Murder Is a Piece of Cake (23 page)

Balloons make colorful, inexpensive decorations, but make sure none of your guests
have latex allergies. They may not be able to attend your reception. Latex allergies
are so common, some hospitals ban latex balloons.

Your dinner menu, buffet, or desserts should clearly label any food containing nuts.
It puts a damper on your wedding when a guest is carried out of your reception gasping
for breath.

Cake flower

Fresh flowers or petals can be pretty additions to your wedding cake. Your florist
may have a special holder so the flower decorations can be removed when you cut the
cake.

If you want real flowers on your wedding cake, make sure they haven’t been sprayed
with pesticides. Avoid flowers and plants that can be poisonous, including calla lilies,
holly, mistletoe, and oleander, or plants that shed pollen or leaves, such as asparagus
fern. Amaryllis and poinsettias in pots make pretty winter table decorations, but
don’t put these poisonous plants near your cake. If you still want these flowers,
consider a small bouquet on your cake table.

Silk or artificial flowers are another wedding cake alternative. Some bakers excel
at creating lifelike edible flowers (http://www.wedideas.com/).

Tip-top

Many of the wedding cake toppers Josie and Jane saw are available online. Here are
some sources: Party City (http://www.partycity.com/category/weddings/cake+toppers.do),
Wedding Cake Toppers (http://www.weddingcaketoppers.com/), Wedding Collectibles (http://www.weddingcollectibles.com/WeddingCakeToppers.html),
Affectionately Yours & ArtStyle Cake Toppers (http://www.funweddingthings.com/).

Hot weddings

If you have an outdoor wedding, make sure your cake or cupcakes are served safely.
Salmonella is not a good wedding souvenir. Display your wedding cake or cupcakes in
a cool, shady place or under a tent. Icing melts in direct sunlight. Some bakers recommend
Italian meringue butter cream icing for outdoor events. If you’re making the cake
yourself, use pasteurized egg whites to be extra safe.

That takes the cake

Couples are often shocked by the hidden costs of a wedding cake. You may have a delivery
fee of fifty dollars or so, plus a cake-cutting fee ranging from fifty cents to five
dollars a slice. That fee covers the cost of plates and forks and their cleanup. Some
wedding venues waive these fees if you buy your cake from their baker.

Faking it at your wedding

A traditional wedding cake can cost a week’s salary or more. Some couples order a
wedding cake that has one or two real layers and the other tiers are iced Styrofoam.
The wedding guests are served slices of cheaper sheet cake stashed in the kitchen.
This can save you major money, especially at a big wedding. Just make sure you slice
into the right layer for the cake cutting photos.

If you consider a traditional wedding cake a big, fat waste of money, you can rent
a fake cake. Rentals start at about one hundred twenty-five dollars plus shipping,
and you supply your own cake for the hidden compartment. Here’s one online cake rental
company (http://www.cakerental.com/index2009.html).

Just make sure your drunken uncle doesn’t try to snitch a piece of your fake cake.

You can serve your guests real sheet cake or some other sweet alternative.

Is the wedding cake dead?

One Web site is gleefully tolling the bell. “Wedding expert Cara Davis has included
‘Death of the Wedding Cake’ in her top eight wedding trends for 2011,” it said. “Citing
wedding cupcakes as a major reason for the decline of wedding cakes, Cara also attributes
dessert buffets as a contributing factor. Personally, here at wedding-cupcakes.org,
we love that Cara has officially announced the Death of the Wedding Cake because it
takes a significant chip out of what once was the impenetrable wall of proper wedding
etiquette: that wedding cakes were the only suitable dessert for a wedding.”

This wedding cupcake site may be a bit biased. But there’s no doubt that wedding cupcakes
are a significant trend. You can display the cupcakes on tiered stands on a traditional
cake table, or organize your reception tables by cupcake flavor—the chocolate cupcake
table, the lemon table, the red velvet table.

Green cupcake stands for white weddings

Cupcaketree.com has recyclable cupcake stands in many shapes and sizes, made in the
USA. The stands hold from thirty-six to three hundred cupcakes. Clever wedding cupcake
displays are at this Web site (http://www.cupcaketree.com/).

Experts suggest you order about fifty percent more cupcakes than the number of guests
at your wedding feast. If you have a hundred guests, you’ll want about one-hundred-fifty
cupcakes. Some guests are sure to go back for seconds. Your photographer, DJ, band,
and other staff might also like a cupcake. Don’t forget to ask your caterer to save
two cupcakes for your first anniversary.

Sweet memories

Have your caterer put out small boxes for the cupcakes near the end of the reception,
so your guests can take home this memento. If you have only a few cupcakes, give the
leftovers to the helpful staff, the catering manager, or a cupcake-loving friend.

How do you handle the cake cutting, Cupcake?

Some couples cut their cupcakes in half. Others have two cupcakes and feed each other.
For couples who still want the traditional cake-cutting photo, use a cupcake stand
with a top platform large enough to display a small wedding cake. Make sure your cupcake
stand is strong enough for a cake cutting, or have the cake on a separate plate and
remove it for the cutting photo.

Beyond the butter cream barrier

You’re still legally married, even if you don’t serve cake at your wedding. Some couples
give their guests wedding favors that spotlight their favorite local food—individual
gooey butter cakes in St. Louis, apple cider doughnuts in New England, Italian almonds
or cannoli . . .

A cookie buffet can be homey and homemade, with lemon bars and chocolate chip, sugar,
oatmeal raisin, and peanut butter cookies. It’s also a low-cost dessert alternative
for a budget wedding.

Or you can serve sophisticated chocolate-dipped biscotti, madeleines, lady fingers,
and pinwheels with dessert wine, coffee, or champagne.

Try an upper-crust selection of pies. Peach, cherry, and key lime for summer weddings
or hearty apple, chocolate cream, or pecan for winter. Don’t forget the whipped cream
and ice cream on the side.

Summer wedding guests may appreciate a cool ice cream bar with lots of toppings. You
can hire someone to make milk shakes, malteds, and sundaes slathered with whipped
cream and chocolate. Or serve chic gelato, sorbets, and ices.

Liquid wedding cake

Pearl Vodka has a Wedding Cake vodka that’s supposed to taste just like, well, wedding
cake. It’s a fun way to toast the bride and groom. If you didn’t save any wedding
cake for your first anniversary, you can toast each other with Wedding Cake vodka
(http://pearlvodka.com/).

The groom’s cake

This Victorian tradition has been revived and given a new role. Today, the groom’s
cake is a gift from the bride to her groom. It’s supposed to reflect his interests.
Many groom’s cakes feature his favorite sport or hobby. I’ve seen groom’s cakes shaped
like guitars, beer cans, CDs, trophy fish, even a replica of Busch Stadium.

Some groom’s cakes are served as the dessert at the rehearsal dinner. You may want
your wedding photographer to take pictures of this special cake. Other brides use
the groom’s cake as a second dessert at the wedding. Or it may be displayed at the
reception, then cut and boxed as wedding favors.

Single women are supposed to sleep with a slice of groom’s cake under their pillows
and dream of their future husband. More likely, they’ll wind up with the usual crumbs.

Read on for the next novel in

Elaine Viets’s Dead-End Job Mystery series,

Board Stiff

Coming from Obsidian in May 2013

“They’re trying to kill me,” Sunny Jim Sundusky said. “They nearly succeeded in March,
but I’m a tough old buzzard. I survived. They almost got me in April, but I escaped
again.”

Helen Hawthorne and her husband, Phil Sagemont, sat across from Sunny Jim in their
black and chrome chairs at the Coronado Investigations office. Sunny Jim sat in the
yellow client chair, looking anything but sunny. Sun-dried was more like it, Helen
thought as she studied him.

His face was red leather. His blond hair was dyed and flash-fried in a crinkly permanent.
But he did look tough.

“They’re gonna keep coming after me until they stop me for good,” he said. “That’s
why I wanna hire you two. I hear you’re the best private eyes in South Florida.”

“We were lucky to get good publicity,” Helen said.

“That wasn’t luck,” Phil said. “That was good detecting.”

“That’s what I need,” Sunny Jim said. “Detecting. I want you to stop them before they
stop me—permanently.” He stabbed his chest with a calloused brown hand, right in the
smiling sun on his yellow
SUNNY JIM’S STAND-UP PADDLEBOARDING
T-shirt. His arms and legs were roped with muscle, and his chest was a solid slab
of it.

Helen had seen enough steroid hard bodies to know that Jim built that beef the old-fashioned
way. She thought he was attractive in a dated disco style, except he was too young
to have caught the seventies’ disco fever. She guessed his age at the shady side of
thirty-five.

“So, you gonna save my business or not?” Jim’s eyes were hidden behind expensive sunglasses,
but his chin jutted in a challenge.

Helen tried to pick up a cue from Phil, but he stayed poker-faced. “Tell us a little
about your business,” he said.

“Like I said, I own a stand-up paddleboard rental company,” Jim said. “I got two locations
in Riggs Beach.”

“The beach town just south of Fort Lauderdale,” Helen said.

“Right,” Jim said, and smiled for the first time. “There’s Lauderdale, then Riggs
Beach, Dania, Hollywood, and Hallandale Beach. You ever been to Riggs Beach?” He shifted
in his chair and Helen tried not to stare at the little golden hairs on his long tanned
legs.

“I walk along that beach sometimes,” she said. “Nice fishing pier.”

“That’s where I rent my boards,” Sunny Jim said. “Near the base of the pier. Riggs
Pier is owned by the city.”

“Good fishing off that pier,” Phil said.

“Primo,” Sunny Jim said. “There’s a reef just past the pier. Saw a loggerhead turtle
there when I was diving.”

“You were telling us about your business,” Phil said.

“There’s a little restaurant and bait shop on the beach end of the pier, run by Cyrus
Reed Horton. The restaurant is called Cy’s on the Pier. Locals joke that Cy fries
up whatever bait he doesn’t sell, but the food’s not half bad.

“Cy owns some real estate along Riggs Beach, including a T-shirt shop and a fancy
boutique. He’s got the parking lot by the pier, too. That place is a gold mine. Tourists
are begging to park there.

“I keep a trailer—like a lawn service trailer—at the foot of the pier and rent my
paddleboards, but you gotta be good to go out on the ocean. I also give lessons at
Riggs Lake, about two blocks away: one hour of personal instruction and a half hour
of practice for a hundred bucks. The water is quieter and calmer on the lake. It’s
a good place to learn. You ever do stand-up paddleboarding?”

“No,” Helen said. “I’ve seen guys paddling along on those big surfboard-like things
on the Intracoastal Waterway. I gather those are paddleboards.”

“They are. Stand-up paddleboarding is the hot new sport. Everybody wants a piece of
the action, and I’ve got the best spot in the city. That’s why they’re after me.”

“Who is?” Phil asked.

“My competitors,” Jim said, as if it were obvious.

“And they are . . . ?” Phil asked.

“Two main ones—Riggs Beach Water Sports and Bill’s Boards. I’ve caught them both poaching
on my territory. Riggs Beach Water Sports was giving lessons right next to my spot
on Riggs Lake. Even set up a sign like he belonged there. His lessons are cheaper,
but he doesn’t have to pay the city to rent the land or buy the license or carry liability
insurance like I do. He can afford to undercut me.

“Bill’s Boards parked its trailer next to mine here on the beach and started renting
their boards. It was just an employee, not the owner, and I chased him off that time.
But Bill himself stands there and defies me.

“Now if I don’t open up early and drag my boards out on the beach so Bill’s Boards
can’t park there, he tries to set up his business. I’m out there at six a.m. now,
though most of my customers don’t show up until after nine in the morning.”

“Sounds stressful,” Helen said.

“Stress! Hell, it’s cutthroat. Those two will do anything to put me out of business.
Bill’s Boards even stole Randy, my best employee.”

“How’d he do that?” Phil asked.

“Offered Randy more money,” Sunny Jim said. “I can’t afford to pay him eleven dollars
an hour. Not when I’m stuck with all the costs of being a legitimate businessman.”

“Did you complain to Riggs Beach?” Helen asked.

“Hah! Rigged Beach is more like it,” Jim said. “I’ve made more than two hundred complaints
to the police, the beach patrol, and Riggs Lake park rangers. The city commission
won’t do a blessed thing.

“I finally went to a meeting and complained. Put on a suit in Florida. One commissioner
said it would cost too much to enforce the rules. Cost too much! What about the fees
the city is missing? What about following the rules?

“The commissioners said they wanted proof that my competitors are poaching. I even
stood behind a palm tree and took photos, but the commission said that still wasn’t
proof unless I caught ’em when the money was changing hands. I was never cynical about
government, but after that meeting, I saw that same commissioner say hi to his good
buddy, the owner of Bill’s Boards. Slapped Bill on the back and they left together.
In public. That was February.

“Once I turned up the heat, the sabotage started. In March, two of my paddleboards
were stolen and twelve paddles were trashed. Someone broke into my trailer at the
height of spring break, the busiest time of the year, so I didn’t have enough boards
or paddles for rentals. By the time my insurance claim was settled, spring break was
over and so was the demand.

“That cost me thousands in equipment and even more in lost business. But they weren’t
counting on my having insurance. See, that’s where the extra cost comes in, but it
saved my bacon.

“I had video cameras on my beach trailer, and the cameras caught two men on tape.
One man is the same size and height as Randy, my old employee, but he and his accomplice
are wearing dive suits and masks, so you can’t see their faces.”

“And even though Randy was a good employee,” Helen asked, “you think he’d break into
your trailer to ruin your business?”

“Yes, I do,” Jim said, and stuck out his chin defiantly. “He left me for money. I
think he’d break into my trailer for money, too. But I can’t prove that. He knew about
the cameras, didn’t he? So he disguised himself.”

“Not sure that means anything,” Phil said. “Many businesses use security cameras.
What did the police say?”

“They took a report and that’s about it.” Jim’s face showed his disgust. “Riggs Beach
police aren’t interested in tracking down the thieves. They called it a spring break
prank and said the stolen boards were probably strapped to a car roof and heading
up north.”

“The break-in was in March,” Phil said. “What happened next?”

“I started getting tons of calls for reservations and lessons. I was fully booked
every day of the week. Thought I was in fat city. Except half of the callers never
showed for their lessons or board rentals. After four days of twiddling my thumbs
I changed my policy. Now if you want a lesson or you want to rent a board, you gotta
give me a credit card. And I run the card while you’re on the phone. Nipped that in
the bud.”

“Who made the false reservations?” Helen asked. “Men? Women?”

“Both,” Jim said. “They all sounded young, but then, most of my business is people
under thirty.”

“Anybody else you can think of who’d want to cause you trouble?” Phil asked.

“Well, there’s Cy,” Jim said. “He wants my beach spot, too, so he can expand his parking
lot. But he told me up front. Those other birds went behind my back. Only my contract
with the city is keeping me on Riggs Beach, and the renewal is coming up for a vote
in June.”

“So what do you want Coronado Investigations to do?” Phil asked.

“Catch ’em!” he said. “Catch them when they’re sabotaging me. I’m still looking for
a new employee to replace Randy. I can’t find a good one. I’ll pay you $7.75 an hour,
Phil, to work the pier location. That’s in addition to your regular fee. You can keep
the money.”

“Thanks,” Phil said. Jim missed the slight note of sarcasm, but Helen didn’t.

“Minimum wage in Florida is $7.65, so I’m overpaying you. And I want your lady to
work for me, too.”

“You want two people to suddenly start working at your ocean paddleboard rental?”
Helen asked. “Won’t that look suspicious?”

“You’re a smart girl,” Sunny Jim said. “But I got a better job for you. I want you
to sit on the beach with a video camera. You can document my competitors stealing
my business. Make sure you get them exchanging the money. Nobody will think anything
of it. Tourists video everything—even palm trees doing nothing but standing there.
I want Helen to get to know some of the staff at Cy’s restaurant and his two shops.
Cy’s a tightwad and he has enemies. Some of his employees are angry enough that they’ll
talk about Cy or whatever else they see here in Riggs Beach.”

“My cover can be that I’m a Fort Lauderdale salesclerk on a ‘stay-cation,’” Helen
said. “I’ve got some days off and I’m too broke to go anywhere for a real vacation.”

“So are you going to be Phil’s wife while he’s working for me?” Sunny Jim asked.

“It’s better if we don’t even know each other for this job,” Helen said. “I’ll have
to take off my wedding ring.”

“And put on a bikini,” Jim said. “A fine-looking lady like you belongs in a bikini—you
know what I mean?”

Helen didn’t like his smirk.

“You know that Ms. Hawthorne is my partner—and my wife,” Phil said.

“I meant no disrespect,” Jim said. “It’s hard not to admire a woman like Ms. Hawthorne.
Tell you what—I’ll even throw in free paddleboard lessons for you both after work.
As my personal apology. How about if you start tomorrow at six with me, Phil? Ms.
Hawthorne, you don’t have to go to work until nine. What do you say, huh?”

“You can call me Helen,” she said. “Apology accepted.”

I’m getting paid to sleep late and sit on the beach, she thought. Finally, a dead-end
job I can enjoy. Phil gave her a slight nod, his signal that he wanted this client.

“It’s a deal,” she said.

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