Mourning Becomes Cassandra (27 page)

All was quiet at the Palace. Joanie and Phyl were off at some Chaff-sponsored event, and who knew where Daniel was. It was a relief after the constant togetherness of the last few days to come home to just one Labradoodle. Benny launched out of his crate and tore around the downstairs twice before lapping up some water and whining to go outside. When he was taken care of, I flipped on the gas fireplace and curled up with some tea and a novel, but after reading and re-reading the same page a few times I gave up and shut my eyes.

A knock at the door, followed by Benny’s mad barking, woke me up. It had gotten dark outside, and I struggled up from the armchair confusedly, fumbling to turn on as many lights as I could. When I managed to get Benny to lie down on his bed and stay, I pulled the door open, and to my dazed astonishment, James stood there. He was minus the hockey skates and Rachel, but wearing the same moss-colored Shetland sweater and uncertain expression. “Cass, hi—yeah—I didn’t know if anyone was home.”

“What are you doing here? How did you know where I live?”

He ducked his head rather sheepishly and gave me a lopsided grin. “You’re going to think I’m some kind of stalker, but I realized I didn’t have your phone number, so I ran by the office and got your address off your W-4.”

“That
is
creepy,” I said, but smiled back at him. “What was so doggone urgent that you couldn’t just shoot me an email?” I stood aside to let him in and pointed toward the living room. “You’ve been acting weird lately, and I’ve convinced myself that you’re going to fire me.”

James laughed shortly and threw himself down in Daniel’s favorite armchair. “Oh, you thought I was behaving oddly?”

“To say the least!” I answered. “One minute you’re talking to me like a normal human being and then suddenly you’re avoiding me like the plague. At the mentors’ meeting, at Free Universe. I figured you needed to can me, but you were trying to work up to it.”

He ran his hands through his curling hair, his gray eyes still not looking straight at me. “I didn’t know you’d notice, much less put such an interpretation on it—”

“For Pete’s sake, James,” I interrupted impatiently, “Stop being so mysterious. What is it?”

Rocketing up abruptly and causing Benny to whine a little anxiously, James started pacing in front of the fireplace. After a few moments of this, I started to have the same urge to whine as Benny. What on earth was the matter? As if he’d heard my thoughts, James forced himself to stop moving, and I joked feebly, “I feel like you have some momentous announcement—let me guess—you’re my father?”

Not even acknowledging my attempt to lighten the mood, he sat back down again. “Cass, would you go out with me?”

“Out on a date,” he said patiently. “I’ve been making an ass of myself because, that day when we were having coffee with Riley and Kyle, I was sitting there enjoying myself, and then I realized the reason I was enjoying myself was that I was with you, and that I found you really attractive. I thought you were married, of course, so I’ve been trying to avoid you ever since, until I could think and behave properly.”

Had I not already been sitting on the sofa, I think I might have collapsed onto it. “Oh,” I said limply.

“And I know this is tacky,” he continued hurriedly. “The second I hear you’re not married I rush over here to ask you out. Poor Rachel—I couldn’t get rid of her fast enough,” he added, with a rueful chuckle.

Two urges were warring within me: one that told me to run screaming from the room because I didn’t want to date anyone, and James was too young and too innocent and worked with me besides; and the other that told me it had been almost eighteen months, and if I was honest with myself I would admit that I liked him very much and found him attractive as well. I cleared my throat. “James—I haven’t been dating because it’s only been a year and some-odd months since I lost Troy and—and my daughter Min.”

He sat down next to me, wincing. “I’m sorry. I know. This is bad timing on my part. It’s just that I’ve been telling myself for days not to think about you, and so when Nadina spilled the beans this afternoon and I realized it was okay to think about you, it felt like it couldn’t wait.”

“Besides all that, I don’t think it’s a good idea to date someone you work with,” I argued reluctantly.

He grinned at me. “Would it help if I fired you after all?” He must have been able to see from my face that I was wavering. “Okay, I’m rushing this. Just don’t rule it out, Cass. Tell me we can spend a little time together, outside of the office and mentor training meetings, so you can figure out what you want.”

“You could…come to our open house this Thursday evening,” I suggested. “My housemates and I have an open house every Thursday night. That would be some low-pressure time together, sort of.”

“Open house,” James repeated thoughtfully, “they must be pretty common at this church because my friend Roy is always going to his girlfriend’s open house.”

Comprehension dawned on me, as I remembered vaguely that Roy and James knew each other somehow. “That’s Joanie! His girlfriend is Joanie, and she’s one of my housemates.”

James stared at me. “Are you telling me I could have found out months ago that you were single? Roy’s invited me a couple times, but I hate being a third wheel, and I barely know Joanie from YAF. He sure never mentioned who her housemates were, or I certainly would have come.”

“Well, come now, at any rate,” I urged. “And even if you’d known months ago that I was widowed, I really wouldn’t have been ready even to hang out with you, back then.”

He got to his feet again, stuffing his hands in his pockets and grinning at me cheerfully. “It’s a deal. I’ll be here Thursday after work. It’s a long time to wait, though. You’ll be sure and pop by the office before then, right? Or come with Joanie to YAF on Wednesday night?”

“That’ll be the day,” I scoffed, following him to the door. “Besides, Joanie would kill me if I came after you asked, since she asks me every week. I’ll see you Thursday for sure, and maybe earlier—I promised Riley I’d save him a piece of pie.”

Thursday afternoon before our open house I spent window shopping with Raquel, leaving myself plenty of time to get home. But the 5:15 p.m. bus was MIA, making the 5:30 too crowded to squeeze onto, and the 5:45 broke down with me on it. By the time the replacement bus came along, everyone was grumpy and frazzled, including me. For someone who was not dating, I felt suspiciously upset because I wouldn’t have any time to primp. Fortunately, the walk from the bus stop gave me time to regroup and talk some sense into myself. This was not a date. It was hanging out. And given my mixed feelings and James’ own flightiness in relationships, this might be the first and last thing we did together.

Halfway up the hill I could distinguish several people standing in our driveway, and after another minute I recognized them as Daniel, Kelly and James. For some reason Daniel’s posture looked tense, but James appeared completely at ease, hands in his pants pockets, rocking on the balls of his feet. Kelly must have said something because they all three turned to look at me. James waved gaily, and I felt my heartbeat speed. Ridiculous.

“Cass!” he exclaimed, coming to meet me. “Check this out. I have a little surprise for you.” He caught my arm to stop me and pulled his MP3 player from his pocket.

“You made me a mix tape?” I teased.

“Are you kidding? We haven’t even gone out yet, much less broken up.” He grinned at me, unwinding the earbuds from the player. “Ready?” I nodded, and he pressed the play button. I heard a swell of music and then my own voice: “Who gives you leave to enter here? Only he who wields the Shadow Blade can challenge me…”

I gasped and put a hand to my mouth. “James, it sounds incredible! Murray did a great job!” Incredulously, I listened to my monologue unroll, hitch-free, and found myself smiling hugely. 99% of all gamers would probably skip the hokey speech, but for the 1% who would listen, there I was!

“‘It’ sounds incredible? You mean
you
sound incredible,” he said warmly, enjoying my enjoyment. “I knew I was hearing the voice of our Snow Goddess the first time you opened your mouth and lied to me about having a husband.” I shrieked in mock outrage and punched his arm, but he only laughed. “And check out the next track.”

I hushed up in time to hear Kyle’s characteristic rasp: “Energy points low. Death awaits.”

“James, this is great—has Kyle heard it yet?”

He pulled on the earbuds and rewound them. “I’m seeing him tomorrow. He’ll hear it then. And I’ll have you both in again when we’ve tied it to the animation. I got here early to give you the preview.”

“Oh, no!” I said. “I’m ordinarily here all afternoon, but I was downtown with my mother-in-law today, and the buses were having issues. Wouldn’t Joanie let you in?”

“Didn’t even get a chance to ask, since Daniel and Kelly were just pulling up.” He inclined his head back toward the driveway, and I noticed with some surprise that Daniel was still there, now leaning against his Corvette. Kelly was rubbing one of his arms, but he wasn’t paying the least attention and seemed, in fact, to be watching James and me. No, watching wasn’t the right word—Daniel was glaring.

“Did you get in an argument?” I whispered as we approached.

“Not that I know of,” said James.

I said hello to the lithe and gorgeous Kelly of the unnaturally red hair, but it had been hard for us to make eye contact ever since I’d seen her almost as naked as the day she was born in the Lean-To. As for Daniel, I would merely have nodded in his direction, except his steely blue eyes seemed intent on catching mine. What was eating him? I would have to quiz James later, but now was not the time, since he and Kelly were following us closely into the house.

It was one of the fuller open houses we’d had in a while: Roy was there along with the persistent Wayne, some of Phyl’s friends, James, and Kelly. Joanie mostly had things under control, but she had me string snow peas. After all the rounds of introductions, James pulled up the stool next to mine and started helping me, Joanie goggling her eyes at me behind his back. I pursed my lips at her.

“How was your day?” James murmured, under all the general conversation. “Do you still see your mother-in-law a lot?”

“From time to time,” I answered. “It’s sort of an odd thing, to keep a relationship going when you’ve lost all the connections that bound you. I think Raquel works at it as a way to keep Troy and Min fresh in her mind, and I think that’s the main reason I find myself wanting some space. I want to let them sleep.”

“Was ‘Min’ short for some other name?”

“Minerva,” I said unwillingly. “It was Troy’s grandmother’s name, and the name of Troy’s sister who died young. I didn’t want to saddle my daughter with all that baggage, so I had everyone call her Min, or Minnie at the most.”

“How old was she?”

“About a year-and-a-half. Walking and even doing some talking. She would have been three next month.” I smiled a little shakily. “At least she’s with God now, and she didn’t even have to go her whole life with people giving her combination birthday-Christmas presents.” James smiled at me sympathetically, but I hastened to change the subject. “What were you and Daniel talking about before I came home? He looked a little irked.”

James looked surprised. “Well, it was nothing I said. I’d just introduced myself, and he asked if I was a friend of Joanie or Phyl, and I said, actually, I was here at your invitation. Then you showed up.”

I mulled this over. “Maybe Kelly said something to irritate him, then.” Though, if that were the case, it didn’t explain the dirty looks he gave me. Unless Kelly had said something about how uncomfortable she felt around me now after the Lean-To incident. Maybe she’d mistaken my embarrassed vibe for hostility.

Phyl tapped me on the shoulder and handed me and James each some fizzy drink. “My own creation,” she announced. “And Cass, can you brave the Avalanche for my Christmas runner and napkins? I can’t send anyone inexperienced. If you’re lucky you can find them in time for dessert.”

The Avalanche was another Palace joke. Combining three households’ worth of linen had resulted in a towel, tablecloth, sheets, placemat, napkin, and dishrag collection of Bed-Bath-and-Beyond proportions, upon which the door of the closet could barely be shut. I was deep in the third shelf, bent over almost at a right angle and dug in to my shoulders before I felt my fingers close on the tasseled fringe of the stupid Christmas runner and simultaneously heard an amused voice say, “Can I help you?” Conscious of my ridiculous position, I stood up too quickly and slammed the back of my head on the shelf above. Everything spun, and I staggered, seeing nothing but stars and flashes. I felt myself crash into someone while two hands grabbed me by the upper arms to steady me.

“Whoa, there.” I still couldn’t see, but I recognized the voice as Daniel’s and hastily tried to push off his chest, knowing how he hated women clinging to him. Unfortunately, this move ran me into the linen closet door. His grip on my arms tightened. “Cass, for God’s sake, hold still.”

Dizzy, I obeyed. After a few more blinks, everything came back into focus, and I was looking up at him. He didn’t look angry anymore, whatever that had been about, and after a moment he slowly let go of me.

“Sorry I startled you,” he said, the amused note back. “Did you find what you were looking for? I think you’re going to have one hell of a bump.” His hand gingerly touched the back of my head, where we both felt the knot rising. I winced, and not just with pain. I think in the months we had lived together, Daniel and I had never so much as shaken hands, and the contact made me uncomfortable.

“No sacrifice is too great for the Cause,” I mumbled, turning away to stuff my arms full of the worthless Christmas linens.

He surprised me by relieving me of them. “I’ll go figure out what to do with these. Why don’t you get some ice for your head?”