My Kind of Wonderful (14 page)

H
ud’s morning had started at oh-dark-thirty with a ski patrol training session and then an incident report meeting, which had been interrupted just now by a call. A bunch of teenagers had gone up to Devil’s Face and dared each other to race down. Problem was, Devil’s Face was a double diamond and these teens were at best intermediate skiers. The math didn’t add up.

Not that this had stopped them.

One of the teens had apparently crashed and burned on the moguls, but no one had actually seen him go down. His buddies had all skied by, leaving him up there knocked out by his own snowboard.

The teen’s dad blamed one of the other dads, and then the moms had gotten into it, too, and also a grandma. The ensuing fight belonged on a trashy TV show and not on Hud’s mountain.

It was nine in the morning and he was already burned out for the day.

So things weren’t overly improved when he’d caught sight of some guy sucking on Bailey’s face.

It turned out that his day
could
get more shitty. Good to know.

“Hudson,” Bailey said when she stopped kissing the guy and the two of them walked his way. “Hey.”

“Hey.” He looked at the man at her side.

“Oh,” she said, putting a hand on the guy’s arm—her
free
hand because the other arm was already linked in his. “This is Aaron,” she said. “Aaron, this is Hudson Kincaid, one of the brothers who owns this place.”

So now Aaron knew who Hud was. But Hud still had no idea who Aaron was.

The guy offered a hand, and Hud spent a nanosecond trying to decide between shaking it and shoving his fist in the guy’s face.

Except that made no sense. None at all. Bailey wasn’t his, and even if she hadn’t made it crystal clear the week before that she wasn’t in the market for a relationship with him, he didn’t want one.

So he had no idea what his problem was.

None. Zero. Except… he did. He knew exactly what his problem was and his name was Aaron.

“I just needed to see that she’s in good hands when she’s up here,” Aaron said. “She’s important to me.”

Yeah, Hud was getting that loud and clear.

“As her fiancé,” Aaron went on, “I worry.”

Hud stopped breathing. His lungs just refused to accept air.

“Ex,” he heard Bailey say firmly. “
Ex
-fiancé.” She smacked Aaron in the chest. “You always forget that part.”

“Whoops,” Aaron said. “Sorry.” Except he didn’t look all that sorry.

And he didn’t look like an
ex
either.

Hud pulled his radio off his belt and stared at it wondering why it went off twenty-four-seven except for when he needed it to. “I’ve got to go,” he said, still staring at the radio.

“But it didn’t make any noise for once,” Bailey said.

“Got a meeting,” Hud managed, and spun on a heel and took off toward the offices.

Marcus, their equipment manager, intercepted him halfway. “Hey, there’s a problem with the quad chair on the backside. My guys’ll have it under control in a few minutes but I just wanted you to know—”

“I’ll check it out,” Hud said.

“I got it, I didn’t mean for you to—”

“I’ve got it,” Hud repeated.

Ten minutes later he was at the quad chair, which indeed had jammed. But Marcus had been right, because maintenance had the problem solved before he even got there. Which left him at the top of the mountain and, for the first time in too long, with nowhere else to be.

Which meant his mind was free to go ninety miles an hour and it did so, flashing images across the back of his eyelids at warp speed.

Bailey sitting at the top tier of the scaffolding with brush in hand, holding a look of fierce concentration on her face as she painted the Kincaid family tree in super-size.

Bailey sitting with his mom, listening to her babble on with sweet patience and not an ounce of condescension.

Bailey laying on his bed, flushed, eyes hot, body soft as she showed him her port scar, a visceral reminder of her fucking bravery.

Bailey meeting his gaze head-on and saying she didn’t want a relationship…

Bailey kissing her ex-fiancé…

His radio went off. Thank God. An emergency, which would take his head out of his own ass and put him back in the game.

A kid and an adult had reportedly collided on the bunny hill down at the bottom, near the parking lot. From where he stood it was a seven-minute hard ski. There were at least five team members who were closer than Hud, and who could and would get there first.

But he still headed that way. Three minutes into the trip, he was able to take in the lodge as it came into view and he nearly wobbled off his skis. He’d been skiing since he could walk and it’d been a damn long time since anything had shaken him into a near tumble, but this did it.

Apparently just as momentarily stunned by the sight, Aidan pulled up next to him and stopped short, sending snow flying into the air with his edges.

“Wow,” Aidan said.

Yeah. It was a big holy shit moment for Hud too. Not only was Bailey an artist—a hell of one, too—but she’d captured the Kincaid spirit. Her mural was the embodiment of what the mountain meant to them, depicting the love of the entire place in a simple tapestry-like painting of the family tree.

“
Really
amazing,” Aidan said softly. Reverently.

Speechless, Hud could only nod.

What had once been just a wall that no one had even looked at was now a nearly half-painted mural. It was a gorgeous, epic rendering with vibrant colors that popped.
Gray and Penny were… amazingly 3-D. As was the half of Aidan she’d filled in.

This morning he’d been close enough to see some of what she’d planned for him. The bare outline of Hud depicted him in the middle of the sort of ski jump only a superhero could have made, but it had made him smile.

She was having fun with it and fun with them, portraying the family in a way that included their patrons in the joke.

“So what happens when she’s done?” Aidan asked.

The question didn’t help the burning in Hud’s chest. The mural was both a tangible thing and a ticking clock, and the time was already winding down. “She leaves.”

Aidan tore his gaze off the mural and met Hud’s eyes, his own lit with surprising understanding. “Have you told her you don’t want her to?”

Hud looked at him.

“Don’t even try to deny it, man.”

Hud sighed. “I can’t.”

“Can’t?” Aidan asked. “Or won’t?”

“No, I mean
can’t
.” Hud shook his head. “She just came through what should’ve been a death sentence. Do you get that? She’s lived the past decade of her life thinking that tomorrow wasn’t going to come at all. Ever. Those days and weeks and months and
years
were spent inside doctors’ offices and hospitals, in cold, white rooms with no sense of joy or hope or anything real.” He stared at the mural. “And then when it was miraculously over, she made a list. A list of things she’d never been allowed to do, things she could only dream about—like painting a mural—and she’s working her way down that list.”

“Cool,” Aidan said. “But what does that have to do with not telling her how you feel?”

“How are you not getting this?” Hud asked. “The mural’s the first thing she’s done from that list. What in the hell kind of guy would I be if I selfishly tell her my feelings and then maybe she ends up staying with me instead of going off and sailing the Greek Islands or learning how to ballroom dance in Rome?”

“The kind of guy who fell in love,” Aidan said. “The kind of guy who could do the list
with
her because he’s been just as locked up for the past decade as she, making sure everyone in his life gets taken care of except himself.”

Hud stared at him. “Bullshit.”

“No,” Aidan said, taking a step into him now and getting right in his face. Angry. “What’s bullshit is that you think it’s okay for her to go get the life she deserves but you don’t think it for yourself.”

“My life doesn’t lend itself to relationships.”

“Look at that—even more bullshit,” Aidan said, not impressed. “I mean, yeah, you’ve got a lot going on. And more responsibilities than you know what to do with. But your family’s standing right here at your six, man, willing and able to take more on to ease some of it. All you have to do is let go.”

Hud thought of his mom. How was he supposed to pass off the burden of her care? She was his
mom
. And then there was Jacob. Wherever the hell he was, Hud was going to find him, but that was on him. Just as he was Carrie’s son, he was Jacob’s twin. And as for Gray and Aidan, he already was more indebted to them than he could ever pay back for taking in his little family of three when they’d
had nothing. Plus, they all had their own shit to deal with. Shit Hud could and would help with because they’d done so much for him. But no way in hell would he add to their burdens. “It’s not that easy to let go,” he said.

“Yes, it is,” Aidan insisted. “The people in your life, the very people that you’re counting now in your head as responsibilities, they don’t have to be a burden to you. We don’t
want
to be a burden to you.”

“You’re not,” Hud said.

“Yeah? Then prove it. You’re standing right here telling me Bailey can’t love you because she has too much to do, but we both know you’re the one who feels that way. You won’t let yourself love.”

“Will you stop with the love shit?” Hud asked. “I’ve got more important stuff than to worry about that right now.”

“Jacob, right?” Aidan asked. “But Jacob’s gone, man. He’ll come back when he’s good and ready, and not a second before. That’s not on you, Hud. You don’t have to put your life on hold just because he’s gone.”

Hud closed his eyes. “Yes, I do.”

“Why?” Aidan demanded.

“Because it’s my fault he’s gone.” Hud swallowed hard and shook his head at the memory of his harsh words. He was still able to perfectly see, even after all this time, the look of shock and hurt on Jacob’s face.

“Hud,” Aidan said with shocking gentleness. “No one blames you.”

“
I
blame me,” Hud said tightly. He opened his eyes and met Aidan’s confused ones. “There’s no one else to blame.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“The last words I said to him were ‘we’re no longer brothers.’”

Aidan stared at him for a beat and then sighed. “You were angry—”

“No excuse.”

“You were hurt—”

“So was he,” Hud said.

Aidan put his hand on Hud’s shoulder. “Listen to me very carefully because I’m only going to say this once so you need to really hear me.” He paused. “What happened was every bit as much Jacob’s fault as yours.
It was
,” he reiterated when Hud opened his mouth to speak. “You’ve got to stop beating the shit out of yourself over it. More than that, you have to forgive yourself.”

“Yeah? And why is that?” Hud asked.

“Because wherever Jacob is right now? He’s forgiven you.”

Hud stared at him, wanting to believe that was true. “How do you know?”

“I know,” Aidan said in a voice of steel. “I ever tell you about the time I crashed Gray’s truck?”

“You never crashed Gray’s truck.”

Aidan laughed mirthlessly. “Wrong. I was fourteen and a real punk-ass, too, just like you. No doubt it’s in the Kincaid genes. Just one more thing to thank our dad for, right?” He shook his head. “Anyway, Gray had just gotten a truck. He’d saved for a couple of years, from even before he could drive. And he loved it more than he did girls, if that tells you anything. He was fixing it up every night after school and work. I wanted to help, but he wouldn’t let me. He told me to keep my grimy hands off it.”

“Let me guess,” Hud said. “You didn’t.”

“Nope. One night after he’d gone to bed, I stole his keys and took it for a joyride. It was snowing.”

Hud grimaced. Gray was notoriously, ridiculously attached to his vehicles. “You had a death wish?”

Aidan grinned. “Yeah, pretty much. The driveway out of the apartment complex we lived in—you remember it from when you came a few years later.”

“That driveway was a sheet of ice in the winter,” Hud said.

“Yep. I slid all the way down the thing and hit the mailboxes at the other end. Which of course saved my life because it meant I didn’t slide into the street and oncoming traffic.” Aidan let out a breath. “Which didn’t save me from Gray’s wrath, by the way.”

“A little pissed, was he?”

Aidan laughed. “
Beyond
pissed. I’d never seen him so furious before, or since, actually. Luckily, I had a concussion and had to go to the hospital. I fully expected to be arrested for grand theft auto when I was released, but instead Gray was waiting for me.” Aidan shook his head. “I saw him and thought, well, it was a good run, I’d managed to keep myself alive for fourteen years, and had a good time while I was at it.”

Hud laughed. “He kill you fast, or torturously slow?”

“I was just hoping for fast,” Aidan said. “But he shocked me. He hauled me in for a hard hug and said we were blood. He said that we’d never stop being blood and blood didn’t kill blood—much as it might want to. Gray also informed me that until further notice when he asked me to jump, I was only to ask how high.” Aidan shook his head. “I was his bitch for months.”

Hud laughed even as the humor was replaced by a hard
knot of something in his chest. Grief. Regret. Frustration. “Jacob isn’t Gray.”

“No,” Aidan said. “But he is blood. You might have some hoops to jump, but nothing can change that one fact—blood is blood.”

I
t was several hours later before Hud got any kind of break and headed back to the lodge, starving. He ran into Gray on the steps and they entered the cafeteria together.

At a corner table sat Penny, Lily, and… Bailey. The three of them were clearly enjoying a late lunch together, laughing over something.

Gray grinned. “I just found what I want for lunch.”

Hud rolled his eyes and followed Gray to the table.

“And then, hand to heaven,” Penny was saying, “I heard Hud say to Gray, ‘Touch that remote, even think about switching the channel from
Say Yes to the Dress
, and I promise to act appropriately grief stricken at your funeral.’”

Lily snorted tea out of her nose.

Bailey laughed so hard she slid out of her chair and hit the floor.

The story was complete bullshit with not a lick of truth to it.

Okay, fine, so maybe he’d watched the show
one
time, but only because Penny had been really sick with pneumonia and they’d all taken turns sitting with her—babysitting her. When it’d been Hud’s turn, she insisted on that show. And yeah, maybe they’d spent the entire afternoon critiquing the dresses and soaking up the family drama on-screen. Hud looked at Gray, who went palms up like,
Hey, don’t look at me, I can’t control her
.

Shaking his head, Hud walked over to Bailey and scooped her up, setting her back into her chair. He knew better than to ask her if she was okay. Besides, she was still laughing so hard he had to keep his hands on her shoulders to hold her into the chair so that she wouldn’t slide to the floor again.

She got herself together enough to say to him, “I like that show too.”

Christ. He slid Penny a you’re-going-to-die-slowly look, which she, predictably, ignored.

Lily was trying to clean herself up after snorting her tea. “Damn,” she said to Penny. “I know better than to drink when you’re telling a story.”

Penny innocently dabbed her mouth with a napkin, smiling up at her husband. “Hey there, big guy. Want to buy me dessert?”

Gray grinned at her. “I’ve already got your dessert, babe.”

She gave him a saucy look before reaching for her purse, stopping to glance at Lily. “You gotta go, too, right?”

“In a few,” Lily said, and then suddenly jumped with an “ow” and a dirty look in Penny’s direction.

“Thought you had to get back to work too,” Penny said
meaningfully, jerking her head in Hud’s direction. Either she was having a seizure or she wanted them all to leave Bailey and Hud alone.

Subtle.
Not
. But Lily wasn’t getting it. “I’ve got another ten minutes—” She started, only to jump like she’d been kicked again. “Dammit, would you stop doing that—”

“You said you had an appointment,” Penny said slowly, once again going with the head jerk in Bailey’s direction.

“Oh!” Lily said, the lightbulb going off. She too grabbed her bag and stood. “Right. You’re so right. I’ve got an appointment.”

“Uh-huh,” Hud said, smelling a rat. A matchmaking rat named Penny. “And what’s this appointment for?”

“Dentist,” Lily said.

“Client,” Penny said at the same time.

The two of them looked at each other.

“I’ve got a salon client,” Lily corrected. “A cut and color—”

“She has a dentist appointment,” Penny said at the same time.

Disgusted, Hud looked at Gray.

Gray was hiding his smile behind his hand as he rubbed it over his mouth. He hauled his woman into his arms. “Dessert?” Gray was a one-track-mind sort of guy.

“Mm-hmm,” Penny said, and kissed him.

And then they were gone, heading straight for the staff entrance, which led to the offices.

Which meant that they’d be in Gray’s office with the door locked and no one would see either of them for at least an hour.

“I’m off too,” Lily said.

“To your dentist appointment,” Hud said with narrowed eyes.

“Um, yes. Right.”

Hud shook his head at her but she just smiled, went up on tiptoe to kiss his cheek, winked at Bailey, and then was gone too.

When Bailey stood, Hud grabbed her hand and reeled her in a little bit. “Where you going?”

“Back to work.”

“You really going to run off after they worked so hard to get us alone together?”

She met his gaze, studying him a moment. He studied her right back. Her knit cap was sunshine yellow today, suiting her rosy complexion, which was a lot less pale than it had been her first week up here. She’d gotten a little color from being outside on the weekends, giving her a healthy glow that made him happy to see.

She’d shed her jacket and was in just a stark white, long-sleeved V-neck T-shirt that fit her like a second skin and pretty much took his breath away. She also wore skinny-cut ski pants today that hung low on her hips and were tucked into boots that made her legs look a mile long.

She had a streak of pale blue paint on her yellow cap, some purple over her jaw, and forest green across one breast.

She’d never looked better to him. “Tell me about the fiancé,” he heard himself say.

“You mean the ex-fiancé.”

“He was kissing you,” Hud pointed out.

“Right,” she said. “
He
was kissing
me
. I was not kissing him.”

He just looked at her.

She blew out a breath and looked around. “Listen, I’d like to tell you the whole, sordid story but I can’t go on until I get some chocolate. And I promised myself that I’d take a few ski runs during my lunch break today. I really want to be a better skier.”

He took her hand and tugged her toward the front of the cafeteria. The lines were long today. Too long. So he steered her past them, grabbing a handful of candy bars on the way.

At the front he waved at the checkout clerk. He’d known Sydney since tenth-grade algebra. He’d done her math homework and she’d written his English papers for him. And sometimes, when he’d gotten very lucky, they’d done other stuff for each other in the back of her daddy’s truck. For each other.
To
each other…

She winked at him and nodded that she’d put the candy bars on his account, waving him off at the same time. Fifteen minutes later he’d gotten Bailey skis and boots from rentals and had her on a lift with him.

“What are we doing?” she asked, breathless, and it was no wonder. She made getting on a lift a dangerous sport, knocking out an entire line of people. Hud had shown her the right way to get on, which didn’t involve injuring any of his paying guests. “You’re telling me a story,” he said. “And I’m going to make you a better skier.”

At least a non-dangerous one…

“Cocky much?” she asked.

“Nope. Just good.” He dumped four different candy bars into her lap. “Wasn’t sure which one you’d like.”

“You didn’t ask.”

“Didn’t need to, because I covered all the options available,” he said. “Pick your poison.”

“And if I said I wanted all of them…?”

He laughed. “I’d probably try to sweet-talk you out of the Snickers.”

She didn’t look impressed. “She winked at you.”

“She?” he asked.

“The cute blond clerk at the checkout.”

“She did,” Hud agreed. “Sydney.”

“
Sydney
the cute blond clerk winked at you.”

“Jealous?”

“Of course not. Why did she wink at you?”

“Because I’m cute too?” he asked.

She narrowed her eyes. “You’re something,” she agreed. “But not cute. A mountain cat isn’t cute. Smart, sleek, beautiful, and
deadly
, maybe. But not cute.”

He laughed again. He was doing that a lot around her. “You think I’m smart, sleek, and beautiful?”

“And deadly,” she pointed out. “And most definitely
not
cute.”

The lift slowed and then stopped entirely. Someone had undoubtedly fallen off of it either at the top or the bottom. But for once Hud was happy to be stuck on a lift. “Tell me more,” he said.

“About…?”

“Eric.”

“Aaron.” She narrowed her eyes. “And you knew that.”

He shrugged. Yeah, he’d known that.

“He was my first boyfriend,” she said. “For a lot of years. And he’s my only ex.”

“Only?” he asked, not sure he could have heard right. She was sweet and cute and sexy and smart and talented… Why in the world would she have had only one boyfriend?

Because, you idiot, she fought cancer for most of her life
.

“I got sick when I was fifteen,” she said softly, confirming his thought as she stared out at the scenic view of the Rockies for as far as the eye could see.

Reaching over, he covered her hand with his. “You don’t have to—”

“No,” she said. “I want you to understand. It wasn’t pretty, Hudson. I ended up out of school more than I was in it. Aaron lived next door and he would bring me my homework and help me.”

Well, hell. He’d been working up a good and instant dislike of the guy and as it turned out, Aaron deserved more than that from him.

The lift still didn’t budge. He could hear the conversation on his radio, turned to low. A beginner had fallen getting off the lift. She was six and was apparently in the middle of a full-blown temper tantrum.

Hud had never been more grateful for a spoiled little kid in his life.

A low cloud had moved in and blanketed most of the landscape, leaving them in their own little world. Bailey looked lost in her memories, and unhappy.

He squeezed her gloved hand with his. “You were sick for a long time,” he said quietly, wanting her to keep talking.

“More accurately, I was a dead girl walking.”

He made a completely involuntary sound from deep in his throat. It could only be described as sheer grief at the thought of her no longer being in this world. She turned her hand over to grip his fingers in hers.

Comforting him.

Yep. Most amazing woman he’d ever met.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I always forget. I had a lot of years to get used to it, but I shouldn’t blurt it out like that.”

“Yes,” he said. “You should. Don’t ever sugarcoat things, Bailey, not for me. I want to hear it, all of it.”

She nodded. “I wasn’t supposed to live. We all knew it. Aaron stayed by my side, even when…” She grimaced. “Even when I knew we didn’t love each other in the right way. I dreamed of passion, and I craved it, but I didn’t feel that with him. And yet he was a rock for me, always. Even when, as it turned out, he also needed… more. So yes, he’s still in my life. Sometimes more than I want him to be,” she said wryly. “But I’ve already broken his heart. I won’t push him away as a friend too. I can’t.”

“I get that,” Hud said. He also loved that about her. Loyalty meant everything to him, and she was the definition of the word.

“We’re not together, Aaron and me,” she said, turning her head to meet his gaze as she revealed her own, open and honest. “Not like that. And haven’t been for a long, long time.”

All Hud could manage was a nod because for a while now he’d had a fist around his heart. Part of it was worrying about his mom and her condition. Another part of it belonged overseas, wherever Jacob was fighting for his country and probably his damn life—he’d had no word from Max.

But some of that grip on his heart was Baily and it had just loosened.

Which was bad. Very bad.

The lift started again and then stopped with another jerk. The radio squawked to life. The newbie skier two
chairs behind the little girl had been inexplicably wearing jeans—which had gotten frozen to the seat of the lift—and as she’d tried to get off, she’d ended up dangling upside down.

“Do you think she’s literally hanging by the seat of her pants?” Bailey asked, horrified.

He shrugged. “It happens.”

“Not to me,” she said. “Even I know better than to wear jeans to ski.”

“Yeah?” He smiled at her. “What else do you know?”

She gave him a slow smile. “That I want another night with you.”