My Life as a Stuntboy (9 page)

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Authors: Janet Tashjian

BOOK: My Life as a Stuntboy
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When I get home, school is still in session, so I go to Mom's office to tell her about my stunt. I wait until she finishes examining the dachshund with the bladder infection, then tell her how I met Tanya Billings and how I needed only one take.
dachshund
“I found something I'm good at,” I say. “Something I can do without support and reminders every five minutes.”
reminders
antiseptic
My mother washes her hands with the antiseptic soap as she talks. “Please don't tell me you're thinking about this as a career! Stuntmen have shoot-outs and drive cars a hundred miles an hour. You're not going to grow up and do that for a living, are you?”
candidates
How did the conversation go from “I'm so proud of you” to “you can't do that!” in less than five seconds?
“I just wanted to tell you about my day. Sheesh.”
“Well, it sounds wonderful. And I'm glad you're back early because one of the tutor candidates is coming at four. You can let me know what you think.”
The artificial world of the movie suddenly seems like the best possible
place to live. No homework, no tutors, no worried parents—just free food, stunts, and pretty movie stars with soft hands.
“Can you see if Frank needs to be changed?” she asks. “He seemed a little sluggish this morning. I want to make sure he's okay.”
sluggish
Mom stands by the door with her file folder and calls the next patient. A woman in the waiting room grabs two cat crates from the floor and hurries into the examination room; she looks like she's rushing to catch a plane with armloads of luggage.
Before she follows the woman into the room, Mom turns to me. “See you in a few hours, Doc.”
It's one of those parent comments that's funny and not funny at the same time.
communicating
I head into the house to check on Frank, hoping I'll have some time to myself before school lets out and the tutor arrives. I check my cell to see if Matt texted me. He didn't. It's probably the longest we've gone without communicating unless one of us was on vacation.
I decide to take things into my own hands and wait for him at his house after school.
 
 
I see Matt walking down the street before he sees me. When he does, I'm relieved to see him smile.
“How'd it go?” he asks.
“I had a blast. I left you texts and a voicemail—did you get them?”
relieved
He nods. “Yesterday was nuts. You know the parking garage at UCLA? I tried climbing up the side and fell. That guard was furious. My leg is bruised, but nothing broke.”
daredevil
“You've never even done the bottom row of that garage—I can't believe you tried to go all the way up. Were you by yourself?”
He nods again.
“We said we wouldn't do parkour without someone else there. You could've gotten hurt. Why are you acting like such a daredevil?”
“What—I'm the scaredy-cat, and you're the big, bad stuntman? You think you're the only one who can climb twenty-foot walls?”
android
“No, of course not. You just need to be careful.”
“Are you giving advice now?”
I'm wondering if the aliens who abducted my parents have now replaced my best friend with an envious android. I try to steer the subject back on track by telling
Matt about Tanya Billings. I even tell him Tanya asked my dad when I'd be back on set.
“She did not!” Matt jumps off the stairs and throws his backpack into the air. “Can I meet her too?”
I tell Matt that I asked Tony the same question, but he said no visitors on set. Matt sits back down.
“Who does she play in the movie, your character's sister?”
“Uhm, actually, she is the main character. She plays Chris.”
Matt seems confused. “You're doing stunts for Tanya Billings?”
“Sure am.” And pretty proud of it too.
“You're doing stunts for a GIRL?” Matt collapses onto the ground with laughter. “Why didn't you tell me you were playing a girl? That's hilarious!”
“I'm not
playing
anything,” I say. “I'm not an actor. I do her stunts.”
“Yes, but when you climb over that twenty-foot wall, you're doing it as a girl, right? That's beautiful.” He pulls out his cell and starts texting.
“Who are you texting? No one cares!”
“Joe and Swifty will love this,” Matt answers.
transferred
“I miss two days of school, and you start hanging out with those knuckleheads?”
We've known Joe since first grade; Swifty is a kid who transferred to our school last year and lives next door to Carly. He's got a sick sense of humor and walks so slowly, Matt and I nicknamed him Swifty his first week here.
“Why on earth would you do
stuff with them?” I ask. “They don't even skateboard.” As soon as I say it, I realize how stupid it sounds: Matt and I have been friends since way before we started skateboarding. He's always meant more to me than someone to ride with.
“Swifty's dad manages a storage facility down by the highway. You should've seen us running through this huge warehouse of crates. I even sat in a forklift. It was
real,
a hundred times better than a movie set.”
facility
Matt picks up his phone on the first ring. “I'm with the stuntboy,” Matt says. “He's doing stunts for a GIRL.”
“Not just a
girl,
” I grumble. “Tanya Billings.”
“I guess they needed someone
petite,” Matt continues. “Someone Tanya Billings's size.”
petite
“Why are you doing this?” I ask. “You're wrecking everything!” I jump on my board and head down Matt's driveway.
physics
“See you tomorrow,” Matt calls. “Stuntgirl!”
If I ever make it through middle school and end up taking high school physics, I hope the teacher explains the universal principle of how a day can go from being the best you've ever had to the absolute, total worst.

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