My Forever (19 page)

“Dani. You really should come.” Tracy looks at me with the same pleading eyes she’s used since she brought up me going to Prom with her and Michael. They plan on ditching high school Prom for Mormon Prom.

“No, thanks.” I can see how Collette looks at me out of the corn
er of her eye as Tracy asks. Collette
doesn’t want me there.
Going
to a church function as a knocked up high school student is not high on my list of things I want to do.

“Well, I really want you to ch
ange your mind.” She pouts
. “But the dance is over before midnight
,
and we all plan on coming back here so you’re not allowed to go to sleep.”

“Okay.” Something is better than nothing. I’m going to miss my senior prom. Mormon Prom, regular prom
.
I don’t want to care, but I do care. I also don’t want to go to either one pregnant. That pretty much seals it for me.

Collette sits at the table with a book in hand
,
but I know she’s been listening.

“What are we talking about in here?” Michael walks in.

“I’m trying to get Dani to come with us to Prom,” Tracy explains.

“Well, yeah. I guess I assumed you’d come with the group of us.” His eyes find mine.

Collette freezes.

“Nope.” I pull my legs onto the couch. “I’ll see you guys at the end of the night.”

“Dani.” He sits down next to me. “You shouldn’t be missing out on this just because…”

“H
ey, Michael.” Collette stands
. “Could you help me with something?”

“Sure, Mom.” He looks from his mom back to me.
He can sense it too I guess.

I want to disappear. My heart feels like darkness creeping in. “Excuse me.” I
stand
and walk wi
th blurry vision to my room. Collette
may be doing a good thing by letting me stay here
,
but there’s no way to convince me that she wants me here, not anymore.
The problem is that I have nowhere else to go.

~
~
~

I don’t want to watch Michael and Tracy leave with their group of friends
,
but it’s rude to hide in my room. Michael in his tux takes my breath away. If I’m not in love with him
now,
then I’m heading there
fast
, even though I know I shouldn’t be. Not only will he be gone soon,
but
I still can’t see
me deserving someone like him—
someone who works so hard and is always doing the right thing. It’s a lot to live up to.
Too much.

There’s no fast way to pass the time when I think about what I’m missing out on tonight. I scroll through the pictures I’ve taken over the past year. They’re definitely getting better.

The
group of them walk
in the door a little after eleven. I’m in pajamas on the couch. Collette has set out a ton of snacks for everyone. Tracy starts a movie
(after groans of protest from John and Calvin). We’re
watching
Pride and Prejudice
. The
Kiera
Knightly one.

“I need to change.” Michael winks at me as he jogs through the living room. He emerges in about three
minutes in pajama pants, and a T
-shirt. He sits down next to me on the loveseat.

“Okay, everyone has to be quiet, this is my favorite movie, ever.” Tracy warns each of us as she hits play on the DVD menu.

“Did you have fun?” I whisper to Michael.

“I guess
.
I don’t know. I wish you would have come.” He smiles at me a little
,
and I look down, letting him take my hand in his. I want to close my eyes and squeeze his hand and f
eel nothing but the warmth of him
.

We’re facing one another on the small couch, and I rest my head against the back, trying to relax with having him so close.

“Dani, I want to talk to you about an idea I have.”

I let my eyes find his again.

“With Mom moving, my dad offered for me to spend the summer working at his real estate offices in Seattle.”

“Wow.” It feels grown up and impressive.

“You know, I’d get a chance to see my dad, which doesn’t happen often, and make some money to help on my mission.”

“That’s great, Michael.” I can’t concentrate on much other than my hand in his. Why do I have to feel this way about something that’s so completely impossible?

“So, a while ago, close to ten years now, my dad remarried.” He stops and looks at the o
ther people in the room with us.
Despite the earlier protests, t
hey’re focused on the movie. “His wife has a lot of money. Her ex-husband has even more. They had two kids together; Bridger who’s always off on some sort of extreme adventure and Jackie who lives in a small houseboat on Lake Union.”

“Wow.” We haven’t talked about his f
amily much. It all sounds very…
impressive.

“Jackie has a room that she’d love for you to take.”

My mouth opens to say something, but I have no words.

Michael keeps talking. “I’ve talked to my dad, my step-mom
,
and then to Jackie. Jackie’s thrilled with the idea. She’s spoiled and a lot smarter than she lets on. She has more energy than three
people and comes off a little…
irreverent? I think that’s
the word. But she’s really cool. S
he’s been a fun big s
ister.” He looks hopeful.
Or is that just
me
?

A million thoughts rush through my head so fast that I can’t process any of them. “I don’t even know what to say. I don’t think I can afford…”

“Oh.” He holds his hand up to stop me. “Jackie’s allowance is larger than most double income families. She’s excited about the adventure of living with the pregnant girl. You may not want to deal with that.” He’s trying to warn me.

“I don’t understand why they would want to do this for someone they don’t know.” I find myself once again confused and overwhelmed at the generosity of people I’ve never met.

“
I
know you. They’re good people. You need support, Dani. I know it’s probably going to take you a while to get used to
the Washington part of my
family
,
but they’re really excited to meet you.
And maybe less judgmental than
the one here
.
”
His jaw tenses a bit, and I realize that he and his mom have probably talked about me once or twice.

I’m trying to gather my thoughts to make some sort of coherent response or decision with no luck.

“I mean
,
I don’t want you to feel like you have to do this or anything.” He watches me, waiting for me to say something. His shoulders slump down. “I’m sorry, you’re probably happier up here.”

“No, no. I’m just a little overwhelmed you know? I just…”

“It feels
good
to help people Dani. Give them the chance.” He chuckles. “You might not be thanking me a year from now when Jackie’s shopping and attempts at
ditziness
are driving you crazy.”

He stops again
, and we just stare at one another for a moment
.

“D
o you want to do this at all? Or should I just tell them thanks, but no thanks?”

“I would love to do this.” He could have no idea how much I want to do this. “I just, I’m overwhelmed. I mean
,
I know I already said that…”

He breaks out in a huge smile and he lets go of my hand to grab me in a hug. “Good. I’m so glad. I was worried I was going to have to say goodbye to you in a couple of weeks.”

I squeeze my eyes
,
and know I shouldn’t love him holding me like this as much as I do. I know I’ll follow him even if it doesn’t feel right. It
does
feel good though. I
t feels like the right thing. I’m so glad,
because
so far
,
doing the right thing has brought me a lot of tears.

Tracy glances behind her and Michael lets go of me, pulling away a little. I’m suddenly self-conscious again. I scoot to my side of the loveseat and pull my knees up. It’s getting hard to sit like this. My
belly’s
in the way. I give up and shift my legs to the side. Michael reaches over with his large hands and takes my small foot. He carefully rubs the inside of my foot and I close my eyes. It feels divine. I look over at him a few times, but he’s watching the movie. I try to do the same.

Despite having no excitement whatsoever to see this, I’m completely taken in. I’m wiping tears when Mr. Darcy looks down at Elizabeth and says, “I never wish to be parted from yo
u from this day forward.”
Michael
’s
watch
ing
me
, but
I stay focused on the screen. It’s too m
uch. Too much to recover from—
him touching me, inviting me to stay with more of his family, our earlier hug and now
the way he’s
looking at me.

I watch Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy kiss in the candlelight. “My Pearl.” I muse when the movie finishes. “What a lovely thing to be thought of.” It comes out just above a whisper.

“I told you the movie was good.” Tracy looks back at
me and Michael
.

“You did.” Michael stands up and stretches.

I watch him more closely than I have the right to. His build is strong, athletic. His body is accentuated as his arms stretch above his head
, pulling up his T-shirt to expose a sliver of stomach
.
Wow.
My
stupid pregnant girl hormones
are taking over
. This is ridiculous.