Motown Throwdown (8 page)

“Is there anything you’d like to say to me?”

“Yeah,” I tell her bluntly. “No more fucking dates.”

Shaking her head, she gives the nurse instructions and makes her plans to leave. Again, that fear took hold so I yelled for her which hurt like a mother. “Doc!”

“Christ, Rome,” she says tossing back the curtain, “Stop yelling. What do you need?”

“I’m afraid of the dark,” I say gripping the sheet and staring at her with wide eyes. “You can’t leave me alone here.”

Miracle of all fucking miracles the woman threw her head back and laughed. Peeling her lab coat off, she takes the chair next to my bed and whispers, “You are playing a dangerous game, Rome.”

“No one beats me on the field doc,” I whisper back. “No one.”

“But we aren’t on your field, we’re on mine.”

“Then tell me the score.”

“This isn’t a game you’ll win,” she says quietly. “I’ve got home field advantage and I don’t like being played.”

“I would never play you.”

“You’ve been playing me since the first day we met,” she says checking her pager. “Your room’s ready, let’s go.”

I needed brain fuel. Running to the Coney Island for coffee and carry out, I was hoping to get back to my books quick. This paper had to be done but I needed more energy. It was almost three am and I was hoping most of the partiers were already home passed out. Placing my order, I grab a seat next to the counter to wait it out. The cook, Slick, sees me and strikes up a conversation like always. “Hey doc,” he says loud enough for everyone to hear. “Another late night?”

“I’m not a doctor yet,” I remind him. “But yeah, I’m cramming.”

“Putting a little something extra in your container,” he says on a wink.

“Thanks Slick.” I smile back to him.

“Studying past your bedtime?” asks Roman taking the seat next to mine.

“Jesus you smell like shit,” I offer when the stench of alcohol hits me.

“Long night,” he offers.

“You’re not driving are you?” I ask.

Laughing he shakes his head and starts checking me out in my pajamas. “No mom,” he says tugging my Hello Kitty flannels. “Waiting on a cab.”

“I’ll drop you,” I offer before I could think better of it. Considering me for a moment, he cocks his head and just before he answers, a blonde rolls up and slides her hands around his neck.

“I think my ride just showed up,” he says with what I swore was frustration.

“It is if you play your cards right,” she says sliding her hand down to his… Oh fuck this. Turning away giving them both my back I watch as they exit and drive off together. He would sleep with her because she was willing. As for me, it was clear I wouldn’t be sleeping at all.

Slick saunters over handing my carryout and says, “On the house.”

“Let me pay you,” I start.

“Stay away from that asshole,” he says kissing my forehead. “Even if he makes it as a pro, he’ll never be shit as a person. You didn’t want to mess up your upholstery with his filth anyway.”

“Night, Slick,” I whisper embarrassed he saw and heard.

“Night doc.”

Demerol made Rome
very
talkative.

He told me I was beautiful… a lot, that he had a thing for me in college and still did. The details to his crush were a mess of words but to sum it up, he thought I was better than the trolls he fucked, he was intimidated by me and was bummed I never flirted with him. When he called me the hot nerdy tutor I think I even blushed though I wasn’t sold on it being an actual compliment. He explained in detail why he behaved the way he had and I’ll admit, I was shocked to hear his side of things. If the old adage was true that when boys teased girls it was because they liked them then Rome, it seems, liked me, a lot. Too bad back then he had a mean way of showing it.

He said the night of his party he was trying to keep me from the wolves and he was probably right to do so. He didn’t know me as anything other than a nerd but had they continued to mouth off, I’d have dropped every last one of them and probably gotten kicked out of school for assault. He also said he wanted my forgiveness and another shot at my heart. I wish I could trust this but he was blown out right now. I decided that if these were his true feelings then I’d wait to hear them again, when he was coherent before addressing it.

Until then I held his hand when he asked, listened to him tell me about his grandma and watched as he drifted off to sleep. No man should be this gorgeous when he slept. His looks could never be described as anything less than perfection. Although his looks were undisputable, it wasn’t what drew me to him. I wasn’t a surface person, I was a depth person and back in the day, Rome had depth for miles. The problem was he excelled at being shallow too. What I didn’t get was with his size and how brutal he was on the field, then adding prison to it, how anyone could get the drop on him. But someone had and I didn’t like it that they did. I felt territorial of Rome. Like he belonged to me when I knew that he didn’t. This push pull was seriously fucking with my rationale.

Falling asleep on my arm because he wouldn’t release my hand, when his nightmare took him over it woke me up and broke my fucking heart. He was still out of it but he was going to hurt himself with his thrashing. Reaching into my pocket, I was about to grab the syringe and try to give the man a few more hours of peace when he calmed.

Once he settles fully he surprises me when he doesn’t let go of me. Looking at his dark hand encircling my pale one I whisper, “I never wanted this for you, Rome. Not you.”

Then I let sleep take me.

As instructed no one disturbed us. It was rare a doctor stayed with their patient unless it was an extreme situation but for me this qualified. No, he wasn’t afraid of the dark but he also didn’t want to be alone any more than I wanted to be apart from him. I didn’t know his struggles but I knew to my core that he was innocent. I never doubted it. That no matter the situation Rome would never force a woman into intercourse. Several hours later when he woke up lucid, and squeezed my hand, my heart followed suit.

“I didn’t do it,” he says quietly.

Lifting my head our eyes meet and I whisper back, “I know.”

“Should have listened to you,” he says keeping his voice low. “Wanted you back then but was no good for you, took me going to prison to realize how much I took shit for granted.”

“I can’t imagine what that kind of attention is like,” I admit. “But you were something to see in action, Rome.”

“Why’d you do it? Tutor me?”

“Because I knew you were more than what you showed the world. You were meant for great things and if I could play a small part in your success, I wanted the chance.”

“I’m sorry if I got you in trouble with your dickhead boss,” he says closing his eyes. “I don’t like that guy.”

“He’s not so bad,” I tell him running my fingers over his braids. “I’m a mess over you, Rome, what are we doing? What’s the goal here?”

“Fuck if I know. I just know I can’t be without you. I’m a convicted rapist,” he growls low. “Is that what your family would want for you? Is that what you want for you? You could do better than me, doc, and if you’re smart you would.”

“I don’t recall making plans for the future here,” I tell him sitting up to get the feeling back in my arm. “But if you think your conviction embarrasses me you’d be wrong. My family supports me but I’m not trying to win their approval either, I’m an adult. The truth is I don’t know how I feel right now. Trust is a big deal and right now with you, I don’t have that. I keep waiting for it---”

“You’ll dress up for them but not for me?”

“Stop it with the hot and cold,” I snap. “Look, you keep showing up here to see me. One minute you want to go out and the next you warn me away. You just received your freedom and I imagine you’re pretty fucked up about next steps. If you’re looking for something familiar, it’s not me.” Taking a deep breath I try to do what I thought was best for both of us. “I’d like to start over and extend my friendship to you, Rome. You know, take it slow---”

“I don’t need friends, doc.”

“Everyone needs a friend,” I tell him holding the hurt in. Shot down, always shot down. “Word on the street is I’m a kick ass friend to have in certain situations.”

“I want to fuck you, own you, not be your God damn best friend.”

“Don’t you think you’re getting ahead of yourself a bit?” I ask wondering how we went from friendship to fucking.

“A black ex-con who bounces for a living, believe me, I knew I didn’t have a shot but said fuck it and tried anyway. I got the hint, doc. Probably why I never took the leap back then either.”

“None of that matters to me,” I tell him. “You are being really one-sided here, we’re just getting to know each other again so ease up.”

“Bullshit,” he laughs. “I know exactly what I’m talking about. No one knows you better than me, ten years apart doesn’t change that. So you’d take my black ass home to meet your folks?”

“You’d take my white ass home to meet yours?”

“That’s what I thought. Check me out,” he says sitting up. Then reaching over he rips his IV out and drops the tubing. “I’m done.”

Something came over me. I couldn’t explain what it was or where it came from but I knew I was pissed. Tossing his paperwork at him in anger, I watched him sign himself out and became enraged. Then I followed his ass to his car and stood in front of it again. When he got out very slowly and approached trying to intimidate me I stood my ground. “What the fuck, doc?”

“Last time asshole, you do not know me. Don’t put words in my mouth and don’t presume to know what I’m thinking either because you will be wrong every fucking time. You are going to follow me,” I order him. When he remains silent I point to his car and tell him slowly, “Get in your fucking car and follow me, do it now, Rome.”

He did and fifteen minutes later I showed him why.

While doing my time, I had days where my rage was under control and d
ays where it wasn’t. Most days I stayed busy working out or reading the shit she used to talk about. She loved to read, I do remember that. To name a few,  I’ve read all the Grimm’s brothers books (Cinderella was still my favorite), The
Lord of the Rings, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, Oscar and Lucinda, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, Catch 22 and The Trial (which was kick ass). Every month my grandma would ask me which stories I wanted and she’d bring them for me. I had piles of books and when I finished, I didn’t pass them around, I had my grandma take them home where they’d be safe.

It was those quiet times when I’d finish a book that I’d wonder what she had thought of it. I’d give anything to talk to her about it but knowing she’d talk with her hands, so fucking animated. I missed her all day every day and at night, I wondered wherever she was if she was happy.

The Doc had a temper.

I used to be able to rile her up a bit with dirty jokes and asking her to repeat the lesson, but nothing like this. Not only did she get all up in my shit, she was dead fucking serious too. I’ve never had a woman verbally assault me in an evening gown before and I took it as a sign she cared.

Last night when she stayed with me she held my hand, she never let go. Words can’t describe how I felt about that. Now I’m following her because the alternative might have been fighting her off in the lot. What is it with women around here? Fuck, they were bossy. Yeah I would follow her because I didn’t like the thought of her being pissed or away from me. For ten years she’s thought I was a piece of shit and last night when she whispered she never wanted this life for me, I fucking cried on the inside. Even with my chest screaming at me, I blew through traffic to keep up. Once outside of the city, we detour off the freeway into residential. This was the side of town I wish I could afford to move my grandma to, that was my goal. But based on my pay at Lush and my legal debt, it wasn’t happening anytime soon.