly.
The door cracked open and she saw Ethic’s little girl peek into the room. Pretty in lilac and plum, she bounced happily into the room. “Are you Raven?” she asked sweetly.
“Yes, I’m Raven,” she replied. “And who might you be?”
“Bella.”
“It’s nice to meet you Bella,” Raven stated.
“My daddy told me to tell you to quit hiding out in here.” She put her hands over her mouth and with big eyes she whispered, “He really wants you to do my hair because he doesn’t know what he’s doing.” She pointed to the curly mess on top of her head.
“I see that. He definitely does not know what he is doing,” she replied with a bright smile and vibrant laugh. She pulled back the covers. “Tell your daddy I will be out when I’m dressed,” she said. “Then I’ll hook you up.”
“Thank you, Raven!” Bella said as she raced out of the room.
An hour later, Raven walked into the living room. The BCBG maxi dress she wore and the spiral curls all over her head made her look angelic. She had covered her bruises with M•A•C foundation and highlighted her face with Bronzer to make her skin shine radiantly, as if she had been personally kissed by the sun.
“Ohhh! I want my hair like yours,” Bella said excitedly. “You’re so pretty. I want to look just like you when I grow up.”
“Oh-no. Bella, you’re gorgeous just the way you are. You don’t need to look like me to be a princess. You already are one,” she said. She purposely walked past Ethic without speaking.
“Raven, can we talk?” he asked.
“No,” she replied simply as she sat on the couch with Morgan and Bella. It was evident to her that the two girls had become fast friends.
“How did you sleep?” Raven signed to Morgan as she completely ignored Ethic. She could feel him staring a hole through her, but she refused to look his way.
“Good,” Morgan signed back as she pulled out barrettes and bows for her own hair. “I like it here.”
Raven put spiral curls in both girlshair. She talked and interacted with Bella with such ease that Ethic was dumbfounded. Bella had never taken to anyone as quickly as she had taken to Raven. As he sat back and watched them laugh, his heart swelled with emotion. His daughter did not have a motherly figure in her life. He desperately wanted that for her, but he knew that Raven could not be it. He erased all thoughts of keeping her in his life and cleared his throat.
“We better get going. I made an appointment with a Realtor. We’re going to look at condos for you and Morgan today,” he said. “After we’re done we’ll go to the dealership to get you a whip.”
Raven nodded and rallied up the girls. Bella clung to Raven’s side. Raven was flattered by the little girl’s fascination with her. They all climbed into Ethic’s Escalade and for the first time since she had left home, Raven felt like she had a family.
Raven rode in complete silence and stared out the passenger window to avoid looking at Ethic. It was obvious that the vibes from the previous night were long gone. Their interaction had gone from natural to unnatural in mere hours, and now an awkward fog filled Ethic’s vehicle as he drove through the city.
Ethic wanted to say something to Raven, but he was at a loss for words. For some reason he felt himself growing interested in her. As he glanced over at her in his passenger seat, he admired her features. There was something about the way the light hit her face that made her irresistible. He had never noticed her before, but now he could not help but acknowledge her. Maybe it was her maturity, or her wisdom, or maybe it was because she needed him that had him thinking differently about her. He knew his emotions were reckless, which was why he simply wanted to find Raven and Morgan a place to stay as quickly as possible. If she wasn’t around, he could go back to doing him without worry of falling into her trap. He needed her out of sight and out of mind. Raven came with too much baggage. He had rescued her from Flint now it was up to her to get the rest of her life in order.
They met the Realtor at a downtown condominium and Raven got out of the car. She smiled as she looked up at the two-story row of condos that rested in the middle of the city. At first she had thought Ethic would put her in a low-budget apartment, but she was pleased that he planned on maintaining a comfortable lifestyle for her.
“Ms. Donnelly, thank you for taking time out of your schedule to show me a few places today.” Ethic walked around his truck and shook the older black woman’s hand.
“Not a problem, Ethic. Anything for you, darling.” She spoke with sophistication and arrogance. Raven could tell that she was old money just by the ivory two-piece Versace suit she wore. “You must be Raven.”
“I am,” Raven said as she shook her hand.
“Well, Raven, I have a fabulous place to show you!” Ms. Donnelly exclaimed.
“Lead the way,” Raven said with excitement as they followed her.
All it took was for Raven to step inside of the 2,500-square foot space for her to know that she was home. The fully furnished, loft-style condo was beautiful with its red, black, and white modern décor. It seemed to be pulled straight out of the pages of
Better Homes and Gardens.
Better Homes and Gardens.
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