Mother’s Only Child (13 page)

But, all in all, she enjoyed her first American dance. Barney was proud of her, proud to be seen with her, and though he had no objection to her dancing with others, he kept a weather eye on the situation. He’d almost lost Maria once to another by staying quiet; he had no intention of running that risk again so he made sure he danced with Maria more than any other.

Maria knew what Barney was afraid of—she could almost feel his unease—but he needn’t have worried. She had no designs on any American. But it was nice to be admired, to be openly told how beautiful, charming, truly lovely she was. It gave Maria a boost, as it would any girl. It didn’t matter if they said the same to everyone, it made her feel good about herself, which was something she hadn’t felt in a long, long time.

That evening there was no question of Barney going straight home. As he followed Maria in, Dora began collecting her things together.

‘Good night?’

‘Oh, Dora, it was wonderful,’ Maria said. ‘Did you have any trouble?’

‘No, your mother never stirred and your father has been asleep for about two hours,’ Dora said.

Maria knew it would have been a poteen-induced sleep, but she wasn’t going to worry about that any more.

She closed the door on Dora and said to Barney, ‘Thank you, I’ve had a lovely evening.’ She kissed him gently on the lips and when he put his arms around her, she held him tight and sighed. Barney released her, took her hand and led her to the settee, where he sat and pulled her down beside him.

There was no point, Barney thought, in beating about the bush. ‘Do you like me, Maria?’

‘Of course I like you.’

‘Could you more than like me? Love me even?’

‘I’ve never thought of you that way.’

‘Do you still think of him that did the dirty on you?’

Greg? All the time, Maria might have said, but she didn’t say that. Instead, she said. ‘I did. He hurt me very much, that time.’

‘Did you love him?’

Maria nodded. ‘And I know I feel something for you, but I’m not sure what yet. I think I need a little time before I can be sure of my feelings.’

‘And we’ll continue seeing each other?’

‘Of course,’ Maria said. ‘Anyway, we could hardly not with all you do for Daddy.’

‘I like your father, Maria,’ Barney said. ‘I get on well with him and always have.’

‘I know this,’ Maria said. She knew that Barney hadn’t taken to her mother—couldn’t take to her—but then he wouldn’t be the only person made nervous by mental illness.

‘We’ll leave it so for now then,’ Barney said, getting to his feet. ‘I’ll press you no further tonight, but will await your answer.’

Monday morning, Joanne wanted to know all about the dance, what Maria wore, what it was like and was jitterbugging as much fun as everyone said it was. When all the questions had been asked, she said, ‘I hoped you thanked your Barney properly for taking you out to somewhere so fabulous.’

‘Well,’ said Maria with a smile, ‘let’s say I didn’t leave him at the door.’

‘I should think not,’ Joanne said indignantly. ‘You can carry this chivalrous behaviour too far, you know.’

‘Actually he asked me if I could love him?’

‘Golly, that was quick. Could you?’

‘Oh, I don’t know. Sometimes I think yes and other times no. I don’t want to go back to the way it was, the daily grind with work and my parents and nothing to look forward to at all, but then…‘

‘Don’t tie yourself down because of something like that,’ Joanne said. ‘God, I wish I looked like you and had your figure. Lads must be queuing up to claim you.’

‘They’re not, Joanne,’ Maria said. ‘I have a bedridden father, fast turning into an alcoholic, and a mother who doesn’t know what day of the week it is. That is enough to put off any but the most stalwart. Barney knows the situation and accepts it. He is good with Daddy and they get on together. He isn’t so good with Mammy, but then that is the same as everyone else.’

Joanne said nothing, for she sensed that Maria hadn’t
finished. After a while, she went on, ‘I suppose what I am really saying, Joanne, is if I don’t take Barney, I think in the end I will be left alone, and I have coped alone for long enough. There is something else as well. So many demands are made upon me, I seldom have time to think about myself. It would be wonderful to have someone who cared about me and my needs. I could do with that so much sometimes when I feel the burden is heavy.’

‘I’ve heard and understood every word that you’ve said,’ Joanne replied. ‘And all I would advise is, take your time over making the decision.’

‘Barney isn’t pressing me,’ Maria said. ‘But on the other hand, he’ll not wait for ever.’

Before she’d analysed how she felt about Barney, Bella came over one evening to talk about Sarah. She left it till she knew Sarah was in bed and then she confronted Maria and her father. ‘It’s not that I’m not sorry for her. God, it breaks my heart to see her this way, but…well, it’s the aggression, d’you see? She nearly scratched the eyes out of Maggie and bit me on the arm.’ At this, Bella rolled up her sleeve to show the ring of purple teeth marks sunk into the skin. ‘And it was for nothing at all, you know,’ she went on. ‘Have you not noticed it yourself?’

Maria had noticed Sarah often slapped out at her and pushed her away roughly, but she hadn’t started biting or scratching. There was no doubting the marks on Bella’s arm, though. ‘I’m sorry to the heart of me that you have had to cope with this,’ said Sam.

Bella looked from Sam to Maria and back again.

Maria said. ‘I’ve noticed Mammy being rougher than she used to be.’

‘Have you?’ Sam said.

‘Aye,’ Maria said. ‘I think it’s frustration. It’s always when I’m doing things with her.’

‘I’m sure you’re right,’ Sam said. He too had noticed the deterioration in his wife and so had Barney. He knew because they’d talked about it often, as Barney wheeled him about the town, or later in the pub, sinking a pint or two. Sam knew Barney had been nervous of Sarah from the first, but didn’t blame him for that. He’d known and loved Sarah for years, but that girl and woman had ceased to exist. Sometimes her odd behaviour left him edgy.

‘She’s getting no better, Sam, but worse,’ Barney had said just days before. ‘And it’s Maria bears the brunt of it.’

‘God,’ Sam said, ‘d’you think I don’t know that?’

‘I know,’ Barney said soothingly. ‘And it’s never an easy choice to make to put someone away, but have you thought of it from Sarah’s point of view? You might in fact be doing her a disservice leaving her in the house.’

‘How?’

Barney chose his words with care. If any sort of future lay with Maria, as he hoped, then that mad old woman could not be part of it, but he knew he mustn’t betray how he was feeling. ‘Well,’ he said, ‘she’s getting no treatment while she stays at home.’

‘Is there treatment for what ails her?’ Sam asked. Hope, like a flickering candle flame, began to burn inside him.

‘I don’t know,’ Barney said. ‘But she hasn’t had the chance to see if they can do something for her.’

‘Maria wouldn’t like her going anywhere.’

‘This isn’t just about Maria,’ Barney said bluntly. ‘It’s about what’s good for Sarah. Why don’t you talk it over with Dr Shearer? He could call one afternoon when Maria’s at work, and she’d need know nothing about it. I should be guided by him.’

Sam saw the sense of that. Dr Shearer called a couple of days later and Sam asked Barney to stay. The doctor was not a specialist in matters of the mind and didn’t pretend he was. His main concern was for Maria, for he’d often glimpsed her at Mass and knew she looked worn out.

What he said was, ‘I don’t know much about the treatments that could be offered to your wife, Sam, but they have made great strides in mental health in the past five years.’

‘So she might get a little better if we agree to her going away for specialist treatment?’ Sam said.

‘She may,’ the doctor said, and gave a shrug. ‘She may not, but one thing I can say categorically is she’ll not improve being left to languish at home.’

‘She’ll be upset,’ Sam said. ‘We’ll have to prepare her.’

‘If she is as bad as you say, she’ll hardly know anything about it,’ Dr Shearer said. ‘It’s Maria—’

‘It’s all right,’ Barney put in. ‘I’ll deal with Maria.’

The doctor’s eyes narrowed. So, he thought, that’s the way of it. He had little time for the McPhearsons and knew they didn’t earn a living honestly, and yet even those who whispered about Barney agreed he was kindness itself to Sam. Maybe, the doctor thought, if he married Maria, he’d have a turn-around. He’d seen it before.

Anyway, it wasn’t as if the path to Maria’s door was beaten down with a host of other suitors. He’d glimpsed her a few times some months back with the Hopkins lad, but that had obviously come to nothing. She needed someone to shoulder the burden she had piling on top of her and maybe Barney was better than none at all.

‘Very well then,’ the doctor said. ‘I’ll make enquiries. There’s nothing to be gained by dallying.’

So, armed with the doctor’s recommendation, they were all waiting for Maria when she came in from work. Sam had even asked Bella to come in to lend weight to the argument. Maria was semi prepared, for when she had called in at the shop to collect her mother, Dora had met her at the door and said to leave her a while, her daddy wanted to talk to her about something.

She guessed what it was, and when she saw the deputation waiting for her, she felt her heart sink. ‘What’s this?’ she said, though she knew full well.

‘Come up here to me,’ Sam urged.

Maria didn’t even remove her coat before approaching the bed and perching on the side of it, where she looked straight into her father’s face and asked again, ‘What’s this?’

Sam reached for Maria’s hands and said gently, ‘It’s about your mother, pet. You know what is to be done. There is now only one course open to us.’

The roof of Maria’s mouth was suddenly very dry. They were all ranged against her, even Barney, she thought. But Sarah was her mother. Surely, they could see that. ‘I can’t…’ she almost whimpered. ‘I can’t have her put away.’

‘Come, come,’ Sam said. ‘Don’t think of it as putting her away. Think of it as going to the psychiatric unit for treatment.’

‘Huh.’

‘Look, Maria,’ Barney said. ‘If your mother had something physical—pneumonia, let’s say—then you wouldn’t hesitate to send her to hospital. Why is this different?’

Maria didn’t know why; it just was.

‘The doctor said she’ll not know a thing about it,’ Sam said. ‘It’ll not matter to her where she is.’

Maria’s intake of breath was audible. ‘You’ve had the doctor,’ she said almost accusingly. ‘Behind my back.’

‘We wanted to know the facts,’ Sam said.

‘And they are?’ Maria demanded icily.

‘The doctor thinks we’re doing her a disservice keeping her here,’ Sam said. ‘He’s making enquiries at the hospital.’

‘And I can’t have her in the shop any more,’ Bella put in. ‘Really I can’t. It isn’t fair on anyone. She often won’t stay in the back like she used to and wanders about the place, picking things up. It puts the customers off, and Maggie is scared stiff of her now.’ She stood up and put a hand on Maria’s shoulder. ‘I’m sorry, cutie dear. Heartsore for you.’

Maria’s head was reeling and inside she felt wretched. She knew the decisions had been made, and she bent her head, despairing and let the tears flow unchecked.

Bella looked uncertain and Sam distressed, but Barney moved to Maria’s side immediately. He signed for Bella to go as he took Maria in his arms. She clung
to him, feeling the roughness of his jacket, which smelt of tobacco, against her cheek, and the strong muscled arms holding her, as if he could protect her against anything.

Dr Shearer was wrong: Sarah might not have been aware where the ambulance men were taking her, but she knew well enough that she didn’t want to go. Maria had tried to talk to her, make her understand, but vacant eyes stared back at her and she didn’t know how much had gone in.

She’d taken the morning off that day in mid-October to be there with her mother, and Barney was there too, feeling Maria might need support, though he was longing for his bed. He’d not finished unloading the stuff till half-one. Then at two, Seamus had organised a card shop. Many of the sailors had got paid and the McPhearsons knew they could lift the money from their pockets just as if they’d put their hands in.

The game had gone on till six and then the brothers had had to bring the stuff back to this side and unload it. He’d drank whiskey as if it was water during the games of poker, and now, two and a half hours later, Barney felt decidedly the worse for wear. His bleary eyes had bags underneath them. Maria didn’t see how he looked straight away. She was just glad he was there and more than glad he was able to restrain Sarah, who attacked both the ambulance men, drawing blood from one one as her nails raked his cheek.

She began to scream as they strapped her onto the stretcher, blood-curdling screams that Maria thought could maybe be heard in Derry. They certainly brought
people out to stand in the doorways, to see which poor soul was being murdered.

Sarah stopped screaming long enough to gaze slowly around the room, her eyes lighting on everything in turn, as if she was saying goodbye. Then she stared across at Sam and he gazed back at her with shame-filled eyes. Then she turned to Maria, tears trickling down her cheeks, and the look she cast them both was filled with hate. Maria staggered under the weight of bitterness behind her mother’s eyes, as if she’d suffered a blow. Again it was Barney’s arms around her shoulders that comforted her and pressed her to him. Then the screams began again as the ambulance men lifted the stretcher.

The Square was full of people. Maria was mortified by it all, and though most people’s eyes were sympathetic, it hardly helped. The only thing that helped really was Barney’s arm. Then, as most of the people dispersed to their homes when the ambulance was out of sight, Bella and Dora came over and some of the customers from the shop followed them.

‘You’re not to blame yourself, Maria,’ one of the women said. ‘You did your level best.’

‘Aye, nothing to reproach yourself for,’ another put in. ‘Daughter in a million.’