My Boyfriend is a Monster (10 page)

Nathan lifted his head slightly and turning it to the right he coughed
, emitting a small dust cloud from his mouth. “Owe,” he murmured.

Looking at each other Louis covered his mouth trying not to laugh at their brother on the floor.

“Don’t you laugh,” Bo said shaking his head already smiling.

The Cajuns face was already starting to turn red. “Ok, I go now,” he chortled. “Where I goi
ng?” he said not camouflaging his elation very well.

Pushing his large brother to distant himself and then waving him away each time Bo attempted to dust him off, Nathan gave Louis
directions. “Go out the back, make a right and cross the street, keep going straight, you can’t miss it.” Shaking his head at Bo he started to dust himself off.

“Sorry,” Bo offered him with a sympathetic smile.

TWO: Welcome to Sips

They were a little busy first thing this morning but now they were not. This was fine for all inside since it gave them the time to get the low down on Ms. Johnson’s new tenant. Sitting at the table with Todd and Lily sipping at her tea Florida continued. “I’m just saying, he has a lot of money and he is gorgeous and he is single.”

“All good qualities in a potential mate,” he said nodding at Lily.

“Potential mate, what are we, animal kingdom?” she asked staring at him.

Todd explained. “Um yeah, even the Hippo wants a mate with the Hippo with the best water plants in the area. The lioness wants the lion with the shadiest tree. The girl bear wants the boy bear with the biggest honey pot.”

“That’s Winnie the Pooh.”

“Cashing in those Disney royalty checks you don’t think Pooh gets all the bear bitches? Hooker please . . . up to his neck in bear pussy.”

“Todd!” Florida snapped with a smirk.

“Oh I’m sorry Ms. Johnson,” he said apologetically tapping her shoulder. “I mean bear va-jay-jay,” he corrected pointing towards Lilies privates.

Lily swatted his hand away while Florida couldn’t help but smile. “What is wrong with you boy?”

“Come on people, bear va-jay-jay. That’s funny,” he said giving his old friend and customer a kiss on her cheek.

“You’re comparing me to hippos and bears?” Lily asked trying to look herself over.

Florida just sighed. “Honey, what I wouldn’t give to have a body like yours.”

Lily turned to Todd. “And how do you get the male bear?”

“Oh baby,” Todd explained sticking his butt out. “The bear comes looking for me, this is the honey pot,” he said smacking his own ass.

Suddenly the door flew open an
d a Sips regular walked through the door with the help of a fresh face. “Allow me,” Louis said as he held the door open.

“Why thank you young man,” she said with a soothing smile.

“Not da problem Cher,” Louis said following behind her. Stopping in front of him and looking him over she was obviously wondering why he was so dusty. Seeing the puzzled look on her face he began to explain. “Doing some dry wall.” Smiling Mrs. Bell nodded while he advanced the explanation. “Just came for da tea and maybe some-ting to eat,” he said looking towards the counter wishing in his head that she would just go and order. “Sure smells good – boy,” he said hoping she would agree and trigger whatever it was in her head that wanted something to drink or eat.

“What is that accent?” she asked.

Oh fuck me
, he thought. “Cajun, Louisiana Mam,” he said going the polite route.

“You eat Possum?”

No, but I eat da old ladies who don’t get da fucking move on
, he wanted to say aloud. “No Mam, not if I don’t have to.”

“Oh God, why would you?” she asked in which Louis just shrugged his shoulders.

Fighting the urge to morph and swat her head clean off of her shoulders resulting in freaking everyone out in the coffee shop Louis chose to just rock back and forth while she stared and smiled. Getting antsier he decided to take the initiative. “Can I buy you a coffee?”

“No thank you sweetie, I’m just going to say hello to my friend over there, but thank you,” she said and went and sat with Florida.

“What da fuck,” he whispered to himself walking to the counter.

Todd was already behind the counter anticipating Louis would be ordering. “She wasn’t hitting on you was she?” he asked.

Debating on still giving her a swat he barely registered the question. “Please Lord I hope not.”

“Wouldn’t know it but word has it back in the day, Mrs. Bell was a big old whore,” Todd said.

“Da hell you say,” he said looking at her and trying to take off thirty or so years.

“That’s an accent.” Todd stated curiously.

“Cajun,” Louis said turning back.

“New Orleans?”

“Yup, da Louisianan,” he said proudly.

“Well stay clear or Mrs. Bell, she’s still a player. They say she likes the accents, lures a lot of young m
en to their doom so legend goes.” Leaning forward a bit Todd whispered loudly. “I picture a naked grey haired Venus fly trap with her face, just wrapping her vines around young men’s ankles and dragging them off. To have non-consensual sex of course,” he said as they both turned eerily towards her and getting the chills.

Starting to laugh Louis extended his hand. “Louis.”

“Todd,” he offered back while shaking.

Lo
oking around he let out a familiar approving whistle. “This is a fancy coffee shop boy.”

“Thank you,” Todd said taking a look with him. “Where you coming from Louis?” he asked.

“Just up the road, the new book store -”

“Imagination,” Todd interrupted enthusiastically. “I saw the sign going up yesterday.”

“Dat’s da one, and now we having da break and da snacks,” he said lying a little since they really hadn’t worked on anything. They haven’t even emptied the truck yet but he didn’t want to come across as lazy to his new friend.

“Well you’ve come to the right place my friend. Today were having a sale on all deserts since my partner - the chef, ma
de them all last night,” Todd explained then leaned in. “Because he has the day off, being today isn’t usually a busy day and it isn’t the weekend but we thought any day off is still a day off . . . and we pass the discount on to you,” he said finishing with a deep breath while still pointing his finger at Louis.

Louis slapped the counter excitedly. “Well now dat we are da friends I got da big order by Lord,” he said trying to be just as lively as the flamboyant proprietor. “I need t’ree Teas in da biggest to-go cups you got, a couple dozen donuts with da sprinkles, some -”

“Sorry Louis” Todd winced loudly cutting him off. “We don’t have donuts I’m afraid.”

“Uh-Oh,” he said already knowing he didn’t want to scour the city looking for donuts with sprinkles on them. But he also didn’t want to go back to a much bigger brother who was expecting them. Louis liked pushing the boundaries with his brother about a lot of things but food was not one of them.

Seeing a bit of desperation in his eyes Todd decided to make a counter offer. “We do however have large assortments of confections,” he said pointing to the showcase, just in case Louis did not know what the word meant. “And remember half price.”

Bending down to take a look his eyebrows rose with inspiration seeing all the delicious types of deserts. It was filled with a wide variety of sweets from molten chocolate chip cookies, white chocolate raspberry cheese cake, black sesame-pear tea cake, parmesan shortbread with fennel and sea salt, three different kinds of biscotti, snowballs, cream horns, and thumbprints then there was muffins and cakes and pies but nothing barring a single sprinkle. “Nothing with da sprinkles?”

Joining the search Todd was optimistic since he never made them but remembered he ate plenty with them on it.

“If da big guy don’t get da sprinkles, Lord have mercy.”

Not seeing anything Todd suddenly remembered he had yet to put out all of the deserts. “We got some cupcakes in the back that I can put sprinkles on.”

Louis sighed in relief. “Dat do just fine, yes sir.”

“How many would you like then?”

Thinking it over carefully he knew Bo could eat the entire showcase of Sips as an appetizer. He was also pretty sure they didn’t have a hundred cupcakes in the back. “How
many you say you have?”

“I think he made forty eight . . . they were made last night, that’s why their half price, but there still fresh,” Todd replied.

It wasn’t a hundred but he nodded. “I take twenty four dem,” he said deciding not to be rude by taking them all.

“Twenty four,” Todd repeated
surprised.

“He da big man,” Louis said.

“Even at half price that’s –”

Louis waved his hand in front of him and shook his head. “You cannot put a price on dis behemoth’s appetite trust me.”

“Ok, twenty four cup cakes with sprinkles,” he declared. Heading to the back to start putting sprinkles on them he heard tapping on the glass causing him to stop. As he looked at Louis he saw him now hunched over the showcase. “Anything else?” Todd asked just in case.

“Better give me . . . umm,” Louis contemplated while still tapping his fingers on the counter feverishly. Doing the math inside his head he finally decided to make it easy. “Better give me, half dozen of every-ting you got. I might need to come back later d-ough.”

Todd now thought the Cajun was screwing with him. “Seriously?”

Checking himself over Louis realized he may look like a vagrant ordering a couple hundred dollars in cakes and thought it might be comin
g across odd. “I can pay.”

“That’s a lot of food.”

“Big job, big appetite boy,” he said. Thinking about it he could also see how someone might think he might be screwing with them.

“I just don’t want to get it all boxed up and rang up and it’s -”

“So long to da queer and I go running down da-street waving my hands and making da misère - laughing mi-ass off.”

He couldn’t help but start laughing since Louis could not have made the word
Queer
sound any less offensive. “Something like that,” Todd said pulling boxes up for the deserts.

“I understand Cher, lotta money,” he said setting his wallet on the counter. “Ring dem up, I insist.”

“No, no, no, it was terribly rude of me,” Todd said waving the whole thing off and returning to boxing six of everything else.

“You sure, cause I do understand,” he said wanting him to feel comfortable.

“No sir, please accept my apologies,” Todd said. He began grabbing cookies, Naomi bars, and croissants then éclairs. Then lady fingers, coffee cakes and carrot cakes, banana breads, muffins and brownies then paused. Peering over the counter at Louis who was still looking at all the different food he hesitated asking but did not want to assume. “Even the squares?”

Louis nodded. “Of everything,” he said starting to get hungry.

Stopping and realizing that the little gourmet bags were not going to cut it since they only held two boxes. This meant Louis would be carrying forty of them and dropping them all over the street.
Can’t just throw them in a garbage bag
, Todd thought. He started to look for bigger boxes to put everything in, which didn’t seem to exist. Their customers usually didn’t buy in bulk. Looking for something more appropriate he came across a bunch of grocery bags all bundled up into a ball but thought that wouldn’t be right. Moving some junk that didn’t even look store related he found a whole stack. “Gotcha fuckers.”

“Sorry, I didn’t hear ya,” Louis said even though he did
, but was always taught to do little things like that to come across normal.

“You sure you don’t want any sandwiches or bagels? This is a lot of sweets Louis,” he said trying to change the subject while putting the desserts boxes into the bigger to-go boxes.

“No, dis probably do till da lunch.”

Todd popped his head up from behind the display counter and caught Louis’s eye. “I want to apologize Louis, I pre judged you by the way you looked. And here you just made my day with that accent of yours and the purchase of all this food,” Todd said offering him a big smile.

“I do look like da Hobo, but t-ank you Todd, mighty kind indeed,” he said and tipped his imaginary hat. 

“Lily,” Todd yelled out.

“What?” she yelled back.

“I have to put some sprinkles on some cupcakes in the back. Could you start this gentlemen’s tea order,” he said stacking the boxes on the counter.

“Okie dokie,” she called out and headed to her tea station. It was away from the other counters and set up so people who ordered it could sit and watch her prepare it. She had her own burners and water station with shelves of fresh tea leaves and all kinds of different spices.

Louis could not have been happier seeing how serious they were about their tea. Since he could not even smell anything from the containers that meant it was fresh. “You da tea lady,” he said giving her a smile.