Mumnesia (20 page)

‘Nice to meet you, Lucy.’ Sam grins, shaking my
hand. ‘I’ve heard so much about you.’

So Mum
did
tell him about me! A warm feeling spreads
through me despite the chilly weather. She
wasn’t
embarrassed about me . . .

‘Lovely to meet you too.’ I smile nervously.
This is it
. I watch Shazza’s face expectantly, half
sad that she’s leaving, half excited about getting Mum
back, but she just shrugs at me.

It hasn’t worked!

‘We’ve missed you at work this week,
Sharon,’ Sam says. ‘How are you feeling? You
shouldn’t be standing out here in the cold if you’re
under the weather.’

‘You’re right – why don’t we all go
for a coffee or something?’ Shazza suggests.

‘All right.’ Sam smiles. ‘Why
not?’

‘Great!’ I grin, although inside I’m
anxious. Meeting Sam was supposed to bring Mum’s memory
back . . .

Maybe I just need to get to know him better?

Oh my giddy, giddy aunt, I am majorly
confused!
Why haven’t I got my memory back?
And how
on earth did I end up dating the world’s most
boring
man? He’s been nattering non-stop for the last half an hour
– about
taxidermy
! I thought that meant taxes
– or taxis even – but no! It’s, like,
STUFFING DEAD ANIMALS
! I mean, EWW! I thought Sharon was a
vegetarian
. I feel sick just listening to him.

‘You’re still looking a bit peaky,
Sharon.’ Sam frowns. ‘What was it you had?’

‘Oh, um . . .’ I hesitate. I
don’t want to put my foot in it again!

‘It was just a bug that was going round my
school,’ Lucy fibs quickly. ‘All the kids had it. Do
you have any kids yourself?’ she asks Sam, changing the
subject quickly.

Atta girl!

‘Not yet!’ Sam laughs, and my blood
runs cold. OMGA! Does he want to have children with
Sharon
? But she’s OLD!

‘Next April it’ll be a different
story though.’ He grins.

I freeze as Lucy stares at me. He can’t
mean . . . Does he mean . . . ?

HOLY GUACAMOLE! AM I PREGNANT?

NO WAY! Shazza can’t be pregnant.
She’s too OLD, surely? I mean, I know Mum’s put on
some weight recently, but . . . OMG! Is
that
what she was
so stressed about telling me? Apart from the fact that the guy
she’s seeing is a complete weirdo!

Not that it’s up to me, I remind myself, swallowing
hard. It’s Mum’s choice who she dates. As long as he
makes her happy . . .

‘Congratulations,’ I manage. ‘Is it a boy or
a girl?’

‘Dunno yet.’ He grins again. ‘But I’d
like a little girl – goodness knows her mum could use the
help in the kitchen!’

Wow! That is offensive on SO many levels. Shazza looks like
she’s about to throw up. OMG – is it morning
sickness?

‘Just kidding!’ Sam chortles. ‘Tracy’s
a good cook really.’

I blink. ‘Tracy?’

He nods. ‘My wife.’

I stare at him, torn between relief that Shazza’s not
pregnant and horror that we were right – Sam
is
married.
That’s
who answered his mobile. Tracy. His
wife. His
pregnant
wife.

Shazza looks at me and I know we’re thinking the same
thing: what is Mum
DOING
with this guy?

‘I don’t really mind if it’s a boy,’
Sam continues. ‘After all, then we’d get to name him
after me!’

‘You could still name the baby after you if it’s a
girl!’ I shrug. ‘You know, short for
Samantha.’

He snorts. ‘Since when is Pete short for
Samantha?’

My jaw drops.

OMG!
He’s not Sam!

‘Holy guacamole, I have never been
more relieved in my life!’ I cry as Lucy and I race back to
the bandstand.

‘Me neither!’ She laughs. ‘No
wonder you didn’t get your memory back! But if he’s
not Sam, who
is
?’

We freeze our butts off in the bandstand for
another thirty minutes. Eventually I sigh heavily. ‘We
must’ve missed him.’

‘But I don’t understand – why
didn’t he call when you weren’t here at
midday?’ Lucy frowns. ‘Is your phone on silent? Have
you got a signal?’

I pull my mobile out, but the screen’s dark
and it won’t turn on. ‘It’s broken!’

Lucy takes it, presses some buttons, then groans.
‘No, it’s just out of battery! Didn’t you
charge it last night?’

‘Didn’t I what?’

‘Never mind . . .’ She slumps on to
the bench. ‘We missed our chance.’

‘There’ll be other chances,’ I
soothe, sitting down beside her. ‘We’ve got
Sam’s number after all. We can arrange another
meeting.’

‘I know,’ she says. ‘And
actually . . . I’m kind of glad you didn’t . . . you
know.’

‘Bish bash bosh?’

She nods. ‘I mean, of course I want you to
get your memory back, but . . . I’m gonna miss you, Shazza.
I’m not sure I’m ready to say goodbye yet.’

‘Me neither.’ I hook my arm through
hers. ‘Plus now we can go to the ball together!’

‘I wish!’ Lucy sighs. ‘I told
you – it’s sold out!’

‘Pah!’ I wink. ‘We’re not
gonna let a little thing like that stop us!’

‘OMG, I have never had so much fun
getting dressed!’ I laugh as we dance around to cheesy
eighties music, painting each other’s nails and doing each
other’s make-up. Shazza is
amazing
with liquid
eyeliner (though a bit OTT with the fluorescent eyeshadow), and I
grin as she drowns her freshly curled afro in a cloud of
hairspray. You can take the girl out of the eighties, but you
can’t take the eighties out of the girl!

Finally we stand side by side in front of the mirror –
me in my beautiful new sparkly white dress and Shazza in her
black jeans, lacy top and leather jacket – and beam at our
reflections.

If this is one of our last nights together, we are definitely
going to go out with a bang!

But as the taxi pulls up outside the school,
my heart sinks – our night might be over before it’s
even begun!

‘That’s Hawkeye Hawkins taking the tickets,’
I say with a groan. ‘Nothing gets past him.’

Shazza shrugs. ‘Then we’ll just have to find
another way in!’

I follow her round the back of the school, then freeze as she
points to the tall brick wall surrounding the playground.
‘Sorted!’

‘No. Way!’ I gasp.

‘Do you wanna go to the ball or not?’ Shazza
grins, running up to it. ‘Come on, just get on to my
shoulders! It’s easy!’

‘OK . . .’ I say nervously, climbing on.

Shazza wobbles as she stands up straight and my stomach
lurches.

‘This does not feel safe!’

‘It’s fine! Now just, like, grab the top of the
wall.’

I squeal as we lunge towards the bricks, but somehow manage to
get my arms over the top. ‘Got it!’ I cry, clinging
on for dear life.

‘Great! Now, GO!’ Shazza cries, shoving my bum
with both hands – and nearly launching me straight over the
other side!

The other side.

I stare at the sheer drop in horror. ‘
How do I get
down?
’

‘Hang on, Lucy!’ I call.
‘I’ll come round!’

‘OK!’ she whimpers. ‘But hurry!
I’m scared of heights!’

Honestly, didn’t she get ANY of my genes? I
race around to the front of the school. ‘Chaperone coming
through!’ I cry, squeezing past the queue and into the
building. The school hall looks beautiful, decorated with black
and white balloons, streamers and fairy lights. But where’s
the playground?

‘Mrs Andrews?’ I turn to see Kimmy
staring at me. ‘What’re you doing here?’

‘Kimmy!’ I beam. ‘Which
way’s the playground?’

‘The
playground
?’ Kimmy
frowns.

‘Um yeah, I said I’d meet someone
there and everything looks so different now it’s
decorated!’ I bluff quickly. ‘Could you show me?
Please!
’

‘OK,’ Kimmy says with a shrug,
leading me through a maze of corridors to a set of glass double
doors. Then her eyes widen. ‘OMG! Is that Lucy?’

‘Lucy!’ Shazza sprints across
the playground towards me – with Kimmy! ‘Jump down!
I’ll catch you!’

#AsIf! What if she misses? It’s an uber-long way down,
and the playground is uber-concrete-y.

‘Come on, Lucy!’ Shazza urges. ‘We need to
get inside before someone sees us!’

Oh crumpets, she’s right. I could get into heaps of
trouble! I have to jump. Now.

‘I’ll count down!’ Shazza cries.
‘Three . . . two . . . one . . .’

‘
Wait!
’ Kimmy yells, dragging a crash mat
behind her.

‘Where’d you get that?’ I gasp.

‘PE shed.’ She winks. ‘Sometimes it’s
useful being a sports nerd.’

I grin.

‘Come on, Lucy! JUMP!’ Shazza cries.

I swallow hard, take a deep breath and . . .
Poof!
The
crash mat sighs as I land on it.

I can’t believe it!

I survived!

But my dress didn’t.

‘Lucy, come out!’ Kimmy calls
through the toilet door.

‘Come on,’ I urge. ‘It
can’t be that bad.’

‘
Can’t it?’
Lucy cries.
The cubicle door flies open and she storms out.

Holy guacamole! The rip is pretty huge. She ran
into the toilets so quickly, this is the first time I’ve
got a proper look. OMGA.

‘See!’ she wails.
‘There’s no way I can go out there with my bum on
display! I’m gonna have to stay in here till
everyone’s gone.’

‘Don’t be silly – you’ll
miss the whole ball!’ I protest.

‘And you’ve been looking forward to
it for ages,’ Kimmy adds sadly.

‘I know! I’ll just nip home and get
you something else to wear!’ I offer.

‘I don’t
have
any other black
or white dresses!’ Lucy moans.

Suddenly there’s a loud squeal. ‘OMG,
what
HAPPENED
?’

I turn to see Megan and the Barbie dolls staring
at Lucy.

Oh fudge.

I slam the cubicle door behind me and slump
down on the toilet seat, trying not to cry. This is pants!
Literally!

‘Get lost, Megan,’ Kimmy growls.

‘Chillax, Chung,’ Megan replies. ‘Luce, are
you OK? Come out.’

‘As if!’ So I can give the Megababes an
opportunity to take photos and humiliate me in front of the whole
school? I don’t think so.

‘Zak’s been asking after you,’ Megan
adds.

#Crumpets. Zak. All this effort to get permission to come, to
sneak in, for this one perfect night . . . all for nothing.

‘Tell him . . . Tell him I couldn’t make
it,’ I say with a sniff. ‘I can’t let Zak see
me like this.’

‘Seriously?’ Megan says. ‘OMG. If
you’re not coming out, I’m coming in.’

Huh?

Suddenly her head appears underneath the cubicle door.

‘Megan!’ I shriek. ‘
Get
out!
’

‘Uh-uh. I need to assess the damage.’ She wriggles
under the door, stands up, brushes off her black dress and looks
me up and down. ‘Right. Nicole, pass me your wrap. And Viv
and Cara, I’ll need your brooches.’

‘What? Why?’ I splutter, but moments later all
three items are slid under the door.

‘Now hold still . . .’ Megan clips the brooches to
my dress, holding it back together.

‘There’s still a big gap!’ I whimper.

‘I’m not finished.’ She ties the glittery
white wrap around my waist like a sarong and arranges the ends so
they cascade like a waterfall. ‘There. Sorted.’

‘Really?’ I say, peering at it doubtfully.
‘Are you sure you can’t see the split?’

‘All I can see is a beautiful girl in a one-of-a-kind
dress!’ Megan smiles.

#Wow! Megan called me beautiful.

‘Now come on.’ She grins. ‘Zak’s
waiting. Plus I’m really fed up of hiding in
toilets!’

I take a deep breath, open the door and step outside.

‘Oh, Lucy, it’s perfect!’ Shazza gasps.

I stare at my reflection, gobsmacked. Megan has done an
amazing job. You can’t see the rip at all, the brooches on
the side are a great feature and the white sarong flows
beautifully when I twirl. It looks even better than before!

Kimmy grins. ‘Nice one, guys.’

‘Thanks, Chung.’ Megan beams and I smile. Maybe we
can all be friends together after all.

‘Come on!’ Megan cries as we
head to the dance floor. ‘I’ve asked the DJ to play
“Holiday” and we need to brush up on the
moves!’

‘Count me out – I don’t know
any of them!’ Kimmy says, hanging back.

‘Don’t worry, we’ll teach
you!’ Lucy smiles, taking her hand as she and the Megababes
get into their starting positions. ‘Is this right,
Shazza?’

‘Perfect!’ I grin. I’m so
thrilled they’re all finally getting along!

‘Sharon! You’re here!’
It’s Megan’s mum. She hurries over and hugs me.
‘I wanted to thank you for your advice the other
day.’ She pulls me to one side, her eyes sparkling.
‘I told Megan about my boyfriend, and they’re
actually getting on like a house on fire! You were so right.
Honesty really is the best policy.’

‘You’re welcome!’ I beam.
‘I’m so happy for you!’

‘Excuse me?’ Someone taps me on the
shoulder.

‘Ms Banks!’ I grin, turning to her.
‘I’m here, just like I promised! I love your
dress!’ She looks amazing in her one-shouldered,
floor-length white gown, her braids pinned up neatly with a white
rose.

‘Thanks,’ she says, but doesn’t
smile. ‘Could I have a word, please?’

‘Um . . . of course.’ I follow her
into the corridor. Oh fudge – is Lucy in more trouble? Does
she know we broke in?

OMGA, are we gonna get kicked out!