My Kiasu Teenage Life in Singapore (15 page)

Love, Pei Yi

Wednesday 19 August

Dear Mei Yee

Hi! It's now Malay period and we're doing a test. I'm so sleepy. On Sunday, Jen Nee and I went to Yoonphaik's Sunday School. There were two people there who talked to Jen Nee and me 'coz we were too new to join the others. They answered some of the questions we asked. I've decided that I don't want to go to Sunday School anymore 'coz I think I'll never be a Christian and I'll be wasting their time telling me about Jesus.

They said that Jesus is the only way to heaven. And ALL of us are sinners—we can never live up to God's expectations 'coz we're humans. And that makes us sinners? It was God who set those unattainable standards in the first place. They said that the first humans (Adam and Eve) were perfect until Adam ate an apple, thus committing a sin. So all men now have to die because of the sin. But because He loves us, He has given us a way to live eternally again—by believing and loving Jesus. Jesus sacrificed His life for us.

I feel that I would be fake and insincere if I were to suddenly believe in Jesus and become a Christian. It's as though I only became a Christian ‘coz I'm afraid to go to hell. Christians think that all those other people with other religions will perish in hell. That doesn't make sense at all to me. There are billions of people in this world who aren't Christian.

Also, they said, 'coz God loves us so much, he will keep trying to reach out to us and send people to tell us about him. In other words, Yoonphaik introducing Christianity to me is God's way of reaching out to me. Yoonphaik asked us to go to Sunday School and Jen Nee said we should go at least once since we only join them for fun activities.

So I suppose I'm all to blame for not becoming Christian since God has reached out to me. He's probably thinking, “That silly stubborn girl, blah, blah, blah.” Don't get me wrong, it's not that I do not believe there's a God, it's just that I can't be committed heart and soul to Jesus, have total faith, and trust in Him like Christians do. In fact, I find the way they talk scarry. I wouldn't want to be like that. Jen Nee thinks it's good for them to believe and it doesn't matter if it's true as long as it makes them do good things. But I can't accept that. I will only accept something if it's true regardless of the results.

And what's that about being saved, as if we're now living a tortured, terrible life? If another person tells me that I sin, I'm going to freak out. Thank goodness, the people in that church are really nice and friendly, and they don't preach and pressurize you into converting. So I don't really feel so terrible. But right after Sunday School, I was feeling pretty bothered about everything.

Do you have this “movie” in your mind of “The Perfect Life”? I do—often. It's clearly playing in my mind and it goes like this: You and I came to Singapore together, we're roommates, I'm in a Science class with some ASEAN scholars, we work hard 'coz there's competition, life's so meaningful etc. I should stop thinking 'bout it and comparing it with my present life. I want to develop a strong personality and be confident and know myself well and be “whole”. Today, the schools in Singapore were ranked. In first place was RI, second was RGS (they're so lucky). Our school ranked so low—fourteenth or fifteenth. Nanyang is sixth or seventh.

Nicole and I did this set of questions for a survey. She pretended it was for her library project and handed out ten copies to Eric, Cheng Hoe, Matt, Elizabeth, Alisa and some others. I was dying to read Eric's answers. I find that they're all very mature and they care more about studies than BGR (boy-girl-relationships) or popularity. They're mostly confident people with goals who find life meaningful. The first question “Do you always keep striving in life?” was unanimously answered “yes”. I've decided to forget 'bout boys. Reading their answers made me feel so silly and shallow.

Alisa (who's very hardworking) doesn't even think of guys. She has many admirers though. A guy from another hostel dedicated a song to her on the radio. Right now, I feel that everyone else's life is more meaningful than mine because they have a goal to work towards. When I don't have a goal, I feel empty and depressed and right now, I don't have one, really. I'm going to change—no more guys, guys, guys.

I want to show you what they wrote in the survey:

Question #1: Do you feel you have to keep striving for more and more in life?

All ten answered “Yes”.

Question #2: How do you feel about girls making the first move?

Eric: It implies that they are confident and not strapped down by the cumbersome moral values of the ancient. I don't object to it at all.

Leo: I do not wish to indulge in such cases.

Question #3: What do you think about BGR at your age?

Eric: It's permissible only if it doesn't interfere with my other priorities, namely my academic performance.

Leo: Extremely terrible and disgusting.

Question #4: Do you feel that your life is meaningful now? Please elaborate.

Eric: Only if I don't think about the bad side of things! It depresses me very much if I do. I try to look for the light at the tunnel, the silver lining etc adinfinitum, to retain my sanity.

Elizabeth: Yup! Studies are OK, social life is OK, money situation is OK, ECA is OK and—finally found a goal to work towards. Life is beautiful.

(All ten of them answered that they have a meaningful life.)

Question: #5 What do you think of one-night stands?

Cheng Hoe: Very good, if they will be infected with AIDS or STD after that (preferably AIDS).

Question #6: Do you feel it is a “must” to socialize? Please elaborate.

Eric: Only if you really enjoy it and you do not disgust anyone! I suppose you gotta have friends to help U along the way.

Cheng Hoe: Who said so? Robinson Crusoe could survive alone, why can't we?

Question #7: Do you feel it is important to be popular?

Eric: No. The cliché “be yourself ” and all that corny stuff still works. I don't care or need to be popular.

Cheng Hoe: Let it come naturally. If you always strive to be popular, it will get even further from you.

Question #8: At what age do you think we should start dating?

Eric: At the fateful age when Cupid is up to mischief again and starts firing arrows … with a machine gun. 13–15 years old=group dates; 16 years old=tadaa!!; 18 years old=get a tux, order a corsage, grab that cologne!

Question #9: What qualities do you find attractive in the opposite sex?

Eric: Confidence in oneself and sophistication in personality, not forgetting, OF COURSE, sugar and spice and everything nice—oh yeah, most important, maturity in thinking!

Cheng Hoe: Innocent, industrious.

Matt: A strong, powerful character.

Question #10: What is the ideal personality in your future partner?

Eric: Err … ahem … cough, cough … can I skip this? Just kidding, OK? Well, I'd like her to be sophisticated, sensitive, understanding, caring, humorous and liked by most people.

Cheng Hoe: She should possess the same interests and personalities as mine.

Matt: A character that is frank and direct. A firm grip on emotions, so won't crack easily.

Leo: I do not wish to have a partner!

Leo's answers are so funny that I laughed till I had a stomachache. For all the questions about girls, he put “I do not want a future partner/I do not think about it and have no opinions.” He must be gay or is destined for priesthood. When asked to list according to priorities “friends, money, career, love life, family” he put “family, religion …” and didn't put love life at all!

Love, Pei Yi

Friday 21 August
(Class trip to Malacca!!)

Dear Mei Yee

Hi! Guess where I am. I'm now in Room 701 of City Bayview in Malacca. This morning, at 7 am, we started our journey to Malacca. My classmates are so fascinated with the souvenirs and key chains made of wood on which the sellers write their names. They spent a ton on junk. Lingling spent RM154.20! I spent less than RM10. They were also surprised at the narrow streets. I'm sharing the room with Huiwee, Lingling and Yoonphaik. We've visited some historical sites like the Dutch Square, Hang Li Poh's well and A Famosa. Have you been to Malacca before?

Love, Pei Yi

Saturday 22 August

Dear Mei Yee

I saw your letter when I reached the hostel this evening. In the bus today while I was sleeping, I dreamed that I received your letter and then when I came back, I really did.

The tour had been educational but I also learned something about myself. I realized that I've been acting like a spoilt brat sometimes (not all the time) 'coz I want my own way and everyone is so nice to me, nicer than I am to them. So I'm going to change and stop being spoilt.

Love, Pei Yi

Friday 28 August

Dear Mei Yee

I have so many things to tell you. Let me do it in chronological order.

On Tuesday, Nicole told me that she had a confession to make—that she lied when she said those guys asked her to dance at the campfire she attended. She said she can't help lying sometimes—it just comes out of her mouth without her realizing, then she realizes later and but it's too late. It sounded so preposterous and I couldn't really believe such a thing could happen but when I told Jen Nee, she said it's true—she read in the newspapers that it's a sort of a disease—you lie without being aware of it! Gosh, poor Nicole! I hope she can change.

Sister Elaine, the headmistress, had a talk with Sec 3 ASEAN scholars in my school. She talked incessantly in a monologue for one whole hour. I found that quite amazing. She talked about scholars needing to behave exemplarily. Then she said Nicole, my roommate, who's in Sec 2 so she wasn't at the talk, has been doing quite badly in exams. Nicole had been given talks by MOE people and Sister Elaine, asking her if she had any problems. I doubt that Nicole will have her scholarship renewed if she doesn't improve. She doesn't really seem to study or care. Then today, she told Jen Nee and I that she has been under too much pressure, especially from her dominating and demanding mother. Her mother has placed really high hopes on Nicole and wants her to excel and fulfill her mother's dreams. According to Nicole, her mother is really pressurizing and unreasonable but I don't know if she was just trying to justify her laziness.

Jen Nee and I tried to give her advice and motivate her to study. Then we wanted to call Teensline together with her to get more advice from the counsellors, as they may have better advice, because we didn't really know how to help her but the phone line was engaged for a long time. So many people have problems!

Nicole is also not getting along with her Batchlings. By the way, there is no such word as Batchlings, I think. They find her irritating. Nicole told us that they always leave her out so we try to help her by giving her advice like 1) listen to people when they talk, 2) stop talking 'bout herself. But Nicole is really weird. She started talking about herself almost at once and her long, boring monologue is such a put-off. We tried to help her but she doesn't seem to be able to change!

Jen Nee and I decided that we will include Nicole more in our social activities, like invite her to go out to lunch and movies with us on weekends.

On Wednesday we had a rehearsal for Mid-Autumn Festival where I would be singing. I was feeling terrible 'coz at the rehearsal, I was so nervous that I couldn't sing properly. The reason for my fear was the Sec 3 guys were there, we were all in an enclosed room and I was in a terrible giggling fit during our singing. Eric was there—that made everything worse. Sophisticated, matured, confident?? I was giving the impression of being a silly, giggling idiot. That is something that I want to eradicate from my personality. No more giggling! Anyway I spent two days feeling bothered 'bout it. Nicole was also so nervous at the rehearsal that her lips were quivering.

On Thursday, the Mid-Autumn Festival was great! Immensely enjoyable—with scrumptious cuisine and hilarious performances. One sketch, acted by Matt, Cheng Hoe and Gaik Teong, was entitled “Life”. Cheng Hoe's rap was “Life … can only be meaningful with knowledge” and we laughed and laughed 'coz he's a hardworking intellectual (a mugger toad). We were roaring with laughter. My
langit langit
(the top of my mouth) hurt from laughing. The other sketch was even funnier—about hostel life. Gaik Teong was the cook and when he was frying, he dug “gold” in his nostrils, picked lice from his hair, scratched all over, and then it all went into the food! He was such a good actor and the whole thing was SO funny. The last item was our song “The Sound of Music” which has three parts. This time it was not a flop like the rehearsal because I was determined to sing confidently.

Guess what? I'm pregnant. Ha! Ha! No, lah. Actually, I wanted to say I can swim freestyle already. Not really good but at least I can get from one end of the pool to the other (not the length of the pool, though, just the width).

At the Mid-Autumn Festival, there was a quiz. One of the questions was “What is the distance between the earth and the moon?” We were thinking, how do we know. Then Cheng Hoe answered: “385,000 km” and it was correct!! Typical Cheng Hoe! Ha! Ha! There were prices for the quiz and lucky draws. Each performing group received S$30. There was this question in the quiz “What year did Apollo land on the moon?” and I raised my hand but the warden did not see. Those who answered were wrong, then he went on to another question. (Is it 1976?) I'm still in the “keep striving for more” mood. Hope it lasts.

Eric is very popular with the Networking Club members in my school. He's popular with everyone, in fact. I think it's because when he talks to you, he does so properly, like he's giving you his full attention, and he also projects a VERY good image—confident, knowledgeable, interesting, funny and cute.