Mountains Wanted (17 page)

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Authors: Phoebe Alexander

BOOK: Mountains Wanted
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She changed in the
locker room, filled her water bottle, and settled herself on the elliptical
overlooking the free weights. She did love to ogle the weightlifters and
their rippling muscles as she felt the burn in her quadriceps, hamstrings and
glutes. 
Besides, the elliptical can be quite monotonous if you don’t
have a good distraction
, she considered, not feeling guilty in the
slightest for fixating on a particular young man whose back faced her.
 
He
had strong, well-shaped legs and a solid build. He was bent over one of the
benches doing some work on his triceps. She watched his arm extending, the
muscle bulging through his skin and then retreating again.
Wow, he really
reminds me of James
, she thought, instantly flashing to a memory of running
her fingertips down his triceps as he hovered over her, sweat beading on his
forehead.

As she continued to
study him, it became alarmingly clear that the object of her fixation actually
was James. Sarah was twitterpated, the adrenaline surging through her,
activating a fight or flight response. She glanced down at the display on her
machine and she’d managed to complete exactly three minutes and twenty eight seconds
of her work out.
Shit, I can’t just walk away
, she determined.  
I’ll
just have to hope he doesn’t turn around. Or recognize me
. She
continued to examine his hindquarters though, the memory of kneading his firm
glutes as he pumped his cock deep inside her too delicious to resist. She
couldn’t tell if she was blushing or just flushed from her workout.

He put down his weights
and moved on to a different machine, his back still turned to her. Feeling
relieved -
Right now in all my sweaty glory is not exactly the time I’d
choose to figure out what is going on with us
- Sarah buried her nose in
her magazine and continued the workout, punching the button to increase the
resistance on the elliptical a couple of times for good measure. Her phone was
blinking from the little plastic holder beside her water bottle so she unlocked
her screen and went to retrieve the new text. From an unknown number:
I
can see you in the mirror. Having a nice workout?

Shit!
Sarah immediately felt exposed.
Shit. Fuck.
Damn. Shit
. She tried to keep her face expressionless because she knew
his eyes were on her now. Her blush extended from her cheeks down onto her
clavicles and breasts, spreading far beneath her sports bra and tank top.
So
now what? I can’t exactly ignore someone who is in the same room as me, can I?
she wondered.  

She found his reflection
in the mirror and smirked. He got up from the machine and made his way
over to her. “Why are you ignoring me?” he asked bluntly once he reached
her.

“I’m not sure this is
the time or place to discuss it,” she replied nonchalantly, her legs still
moving up and down on the machine.  

“Oh?”  He looked
genuinely confused. “I guess I’m out of the loop cause I thought everything was
cool.”

“You would,” Sarah
retorted, thinking about how James had just conveniently opened up his little
Sarah Toy Box and wanted her to come out and entertain him.
The weekend is upon us, after all
. Just
the thought of that made her furious.
Friend With Benefits
, she thought, though remained silent.
Not Toy You Play
With When You Feel Like It
.

He continued to stand
beside her; her feet were still glued to the elliptical, pumping furiously, and
her grip on the handles was becoming more pronounced. He wore an expectant
look, his blue eyes like arctic pools. “So you’re really not going to talk to
me?” he asked in disbelief.

“Not at the gym,” Sarah
replied coolly. “How much longer will you be here?”

“Thirty minutes?” he guessed.

“Can you walk me back to
my office?”

He nodded.  He took
one last look before turning to walk back to the weight machines. He
couldn’t hide a hint of worry that had crept onto his face. She finished up her
workout, erasing him from her mind for the moment, choosing instead to think
about what she was getting the kids for Christmas. Finally her timer ran out,
so she stepped off the machine and headed to the locker room without even a
glance in his direction. She took a quick shower and met him in the hallway
outside the gym. They exited the building into the colorless day, although
the sun was struggling to peek through the strata of cool gray.
Sometimes
it’s easier to say what’s on your mind when you don’t have to look the other
person in the eyes
, she considered, thinking about how much bolder she felt
when his eyes weren’t boring into her. She had decided to just be honest. She
really didn’t know how else to be.

“The other night when
you stopped by, your phone was broken and you had to go to work,” she began,
reminding him of their last meeting. He nodded in recollection. “Right, well, I
don’t think that’s all that was going on.”

He was still looking
straight ahead as they crossed the quad. “Yeah,” he admitted. “There was some
other stuff but it’s worked out now and it’s really no big deal.”

They were climbing the
steps to her building.
 “Some other stuff,”
she repeated his words to
herself.
Whatever the fuck that means
.
And how about:
“No big deal.” 
She was tired of his elusiveness. Maybe
that’s why she had grown so frustrated and felt so trivialized. 
His
inability to open up is driving me crazy! 
At this point in time, she
had already walked away from the relationship in her mind. She was going
to go for broke and tell him why it wasn’t going to work out. She was silently
plotting her words as they turned down the hallway to her office. She
fished her keys out of her gym bag and fumbled with the lock while he leaned
against the cement block wall.

He had never been in her
office before and was taking in his surroundings as he stepped inside: the full
bookcases, the plants representing various stages of life and health in all
sorts of different pots and containers, the walnut-framed diplomas and awards,
the large colorful Van Gogh print, the velvety purple throw with amber and gold
beads slung over the chair in the corner between the window and the bookcase. She
closed the door behind her and turned to face him, waiting for him to finish
examining her space and then look her in the eyes.  

Suddenly her heart was
resisting the speech she’d formulated. She didn’t want to chastise him; all she
wanted to do was collapse into his arms. She knew she needed to avoid touching
him or else her resolve would be completely destroyed. “James,” she began,
her tone reflecting her seriousness, “I know we are not really in a traditional
relationship, but I feel a huge disconnect when we are not together.”

He looked genuinely
surprised. “What do you mean?”

“There have been so many
mixed messages,” Sarah explained, consciously deciding to use I-Language
instead of You-Language. “When I’m with you, I feel really close to you, really
connected. When I lie in your arms, I feel something, and it feels like you
feel it too. But then we part ways and it seems like you compartmentalize me
until you’re ready to bring me out to play again. I have trouble
reconciling the feelings I have for you when we’re together with the emptiness
I feel when we’re apart.”

He reached out and took
her hand; the warmth of his flesh was absorbed straight into her soul as his
eyes examined her, contemplating a response. His voice was soft and yielding: “What
do you want?”

She shook her head. “That’s
the problem, this is not about what I want. It’s about what you can give, and I
really don’t think you’re capable or willing to give it.”

His hand enveloped hers,
mitigating the silence that had gathered around them. His mind was
processing and the words were percolating. Finally: “You are the one who said
you didn’t want to complicate my life. I enjoy your company, Sarah, and I
thought I was a good ‘friend with benefits.’ What did I do wrong?”

She saw the passion
flare, his pupils widen revealing his
sincerity.“Maybe
I was wrong about what I wanted,” she admitted. “Maybe I thought I’d be
more integrated into your life?  I don’t know what my problem is.”

She squeezed his hand,
unsure if this conversation could possibly close the chasm she felt. She felt a
bit of her resolve returning. “When we are together, it’s magic,” she
tried to explain again. “When we’re not together, I feel like I don’t
exist to you. I’m a toy you box away and only bring out when you want me. And
it’s my own silly fault for thinking that you would want anything else with
me.” Her forced brusqueness had given way to a stray tear rolling down her cheek.
She’d lost the battle to stay in control. He seemed to have that effect on her.

He pulled her close to
him so that her face smushed against his shoulder. He kissed the top of her
head and held her tightly against his body as she surrendered to the flood of
emotions that had been walled off behind her eyes. As the tears broke the
dam, she could feel the fabric of his shirt growing damper as she sobbed into
him. She never thought she’d let him see her so vulnerable.
Maybe he’s not
the only one who has put up walls
, she considered as the tears began to
dissipate.

Finally he lifted her
chin so that their eyes met again. “Sarah, you are one of the most beautiful,
intelligent, amazing women I have ever met. Why in the world wouldn’t I
want you?”

She melted. Those were
the words she needed to hear.

 

***

   
       
The
next weekend, on the eve of finals, she found herself lying on her bed next to
Rachel, both wearing tiny red bows on each nipple with bigger red bows affixed
further south. It was a surprise. James had been instructed to let
himself in and come straight to the bedroom. The candles were lit and the wine
was chilling. She and Rachel were giggling like schoolgirls waiting for a boy
to call on the telephone, only they were completely nude, save for the bows and
red heels adorning their feet.

After James had kissed
her in her office that Friday afternoon, they didn’t really cover any more
ground in discussing their relationship. A switch had flipped inside Sarah
as soon as his lips met hers and she suddenly felt euphoric. Feeling his arms
around her again and even just the simple words he expressed were more than she
had ever hoped for.
Maybe the tide is turning? Maybe I shouldn’t have given
up hope so quickly?

On the other hand, she
considered that she had perhaps let him off the hook too easily. All she knew
for certain was that her heart had never been ready to give up on him
completely, no matter how adamant her mind was that it was for the best. Soon
she was on the phone to Rachel conspiring about how to give James the best
Christmas present ever. After all, he was leaving in just a week to visit his
family back in Ohio and her time was limited. Rachel agreed that a night with
two beautiful women would be at the top of any man’s Christmas List.

Suddenly they heard
footsteps on the stairs which prompted Sarah to lean over and dramatically put
her finger to her mouth in a silent “shush,” while tossing her hair back like a
naughty librarian. Rachel stifled a giggle just as James turned the corner to
enter the room. The sight met his eyes in flashes: dark hair, light hair, pink
flesh, red lips, red bows, red shoes.  It was a fantasy come to life.

“Merry Christmas to me!”
he exclaimed with his trademark grin plastered across his face. He eagerly
climbed onto the bed and sandwiched himself between the two women. “I must
have been a very good boy this year!” he exclaimed.

“Oh, baby, quite the
contrary! You have been a very naughty boy this year,” Sarah cooed in her
most sultry voice, playfully shaking her finger at him, “but, fortunately for
you, the Elf we work for rewards naughty boys, not nice ones.”

“Sounds like my kinda
boss,” James replied and bent to kiss Sarah’s ripe red lips. Then he turned and
lightly brushed his lips against Rachel’s cheek. “It’s nice to see you
again, beautiful,” he said.

In typical Rachel
fashion, she gripped his chin with her shiny red manicured nails and pulled him
closer to her, opening her mouth against his, her tongue darting between his
lips. As she went to work kissing him, Sarah began the task of clothing
removal, starting with unbuttoning his pale blue oxford. She knelt behind him,
her breasts and stomach pressed against his muscular back, her arms reaching
around him to deftly unfasten each button.

James’ hands had
wandered down and were cupping Rachel’s full breasts, very strongly considering
revealing what was beneath the small red bow. He hesitated, wanting to take his
time unwrapping his gifts. Sarah had moved on to the waistband of his
pants, had managed to loosen his belt and was waiting for him to shift so she
could get the right angle on the button and zipper. He sensed her struggling
and obliged her by standing up and sliding his pants down and off. He returned
to the bed fully nude, resuming his position in between Sarah and Rachel.

Rachel was admiring his
beautifully built body, the contours of his muscles and, naturally, his stiff
cock standing at attention, saluting them both. “I see what you mean about
bodies made by Uncle Sam,” she remarked, running her finger down his sternum
between the two firm raised mounds of his pectorals and then down the line
separating his taut, sculpted abs.  

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