Motown Breakdown (Motown Down #4) (15 page)

After leaving his place, I came back to my own and fell to a heap the second I was on my side of the door. Crying silently is not easy, but I managed to do it until the very last tear was shed. Emotionally spent, I stayed on the floor staring out at nothing. Because an hour after I left his apartment, Crews left it too. He wasn’t coming back and the finality that came with the click of his door had me jamming my fist in my mouth. For hours, I stayed on the floor cursing myself for ever wishing to know what real life romance was like. Because now I had an idea and I had to leave that behind too.

So many memories never to be spoken of, but mine to keep.

Depression aside, I will say not having much made it easier to pack. The few pieces of furniture I had would be left here for the next tenant. Marco would never allow them to be brought inside anyway. For one, they were used (gasp!) and two, they belonged to me. Tomorrow afternoon, Shade himself was coming to pick me up. At three o’clock on a Thursday, my last bit of independence would be taken away. The world would keep turning, babies would be born, Crews would be at work, and I would be heading back to start my life as a married woman.

Crews moved in months ago, yet I only got to know him for a short time. Missing this dumpy apartment would pass. I’d get over being bound to Shade, I would even adapt, but I will never stop thinking of
him
. For the rest of my life however long or short it may be, I will forever compare my husband to my neighbor.

Crews loves Luna
.

Maybe he really did but I’d never get the chance to know for sure.

Because all this started with Edward Crews loving Evie and I had to remember that.

Looking out the window I decided, I fucking
hated
Evie. The girl didn’t deserve a man like him in the first place. I hoped the selfish cunt was trapped and miserable. I hope she suffered because leaving him behind was easy for her but it was killing me. Her selfishness, wanting a better life, thinking some rich old pervert was going to do for her what Crews couldn’t. Wait until she started to age, then the bitch would find herself living back in a world that forgot all about her. I prayed that when that time came, Crews had already found a good woman to love and support him.

He deserved that.

He was owed that.

If Shade pulled through, I’d reach out to the bitch personally. I would make sure
I
felt it was the right decision before getting word to Crews. Evie wasn’t allowed to cause him anymore pain. It made me as depraved as the life I despised, but I couldn’t deny that I hoped she was fucking dead.

I wanted her death to be brutal, where she clung to life for hours, no, days. Choked out by the man who paid to own her ass. I hoped she screamed for Crews. Her beating was one I wouldn’t have taken. No, hers was one I’d sit in on. To see Evie suffer would please me and I didn’t care if that made me a hypocrite. To live in that world, I’d have to embrace it sooner or later and now was as good a time as any. Shade would be proud, Marco too if he was still alive to see it. Crews wouldn’t be proud but then again, as of tomorrow afternoon what he thought no longer mattered.

With the rage boiling inside of me, I was considering asking Shade to let me kill her myself. Selfish Evie chose to become property, I was never given a choice and I knew that’s what pissed me off the most. For the rest of my life I wasn’t allowed to have the one who loved me. No one has ever told me they loved me before, and to survive I had to fucking forget that it ever happened! The knock on my door startled me. Jumping up, dusting myself off and opening it to Crews standing there looking miserable didn’t help douse the contempt I had for her. In fact, it solidified my need for her head on a platter.

“Hey,” he says from the hall.

“Hey,” I return. “Want to come in?”

“At work I realized I never said thank you,” he says looking at his boots. “You’re risking a lot and I appreciate you – ”

“You’re welcome,” I say stepping back. If this is the only reason he came by, he could leave now. Starting to close the door, he stops it with his hand and whispers low, “One night, belong to me. Give me one more night.”

A decent person would say no, that it was time for us to cut our losses and move on. I wasn’t a decent person. I was a selfish one, no better than his Evie but unlike her, I didn’t want to leave him. “One night,” I say moving away from the door. When Crews walked straight to my bedroom, I locked up and followed.

He was undressing so I did the same. He sat on the edge of my bed so I sat next to him. He was silent so I was silent. He reached for my hand so I let him hold it because no one has ever done that for me before either. “When do you go back?” he asks quietly.

“A week, give or take a few days,” I lied. “Are you staying at your house after this?”

“Yeah,” he squeezes my hand. “Knowing you’re across the hall…”

“It’s a good idea,” I understood his reasoning.

“Luna,” he starts.

“The night,” I whisper turning to face him. “Starts now.”

Grabbing each other’s faces, we wasted no time on talking about things we couldn’t change. Instead, our mouths did the work, our bodies spoke for us. When he went to his back, I crawled up to him planting myself firmly on top of him. There was no safer place then inside his arms. Our kissing became aggressive probably because we were both angry, I knew I was. It turned to furious when he grabbed my hair pulling our faces away.

“I can’t let him take you.”

“You can’t stop this,” I whisper.

“Shut up,” he growls again. “This is my night; you belong to me. To me! No one would ever take you from me, they’d die for trying.” This was about his Evie; I was just the outlet. As much as it hurt, I understood it too.

“You’re not a killer, Crews.”

“Can’t work, go to my house, or even fucking think because I know one day I’ll knock on your door and you won’t answer.”

I didn’t have much to say about that. Because yeah, that’s how this would end and I was in the middle of mourning it when he showed back up. “Evie’s last words to me were,
give me room to breathe
before she stormed out the door. What will yours be, Luna?”

“Mine would be, thank you for sharing your air with me.”

My response set him off. Taking my neck, he looked me dead in the eyes and growled. “Fuck you for saying that.”

“Thank you for sharing your air with me,” I repeat. Grinding his jaw, he grips me tighter.

“Shut up,” he says flipping me to my back.

“Take me,” I beg him. “I belong to you, it’s what I’m here for. Take me as is
your right
.”

“I’m not like
him
,” he roars pinning me by the shoulders.

“I know you’re not!” I scream in his face. “I have never offered myself to anyone, except
you
! If I belong to you tonight
it is
your fucking right, now take it! Take
me
!”

Spreading my legs apart, I arch up and Crews doesn’t even look to see if we’re lined up. He thrust inside of me never taking his eyes off mine. There was no gentleness, no words of praise and I was glad for that. Because Crews was the opposite of Shade in every way, his aggressiveness triggered mine. His grunts as he pistons into me didn’t hurt because I wanted it. I was ready for it, welcomed it.

Breaking my wrists free, I dug my nails in to every inch of skin I touched. If he bled, all the better. The harder I scored him the harder he fucked me. Throwing my legs over each shoulder, he raises me up going even deeper. He was frantic, pissed off, and scared. I could relate because I was feeling the same. This was it for us, the end of the road.

“Crews,” I cry out over and over.

Releasing my legs, he slows down giving me shallow thrusts. I was close, he was even closer but neither of us wanted the release. “Mama,” he says hiding in my neck. “Don’t forget about me.”

“Never,” I whisper sinking my hands in his messy hair.

Satisfied with that he resumes his pace but the anger was gone now. Wrapping ourselves around each other, I felt mine building so I clutched him tight trying to stop it. “Come for me,” he groans.

“No,” I whimper. “Not yet, I’m not ready.”

“Let go,” he says rotating his hips. “You can let go now.” We both knew what he meant. I can let go of
him
now. I’ve never hated my body as much as I did right then because, when he bit down on the top of my shoulder there was no stopping it. “Edward,” I cry out half in ecstasy half in agony.

“Luna,” he moans riding out his own.

Lying there wasn’t emotional, it was inevitable. When he fell asleep holding me, I stayed awake to watch him sleep. Tomorrow morning was just a few hours away and I wanted to prolong it, stop the clock. At some point, I must have fallen asleep because when I woke he was gone. But he left me with two gifts. By coming inside of me, I was able to take a piece of him with me. And when I looked at my wrist and saw the heart he penned next to the moon, the one in my chest cracked in half. Except I wouldn’t be able to bring his heart with me, instead I cried fat tears as I licked my finger and scrubbed it off.
 

Twice at work today I almost died.

Honestly, with the way I was feeling, I wondered had the beam taken my head or the nail gun put one through my heart if I’d even care. She was all I could think about. I penned the heart on her wrist to show her last night she did belong to me. If the circumstances were different, I stood a chance at having that every day and night for the rest of my life. So I’d be going back after work. There was no staying away from her. I wanted her for as long as I could have her. Yeah, I was only making it harder on both of us but I wasn’t ready to let her go. Fuck, I’d never be ready. My idea had been to take her and run for it. We could run far, we could run forever, I just needed her to take my hand. I needed to tell her, I needed her to say yes. Grabbing a quick shower, I used the 3-in-1 like I’ve done for years. Throwing back a shot, I grab a few rubbers and my keys on the way out.

She didn’t mention it, but I was well aware once again, I didn’t pull out. A better man would feel guilty but I wanted to brand her too. When I told her I was nothing like him, I lied. I was exactly like him. Maybe I wouldn’t force her into marriage, but I didn’t want anyone else touching her. Murder was what came to mind at the thought. Shade and I weren’t so different. Both of us wanted to own her, only she granted permission for one of us to do it.

Me.

Parking in the lot, I drop my shit in my apartment then stood in front of her door. Knocking once, twice, and then a third time. I felt my stomach drop. Twisting the handle, I walked inside to find her place still furnished. Hitting her bedroom, I pull the drawers out to find them empty. The closet was the same. Sitting on the edge of her bed, I let my head drop forward.

She knew.

Last night she already knew and she didn’t say goodbye.

Staying in here was pointless and all it did was hurt. Because I could smell us. Looking behind me to where I had left her hours ago, I could still feel her there. Not even when Evie was taken did I cry. Lying back on her bed, I cried now. Luna was gone and she took my heart with her. Tossing the pillows in anger, I sat back up to leave. Giving her bed once last glance, I see my t-shirt and a piece of paper on the sheet. Had I not tossed the pillows, I wouldn’t have found it. It was folded in half, twice. Opening it up, I see it’s a single heart drawn with pen.