Mr. Darcy's Refuge (19 page)

It was almost amusing; after three days of desiring above all else to escape from the parsonage, now that she had done so, she wanted nothing more than to return to it. No, it was not the parsonage - she wanted Darcy. He would understand what she was feeling and would make her feel better about it, and beyond that, he would somehow find a way to solve the problems she faced.

Instead, she had Jane, who exclaimed with sympathy over the white, shriveled skin of her feet when she finally was able to remove her half-boots in the privacy of Jane’s room. Her sister wanted to chafe warmth into them, but Elizabeth said, “No, I must wash them first. It is flood water, and that can carry disease.” Just what Mr. Darcy would say, she thought.

“There was a flood in Kent? Is everyone safe?”

“Everyone you would know. Some poor villagers were washed away.” What would little Jenny think now that Elizabeth had vanished just like her parents? She could only hope Mr. Darcy would think to explain it to the girl. “There was a little girl with a broken leg that I helped to care for. The rest of her family died in the flood.”

“The poor child! And did you have to leave because of the floods?”

“I had to leave because our father refused to allow me to remain there.” The words brought back the bitterness of the betrayal, and the tears she had hoped to hold in check broke free. She covered her face with her hands and sobbed.

Immediately Jane’s arms were around her. “Dearest Lizzy, what is the matter? What happened?”

“So much. So much has happened. I do not even know where to begin.”

Jane pressed a handkerchief into her hand. “You must tell me, though – I am imagining the most terrible events!”

Elizabeth hiccoughed a laugh through her tears, then mopped her eyes. “It is not so much terrible as terribly shocking. Today, for example – today I refused an offer of marriage from the second son of the Earl of Matlock and accepted an offer from Mr. Darcy, and met the earl himself who was horrible, so horrible to everyone. I have had my reputation quite ruined, and then our father swore that he not only would not permit me to marry Mr. Darcy, but that I may not see him, speak to him or write him. And
that
was just this morning!”

Jane gaped at her, then laughed. “Oh, Lizzy, you had me fooled for a moment! I thought you were serious.”

“I
am
serious. That is precisely what happened. And now I am here, engaged but forbidden to see my betrothed, and completely at odds with our father who seems to have gone completely mad!”

“You are truly engaged to Mr. Darcy?” Jane sounded disbelieving. “But I thought you disliked him.”

“I did, but – oh, Jane, it would take me half the night to tell you everything that has happened! And I do not know how I will ever face our father again, or even our aunt and uncle after he has told them his version of it – he has misunderstood
everything
and refused to listen to me. It was as if some demon took possession of him. He would not even allow Mr. Darcy to explain anything to him. It was in every way horrible!” Elizabeth’s hands shook as she held the handkerchief.

Jane, on seeing her beloved sister so uncharacteristically distraught, begged her to lie back in her bed while she fetched her some tea and a hot brick for her feet. Elizabeth, too miserable to care what anyone did, obeyed her.

Chapter 10

Jane returned carrying a tea tray. “The maid left a ewer of hot water so that I can wash your poor feet.”

“There is no need for that. I am not ill; I can do it myself.”

“But it will make
me
feel better if I can do something to help.” Jane poured a little milk into Elizabeth’s teacup without needing to ask, then lifted the teapot.

“Very well.” Elizabeth watched the steaming tea fall in a smooth line from the spout into her cup. Water, water, everywhere. Then, realizing she had been less than courteous to her sister, she sat up and added, “Thank you.”

Jane placed the ewer, bowl and towel next to the bed, then knelt on the floor. She took Elizabeth’s foot in her hand and held it over the bowl. When she poured a little of the hot water over the arch of her foot, it felt like a burn to Elizabeth, and she could not help recoiling a little. “They must be even colder than I realized,” she said.

Setting the ewer aside, Jane dipped the towel into the bowl, then gently massaged her sister’s foot with it. Without looking up, she said, “We dine in an hour, but I told our aunt that you were practically asleep and would probably not come down. I hope that was right.”

“Bless you, Jane! I have been trying to think of an excuse. I do not think I can face all those accusing eyes yet.”

“I cannot imagine that our aunt and uncle would condemn you unheard.”

“I would not have thought our father would either!”

Jane shook her head. “I am certain he must have meant well. Perhaps there is something we do not know yet that would justify his behavior. It is hard to imagine, though – Mr. Bingley thought so well of Mr. Darcy that it is hard for me to imagine him proving to be an utter blackguard.”

“He is not a blackguard! There
is
a blackguard, but his name is George Wickham.”

“Mr. Wickham! I cannot believe it. His address is so gentlemanly.”

“His behavior does not always match his address, apparently. That is another thing I learned.” Elizabeth leaned back. Perhaps someday her feet would actually be warm again.

The door to the room eased open. Mrs. Gardiner’s face appeared in the opening. “Oh! I am so sorry to enter without knocking, Lizzy. I thought you were asleep, and I was looking for Jane.”

“Come in, Aunt,” Elizabeth said with resignation. “You are always welcome, of course.”

Jane looked up from her ministrations. “Lizzy came all the way from Kent with wet shoes and stockings.” The very slight reproach in her voice was as close as Jane ever came to criticism.

“I was not given another choice, and I had no dry shoes with me in any case. Jane, I hope I may borrow something of yours. We left Hunsford with nothing more than the clothes on my back.” With a pang, she realized her cloak had been left behind, the one Darcy had given her. Charlotte would not even know it was hers. Somehow that loss seemed worse than the rest.

“What was the great hurry?” Mrs. Gardiner asked.

“That I cannot tell you. You will have to ask my father. Has he not told you the whole sad story?”

“No. He has been closeted with your uncle almost since his arrival.”

“Well, when they determine my fate, I will no doubt be informed of it. If I am fortunate, I will not be dragged bodily away without a reason this time.”

“Take care, Lizzy; that speech savors strongly of bitterness. Your father is concerned for your reputation.”

Elizabeth pushed herself back to an upright position. “And have I not reason to feel bitter? He has allowed Lydia and Kitty to run wild. They have been alone with officers more often than I can count. Both are confirmed flirts that no decent man would consider marrying, and
that
troubles my father not a whit. But when
I
contract an engagement with an eminently respectable and wealthy gentleman of good family, and through no fault of my own am left alone with him by an act of God, he refuses his consent – refuses even to
talk
to him – because he does not like the fact that an announcement was put in the paper too soon! At least there
was
an announcement, which is better than the kind of disgrace Lydia and Kitty are likely to bring onto us. Mr. Darcy was, if anything, overly careful. I fail to see why I should be treated like a fool and a criminal for agreeing to a very eligible offer.” She burst into tears at that last reminder.

Mrs. Gardiner sat next to her and squeezed her hand. “So it is true, then, that you are engaged to Mr. Darcy? Mr. Darcy of Pemberley? It is beyond my comprehension, since I have seen Pemberley. It is more than just a very fine house richly furnished; the grounds there are delightful, and have some of finest woods in the country. Unless Mr. Darcy has somehow managed to gamble off his entire fortune, I cannot see what the problem could be. You have told us he is proud – could it be his treatment of that nice Mr. Wickham that your father objects to? Even that, while reflecting poorly on him, is hardly dastardly.”

Elizabeth closed her eyes and rubbed her temples. “There was no ill treatment of Mr. Wickham. That was all lies.”

Jane dried Elizabeth’s feet with a fresh towel. “Lizzy, you have not touched your tea. Please drink a little; you will feel better. There are some raisin cakes, too.”

“I am not hungry.”

“When was the last time you ate?”

Elizabeth knew that tone. “This morning.” The last sustenance she had taken was the coffee she drank with Colonel Fitzwilliam at the parsonage. Her father had purchased food for them at a posting house, but Elizabeth had been too distraught to touch a bite of it. “And please, I do
not
want to go down for dinner. I will eat something here if you wish.”

Mrs. Gardiner met Jane’s eyes. “As it happens, my husband just asked for a tray of cold meats to be brought to his study in lieu of dinner. The children have already eaten in the nursery, so it is just the three of us. We can all have our soup up here.”

There was no point in resisting.

***

Eventually, Elizabeth succumbed to Mrs. Gardiner’s gentle probing and revealed most of her story. She was careful to leave out certain parts, such as what she had learned from the colonel about the role Darcy had played in separating Bingley from Jane. That was something that still needed to be resolved between them, though her inclination now was to assume that Darcy’s motives had been good, even if she disagreed with his actions. There was no reason to tell them all of the details of what had passed between her and Darcy, either. Riding double with him had made sense at the time, but she did not think she could adequately convey the situation that had forced them to it. Jane had been shocked enough with the mere fact that Darcy had spent the night in the same house with her. Her precious memory of being held tight in Darcy’s arms was one she knew to keep to herself.

“So, you see, we had very little choice but to make the best of a situation that was compromising by its nature. Mr. Darcy could easily have taken advantage of me, but he chose not to.” At least not much, she corrected silently.

Jane said hesitantly, “Did our father explain himself later?”

“No. He only asked if I had anything to say for myself, as if I had done something wrong. I was not temperate in my response.”

Mrs. Gardiner frowned. “That may not be the wisest tack to take, Lizzy. I understand why you are resentful, but I fear that your anger may only lead your father to be more stubborn in his position. If he thinks you have accepted the situation, he may eventually be persuaded to listen to you.”

“I will
not
renounce Mr. Darcy! If I must wait until I am of age to see him, then I will wait, but I will not pretend otherwise.”