Mountains Wanted (32 page)

He looked at the ground
as if he couldn’t believe she was posing this question. “You know I haven’t
made any decisions about this yet, Sarah; I don’t know why you keep pushing
me.” His voice was stern and closed-off, an attempt to shut the conversation
down.

“I just want to know
what you see in her,” Sarah admitted solemnly. “I want to understand what you
want.”

“The problem is I don’t
know what I want,” he shot back rashly. “Look, I’m leaving in a few weeks and I
have to focus on that right now. I don’t want distractions.”

“Is that what I am?
 A distraction?” Sarah demanded. “Are you going to see her before you
go?”

He nodded, ignoring the
first questions. “She’s coming next week to visit,” he replied coolly. “And I’m
going to Ohio for a week before I leave...to say goodbye to my family.”

Sarah’s heart felt like
it was going to explode.
It’s now or never
, she thought.
Put it on
the line. Tell him what you want.
They had hiked down the beach far enough
to reach the boardwalk leading to the dunes where their tent was. She sat down
on the bench at the end of the wooden boards and emptied her shoes of the sand
they’d collected. She scanned the ocean which had turned blue under the rising
golden sun. About twenty yards out she saw the shiny steel gray of five
dolphins jumping effortlessly into the waves as a pelican swooped down in their
wake. She pointed them out to James, smiling. They watched them surface a
few times before they were lost in the horizon.

She sat cross-legged,
turning to face him. There were gulls crying on the wind as she took his hands
into her own. “I know you’re not in a position to make any decisions,” she
said. “I respect that. But I want you to know where I stand and how I
feel. I can’t send you off to war without you knowing what’s in my heart and
the depth of my feelings for you.”

He nodded, looking a
little pained to still be entrenched in this conversation. He let out the
tiniest, nearly imperceptible sigh of agitation and the sun caught his eyes as
the light catches a prism, turning them a brilliant sapphire blue, a more
saturated color than she ever recalled seeing in the million times she’d looked
into them.
Sometimes when I look at him
, Sarah thought,
it strikes me
all over again how gorgeous he is. And then I wonder what in the hell he
sees in me. Sometimes I’m nearly speechless from wanting him.
She knew how
much was riding on these words she was about to speak, yet she struggled with
the distraction caused by his piercing eyes, the masculine line of his chin, the
broadness of his shoulders. 
It would be so much easier if he wasn’t so
devastatingly handsome
, she sighed, her mind rearranging the order of the
points she wanted to make.

He gazed at her expectantly,
his eyes still aglow. “Everything okay?” he questioned with concern.

“James, I’ve been trying
to talk myself out of this for months now. I’ve tried to tell myself that I can
move on, that I can let go of you, that I can turn you loose. I know in
the beginning I said I didn’t want strings, nothing serious, I wanted my
freedom,” she began, carefully gauging his reactions. “But I was wrong.”

“Wrong how?”  The
agitation she sensed before had vanished. His body language was open, more
receptive, his thighs parted, his eyes thoughtful.

“I didn’t want to admit
that I was falling for you, that something was growing in my heart for you that
I have never felt before. James, I’m head-over-heels, 100%, absolutely,
unconditionally in love with you.” She stopped to let him absorb her
words.  

He suddenly looked like
he’d fallen overboard without a life jacket.
 And I have not yet begun
to fight,
Sarah added, locking her eyes onto his.
Yes, I will fight for
you. This may be my last chance so you better listen to what I have to
say.

He appeared restless, as
though it was painful to keep still, as if he needed to move to circulate the
intensity of her words throughout his bloodstream. She had rendered him
speechless. He stood, eyes still engaged with hers, his jaw fixed and lips
moist with words he couldn’t form. She stood too, sliding her arms around his
waist. “It’s okay,” she said into his chest, “I don’t expect you to say
anything. Just listen to me, okay?”

He nodded, still numb,
as she continued. “I know you think Maggie is like you and you can build a
family with her, but I don’t think she can make you happy, James. I know I
don’t know her, but it’s what my gut tells me...and if there is something I’ve
learned in my 37 years it’s that I have really good instincts about people.” She
pulled back to watch his eyes again, to study his mouth for hints of what was
churning in his mind before she continued to fling her desperate plea out to
him like a life preserver. “I would do anything for you, anything at all,
to make you happy. I would have your baby... We’d have to figure out the
fertility stuff but we could make it work, I’ve got a few years left. I’d let
you raise it Catholic if that’s what you wanted. I would move wherever you
wanted to go, wherever your career took us.”

She was still clinging to
him till the last sentence. He pulled away and took a few steps toward the
shoreline. 
I’m losing him
, she thought, a dagger stabbing her
heart.  

“But,” she said,
grabbing his wrist and pulling him back around to face her. “If you decide you
want to be with Maggie....if you decide she can make you happier than I can, I
will accept that too. I will be sad and hurt. But I will accept it.” Her
eyes burned with tears at the thought of losing him to her, this tall blonde
phantom that stood in the way of the one thing she wanted. “I’m yours,
James. I belong to you.”

With those last words,
she burst into sobs against his chest. He closed his eyes and rested his chin
against the top of her head, feeling her dark tresses whip against his cheek in
the relentless wind. “The last thing I’d ever want to do is hurt you,
Sarah,” he said with his lips pressed against her hairline. He pulled her toward
the dunes and their tent. “Please give me some time. I just don’t know right
now.”

He didn’t say no
, she thought with a shred of relief. The tiny
flame of hope was still alive. 
It’s the most I can ask for right now. At
least I know he knows how I feel.

    ***

   
       
That
afternoon it warmed and James and Sarah were able to explore more of the island
without shivering in the brutal wind and unencumbered by sweatshirts or
jackets. Sarah relished in the heat of the sun boring into her pale, wintered
skin, absorbing it into her shoulders which were bared in a tank top. They’d
gone to the other side of the island over to the Life of the Marsh trail where
the boardwalk trail extended out into the bay. The long boards were littered
with oyster shells and piles of horse dung, evidence of the wild ponies. They
had yet to catch a glimpse of any of the beasts.  

The trail angled through
the marsh and then up a ramp and several stairs to an overlook. Across the
bay mansions rose from the water. “Imagine living there,” James remarked. He
stood behind Sarah, pulling her body back into his, his arms wrapped around her
waist.  

“Let’s get a closer
look,” Sarah broke away, leading him down another set of stairs and around a
bend lined with scrubby bushes and reeds. The boards ended in sand and they
were at the edge of the bay. She picked up a crab claw and moved its pincher
back and forth as if she was going to pinch James’ arm. He brushed her away,
kicked off his boots and waded into the shallow water of the bay. “How is
it?” she asked.

“Warmer than the ocean,”
he said, “which means it’s almost tolerable.” He laughed and motioned for
Sarah to join him. In moments, they were submerged to their knees. He reached
down and playfully splashed water up onto Sarah’s light colored tank top. The
cool water instantly made her nipples erect.

“You’re asking for it,
Lieutenant McAllister,” Sarah giggled, scooping up two hands full of water and
dumping it down the crotch of his baggy khaki shorts.

He chased her several
yards deeper into the bay, which fortunately remained rather shallow. They
witnessed three kayakers go around the bend and out of site before James
grabbed Sarah and dunked her under the water. She came up sputtering and
immediately jumped on his back, trying unsuccessfully to bring him down. She
was screaming as he hoisted her up and over his shoulder, “Oh my god, put me
down!  James!  Put me down!”

He carried her out of
the water and laid her gently the sand that was strewn with soft, dried sea
grasses. In moments he was lowering himself on top of her, covering her
mouth with his lips before she had a chance to protest. He stroked his finger
down her cheek, then pulled her wet tank top up to reveal her hard peachy-pink
nipples, eager for his touch. The languid
tide of the bay lapped at their feet as his tongue
darted over her breast.

“Oh, god, James, that
feels so good,” she moaned, arching her back as her nipple disappeared into his
hungry mouth. “But we can’t do this here. There’s bound to be more kayakers.”

“But I want you now,” he
pouted, rolling off her.

 
“Let’s go to the other trail and see if it’s a
little more secluded, okay?” He nodded with a bit of disappointment and
helped pull her to a standing position. They opted to drive the half mile to
the other trailhead, which was lined with huge pine trees.

This time the pine
needle-covered dirt path wound its way through a forest that gradually gave way
to more marsh. The boardwalk they traveled was flanked by clumps of phragmites
waving their brown plumes in the breeze. He stole a kiss around one corner and
then suddenly froze.  She opened her eyes and blinked, noticing she’d
abruptly lost his attention. “What is it?” she whispered, afraid they had
attracted spectators.

He gently rotated her so
they were facing the same direction, right into the path of a beautiful
chestnut brown mare, her sandy blonde tail calmly swishing back and forth as if
she encountered kissing humans a hundred times a day. In the distance,
past the reeds, were three more mares, a wobbly-legged foal and a stallion. They
were all different colors and patterns of chestnut, white, and a darker reddish
brown.

Sarah’s heart soared to
be sharing this moment with James. They witnessed the foal teeter over to its
mother and begin to nurse. She clutched his hand and he squeezed back, both
mesmerized by the vision before them, the six wild horses framed by the
windswept marshes and in the distance the gently rolling waters of the bay. She
thought about how she’d felt standing in the glory of Garden of the Gods with
James and now here they were experiencing a completely different type of
beauty.

They continued on the
path up a bridge to an overlook of the entire scene. The ponies were
farther away now but they could still see them grazing on the saltwater
grasses, their tails happily twitching. The sun was starting to sink over
the bay and casting a dusky glow over the water, a rose giving way to an
amethyst shade closer to the horizon. Due west the fiery orange orb came closer
and closer to touching the earth.

Now that the approaching
darkness afforded more of a cover, James climbed off the wooden platform and pulled
Sarah down into his arms. They waded through the marsh to the spot where the
thick supports for the elevated structure bore into the ground. He unfastened
his shorts and slid Sarah’s hands down into his boxers where she instinctively
wrapped her fingers around his swollen cock. He undid the buttons of Sarah’s
shorts and she pulled them off, setting them gently on a dry spot a yard away. She
couldn’t believe she was standing there, naked from the waist down in a
national park, but glancing around she saw no one but the ponies and they
didn’t seem much like voyeurs.

James lifted Sarah up
against the wooden pole and she wrapped her bare legs around his waist. He held
her ass cheeks in his hands and steadied her against the pole as he drove his
erection into her eager wetness. She clasped her hands behind his neck, holding
on for dear life as he continued to impale her. He was totally silent except
for the heavy breaths falling onto her neck. She muffled her own moans
into his broad, muscular shoulders as her orgasm rocked through her body, making
her shudder against him. That was enough to send him over the edge as he
released his seed deep within her, his hands trembling and struggling to keep
his grip on her as he enjoyed the last few spasms of his climax.

Walking back to the car,
Sarah reviewed the day: a sunrise, a sunset, the miraculous sightings of
dolphins and wild horses, amazing lovemaking surrounded by nature, and one
heart completely bared, desperately awaiting its fate.

***

Sarah couldn't believe
that the weekend was already drawing to a close.
What is it about the two of
us that makes the time go so ridiculously fast?
she wondered.
We’re like
in some alternate dimension when we’re together!
James' eyes focused on the
ribbon of road stretching before them and Sarah counted each little town they
drove through as bringing them one point closer to home.
 I don't want
this to be over
, Sarah thought.
We've come so far in the last two
months, we've grown so much and he will be gone in a matter of weeks. Why did
we build this up just to have it ripped from our clutches?