Mothers and Daughters (17 page)

‘Will you do it?’ Johnny was flushed with excitement; his face turned up to look at Frank.

‘I’ll see, I haven’t booked and as it is the weekend there will probably be lots of people wanting to have a go, but this time we’re here for you to watch.’ He smiled down at him.

‘But I’d like to watch you,
know
someone who’s done it,’ Johnny said eagerly.

It was the first time Alice had seen him so engaged, emerged from the shell he’d built around himself, and it was Frank who had achieved it. He’d listened to him, taken his views seriously when Johnny felt adrift with all the enormous changes in his young life. Frank caught her eye and she, full of warmth for his kindness, smiled back, unaware of how radiant she’d become. Their eyes caught and held and she had a sudden urge to be closer to him. It was like a scene in a film, she thought, the shot frozen as two people standing there among a crowd coming out of the clubhouse, suddenly becoming aware of each other, feeling a flare of attraction that surprised them. The spell was broken by Johnny pointing to the kites being loaded into a van, and Frank, with one last look at her making her heart race and wonder what on earth had got into her, followed behind them to inspect the kites more closely.

He soon got into a conversation with one of the instructors. Alice stood beside him with Johnny, listening to the jargon and then the instructor, a sandy-haired man with a rash of freckles over his face grinned, saying, ‘I’m sure we could fit you in,’ and looking at her, ‘and your… wife and even,’ he looked down at Johnny, ‘your son, if he’s over seven.’

‘He’s not my…’ Alice began, ‘and… I’m his grandmother, step… grandmother.’ She stopped, seeing the confusion on the instructor’s face. He’d thought her and Frank were married, or together anyway.

‘Jeez,’ the instructor swept his hand over his face as if to eradicate his mistake, ‘sorry,’ he grinned. ‘You don’t look old enough to be a grandmother.’

‘It’s OK,’ she said. ‘We’ve just come to look today.’

‘But the man said seven, and I am seven, well nearly, in four months,’ Johnny said, his eyes alight with excitement.

‘We’ll come back then, with your parents, I think we need their permission first,’ Frank said. ‘Now let’s go and watch them fly, then you’ll know if you really want to do it another time.’

‘You could write permission,’ Johnny regarded Frank with hope in his eyes.

‘Not without asking your father first, and anyway, I’m sure he’d love to see you taking your first flight,’ Frank said without much conviction.

They followed the van with all the gear to the place where the participants took off. They watched as the flyers launched themselves into the air, running while connected to a collection of straps and strings, a little ungraceful perhaps; large lumbering people until they were airborne and the brightly coloured kites dipped and soared like strange birds.

Alice watched, her feelings in turmoil; she was wary of Frank, feeling that he held a bundle of secrets that concerned Julian, their life together, the brother she’d only found out existed a few weeks ago, and, to her consternation, she realized she was strongly attracted to him. That moment when their eyes sent out signals to each other, she’d felt as if there were strong feelings between them and yet, apart from them both caring for Julian, they did not belong together.

It was a relief that the day seemed to be progressing happily, well for Johnny anyway, Alice thought. Still a little shaken by his utter despair when he’d first arrived in her house, now he was eager and excited, showering Frank with questions, that, bless him, he answered as fully as he could.

Douglas telephoned when they’d arrived in Scotland, his voice tense as if he’d been tortured all the way up by leaving his distraught son curled up on her doormat, and after a quick query as to how things were, asked to speak to him. He was surprised and not a little anxious at Johnny’s bubbling excitement of where he was.

‘I’m here with Granny Alice and Frank and we’re paragliding,’ Johnny announced breathlessly and Alice, squatting down beside Johnny, heard the fear in Douglas’s voice as he insisted on talking to her.

She glanced guiltily at Frank and took the mobile. Hoping she sounded cheerful, she said, ‘So you’ve arrived safely, all’s well here.’

‘It doesn’t sound it,’ Douglas said sharply. ‘I must say I’m disappointed in you… Mrs… Alice.’ She heard Laura in the background, say frantically, ‘What’s happened, is he all right?’

She was aware of Johnny watching her anxiously, the joy draining from his face as if he’d done something wrong, and Frank mouthing, ‘Shall I speak to him?’ When Douglas began listing Johnny’s insecurities and how doing something so dangerous with him would surely put him back months if not years, she pushed in: ‘Douglas, we are at a paragliding club
watching
not
doing
it,’ she said, emphasizing the words, irritated by his attitude.

‘But Johnny said…’

‘He meant we are watching it; he can’t do it until he is seven. We are just here having lunch, watching other people, it’s a lovely day and Frank has kindly brought us here.’ She knew she sounded impatient and hoped he wouldn’t take it out on Laura and ruin their time together at the wedding. She was about to ask to speak to her when he spoke.

‘I’m sorry, I jumped to the wrong conclusions, I’m just worried about him, he’s been more affected by… by things, his mother leaving and all. He’s quite a different character to Zara.’

His words mollified her and she accepted his apology, saying how much Johnny was enjoying the day and then passed the mobile back to Johnny. His spirits, having fallen at his father’s anxiety, perked up again while he described the scene.

Frank asked her what Douglas had said and when she told him he said, ‘Oh… perhaps we shouldn’t have come. I hope I haven’t made things difficult for you.’ He threw her a wicked smile, ‘Still not used to you being a mother-in-law, let alone a granny, but seriously,’ his voice became more sombre, ‘parents often cause more problems than they know, by showing fear of something themselves, making the child fearful, draining their confidence.’

‘I know… I wish she wasn’t marrying him.’ She turned her back on Johnny and lowered her voice so he wouldn’t hear. ‘I can understand his worry about how his divorce and the children’s mother leaving the country has affected them, but I don’t want Laura to be involved in it. She’s too young, I want her to marry a man with no complications, no previous children, so they can have fun together, just the two of them until they have their own family. That’s what Julian and I had and it was a precious time.’

Frank took a couple of steps nearer to her so he could hear her lowered voice. He leant close and she could feel his breath soft on her face, but when she said that she and Julian had had a precious time together before the children came, he moved back a fraction, his face took on that closed look again before he said, ‘Marriage is different today, it’s easy to divorce, there’s no shame in it as there used to be and some people leave for the most mundane of reasons. Laura’s situation is very common, but she’ll cope. I know she will.’ He smiled, put his hand on her arm, kind and comforting, and she wondered if she’d imagined his closed expression a moment before. Her feelings were in tumult, her daughters’ life-changing behaviour, her still learning to live without Julian and the ridiculous way her body was reacting whenever Frank stood close to her. She must stop imagining things, why shouldn’t he disappear into his own thoughts without her thinking he was guarding all sorts of secrets, things that he and Julian got up to when they were together? No one owned anyone else, she reminded herself firmly, not even two people who loved each other and shared so much as she and Julian had done.

Johnny finished talking to Douglas on the mobile and handed it back to her, his little body seeming more crushed as he was cut off again from his father.

Frank noticed and said, ‘I think it’s lunchtime, let’s go and get a table before everyone one else comes in. We might get one by the window then you can watch the people who are still flying.’

‘OK,’ Johnny said. He slipped his hand into Alice’s as they went into the clubhouse and her heart went out to him, if only she could take his insecurity from him. Would Evie’s baby be riddled with confusion too, saddled with its complicated family? She felt weak just thinking of it.

Frank took Johnny into the Gents with him to wash before lunch and Alice had a few moments alone in the Ladies. She inspected herself in the mirror. Her hair was blown all over the place and her face flushed by the wind. She tided her hair as best she could but left her face as it was, feeling her present ‘sporty, open air’ look was better suited to this place than carefully applied make-up. She didn’t look too bad, she thought, not exactly soignée like Petra, but then she never had looked like that. She admired Petra for working so hard on her looks and spending so much time – and no doubt money – on exercise classes, diets and treatments, but apart from trying to eat sensibly, Alice couldn’t be bothered to spend whole days on preserving herself. Petra attracted a lot of men, but what did she do when they spent nights together? Did she sleep in make-up and get up before they did to do her hair and everything? She sighed, why think of this now, was it because she was with such an attractive man as Frank? She must stop thinking about it and go and join them in case Johnny needed her.

Johnny looked happy enough when she found them already seated at their table. He’d ordered chips.

‘But would you not like…’ she studied the menu, ‘fish fingers, chicken or spaghetti Bolognese?’ She felt Elspeth’s shadow looming, brandishing her list of ‘dangerous’ foods.

‘No, just chips,’ he said, looking as if he might cry, so she hastily agreed.

The food was not good and Frank apologized. Most of it was brought in ready-made and just heated up in a microwave and the one salad on the menu consisted of a lot of lettuce with a few slivers of chopped vegetables lurking in the leaves. There was ‘gateau’ for pudding, a large cardboard-looking cake inlaid with icing and tinned cherries on top; they settled for coffee and mints.

‘Sorry,’ Frank said, handing her the plate of mints, ‘when I said I’d take you out to lunch I meant something better than this.’

She smiled, ‘It’s fine, we can’t always go to Mosimann’s.’

‘No, but even a pub lunch is better than this.’

‘You’ve done it for Johnny,’ she said. He’d eaten his chips and drunk his water – she hadn’t dared suggest he have anything fizzy and additive full – and had now turned his chair round towards the window and was engrossed in watching what was going on outside. ‘Thank you for that.’

Frank smiled, his eyes soft as he regarded her. ‘It must be quite a shock taking on someone else’s children and suddenly becoming a grandmother.’

‘I wish I wasn’t, well at least not in the way it’s happened. And what on earth will Evie do with a baby and no husband? She’s just landed herself a wonderful job illustrating children’s books – there’s a whole series they want her to do, but I don’t know if she’ll be able to keep it up once the baby’s born.’

He put his hand over hers, ‘Of course you want what’s best for her,’ he smiled, ‘but she’s made the choice and even though it’s a foolish one, there’s a child’s welfare at stake and she and the father, dysfunctional though he sounds, it’s up to them to sort it out.’ He took his hand away and she felt bereft.

‘Life’s so different from when we were young, isn’t it?’ She watched him grimace at the bitter taste as he finished his espresso. ‘I mean, so many people having such complicated relationships, and all these poor children having to get used to new people in their parents’ lives. I know I was lucky with Julian, lucky no one else had snapped him up before I found him.’ She smiled.

‘Yes,’ Frank said. His expression a moment ago almost tender now became serious again, sending a chill into her. He’d told her his marriage was over, so did he think her sanctimonious for judging people who had not lived the same way as she and Julian had lived? When she’d known him all those years ago, she’d thought Frank more of a free spirit than Julian and perhaps he thought her too judgemental? Like she thought Elspeth was.

‘I don’t think, in fact I know Julian would have disapproved of Evie getting involved with Nick,’ she said firmly wanting to justify her remarks, insist that Julian shared them with her, wanting, she realized, for Frank not to think her mean-spirited.

Frank studied his wine glass as his fingers played with the stem. ‘These things happen. Decent people make mistakes.’

‘Of course, but Nick is old enough to know better; Evie’s baby is not his first with another woman.’ Her voice was edged with panic, in just a few weeks this baby would be born and change all of their lives. Evie needed to work and was so fortunate to have been chosen to do all those illustrations. There were surely many more, just as talented artists ready to snatch her place if she should fail. Alice did not want to be forced back into the nursery but nor did she want Evie to lose her job, her place in such a demanding environment. It was so easy for people like Frank and Cecily to say Evie had made her choice and must get on with it, but she knew, much though she didn’t want to pander to it, she would not be able to stand aside if Evie and the baby – who, unlike Douglas’s children, was part of their family, a part of Julian – needed her care.

Frank was silent and still. She guessed he was bored of the subject. He’d brought them out for a nice day, a day that revolved round Johnny, a child that had no link to him at all except he was to be the stepchild of his goddaughter. He, so used to delicious food, had had to eat this instant stuff that was already giving her indigestion and leaving a nasty taste in her mouth, there hadn’t even been a decent wine to wash it down.

‘I’m sorry,’ she said. ‘I won’t go on about it; tell me about your children, do you see them often?’

He seemed relieved that she’d changed the subject, his expression lightened, he obviously loved his children and was proud of them and pleased to tell her about them. When he’d finished telling her his son was keen on sailing and his daughter good at riding and how she longed to ride in events, his face became less animated and she tried to encourage him by saying, ‘It’s an expensive sport, does she have a horse of her own?’