My Best Friend's Bucket List: Volume One (11 page)

So(in my best radio announcer voice)COMIN'
IN AT NUMBER 10 OF DICK PICKETT'S BUCKET LIST:

10. EAT AT WHITE CASTLE.

My first fast food experience was a
McDonald's Happy Meal. My little sisters first memory was of a Big
Mac meal. I remember that my mom had offered me a regular meal and
I was offended. I cared not for Big Mac's and Quarter Pounder's.
Those meals did not even come with toys. But I managed to help my
tiny sister finish her Big Mac.

There was something about your first fast
food experience. It was more than comfort food. It was a right of
passage into your true tastes. I doubt every one that ever bit into
a burger loved it. I mean, even the angelic Lorrie Lovitt, she ate
burgers when I wanted, but much to her chagrin.

In her defense when you're that slender the
last thing you want is cheeseburger. The protein alone would make
her sick. But she would always tough it out for me. Lorrie was what
nature called, a peach. Sweet and soft. But after a few Jack
Daniels on the rocks(like two)she could be a real pistol. And she
got mouthier than a sailor on cocaine.

But I loved her. I mean, whatever that
means. If love is pain then I loved her. If love is sacrifice then
I loved her. If love meant making a complete ass of yourself in
front of that person repeatedly, then I loved her.

Unfortunately, my hand was in bandages and I
was hung over. The last thing in my head was a solid crystal clear
image of Lorrie Lovitt in string bikini style panties. I smashed a
half full glass of Jack and Coke Zero into the face of some idiot
Nirvana fan.

DISCLAIMER: My best friends bucket list does
not agree with smashing glasses of alcoholic beverages into the
face of people that listen to horrible music. Nor do we believe
these actions will make chicks in bikini panties to appear. If you
want to see girls in bikini panties please consult the internet or
drill holes into female locker room walls.

DISCLAIMER #2: My best friends bucket list
is just kidding! UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD YOU DRILL HOLES INTO
WALLS TO CHECK OUT CHICKS. PLEASE CONSULT LOCAL LAW ENFORCEMENT IF
YOU HAVE DONE SUCH.

The glass broke his nose but the shards
stuck into my skin. Upon arriving home, Lorrie in her scantly clad
panties used tweezers to pick out the glass, I had passed out by
then. Still I woke up now and then with her kneeling at my side
working on my hand like Salma Hayek in Desperado.

Now I was awake for real and hung over. The
note on the fridge said that Lorrie had stepped out to the whole
foods store. I opened the fridge to get a can of Mountain Dew Pitch
Black. There was none. Luckily, it was Sunday. Which meant I could
stop by the Swap Meet and see the Twins. They were my Dew
suppliers. Jack and Jeff Davis. Two odd cats, but they were loyal.
I hadn't seen them since Dick's funereal. Now that I thought of it,
I hadn't seen much of anybody since Dick's burial.

“
It's true, dude. What's up with that?” It was Dick. He
occupied the couch I was just asleep in. I looked at him from the
small kitchen. His throat and stomach wounds bled.

“
I don't know. I guess I just haven't felt like talking to
anyone.”

“
Well, now you have a mission to research. White Castle,
dude.” He said.

“
And I have to explain the bucket list to Lorrie.” I said and
shook my head. A migraine throbbed.

“
You're gonna have to ditch Downstairs Douche first, dude.”
Dick said, then disappeared. I heard a male voice, high pitched.
Then the voice of Lorrie. Outside the door. Keys jingled. The lock
shook and turned. Lorrie entered with bags, behind her was
Downstairs Douche. His name was Miles or Milton. Me and Dick
fucking hated him, but most chicks couldn't resist him, it appeared
the same for Lorrie.

Downstairs Douche looked across between a
young Matt Dillon and Patrick Swayze. Google the names if you don't
know what I mean. But it was a strange combination of looks. His
voice was like nails on a chalkboard and he never had anything
enlightening to say.

The things Downstairs Douche talked about
were: His car. His job. His looks. His taste in fine cuisine.
Everything equaled Douche. None the less, Lorrie was laughing. The
idiot was smiling as such.

“
Hey, Tuck.” Lorrie said to me. Douche just stood there,
smiling. “Have you met Milton? He lives downstairs.”

“
I know him” I said, staring him down. He looked away like a
pussy.

“
Hey. Sorry to here about your best friend, Tuck.” Douche
said, looking at the ground.

“
Bet you are. What are you doing in my apartment?” I had
forgot Lorrie stood there.

“
I just-” He tried to say.

“
He was being a gentlemen and helping me with the bags.”
Lorrie said, attitude aimed at me in her tone.

“
Well, THANK YOU, Miles. You can go now.” I said.

“
It's Milton.” Lorrie corrected. But Miles was halfway out the
door.

“
Y'all come back now ya hear!” I shouted. I know it was a lame
thing to say but I was angry.

“
What the hell is the matter with you?” Lorrie asked. I was
not the only one pissed off.

“
Me and Dick don't like that fucker, so I wouldn't recommend
bringing him around here.”

“
Dick? Tuck, he's dead. Nothing he thinks matters anymore.”
Her voice was cold and I snapped. I grabbed a jar of baby pickles
and threw it into the wall. The jar shattered. Lorrie shrieked
loudly.

“
This was still Dick's place and we hated that fucker. I don't
want him in this apartment. If he steps foot in here, I'm putting
mine in his face.”

“
You need to calm down. And now you owe me pickles,
moron.”

“
Don't you call ME FUCKING NAMES!” I shouted. “I'm trying
here! I'm doing the best I can!”

There was a stern knock on the apartment
door. Lorrie rushed over to it and opened it. It was Downstairs
Douche.

“
Is everything okay up here? Are you okay, Lorrie?” He
asked.

“
We're fine, Miles. Hit the bricks.” I said. Lorrie scowled at
me.

“
Thank you, Milton. We were just having a heated discussion.
We're doing okay. Thank you for your concern.”

“
Just let me know if you ever need anything.” Idiot
said.

“
I will.” Lorrie the polite lady said. She shut the door and
turned to me. “You are out of control, you need to calm
down.”

“
I'm sorry I overreacted but you should know that me and Dick
hated that guy and he is a severe Douche bag.”

“
Why are good hearted people always douche bags and losers to
you?” Lorrie hissed at me.

“
Cause you should never trust people. Especially people that
go out of their way to be nice. They only want one thing. Maybe
two.”

“
And what might those two things that be?” Lorrie
asked.

“
Money or pussy?”

“
Shut up. Goddamn you're such a jack ass
sometimes.”

“
What the hell does that mean?” I asked, my blood
boiling.

“
Oh, you think I forgot about you and that hick. You just
screwed her in the bathroom of the mall.”

“
Are you seriously bringing that up?” I couldn't believe it.
Lorrie seemed to regret it immediately, but now my anger turned to
a heavy weakness in my stomach and knees. I felt like she hit me in
the midsection with a sledgehammer.

“
I'm sorry. Can you help me clean this up.”

“
I got it. Just put away the rest of the stuff.” I soaked up
the pickle juice with paper towels. The used the broom to sweep the
pickles and glass. I felt even more stupid knowing Lorrie hated
pickles and that I loved them. She had obviously bought them for
me.

There was a sharp knock on the door. Fucking
Downstairs Douche. I had the broom in my hand and rushed to answer
the door. Lorrie tried to get to it first, but could not. I pulled
the door open fast.

“
What the fuck-” What I saw cut me off. Two uniformed police
officers stood in front of me. They looked fucking pissed. “How can
I help you officers?”

“
We got an anonymous call about a domestic disturbance.” The
first one said. I smiled as casual as possible.

“
We were just singing and I knocked over the pickles. I can
sing, but I can't dance.” I said. The two cops made harder looking
asshole faces. Then Lorrie was behind me.

“
What's up?” She asked me.

“
These two officers got a call about us being domestically
disturbing.” I said. The cops sighed loudly.

“
Officers, we are so sorry, I hope our reenactment of Summer
Lovin' from Grease wasn't too loud.” Lorrie shot that teethy smile.
The one that gave me goosebumps.

“
I'm sorry I knocked over the pickles, honey.” I said to her.
In full character.

“
It's okay Sweet Tart.” Lorrie grinned at me. The cops were
obviously pissed.

“
Look, we don't care what you were doing or what you're
hiding. But if we get another complaint from this unit, you will be
going to jail.” One of the cops said to me. Then the two walked
off.

I took a deep breathe, closed the door.
Lorrie watched me. I smiled at her.

“
I need Dew Pitch Black. Then I want pizza. Are you
in?”

“
The Swap Meet and Johnny Basil's place? Today?” She couldn't
believe it. I just smiled more. “We are in the middle of a fight
and you have been acting crazy lately.”

“
I think this little trip will help. Please.” I smiled again
and it was on.

We stepped into the larger
tent attached to video game tent at the Swap Meet. The giant flat
screen displayed
Marvel Vs Capcom
2.
The Twins, Jack and Jeff Davis battled
it out on the big screen. I cleared my throat. The game paused and
they stood up.

“
Tuck you are back for your pick up?” Jack said.

“
Mr. Sawyer you are back?” Jeff said.

“
Yeah. I'm here for the Pitch Black.” I said. Lorrie stood
close to me. Jack and Jeff were good guys but the last time Lorrie
was here they eye raped her(see the chapter titled Epic Fist Fight
At The Indoor Swap Meet On A Sunday).

“
You brought Lorrie.” Jack said.

“
Miss Lorrie is here.” Jeff said.

“
Guys, focus and get me my Dew.”

“
Get the box, Jeff.” Jack said.

“
The box won't get itself, Jack.” Jeff said.

They both stared at Lorrie and couldn't
move. I went behind the TV, leaving Lorrie to distract them, took
two twelve packs. Then we left.

The Twins remained in a trance.

At Johnny Basil's, Nico Saucony sat us in a
corner booth. He was happy to see us and I was glad to see him.
Nico was a good cat. He harbored guilt due to the fact that Dick
had been delivering pizza's while covering his shift. That was the
night Dick was killed(see the chapter titled Funereal For A
Friend).

“
What can I start you two off with?” Nico asked. I looked at
Lorrie she seemed distant in her head.

“
Give us a minute. Start us off with a couple Cokes, yeah?” I
said.

“
You got it, Tuck. Anything at all. Just let me know.” He left
us. I looked at Lorrie, she was very deep in her mind.

“
Hey. What do you want on your pizza?” I asked her.

“
I just like cheese. Whatever else you want.”

“
I have to talk to you about something.” I said.

“
What?”

“
Dick's bucket list.” I said, in a whisper.

“
That's real? My god, I thought you were drunken rambling.”
She looked panicked.

“
No. That's what was in the envelope. He wants me to do things
he never got chance to. It's a big responsibility. I don't like it,
but he would've done it for me.” I said. Lorrie started crying,
then she stopped and pulled herself together.

“
Do you like Meatball and onion pizza?” She asked.

“
What?”

“
We are here for pizza, let's enjoy it.”

“
I like meat ball and onion.” I smiled. The bucket list
lingered in the back of my mind. “Look, last thing on the bucket
list is to eat at White Castle but they only have those in the
Midwest-” Nico cleared his throat, interrupting me. He held a
piping hot meatball and onion pizza on a tray.