Moth to a Flame (6 page)

When I wasn’t pleasing Dad with football, school, and “approved” socializing, I was sneaking out with Madison, tagging buildings, and shooting the shit. Madison grew up poor with a shit-for-brains father who’d gotten his ass sent to prison when she was fourteen for sticking up the local 7-Eleven. Her mother was a workaholic at the local diner but pretty emotionally handicapped when it came to connecting with her only daughter. Madison was a very lonely person—but then again, so was I. We enjoyed each other’s presence because we were exactly what the other needed at the time.

After graduation, we spent our last summer smoking all the weed we could find and drinking cheap whiskey. We spent nearly every night lying in the field behind her house. But whenever I would ask her what her plans were for while I was away playing football in college, she would blow me off with a wave of her black-fingernail polished hand. However, she did talk a lot about afterlife. Madison was goth after all. There were many nights she’d tell me that, when she died, she was going to come back as a mean-ass cat. She’d have a happy life of catnip and naps. I thought she just liked the idea of clawing people for the fun of it.

On the last night before I had to leave for college, Madison grabbed my hand. With tears in her eyes, she told me, “I’m just a ghost of a person. You’re the only one who sees me, Cale. When I move on one day, don’t forget me. Put your badass dad in his place because you deserve a life that you choose for yourself. Find a girl that, when you find her, you’ll never want to let her go. Find what makes you happy, Cale. I love you.”

I pulled Madison in for the only hug we ever shared and kissed the top of her head. “You got it, Mad. I’ll be back for fall break and we’ll spend every minute together. I’ll tell my dad to fuck off. You are not a ghost of a person. You are the only thing that makes sense in my fucked-up world. I love you too, babe,” I declared, releasing her.

It felt like goodbye forever.

Turns out, it was.

If I’d known it would be the last time I would see her, I never would have let her go. I was in school for just two weeks when I received the call that Madison had overdosed on prescription pills. To say that I was devastated was an understatement. At my next football game, I ended up beating the shit out of the other team’s quarterback after the game for no other reason besides the fact that I was distraught over having lost Madison. Dad’s words of encouragement were, “Suck it up and move on, Cale. She was just a distraction. Now, you can focus on your career and being a man.”

His words did nothing but fuel my fury and hate towards him. I ended up going back to school for a few more months but flunked out by Christmas. Nothing seemed to matter anymore. The only joy I’d found in my ‘perfect’ life had been Madison. Without her, I felt nothing.

Once my dad discovered what had happened with school, he ‘disowned’ me. Instead of feeling free like I’d always imagined, I felt even worse. I drank way too much and slept around more than I’d like to admit.

Since my money ran dry the day my dad kicked his only son to the curb, I had to figure something out. A local construction company hired me to frame houses. Eventually, I learned a lot more from Ron, the owner. I was always thankful that he took me under his wing, even letting me stay in the garage apartment for practically nothing. Linda, his wife, made sure to always bring me leftovers. With a wink, she’d say, “A good cook’s food should never go to waste.” I spent every holiday with those two. Ron and Linda were what I wished my parents could have been.

For the next few years, I worked hard as Ron’s apprentice, building homes. I didn’t do much for my own enjoyment other than throw myself into my quality of work. Ron always claimed that I worked too hard, but I think he secretly enjoyed it.

One morning, when Ron didn’t show up on the job site, I began to worry. By noon, with no answers to my calls, I was going batshit crazy. Ron was reliable to a fault. I was sick thinking about where Ron was and why he or Linda weren’t answering. When I pulled up to the house, I got an ominous feeling. Everything seemed so serene. The birds were chirping and the sun was shining. Both cars were parked in the driveway. After letting myself in when my repeated knocks had gone unanswered, I bolted up the stairs, calling their names. My heart skipped a beat once I came into their room and realized they had only slept in. But much to my horror, they weren’t sleeping. They both had peacefully passed away in the middle of the night. Later, I learned that it had been from carbon monoxide poisoning. It was damn ironic considering Ron had always insisted that we install the detectors in all of the new homes, never thinking to put one in his own.

After that, I was done. Even when a lawyer called to tell me that I had inherited Ron and Linda’s legacy, I was still madder than hell that they were gone. Every fucking person I’d cared about had died or abandoned me. It was a shitty, lonely life. I figured that whiskey would help to wash away my melancholy thoughts. At least it had worked for Madison and me long ago. A few months after their deaths and many drunken, lonely nights, I decided late one night that I would make amends with my dad since he was all I had left.

Driving drunk was the worst possible decision I could have made that fateful night. I was coasting down the highway, no other cars in sight, drowning in my sorrows, when a faint whisper of a memory said, “Find what makes you happy, Cale. I love you.” I don’t remember the accident—or anything, really, after Madison’s never-forgotten words. They told me that I was in a coma for twelve days and had nearly died. The other car’s driver lived, which saved me from a whole lot of trouble, both legal and mental.

When I was released from the hospital, I made a vow to myself. I was going to do what made me happy. So, in honor of the people I had loved and lost, I decided to dig in and start living my life for me.

Three years later, after I had built up Ron’s business—which was now mine—I was ready for a change of scenery. After some research, I found that a small town nearby was growing at a steady pace and could use some housing development. I was Jonestown bound and never looked back.

THE LONG DRIVE into town was extremely uncomfortable. Sam was such a quiet person and it unnerved me. Every so often, he’d look over and smile, which would extinguish my anxiety.

I am such a social imbecile.

This ‘friends dinner’ was way out of my depth and I was having trouble knowing what to say or do to ease my nerves.

When we arrived at the restaurant, Sam ran over to my side of the car and opened the door with a grin like a true gentleman. I kind of wish he’d just treat me like a friend, not a date, but I wasn’t going to hurt his feelings again—although I really hoped he wasn’t getting the wrong idea.

The Italian restaurant was one of the newer ones in town, and it boasted an authentic menu. They advertised an extensive wine list, and I was eager for a glass to help soothe the unease that was just below the surface, waiting to rear its ugly head at any moment. The lobby was very swanky and the garlicky smells were to die for. As the hostess led us to a private table in the corner, I glanced around the room, noticing that there were few patrons this evening. For some reason, it gave me an eerie feeling. I really had to get out more.

Once seated, the server brought us some bread and filled our wine glasses with the house wine. After we were alone again, Sam finally decided to speak. “Lia, thank you for agreeing to have dinner with me. I already feel like I know so much about you”—he paused—“but I can’t wait to learn more,” he rushed quickly.

“Uh, me too,” I replied, not really sure what else to say.

Yep. Social imbecile.

“I know you said we’d just have dinner as friends, but I can’t help but feel a connection between us. It’s like we’ve known each other for so long. You’re so beautiful that, sometimes, I have a hard time looking at your perfect face.”

Um, okay. Maybe I’m not the only social imbecile at this table.

Things were just about as weird as they could be at the moment.

Before I could form a response, Sam grabbed my hand and brought it to his lips. I tried not to jerk my hand away, but my responses to this sort of thing were second nature at this point in my life. As I quickly yanked my hand back, suppressing a frown, I realized that I’d upset him.

Again.

Damn, I really needed to quit doing that. His expression was almost unreadable, but I could sense that he was angry with me.

I decided to let it all out at once. “Sam, I’m sorry. I told you I don’t date. This is all new to me. I thought we were coming here as friends, so you can imagine my surprise with the way you are behaving. You brought me roses, you opened all the doors for me, and now, you’re kissing my hand. I really don’t want to give you the wrong idea, but I am in no way interested in forming any kind of relationship other than friendship. I’m sorry if I’ve hurt you.”

I thought this might bring clarity to our dinner, but instead, he angrily slammed his fist on the table, causing the glasses to slosh their contents and me to nearly jump out of my skin. He took a deep breath before pinning me with his glare. The muscles in his neck were tightening and untightening as he clenched his jaw together.

“Lia, I have waited three long years for this night. I expect you to respect me enough to not insult me as you’ve just done. Now, we’re going to enjoy this dinner and that’s the end of that,” he replied coolly as he proceeded to butter his bread as if he hadn’t just attempted to scare the crap out of me.

What in the world is wrong with this guy?

I grabbed my wine glass with a trembling hand and emptied its contents in one swift gulp, fighting the tears that were forming in my eyes.

“Excuse me. I need to go to the ladies’ room,” I whispered, not making eye contact with Sam. He nodded as I stood, but before I could get past him, he grabbed my hand again, this time rather roughly so I couldn’t pull it away.

“Lia, don’t be long. I don’t want to have to come after you,” he spoke calmly as I shivered. Then he released me and went back to buttering his bread.

With that, I slung my purse over my shoulder and tried to appear composed as I made my way to the restrooms.

Once I was in the safety of the ladies’ room, I ran into the first stall, locking the door behind me. I sat down on the lid of the toilet and tried not to cry, but tears angrily forced themselves out.

What the hell kind of person am I having dinner with?

In an effort to comfort myself, I pulled out Cale’s card. Just seeing his name typed across the front brought a smile to my lips. I wanted to call him—I really did—but I needed to deal with the situation I was in first and foremost.

How am I going to get through this dinner with Sam without setting him off any further?

Feeling defeated, I left my temporary sanctuary in the stall. When I reached the sink to wash my hands, I couldn’t help but look at my reflection. I didn’t like my reflection. Weakness was all I saw in the girl who peered back at me. It was time to lift my chin and finish what I had allowed to start.

This is why I don’t date.

After leaving the ladies’ room, I was turning the corner when I crashed right into my favorite rock-hard chest. His smells assaulted me as I sniffed him like a freaking dog. His arms instinctively engulfed me like they’d done every other time we’d met like this. He must have felt how much I needed him because he gently tugged at the back of my hair, tilting my head upwards, and brushed a kiss to my forehead. The tranquility of our embrace left me momentarily forgetting about the terrible evening I had been having until this moment.

Cale is such a calming force.

Even though I had my own plans for my life, fate had other ideas because she kept slamming me into Cale as if to knock a little sense into me.

I pulled back and looked into his comforting, blue eyes. “Cale,” I breathed.

“Lia,” he whispered back and bent over, pressing a soft kiss to my lips.

The sweet kisses weren’t enough and I needed more from him. I opened my mouth so he could slip his tongue in. As he teased my tongue with his, I noticed that he still tasted minty and manly like earlier.