My Boyfriend is a Monster (27 page)

Nathan suddenly realized he didn’t have anything with him to offer at the party. Stopping at a grocer that was still open he let the young women continue on to their night. He ducked into the store and found the most expensive wine they had, a $9 bottle or a vintage that was regularly priced at $11 but was on sale this weekend for $7 a bottle. He did
not feel overly confident in his choices. Walking over to the baked goods he supposed the wine was better than the White Chocolate Raspberry Cheesecake that seemed to have actual raspberries that were turning white. Or the Too Much Chocolates Cake that one third seemed to have buckled and collapsed under the pressure of Too Much Chocolate. Nathan noticed a little Asian lady standing beside him observing his conundrum.

“Waited till last minute
huh,” she said in an all knowing tone.

“I did,” Nathan confessed.

“That’s why better to think ahead,” she suggested.

Nathan turned and looked at her for a moment then smiled. “You are wise,” he said with a hint of sarcasm.

She smiled back at him, sarcastically. “I’m not one going to party with shitty dessert,” she said and continued on with her shopping.

Nathan laughed to himself and decided the little old lady was rig
ht and grabbed the wine. Paying for it he continued towards Todd and Martins apartment. He got to the building and pressed the button beside the name, Jacobson. When the intercom answered it was a loud voice of someone he did not recognize trying to talk over the very busy background. After several attempts to say who he was and three possible people that could vouch for him the voice got tired of battling the noise and just buzzed him in.

Walking to the elevator and pushing the button he
waited patiently for it to arrive. He kept going over the conversation he would have with Lily and hoped it would go as smooth in reality as it was in his head. Disregarding his most recent attempt, it would also depend on the perfect smile, a seductive wink and her throwing herself at him.
It was possible
, he thought, but then decided it might be wise to prepare for some actual conversation just in case.  The front entrance buzzed and three gentlemen dressed like they were about to go to a rave strewed through the lobby awkwardly. The elevator dinged and the door opened.

“Hold that please,” one of the men yelled out.

Nathan stepped into the elevator and held his arm past the door so it would not close. The three men piled in, standing in front of him.

“What floor?” another man asked Nathan.

“Top floor please,” Nathan said.

“Are you friends with Todd and Martin?” the same man asked.

“Yes, Nathan,” he said and offered his hand.

The gentlemen took it and shook. “I’m Paul, this is Lenny and John,” he said as each of them waved to signify which one they were.

“Pleased to meet you,” Nathan offered and smiled.

“You to tiger,” the one called John said quickly looking him over then biting down on his teeth making a loud click sound.

“Don’t be a whore, he’s obviously not your type,” Lenny said then mouthed the word sorry to Nathan.

“What type is that?
” John asked.

“The straight type,” Paul laughed then turned to Nathan. “You are straight right?”

“Yes, I am,” Nathan said with a smile of apology then turned to John. “Sorry.”

“Ha, me too,” John said as the elevator rang, signifying they reached the top.

The three men poured out of the elevator with Nathan and led him to the proper door. The one called John who thought Nathan to be a tiger pounded on the door and yelling. “Open up bitches,” as they all laughed. Nathan stood behind them quietly.

The door opened and Todd stood draped in the front entrance with a scowl. “And who invited you?” he asked in his best Riff Raff from the Rocky Horror Picture Show impression.

“Fuck you bitch I have to take a piss,” Lenny said running past him.

“How rude” Todd said still using the impression
and trying to reposition after almost being run over. He waved them in and then noticed Nathan. “Honey you came,” he cried holding out his arms back to his original voice.

Nathan offered him the wine instead.

Todd took it. “Thank you, you didn’t have to bring anything.”

“Sorry the vintage isn’t that great.”

“My dear, in an hour we could serve them watered down rubbing alcohol and call it a bottle of Chateau Le Pin Pomerol and they wouldn’t be able to tell,” he said laughing. He paused for a moment and held Nathan back by the arm. “We won’t, but we could,” he said finishing with a mockingly evil laugh leading him through the apartment.

“I thought you were having a few friends for dinner?” Nathan asked a little over whelmed.

“This is a few friends for dinner sweetie, and on a school night,” Todd said raising his voice over the music then slapped him on the shoulder. “No, it started out that way then one friend got mad they didn’t get invited and the avalanche pretty much started from there,” he said waving and pointing at different people.

“They all seem very nice, friendly.”

“Honey their friends of mine, if their being bitches their still doing it with a smile on their face,” he said leading Nathan through the apartment. “I really wish you came before, I think if you saw it, you’d like the place.”

“Looks amazing,” Nathan said looking around. “It’s huge.”

“Ha, don’t even, I know where you live Mr. Caesar. O-M-G,” Todd laughed as he waved back to a couple in the kitchen.

“But this place is. . .” Nathan paused and thought about it for a moment. Todd waited patiently for the verdict. “Welcoming,” he said honestly.

Todd put his hand over his heart. “Thank you, I try,” he said leading him past a crowd just outside the kitchen area.

“I sure your place is lovely,” Todd said then started to laugh. “And yes, that was a hint for an invitation,” he said stopping at the living room.

“Noted,” Nathan said.

“This is the living room,” he yelled in front of a sea of people. “You already met the Three Whore-a-teers,” Todd said standing in front of John, Paul and Lenny who just got back from washroom.

“Do you see how witty Todd is boys?” Lenny asked looking at the other two. “He called us the Three Whore-a-teers.”

“Like the Three Musketeers, but whores, I get it,” John chimed in with sarcasm.

“Oh, but whores, I see,” Paul said with equal sarcasm as all three huddled closer and nodded.

“All for one and one for all,” John said and started to undo his pants making the other two follow suit.

“Oh Christ,” Todd said holding his hand in front of his eyes. “Now no one wants to see those.”

Suddenly Lenny sto
ps realizing who Nathan is. “You’re the book store owner.”

“I am,” Nathan confirmed.

“Have you read the Three Musketeers?” Paul asked.

“
I have, many times.”

“A proper quote if you please,” Lenny said taking a drink that Paul had gotten each of them.

Todd leans into Nathan’s ear and whispers. “Make it a bitchy one.”

“A bitchy one,” Nathan replied just as q
uite. Todd nodded. Nathan thought of it for second then believes he has found one with the right amount of bitchy. “Alexander Dumas, The Three Musketeers,” he said with a bit of power and paused for a moment, drawing them in. “I’m sure you’re very nice, but you’d be even nicer if you went away,” he recited.

Todd and the other three stand quite for moment.

“What a bitch,” Lenny finally said with a huge smile while the others laughed and clapped.

Todd still laughing directed Nathan through the crowd of people peppe
red all throughout his home. He waved and smiled diplomatically at some and mouthed big hellos to others. Finally he came to a stop, right in front of Lily. “Oh my goodness, its Lily,” Todd said not even trying to hide the fact he sought her out.

“Real subtle Todd
,” she said abashed. “I’m sorry,” she apologized to Nathan.

“It’s okay, I would have searched you out anyways,” Nathan said offering her a smile and getting Todd off the hook.

“See, he likes you,” Todd said sticking his tongue out at her. He turned to Nathan and smiled before he turned around and was lost in the sea of partiers.

“Nice apartment,” Nathan offered and thinking not bad for not really having anything.

“Thanks,” Lily said nodding. “Not to be stereotypical, but Todd is pretty stereotypical,” she said and smiled at her confession.

“You look really nice Lily, beautiful even,” Nathan said awkwardly. “I’m sorry, let me try it again,” he said then cleared his throat and took a deep breath. “Wow, you look beautiful this evening Lily.”

“Why thank you Nathan, so do you,” she said turning with a smile and resting her chin on her shoulder. She could not believe the Epic Fails had already begun.

“Hmm, I don’t think I have ever been called beautiful before.”

“Really . . . never,” Lily wondered embarrassed.

“Well my mom . . . my brother Bo, b
ut that’s a weird thing to bring up,” Nathan said wishing he could take that one back.

“Wow, Amber alert . . . you want I should go get a doll from my room and you can show me where he touched you,” Lily said trying not to laugh.

Nathan could not help it and laughed. “Yeah, I don’t want to ruin Todd’s party.”

“Oh my God, he would probably turn it into a game,” Lily said exasperated at the idea.
“He would make everyone show what happened to them at camp, or gym class. Or what he likes to do,” she said suddenly not wanting to think about the horror show that would ensue. The thought of what Todd would share with everyone alone would forever taint and tarnish her poor dolly. She would never be able to look at it again, nor would the dolly ever want to be looked upon. Lilly giggled causing Nathan to look at her inquisitively. “Sorry, already queasy just thinking about it.”

“I can d
efinitely see that,” Nathan laughed, pretty much imagining the same thing. At least he was able to leave if it happened.

“Speaking of th
e perverted Devil,” Lily smiled at an oncoming Todd, who was making his way back over to them. She silently prayed he wasn’t going to do anything embarrassing.

“Honey,” he called out
to Lily drunkenly happy. “I want you to tell Carl the story-”

“I will, just shut up,” Lily said instantly.

Todd was a little hurt. “But I didn’t say what story.”

“Just playing the odds captain,”
Lily said making her way to him. She turned around to Nathan. “I’ll be right back.”

“I’ll be waiting,” Nathan said.

Martin saw Nathan standing alone and made his way over. “She is a wonderful girl mi amigo,” Martin said offering him a beer.

He took it with a genuine
smile. “Thank you and yes, she is amazing.”

“You seem like a real nice guy Mr. Nathan, just be patient with her.”

“Of course,” Nathan said assuring him.

“Withou
t being a Todd,” Martin said as they both laughed. “She’s had it pretty shitty, and she deserves the best,” he said feeling the tears well up, signaling he had exactly that many now.

Nathan feeling like his guard did not have to be up let honesty out. “From the moment I saw her . . . I fell for her, in a long term type of way,” he said and raised his bottle to Martin.

“A la Amistad,” Martin said and clanked Nathan’s bottle.

“To friendship,” Nathan agreed and took a swig of his beer.

Martin looked a little surprised and took a swig of his beer. “Usted habla español?” he said asking him if he spoke Spanish.

“Si, un poco,” Nathan said teetering his hand telling Martin he spoke a little.

“Cómo te gusta esto, Chicago,” Martin said asking him casually how he liked Chicago.

“Umm, you asked how I like it right, umm . . . Bueno,” Nathan said with a little theatrics.

Martin convinced, continued. “Good, if you need anything, just let us know.”

“I appreciate that, thank you,” he said and took another swig of his beer. “I love your shop by the way.”

“That is nice of you to say, I wasn’t sure if it was our shop or the Lily,” Martin said with a smirk.

Nathan teetered
his hand again. “A little of both,” he said as Martin teetered his hand and they both chuckled.

“Was it hard?” Nathan asked curiously
, obviously referring to him and Todd being gay.

Martin smiled
while mulling the question over. “Two gays opening a coffee shop that specialized in cupcakes, nooo,” he said dragging the no to a new level of sarcasm. They both laughed. “Yeah at first it was hard, customers would put two and two together, would either tell us we were sick or just be plain rude or just never show up again,” he sadly explained. “It might be the twenty first century but that just doesn’t make it all just go away,” he said recalling those first few months. “It was Todd who was weary about opening a shop together, he wasn’t sure we could handle all the negatives that went with it. It was me that pressed for it.”