Motown Throwdown (29 page)

She started to sing.

Gripping the clipboard I listen to the words. That voice I could only dream about was ten yards away. I couldn’t see her face because she hadn’t turned around yet so I continued to listen.

When her voice hitches, I can’t swallow the emotion back but she keeps going and I needed her to keep going. If she stopped now I wasn’t sure what I’d do.

Before she could gear up for the chorus, she broke right back down hiding her face in her hands. At a loss, I don’t look around the room for help because this one was on me.

“Kandace?”

“Do second chances apply to tutors?” she asks quietly turning to face me. The right answer would be to say yes but not seeing her after months, needing her, rendered me speechless. When I saw her last she was perfectly thick with heavy tits and a fat ass. Today she was so thin she looked ready to snap in half. Gone were the curves, her face was hollow and even her hair had lost its glow. In spite of the changes, she was never more beautiful to me because I loved her always.

“I was going to ask if second chances applied to assholes.”

“Personally, I think they should apply to everyone. Even assholes.” She says offering me a small smile.

She wasn’t running to me. She wasn’t crying anymore or doing girly shit. Bishop swore she’d come in with her arms open looking for me but that wasn’t what was happening. Now, I didn’t know who went first. Probably me since I fucked everything up, but my God damn feet wouldn’t work. “You came,” I point out.

“I did.”

“Why?”

“Because you asked me to.”

“Your dads having a party for you?” I ask half joking. Trying to find a way to make this easier for both of us.

“Maybe,” she says slowly making her way away from the couch but not toward me. “I don’t know, Rome, I haven’t been home yet.”

“Where have you been?” I ask her suddenly having trouble remembering the question. She was close, all I had to do was reach out to her and I would as soon as she gave me the green light.

“Customs took a long time. I also had a debriefing at my rep’s office and had additional testing done to make sure I won’t pose a risk to the public. Then I came here, to see you.”

Before I could grab her, kiss her, or beg her to love me again Rio walks in with Bet right on his heels. Protocol was new members were greeted by Rio after I did the consult and obviously Rio didn’t know this was my woman and that we were working up toward a moment. Stopping in his tracks, he looks at her, then at me, down at Bet then back to her.

“Who the fuck did that voice belong to?” he says looking around. “Doc?” he says shocked. “Is that you?”

“Hello, Rio,” she says with a small wave. “Long time.”

Then Bet sees her and lets out a gasp and Rio never missing a beat, holds her up.

“Doctor Kane?” she says rushing over to her. “You look so different since I saw you last. God, I haven’t heard you sing in six years.”

“I’m down about fifty six pounds,” she says shyly. “It’s been a long time hasn’t it? You though Bet, you look like a woman in love.”

“I am,” she says proudly rubbing her belly.

“May I?” asks Kandace almost kneeling. Putting her ear to her stomach she says, “Oh,” before looking up at Bet again. “Have you had an ultrasound recently?” she asks.

“Twins,” she says laughing. “You’re good, Doc, I always thought so.”

“Congratulations,” she says hugging her.

“Rio,” says Bet calling him over. “This is the doctor who stayed with Indie until I got there. The one who gave me the time I needed with her when everyone else tried taking her from me. I never said thank you, I couldn’t. But now I can,” she says taking Kandace’s hands. “Thank you, Doctor Kane, for everything. Your chief told me you were a first year intern at that time but you put your career on the line for me and I’ll be forever in your debt.”

“Kandace,” she whispers. “Just Kandace.”

“You’re blowing my damn mind right now, Doc,” says Rio pulling her in for a hug. “You remember Rion Reynolds?”

“I do,” she says. “How is she?”

“Fucking married to that head case,” he says while Bet slaps him upside the head. “Thank you for fixing her and me too. Mine was just a scratch though.”

“Uh, not exactly,” she says. “Twenty one internal stitches, twelve external. It was a clean stab.”

“I am so bad ass,” he says beaming down at Bet.

“Rio!” she says pulling him back. “We are such dicks!”

“You know I like it when you talk filthy, little Bet,” he says affectionately.

“No, you dumbshit! She literally just got home. Rome hasn’t seen her in---“ she asks looking to me for help.

“Five months,” I say looking at Kandace who looks ready to fall over.

“Plans soon!” she says on her way out and then it was just the two of us and a lot of silence.

I fell for the guy that would always hurt me. The guy who knew how to be nice but chose to be cruel. The one who always knows when I pull away because he comes back just long enough to rein me back in, tighten his grip until the pain steals my voice. But not today, not this time. I’ll never know why he fucked Trina, no sooner than I’ll understand why she’d betray me like that either.

She swore she hated all that he stood for and no amount of defending I did could sway her, but then the proof was in front of me. When she text me to come over, I walked in on her sleeping but he was there wide awake to greet me.

“Why?” I all but bawled.

“This is who I am,” he says holding her phone and looking down at my ex-friend with nothing more than annoyance. At least they were polite enough to get dressed before doing this to me, that was something.

“She was my friend,” I whisper.

“No,” he says. “She wasn’t.”

“You were my friend.”

“No,” he says staring me down. “I wasn’t.”

“You want me to hate you,” I point out. “But I feel sorry for you. All along I’ve been right here! You want what you can’t have and you always will. You’ll regret all the shit you’ve done to me, Roman. Mark my fucking words. You could have had me, all you had to do was---”

All he said was, “I know.”

“I hate you!”

“Naw,” he says pushing away from her. “But it would be easier if you did.”

He was ten feet away and I didn’t know what to do. Out of complete fear those lyrics flew from my mouth and I couldn’t stop them. The way he looked at me with such want gave me the ability to continue but not for long because my emotions finally got the best of me. Exhaustion was creeping in and though I missed him terribly, I was going to crash soon. Seeing Rio and Bet was a shock, a good one but it took everything in me to concentrate on them.

His looks had changed, so much so that I couldn’t stop staring. It was like college again, for a moment anyway. His braids were gone and his head was perfectly bald now. His goatee was gone too from over here I could see ink on his forearms that wasn’t there before. Despite his bad boy vibe there was also calmness, an ease about him that wasn’t there before.

He looked…peaceful.

He noticed the drop in my weight immediately but thankfully he didn’t comment on it. I know I didn’t look like me and the truth was I didn’t feel much like me either. Being home, seeing him again, hurt. Whether it was a good hurt or bad I had yet to figure out, I just know that he was over there and I was over here.

In the movies the man ran to the women and kissed her promising to never let her go. Or like a few I’ve seen the women dropped her bag and jumped into his arms kissing him all over. Reality was nowhere near as dramatic as a movie because he was staring at me and I was staring at my feet. Plainly put, reality was awkward and I was gun shy.

“You are so fucking beautiful,” he says holding himself in check.

When my breathing quickened I looked up and saw he was struggling as much I was. Like my emotions were a living breathing thing, I kept my focus on him trying to relax and found that I didn’t want to. Whatever was happening in this room needed to be felt.

“You left me,” he says coming to stand beside me. I could smell his cologne again and I wanted to bury my face in his chest. “Packed up, got on a plane and fucking left. Went by your dads’ place and they told me. Never felt a blow like that before. Not out on the field, not even in prison. I get why you left but I regret not being man enough to stop you.”

“The reasons I left no longer matter, Rome. I was able to make a difference to the people put in my care and----“

“You could have died,” he growls down at me, still not touching me. “I never even fucking heard of Ebola until I watched the news. I’m terrified to turn the TV on because the God damn death toll keeps getting higher! Hearing two American doctors died but not knowing if it was you…”

“I knew the risks,” I whisper.

“I sent you there!” he shouts. “I gave you no choice! Had something happened to you it would be my fucking fault! I forced the only woman I have ever, will ever love to a third world country to get away from my ass! Don’t you get it? You never failed me, I failed you!”

“Why are you screaming at me?” I shout back. “You asked me to come and I came. I’m right here in front of you!”

“Then why the fuck do you feel so far away!”

“Because I don’t know what to do!”

Dropping his clipboard he takes me by the back of the neck and seals his mouth to mine. Clutching him tight, I can’t get close enough but I was as close as we could get with clothes on. The kiss was so aggressive we’ve knocked teeth several times and I didn’t give one shit. He tasted like I remembered, like I dreamed about all the time we were apart. That’s when the tears came. They couldn’t be stopped so I just let them roll down my cheeks because letting him go wasn’t possible.

Breaking away he rests his forehead on mine, reaches up with one hand and uses the back of it to wipe my cheek. “Don’t cry,” he whispers.

I wanted to tell him that I couldn’t help it but hiccupped instead. Resting my hands by wrapping them up in his shirt, I struggled to find my calm. Months without him and I barely made it. A lifetime would ruin me.

“You need to sleep,” he says hoisting me up into his arms.

“Wait!” I panic. “I want to know about Second Chances. Do you do tours?”

Laughing and not putting me down he says, “Yeah, Doc, I do tours.”

Maybe this was what we needed, some calm before the storm. Because make no mistake about it, it was coming. I still loved Rome, I’m fairly certain he still loved me but I need a tour to distract me from the worry that I came back for him only to lose him all over again.

Pushing through a door he has me flick the light on and slowly turns me in a circle so I can see the office. There were posters of him in college, quotes from his favorite authors and framed photos of Clara and…me. “This is my office,” he says softly. “I met Rio after you left. He was blabbing about his place and its purpose. He invited me to stop by, I did. Then I never left because I liked it here. I mentor here,” he says in my ear. “I make a difference here.”

“This is amazing,” I whisper looking around the room from the comfort of his arms. “Look at your schedule, look at all the people you help. You are definitely making a difference. I’m proud of you, Rome.”

“I belong here,” he says softly. “We talked about second chances remember? My first shot was with you and I blew it, again. Then I found this place when I needed it most. I was lost without you, Kandace, fucking lost. I’m in a better place now, all this shit had to happen to get us right here, right now for this opportunity.”

“Put me down,” I say wiggling in his arms.

“Kandace, no…” he pleads.

“Let me speak,” I tell him walking the room. “Every night on my cot I would run my finger over your number and sing the same song…”

Then suddenly he was behind me, putting his arms around my waist and singing into my ear.

I don't care how you get here

Just get here if you can

“How do you know that song---“

“I felt it,” he says reaching for me and putting his hand over my heart. “I don’t know how but I felt it. Every fucking word, Kandace. Right here.”

“I did too,” I whisper covering his hands with mine. “I felt like if I didn’t sing it, I would die. I wanted you to hear me. I didn’t handle being apart from you well, Rome. Can I ask you something?” when he nods I swallow hard and ask. “I have to know. Are you still in love with me or…”

Picking me back up he holds onto me so tight I can feel his heartbeat through his shirt. “There is one woman for me. You. Can we go home now?”

“Not yet,” I tell him. “I need to know you forgive me first.”

“Forgive
you
?” he asks incredulously. “For what?”

“Not saving Clara.”

“It’s not the lives you save that keep you going, pushing you to go that extra mile, it’s the lives you can’t.”

“That sounds like something Peter would say.”

“Because he did,” he says. “When he set me straight on how to handle my loss that’s what he said and he was right. I don’t know why I blamed you, Kandace or why I said the shit that I said but I did and I own it. Between your dads taking me in, your brother wanting to kill me and every God damn person around having been fixed up by you one time or another, I realized quickly if there was a way you’d have found it. I know you tried to save her---“