Mother’s Only Child (51 page)

‘It is,’ Maria said grimly. ‘And I’ll tell you what is painful: the fact that I brought this man into your home, Martha, and that he did so much damage in your family.’

‘You weren’t to know how he would turn out,’ Martha said, though she was still shaken. ‘You have nothing to blame yourself for.’

The two policemen were very nice to Deirdre, as if they knew how terrified she was. They didn’t look like policemen at all, for they were dressed in ordinary clothes, but in a way that made it worse, as if she was telling her tale to a couple of strangers who’d walked in off the street. The room she was shown into was bare except for a table in the centre of it with two chairs arranged either side of it. They even pulled the chair out for her as if she was a grown up and she sat beside her mother and faced them across the table. Then one of them said, ‘Now we have already spoken to your sister and we would like you to tell us in your own words and in your own time what happened to you.’

It was hard—the hardest thing Deirdre had ever
done—to describe the things Barney had done. One of the policemen listened intently, sometimes stopping her to ask a question, or to go back over something, especially when she got to the incident in the brickworks where she killed Barney. The other man said very little, but made notes all the time she was speaking.

At last it was over. Deirdre sat back in the chair with a sigh, suddenly aware of how weary she was. The first man smiled at her and said, ‘Good girl, Deirdre. Now my colleague here has made lots of notes and he has to have to have them typed up so you can sign them before you go home. What about if I ask your sister to join you and rustle up some tea, and I’m sure we can find a few biscuits?’

Deirdre was sorry to learn that Sean could not come home with them, when they were ready to leave, but the man explained that Sean wasn’t being kept there and certain formalities had to be adhered to before he could be released. He promised to see that these were done as speedily as possible.

In the middle of that night, Patsy was woken with stomach pains and for a moment or two she lay in bed, not quite sure what had woken her. Then she felt it again, that drawing pain beginning in her back and going around to the front, and she knew what it was, and she smiled, got out of bed and went to the bathroom. She was glad she had confided in no one, for the pregnancy she had dreaded had turned out to be a false alarm after all, and no one need know anything about it. She knew she had to tell Andrew about the rape, however, for the time for secrecy was well gone.

When, the following morning, she told Andrew, he was shocked—so shocked he couldn’t speak for a moment. He remembered how Patsy had appeared to change and how she would push him away and snap and snarl at him for little or nothing. Now he understood why she had behaved that way. Certainly the man didn’t deserve to live, he thought, for not only did he rape Patsy, he also abused, frightened and he was sure would have gone on to violate a young girl.

‘Say something, Andrew,’ Patsy pleaded. ‘Surely you can see that I couldn’t have married you with such a secret on my soul.’

Andrew’s response had been to take her in his arms and declare that it made no difference to his love for her. If she could have seen inside Andrew’s mind, though, she would have seen how hard it had been for him to say those words. When Patsy had told him, he had felt cheated for a moment or two. He had imagined their wedding night as a journey of discovery, as they explored each other’s bodies, finding out how to please each other, and then on to true fulfilment. The first time for both of them, a coming-together in love, and now some filthy pervert had robbed him of that; some other man had touched Patsy in the most intimate and private of places.

Then he realised that Patsy had been robbed too. ‘That’s why you used to push me away, isn’t it?’

Patsy nodded. ‘I felt dirty and defiled, and not really worthy of your love.’

Andrew felt humbled by such honesty and ashamed of himself for his earlier thoughts. ‘Ah, Patsy,’ he said. ‘My lovely, beautiful, darling girl, you mustn’t ever
again feel this way. I love you with my heart and soul and nothing you have told me today will change that in any way.’

Patsy might have doubted the man’s words, but not the ardent kiss that he placed upon her lips, full of love and longing that she responded to so eagerly, thankful that she hadn’t lost the love and respect of this man, as she had feared she might.

It was about eleven o’clock the following morning when Martha opened the door to an agitated Norah Bellingham.

‘I only got back yesterday,’ she said. ‘I caught a touch of flu at my sister’s and I had to stay on a few days. Then, this morning I heard the news about Sean and had to come and tell you that I don’t believe a word of it, not one word.’

‘Thank you, Mrs Bellingham,’ Martha said. ‘The thing is—’

‘I was wondering if I should go to the police,’ Mrs Bellingham asked. ‘The point is that Barney McPhearson was supposed to be attacked the night of the concert, and it was that night he offered to take young Deirdre home. I mean, would it help or hinder if I was to tell them?’

Martha was about to say it would make no difference, when she stopped herself. The police had said that as far as they were concerned Deirdre had no case to answer and her name could never be mentioned in connection with Barney’s death because she was too young. But still, what Norah Bellingham could tell them could at least point to the first part of Deirdre’s story
being accurate and so she advised the woman to go ahead.

She didn’t tell her anything else. It wouldn’t help either Patsy or Deirdre for people to know what had happened to them and they would keep it within the family. She could barely wait for Sean to return home where he belonged. That would be better than Christmas. She needed his strong arms to enfold her and help her cope with it all.

Maria was anxious to return home, especially with Sean’s imminent release. She felt that she had encroached on his family’s kindness long enough. She was anxious too to get back to her dressmaking. Money wasn’t a problem in the short term, for Andrew had looked into it and told her she would get thirty-seven shillings a week for thirteen weeks, plus the seven shillings for Sally and twenty-four shillings a week Family Allowance for the others. But after the thirteen weeks her money would be reduced to the same as Barney had got. Despite the fact she no longer had to share this meagre amount with a selfish and uncaring bastard of a man, it still wouldn’t be a fortune.

‘It isn’t as if I have anything to fear any more,’ she told Martha.

‘I know that,’ Martha said, ‘but you are no way well enough yet, in my opinion. Besides, January is the very devil of a time to move and the house has not being lived in for months, remember. It might even be damp. Certainly your bed will have to be aired. Come on, Maria, be sensible. You don’t want to make yourself worse, and what if the children were to get some
sort of relapse? None of you is totally out of the wood yet.’

‘I know that. It’s just, with Sean—’

‘D’you think he would like to think he was chasing you away?’ Martha said. ‘God, he’d be more likely to go for me for allowing you to back before either you or the house was fit.’

Maria smiled, for she knew Martha had a point. ‘All right, what do you suggest?’

‘Leave it at least another week,’ Martha said. ‘Let me give the place a good clean, air it thoroughly and warm it up a bit. And you build your strength up. The girls will be back at school by then, so you’ll only have Jack and the baby to deal with. It would be better all round.’

Maria agreed to this, but in the end it was Patsy and Andrew who went down the next day, which was a Saturday, armed with cleaning materials and cloths, saying that Martha had plenty to do already and it would do them no harm to lend a hand.

They knew straight away that Barney had been living in the house and he’d made a mess of the whole place. The injunction had obviously made little difference to him and had the man still lived, they knew he could have continued to abuse Maria for years.

Not two hours after Patsy and Andrew had gone, Sean came home in a police car. It soon became apparent that initially Martha would have to help him cope, rather than the other way around. The policeman who had interviewed both Patsy and Deirdre had been to see him. He’d not only told Sean what had happened
to them both, but left him a copy of their statements to look over. Maria, Martha and Sean sat on at the dinner table long after the children had left it, Maria feeding the baby.

Sean said, ‘Those statements made harrowing reading. They would for any father. I felt as if it ate right into the core of my manhood that I had been unable to protect my daughters from this madman.’

‘I can see that,’ Martha said. ‘I have a theory as to why the two were attacked. It might have something to do with Barney getting even because he couldn’t beat you in a straight fight.’

‘I wouldn’t have just killed him, if I had known the half of it.’ Sean said savagely. ‘I would have torn him apart limb from limb.’

‘And might be hanging from a noose this very minute,’ Maria said with asperity. ‘What then would it achieve and how would it help any of us?’

‘It’s just that—’

‘No, Sean,’ Martha said. ‘Don’t you see that this unbridled violence towards Barney was the very thing that stilled the girls’ tongues.’

‘Aye, of course I do,’ Sean said. ‘D’you think I don’t know that? D’you think I don’t torture myself with the thought that if Patsy had been able to confide in me, knowing I would leave it to the police, what happened to Deirdre might not have done?’

‘And what then?’ Maria put in ‘You know as well as I that if Barney had been allowed to live, none of us would have been safe.’

She looked at her uncle with pain-filled eyes, and went on, ‘I love Deirdre as much as I love my own, and
not in a million years would I have had this thing happen to her. Christ, no wonder the child could remember nothing. Such a burden could have turned her brain for ever. Thank God that didn’t happened. Yet nothing will be achieved by wishing things had been different. I feel guilt and shame too, but it is something we have to deal with, or Barney will have scored a victory over us all.’

Sean knew Maria was right.

She continued, ‘And Deirdre isn’t over this yet. I think it will take time. There is something still bothering her. I mean, she was thrilled you had come home, Sean, so delighted, but even then there was some worry lurking behind her eyes.’

‘Come on, Maria,’ Martha said. ‘When you think what she has gone through, is that any wonder?’

‘No, of course it isn’t,’ Maria said. ‘But maybe someone should talk to her. I mean, I know you want to keep this to yourselves and I can see why, but Deirdre might need professional help to deal with this.’

However, no one did anything then, because Patsy and Andrew came in.

‘Oh, Dad, I am so pleased to see you,’ Patsy said, hugging him. Andrew then shook his hand warmly.

‘Now tell us whatever else it is that you are clearly bursting to tell us,’ Martha said. ‘And I’ll make us all another pot of tea. Oh, isn’t it marvellous to be able to say that and not be wondering if the ration will stretch?’

Maria knew exactly what Martha meant. Rationing had been a headache for them all. Butter, cheese, cooking fats, margarine and meat were still rationed, but the Government had promised that these too would
be off ration by the end of the year. She smiled at Martha and said, ‘I’ll give you a hand.’

‘Not yet, Maria,’ Patsy said. ‘You need to hear this. You see, we think Barney has been living in the house. We found a docket for some money from the dole office, so we know it was him. He’d left dirty plates stacked in the kitchen and cups all over the place, together with the nub ends of cigarettes and beer cans and bottles. The bed had definitely been slept in and the grate was a disgrace. In fact the whole place needed a damned good clean and it took us ages.’

‘I am very grateful to you,’ Maria said, but her insides quailed at the thought that, despite any in-juction, Barney had seemingly come and gone at will. She didn’t know how he had got in the first time and didn’t really care. The point was he had. If she had returned she was sure he would have murdered her.

‘Oh, that’s not all,’ Patsy said, withdrawing some letters from her bag. ‘These are from Seamus. He is being released on the thirteenth of January and Barney fully expected to be there with him, for we found a train ticket and a ticket for the boat.’

Maria scanned the letters and, turning concerned eyes on Sean said, ‘What are we to do, Sean? He will be out on Wednesday and he’ll make a beeline for here.’

‘He can’t come here,’ Martha said vehemently, catching the gist of the conversation as she came in with the tea.

‘And it would really disturb Deirdre, meeting the brother of the man she killed,’ Patsy said. ‘She’s bad enough as it is, and to tell you the truth, I’m not mad keen on seeing him either.’

‘Don’t fret,’ Sean said. ‘None of you has to meet him. I will got to Dublin and be waiting for him when he comes out of the gaol.’

‘You! You can’t,’ Martha said, not wanting Sean anywhere near the brother of the man who had raped his stepdaughter and had very nearly done the same to Deirdre. ‘You can’t just take off like that. What about your job?’

‘I have some holidays owing to me,’ Sean said. Then, because he knew what Martha was really fretting about, he went on, ‘Don’t worry, I’ll not lay a hand on him. From what I have seen of the man, I haven’t taken a liking to him, but whatever we think of Barney, Seamus will have been affected in some way by his death. Whether the man has changed, or whether he hasn’t, I will not hold him responsible for the actions of his brother. This is done only to make life easier for the rest of you.’

Martha didn’t want to tell Deirdre where her father was bound for, but Patsy insisted. ‘There isn’t any lie you could tell her that she could believe, and that would worry her more,’ she said. ‘Let’s have no more secrecy. I know Deirdre is only young, but after what happened to her…‘

‘She’ll be upset.’