Mumnesia (12 page)

I need to go home.

I need to get rid of Ingrid.

‘Do you have something in your teeth?’ I ask her
as we sit down, hoping she’ll go to the loos to check.

‘Gosh, how embarrassing! Thanks, Lucy!’ She pulls
a compact mirror from her handbag and my heart sinks. ‘I
can’t see anything . . .’

#Fail

‘Are you ready to order?’ the waiter asks,
hurrying over.

‘Goodness, I haven’t even read the menu
yet!’ Dad says.

‘You don’t need to!’ I quip. ‘You
always have steak and chips!’

Dad laughs. ‘I do love a good steak!’

‘How about
salmon
steak instead?’ Ingrid
interjects. ‘Much healthier, and just as tasty!’

‘Sounds good,’ Dad says with a sigh.

‘But you
always
have steak and chips!’ I
gasp. I can’t believe he’s going to let
her
choose for him! #Irritating

‘I’ll have the same.’ Ingrid beams at the
waiter. ‘What about you, Lucy? Shall we make it salmon all
round?’

I scan the menu quickly. ‘I’ll have the
double-decker gourmet cheeseburger and chunky chips,
please,’ I tell the waiter. ‘With extra bacon, cheese
and onion rings.’ I shoot Ingrid a triumphant look. She
might have Dad under her thumb, but not me.

‘Oh to be young!’ Ingrid titters. ‘You can
eat anything at your age, you’re so lucky!’

‘You’re not
that
much older than me,
Ingrid,’ I reply, not missing a beat.

‘Oh please, you flatter me!’ Ingrid pats my hand
and I snatch it away. That
so
wasn’t the intention.
#Uber-Irritating

‘Actually, fish is great for keeping skin looking
youthful,’ Ingrid continues. ‘I get my love of
seafood from my father – he loves fishing. There’s
nothing like being out on the open sea, no one else for miles
around.’

#Boring

‘It sounds amazing.’ Dad smiles. ‘Why
don’t you show Lucy your photos?’

‘Ooh! Good idea!’ She pulls out her mobile, swipes
at the screen a few times, and a picture of a tanned older man on
a boat appears, the sun sparkling on the glittering sea beside
him, a golden beach visible in the background. I have to admit,
it does look beautiful.

‘There’s no place like Oz,’ Ingrid
declares.

My stomach tightens.

Then why doesn’t she
go home
!

There’s no place like home. And I
have never been so glad to get here! As the taxi pulls into my
road I feel my whole body relax. Finally! This is the world I
recognize.

I smile as I climb out of the cab and look up at
my house. It might be a bit older, a little more worn around the
edges, but it’s still mine: the garden wall I sit on while
I wait for Lily to walk to school with me; the welcome mat
I’ve wiped my feet on a thousand times; the doorbell that
plays that irritating tune Ma loves so much.

My heart beats loudly as I press it. I
can’t wait to see Ma and Pa again, but I’m nervous
too. I wonder what they look like now. They’ll be old . . .
retired even.

I ring the doorbell again.

And again.

But they don’t answer. There’s no one
home. Duh!

They didn’t answer the phone after all.

It’s OK, I tell myself, swallowing my
disappointment. It’s getting late; they’ll be back
soon. I’ll just let myself in and wait for them.

I feel under the mat for the spare key –
but it’s gone.

I’m locked out.

I’m locked out of my life.

My pulse quickens.

Breathe.

Maybe there’s a window open round the back.
Even if it’s an upstairs window, I can always climb up the
apple tree. I hurry around the side of the house. Then I
freeze.

Oh my giddy aunt! It’s gone!

All that’s left of the tree is an ugly
blunt stump. I sink down on to it, my heart aching. I loved that
apple tree. It was my climbing frame, my shady reading spot, an
endless source of summer snacks, my escape route . . . and now
it’s gone.

I feel like I’ve lost a friend.

I feel like I’ve lost myself.

Finally she’s gone! I almost jump for
joy as Ingrid disappears to the loo after the main course –
at last I have a chance to talk to Dad!

‘I’m glad we’ve got a moment alone
together,’ he says.

‘Me too.’ I smile. ‘We hardly ever get time
one on one like this.’

‘You’re right – we don’t see each
other enough. That’s what I want to talk to you about
actually.’ He takes my hand. ‘The thing is . . . I
think family is the most important thing in life.’

‘Me too!’ I beam. This is going so well! Maybe he
wants to move back home after all.

‘And I know Ingrid feels the same way.’

I blink. Huh?

‘She’s been really homesick lately,’ Dad
continues. ‘She misses her family. She misses
Australia.’

‘I guess that’s what happens when you move to the
other side of the world.’ #Duh

‘Well . . . that’s the thing.’ Dad swallows.
‘She wants to move back.’

‘To
Australia
?’ I stare at him as he nods,
unable to believe my ears. Ingrid’s
leaving
? This is
perfect
!

‘I’m sorry,’ I say, squeezing his hand and
trying my best to sound sympathetic as my heart cartwheels with
joy. ‘I know you really like her.’

‘We’re . . . not breaking up.’ He takes a
deep breath. ‘Ingrid’s asked me to go with
her.’

My heart crashes into a ditch. ‘
What?
’

‘Lucy—’

‘She wants you to move to
Sydney
?’

‘Yes.’

I can’t believe this! ‘What did you
say
?’

‘I . . . told her I’d think about it.’

‘You’re
thinking
about it?’ I snatch
my hand away. ‘You were just saying we should see each
other
more
!’

‘Well, yes—’

‘But that’s gonna be a bit
tricky
if
you’re several thousand miles away, isn’t it?’
I exclaim. I can see people at nearby tables glaring at me, but I
don’t care if I’m making a scene!

‘Well, that’s . . . that’s why I’d
like you to come too,’ Dad says hopefully. ‘We both
would. We’d love you to live with us. In Sydney.’

I stare at him like he’s a complete stranger.

‘You’ve always wanted to go to
Australia—’

‘Not to
live
!’ I shriek.

‘And Sydney’s beautiful. You could go to the beach
all the time, learn to surf . . .’

‘But-but what about Mum?’ I splutter.

His smile fades. ‘Your mum’s a big
girl.’

I snort. If only he knew!

‘She says it’s up to you.’

‘
What?
’ I stare at him in shock. ‘Mum
knows
about this?’

‘Of course! I spoke to her about it on Sunday –
that’s why I arranged to have dinner with you tonight. So
we could talk about it.’

OMG. ‘You told her on
Sunday
?’

He nods.

Suddenly everything makes sense! Dad told Mum about wanting to
move to Australia, and
the very next day
she woke up with
amnesia?
That
must be the cause! She’s stressed
about Dad leaving . . . and the possibility of losing me too!

‘Look,’ Dad says gently, ‘just think about
it—’

‘I don’t have to!’ I yell, shoving my chair
back. ‘How could you do this to me? To us!’ I storm
off to the toilets, unable to stand the sight of him for a moment
longer.

‘Lucy, are you OK?’ Ingrid gasps as I race past
her.

‘Leave me alone!’ I snap, running into a cubicle.
I lock the door and collapse on to the lid of the toilet.
How
could he make me choose between them?

Not that there’s any choice really. Even though Mum
drives me up the wall, there’s no way I’m leaving her
– especially now she’s lost her memory! But I
can’t tell Dad about Shazza either now, I realize
miserably. He might decide I’m not safe living with her. He
might even use it as an excuse to
make
me go to Australia!
Then Shazza would be all alone, a twelve-year-old trapped in a
middle-aged body – forever!

#Nightmare!

This is a nightmare.

I trace the grainy whorls of the tree stump
miserably, grieving for the dead apple tree, and for all the
hopes and dreams I had. What happened to my
life
?

I squeeze my eyes shut and hot tears spill down
my cheeks. I
wish
this was just a nightmare. That in the
morning I could wake up back in 1985 and redo everything.
I’d avoid Danny Andrews like the plague for a start. . .
but then, I guess, Lucy wouldn’t even exist.

Lucy.

I pull my mobile out of my pocket. Four missed
calls and five texts – all from her.

Huh? Who’s RU? Oh! I
get it.
Are you
. . .

I sigh. I should call her back. After oil,
as angry as I am about her lying to me, I guess I understand why
she did it. And it’s not her fault my life’s like
this. She didn’t make my mistakes. I did.

I just don’t remember.

I feel like my entire life is one big surprise
party, where everyone else knows what’s going on and
I’m groping around in the dark for the light switch,
clueless and terrified of what’s going to jump out at me
next.

‘Shazza?’ a gruff voice says
suddenly.

I leap off the tree stump, startled, and spot a
tall figure leaning over the garden fence.

I wipe my eyes and back away nervously.
‘Who’s there?’

‘It’s me – Trev.’

‘
Trev?
’ I peer at him through
the darkness. No way. He’s so old! And BALD! His head
gleams like an egg in the moonlight, and as I step closer I
notice his beer belly hanging over his tracksuit trousers.
That’s
Trev
? My mullet-haired teenage heart-throb?
What
happened
?

‘I thought it was you,’ Trev says,
lighting a cigarette. ‘I feel like a teenager again, hiding
out here, but Mum doesn’t let me smoke inside. “The
curtains! Think of the curtains, Trevor!”’ he mimics,
and I find myself smiling. Trev’s mum’s always been
majorly house-proud. She always makes me take my shoes off before
I’m allowed in.

‘Want one?’ Trev holds up the
cigarette packet.

I hesitate. I’ve never smoked in my life
– well, not that I know of anyway. Maybe I
do
smoke
in the future . . .

‘OK.’ I shrug, feeling reckless.
‘Can you, um, light it for me?’ I have no idea how
to!

‘Sure.’ Trev lights another cigarette
and passes it to me. I slide it carefully between my lips,
tentatively inhale – then immediately start coughing! Why
would
anyone
smoke? It’s
TOTALLY GROSS
! I
feel as if my throat’s on fire!

‘You OK?’ Trev asks, startled.

‘I just remembered that I quit,’ I
croak, my eyes streaming as I pass the cigarette back.

‘Very smart,’ he says, leaning
forward to take it – and suddenly I smell the smoke on his
breath, mixed with beer – and is that garlic? It’s
totally gross!

‘I’ve been trying to give up for
ages,’ Trev confesses. ‘You were always smarter than
me. It’s funny – I was just telling my daughter about
us the other day.’

‘Really?’ I look around. Wow. Trev
has a daughter too?

He nods. ‘She’s a teenager now, and
wants to start dating, so I thought it’d help get the
message through that it’s cool to take things slowly, that
she shouldn’t let herself be pressured into anything she
doesn’t feel comfortable with. I liked the way you always
stuck up for yourself.’

I smile.

‘I know it probably didn’t seem that
way when I dumped you for Lara Thompson, but I did. I admired
you.’

My heart stops. Trev
dumped
me? For
Lara Thompson
? The girl in the year above with the big
boobs?

‘She wasn’t a patch on you by the
way. Just older. I was such a jerk. My friends all told me, but I
didn’t listen.’ He shakes his head and I’m glad
it’s dark, so he can’t see the tears stinging my
eyes. It’s totally stupid – it was over thirty years
ago, and I’m SO glad I didn’t end up marrying bald,
stinky, fat, middle-aged jerk Trev . . . but it hurts.

‘I regretted it almost immediately,’
Trev confesses. ‘But there was no going back. I was too
ashamed. I’m
still
ashamed.’ He sighs.
‘If only we could turn back time, eh?’

I bite my lip.
If only.

‘I was so wrong to pressure you – and
you were totally right to want to take things slowly. I just hope
my Jess would do the same. If I had my way, I wouldn’t let
any boys within three miles of her, but you can’t watch
your kids 24-7, can you? You used to sneak out of your bedroom
window, remember?’ He grins.

I nod.

‘Y’know, my mum still gives me a hard
time.’ He winces. ‘She blames my “bad
influence” for you failing that big piano exam – she
used to love listening to you play next door, and always says if
I hadn’t distracted you so much you could’ve been a
concert pianist by now.’

I snort. ‘I never wanted to be a
pianist!’

‘Phew!’ Trev laughs. ‘I figured
that if you’d wanted it enough you’d have made it
happen. “Your destiny is in your own hands.”
That’s what you always said.’