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Authors: Teasi Cannon

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APPENDIX A
ORPHAN VS. CHILD OF GOD
ORPHAN HEART
 
HEART OF GOD'S CHILD
See God as Master
IMAGE OF GOD
See God as a loving Father
Independent/self-reliant
DEPENDENCY
Interdependent/acknowledges need
Live by the love of law
THEOLOGY
Live by the law of love
Insecure/lack peace
SECURITY
Rest and peace
Strive for the praise, approval, and acceptance of people
NEED FOR APPROVAL
Totally accepted in God's love and justified by grace
A need for personal achievement as I seek to impress God and others, or no motivation to serve at all
MOTIVE FOR SERVICE
Service that is motivated by a deep gratitude for being unconditionally loved and accepted by God
Duty and earning God's favor, or no motivation at all
MOTIVE BEHIND CHRISTIAN DISCIPLINES
Pleasure and delight
Must be holy to have God's favor, thus increasing a sense of shame and guilt
MOTIVATION FOR PURITY
Want to be holy; do not want anything to hinder intimate relationship with God
Self-rejection from comparing myself to others
SELF-IMAGE
Positive and affirmed because I know I have such value to God
Seek comfort in counterfeit affections: addictions, compulsions, escapism, busyness, hyper-religious activity
SOURCE OF COMFORT
Seek times of quietness and solitude to rest in the Father's presence and love
Competition, rivalry, and jealousy toward others' success and position
PEER RELATIONSHIPS
Humility and unity as I value others and am able to rejoice in their blessings and success
Accusation and exposure in order to make myself look good by making others look bad
HANDLING OTHERS' FAULTS
Love covers as I seek to restore others in a spirit of love and gentleness
Difficulty receiving admonition; I must be right, so I easily get my feelings hurt and close my spirit to discipline
VIEW OF ADMONITION
See the receiving of admonition as a blessing and need in my life so that my faults and weaknesses are exposed and put to death
Guarded and conditional; based upon others' performance as I seek to get my own needs met
EXPRESSION OF LOVE
Open, patient, and affectionate as I lay my life and agendas down in order to meet the needs of others
Conditional and distant
SENSE OF GOD'S PRESENCE
Close and intimate
Bondage
CONDITION
Liberty
Feel like a servant/slave
POSITION
Feel like a son/daughter
Spiritual ambition; the earnest desire for some spiritual achievement and distinction and the willingness to strive for it; a desire to be seen and counted among the mature
VISION
To daily experience the Father's unconditional love and acceptance and then be sent as a representative of His love to family and others
Fight for what I can get!
FUTURE
Relationship as a child releases my inheritance!
See authority as a source of pain; distrustful toward them and lacking a heart attitude of submission
VIEW OF AUTHORITY
Respectful, honoring; I see them as ministers of God for good in my life

(Chart adapted by permission from Shiloh Place Ministry training materials.)
19

APPENDIX B
PERSONALITY TYPES THAT CAN DEVELOP WHEN WE'RE EMOTIONALLY WOUNDED

1) The “Show-off”

To get our emotional needs met, we draw as much attention to ourselves as possible. We become very talkative, trying to make ourselves look important by name-dropping, exaggerating our accomplishments in work, sports, ministry, or family. We can't help but steer nearly all conversations back to ourselves.

2) The “People Pleaser”

We find our identity in conforming to group ideals. We have very little, if any, identity of our own, so we conform to the perceived norm in order to belong. We fit into groups well because we are good at saying the right things to be accepted. At church we are the perfect Christian, but with our non-Christian friends, we fit right in too. We can be fairly critical of others, but cannot receive criticism from others.

3) The “Timid”

We are not to be confused with the meek (which is a character strength). We have a big fear of man, failure, and rejection. We lack the inner strength to make our own decisions. We usually deal with self-pity and a sense of no self-worth. Most people don't know, but deep inside of us there is often quite a bit of anger. We are usually very passive.

4) The “Isolationist”

Our inner pain has caused us to form walls of self-protection. We cut ourselves off from anyone we think is a threat to us and we usually bond to only one or two people. This can cause us to become very possessive of those we get close to and to feel threatened by anyone else entering into our relationships.

5) The “Fighter”

We become rebellious and defiant towards everyone and everything, especially the system we presently have to operate in. We are usually very independent because we don't want to have to depend on anyone who may hurt us again. Often, we become workaholics in order to prove our self-worth and to establish our identity.

6) The “Moralist”

We are God's policemen. We see the fault in everything and everyone and know how to fix it. We have an answer for everything under the sun. We are very opinionated, which reveals our lack of humility. We live by the letter of the law but are empty of love. We are usually right in our observations, but have the wrong attitude; that makes us wrong. However, to us, our rightness justifies our wrong attitude.

 

(Adapted by permission from Shiloh Place Ministries training materials.)

NOTES

1
. Shaun Dreisbach “Shocking Body Image News,”
Glamour
, March 2011,
http://www.glamour.com/health-fitness/2011/02/shocking-body-image-news-97-percent-of-women-will-be-cruel-to-their-bodies-today

2
. “Body Image Statistics,” Find Your True Beauty,
http://www.find.yourtruebeauty.com

3
. U.S. Census Bureau News, “Unmarried and Single Americans Week Sept 19–25, 2010” news release, July 19, 2010,
http://www.census.gov/news-room/releases/pdf/cb10ff-18_single.pdf

4
. “Cosmetic Surgery,” About-face,
http://about-face.org/r/facts/cosmeticsurgery.shtml#consumers

5
. Ranlyn Oakes, “Diet Industry Facts,” LiveStrong.com, August 17, 2010,
http://www.livestrong.com/article/207926-diet-industry-facts/

6
. Sandra Wilson,
Hurt People Hurt People
(Grand Rapids: Discovery House, 2001), 21.

7
. “Child Abuse in America,”
http://www.childhelp.org/pages/statistics

8
. Jack Frost,
Spiritual Slavery to Spiritual Sonship
, (Shippensburg, PA: Destiny Image, 2006), 37.

9
. “The Leadership Survey on Pastors and Internet Pornography,”
Leadership Journal
, Winter 2001,
http://www.christianitytoday.com/le/2001/winter/12.89.html

10
. Wilson,
Hurt People
, 35.

11
. William Backus and Marie Chapman,
Telling Yourself the Truth
(Grand Rapids: Bethany House, 2000), 15.

12
. Tim Clinton and Ron Hawkins,
The Quick-Reference Guide to Biblical Counseling
(Grand Rapids: Baker Books, 2009), 123.

13
. Alex Harris and Carl Thoresen, “Forgiveness, Unforgiveness, Health and Disease,” ed. E. L. Worthington Jr. (New York:Brunner-Routledge, 2005), 324, in
Handbook of Forgiveness
,
http://www.chce.research.va.gov/docs/pdfs/pi_publications/Harris/2005_Harris_Thorsen_HF.pdf

14
. Frost,
Spiritual Slavery
, 215 .

15.
John Eldredge and Stasi Eldredge,
Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul
(Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 2005), 84.

16
. Joyce Meyer,
Straight Talk: Overcoming Emotional Battles with the Power of God's Word
(New York: Warner Faith, 2004), 263.

17
. P. Bunny Wilson, “Pruned to Bloom” in
Becoming God's True Woman
, ed. Nancy Leigh DeMoss (Wheaton, IL: Crossway Books, 2008), 99.

18
. Nancy Leigh DeMoss, “Portrait of a Woman Used by God” in
Becoming God's True Woman
, 68.

19
. Training materials used by permission from Shiloh Place Ministries, Conway, SC (
http://www.shilohplace.org
).

Teasi Cannon
is married to her best friend, Bill, and they have three awesome children: Carli, Ben, and Sam. Teasi has a masters degree in pastoral counseling from Liberty Theological Seminary and is a sought-after speaker and conference leader based in Nashville, Tennessee, who loves to help women remember who they are in Christ.

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