My Brother's Keeper My America 1 (4 page)

July 9, 1863

Still no sign of Pa and Jed.

Ten wounded Union soldiers sleep in the McCullys' house now. Every house in Gettysburg is crowded with the wounded.

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All day Jane Ellen and I brought out quilts, old pillows, and rags to make beds.

Reverend McCully and Jane Ellen cut off the soiled uniforms. They bathed the soldiers. They dressed their wounds. They fear a man from Maine will die soon. He was shot in the throat.

Jane Ellen is a good nurse. She talks sweetly to the men.

Mrs. McCully and I care for the twins and baby. We have baked so many loaves of bread, we both have blisters on our hands.

The soldiers call us angels. Jane Ellen does indeed look like an angel, with her lovely wavy hair and big green eyes.

I think the soldiers are angels, too. They are kind and grateful and never complain.

I confess, though, I only give them part of my attention. The rest of me looks and listens all the time for Pa and Jed.

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There is more work to do than ever. The twins and baby are sick. Mrs. McCully says it's because of the bad odors from outside.

I am desperate to ask Reverend McCully to take me to Uncle Jack's farm, so I can find Jed and Pa. But I must be patient. Reverend McCully does not have a moment to spare.

July 10, 1863

The twins and baby are better today.

Farmers are streaming in from the countryside, bringing food to Gettysburg. They are giving out wagonloads of bread, ham, jellies, butter, potatoes, flour, cornmeal, salt pork, and clothes.

Are Pa and Jed bringing meat and

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vegetables from Uncle Jack's farm? Is that why they are so late returning?

I asked this of Mrs. McCully. But she only sighed and said, "Perhaps, child."

I got a bit cross with her. I said that I was still praying to God, and I expected God to bring them back home safely!

"Of course, my dear," Mrs. McCully said. But she did not look at me when she said this.

July 11, 1863

At noon Jane Ellen and I went to collect food for our household from the Christian Commission.

We ran into Mr. Hoke. He said a great number of doctors and lady nurses were in town. They are moving the wounded from people's houses into hospitals.

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Hospitals are everywhere -- in churches, at the college, the seminary, and in the courthouse.

Mr. Hoke said there are field hospitals throughout the countryside, too. In farms and barns and schoolhouses. All are filled with wounded soldiers.

July 12, 1863

The house is hot. We must sleep with all the windows shut, as the air outside still smells very bad.

This morning, the wounded men at the McCullys' were moved to field hospitals. As soon as they were gone, other boarders arrived -- people from far away who have come to Gettysburg to search for their lost loved ones.

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Two women from New Jersey now camp in the parlor. They will look for their missing husbands.

A farmer from Massachusetts sleeps in the kitchen. He will visit the shallow graves in the fields. He hopes to find the remains of his three boys, so he can carry them home and bury them on his farm.

July 13, 1863

I have made up my mind. I am going to find my father and brother. I will get my satchel from the cellar. I will carry Pa's violin and Jed's books back to our house.

If they do not come home by tomorrow, I will start walking to Uncle Jack's.

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I am home.

This is the worst night of my life.

Pa came back. But Jed is missing.

I was in the cellar when I heard Pa calling. I rushed upstairs to greet him. I jumped into his arms. Then I asked where Jed was.

Pa looked confused. He said he had sent Jed back to Gettysburg a long time ago to take care of me.

I told him Jed had never arrived.

Pa nearly collapsed. He said something terrible must have happened to Jed. He said he had to look for him.

Pa told me to go back to the McCullys'. He said he would find Jed. Then he ran from the house, got on his horse, and started off.

I screamed after him. But Pa did not seem to hear me.

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Reverend McCully came by to find out why I had not returned to their house.

While he was here, Pa came back. He was shivering and his eyes looked wild.

Reverend McCully calmed him down and made him explain what had happened.

Pa said that he and Jed had hidden Uncle Jack's horses. After that, Uncle Jack had hurt his back. So Pa stayed with him and sent Jed back to Gettysburg.

That was more than two weeks ago. Pa now fears Jed might have been caught in the fighting or captured by the Rebels.

Reverend McCully prayed with us for Jed's safe return.

After he left, I tried to comfort Pa. I opened my mother's gold locket and held up her tiny

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picture. I said she was keeping Jed safe for us.

Pa took the locket from me. Then he went to his room.

Now his door is closed. I can hear him pacing and talking to himself. I hear him telling my mother he is sorry.

I do not know what to do.

July 14, 1863

The McCullys are visiting with Pa now. They are in the parlor, praying for Jed.

What if I never see Jed again?

When my mother died, Jed was only nine years old. He and Pa both tried to be a mother to me. They sewed my clothes. They cooked for me. Before I even went to school, Jed taught me how to read and write.

How can I live without him?

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July 15, 1863

Pa tried to chop wood this afternoon. But he could not work long. His hands were shaking too badly.

He has not touched his violin since he has been home. He says the music has left his heart.

July 16, 1863

Jane Ellen came by today. She brought bread and helped me with the wash.

Jane Ellen suggested that Pa visit the field hospitals outside of Gettysburg, between here and Uncle Jack's farm.

After she left, Pa told me he was going to hitch up Rex in the morning. He is going to look for Jed in the countryside.

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I told him I must go with him. But he said no. He said he had seen too many terrible sights on his way to Gettysburg. He thinks I am too young to see such things.

July 18, 1863

This morning I made Pa change his mind. I grabbed his hands and held them tightly, so they wouldn't shake. I told him I had run away once from a terrible sight. I would never run away again. If we go to the hospitals, I will be extra brave, I said. For Jed's sake.

Pa said I sounded like my mother. He said she was very brave, too.

I told him I knew she was wishing we would both go look for Jed.

"All right, Elizabeth," Pa whispered, like he was talking to my mother and not me.

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We will travel together now to every farmhouse, barn, stable, and schoolhouse to look for Jed.

Please wait, Jed. Please, please, wait for us.

July 19, 1863

It was a sunny day today. But no songbirds sang in the countryside. People say no songbirds have sung in the fields or woods since the roar of the cannons. Only vultures caw now.

Where did the songbirds go? Did they fly away? Or are they hiding in silence?

As Pa and I rode through the countryside, we saw dead men and rotting horses.

We saw broken fences, burned bridges, and destroyed crops.

We saw mounds of soldiers' graves. But no

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soldier seems to have been buried decently. The graves are marked with just a bit of board -- a slat from a barrel, a fence rail, a roof shingle. Names or initials are just scrawled on them in paint.

We came to a farm where the wagon shed, the pigsty, and barnyard were all crowded with wounded men. But Jed was not there.

We visited two other hospitals, both in farmhouses. But none of the men were Jed.

July 21, 1863

An astonishing thing happened today.

After a day of searching several field hospitals, we came upon one in a schoolhouse. I went in to ask about Jed, while Pa waited outside. He has become more and more distressed by the terrible suffering we have seen.

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Inside, I discovered that most of the patients were Confederate soldiers. Many were so awfully sick they looked beyond all human aid.

But as I turned to leave, I heard someone call my name. It was Captain Heath! His head was bandaged.

I ran to the Confederate officer and shook his hand. He asked why I was there. I told him my father and I were looking for my brother Jed.

He said may God help us find him. He said he would pray that Jed is alive and unharmed.

Thank you, God, for keeping Captain Heath safe.

July 22, 1863

Pa has gone to bed, very weary. By the time we came home tonight, we had seen hundreds of wounded men.

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At the last hospital, we met a kindly group of lady nurses from Philadelphia.

One asked me to help her dress a wound.

Pa kept urging me to come along, but I said I wanted to stay and help. I cut the bandage and wrapped it gently around a soldier's torn

arm.

I am still horrified by the pain and suffering. I have not grown dead to my feelings. But I know one true thing about myself now -- I will never run away from helping again.

July 24, 1863

It has been raining hard for two days. The creeks have overflowed, so we cannot take the buggy out.

Stay awake, Jed. Do not let God close your eyes. Do not sink into the long forever sleep.

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The rain has stopped. But I fear Pa has lost hope for our search. He did not get out of bed yesterday or today.

I must go out alone. I told Pa I will ride Rex by myself tomorrow.

Pa did not say no. He is too worn down to think clearly. If he were well, I know he would not let me go alone.

July 27, 1863

I have stopped to let Rex rest for a moment before we head back to Gettysburg. I have ridden nearly all day.

At dawn, I started down Baltimore Pike, riding past the battlefields. They were silent and ghostly.

Still not a songbird sings.

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I stopped at three hospitals on White Run and studied the wounded. None of them were Jed.

I stopped at a hospital in the village of Two Taverns. Jed was not there, either.

I must start for home now, to get back to Pa before dark.

Later

I will not be riding Rex home tonight. Pa will be worried.

But he will be happy to find out why.

On our ride down the pike, Rex was weary. We trotted through the twilight at a slow pace.

Near White Church Road, I heard a bird singing. It was the first bird I had heard in a long time.

It was not just a twitter. It was a wondrous song.

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I stopped. I could not see the little bird in the brush. But its spirit moved me to turn Rex onto the road.