My Life as a Stuntboy (8 page)

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Authors: Janet Tashjian

BOOK: My Life as a Stuntboy
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The crew still isn't finished lighting the fake neighbors' house, so Tony and I go over to craft services.
He doesn't have to tell me to avoid temptation; I already plan on filling my pockets AFTER my stunts.
“Hey, you want to meet Tanya Billings? She's right over there.” Tony points to a pretty girl in front of the muffins. I recognize her right away and hope he doesn't introduce us because I already know I'll say something stupid.
temptation
bewildered
But it's not seeing a big movie star that has me bewildered; it's what she's wearing.
Dogbone pajamas.
“Why is she wearing the same pajamas as me?” I whisper to Tony.
He seems as confused as I do. “Because she's in your scene. She's playing Chris.”
“Chris is a GIRL?” I shout.
“I thought you said you read the script. Of course Chris is a girl.”
This is what happens when you assume that if something is important enough, somebody will end up telling you about it. I can't blame anyone but myself.
My mind races through a million thoughts. What will my friends say
when they find out I'm pretending to be a girl? Do I have any friends left? Why hasn't Matt called me back? Am I going to have to do any girl stuff? Does this mean I'm now a stuntgirl?
Then the news hits me: Tanya Billings is the biggest teen star in the world, and I'm doing the stunts she's too afraid to do! Girl stunts or not, it's still amazing.
When Tony brings me over to meet Tanya, I'm feeling pretty good about myself—until I have to open my mouth.
“I'm Tanya. You must be my stuntman,” she says. “Or stuntboy. Whatever the word is.”
I stammer what's supposed to be an introduction, but all that emerges is a series of grunts.
stammer
“I didn't get that,” Tanya says. “What's your name again?”
What comes out next is the closest thing to
Derek
I can muster.
“Doc? That's a cute nickname. Nice to meet you, Doc.” When she shakes my hand, her skin is soft and warm and feels like the bread my mom bakes when it comes out of the oven.
One of the production assistants leads Tanya to the set to get ready for her scene.
“That went well,” Tony says.
“Really? You think so?”
“I'm goofing on you,” he answers. “You were a mess! She's a twelve-year-old kid too—you don't have to be so nervous around her.”
I tell Tony I won't be such a loser next time.
“Dude, there won't be a next time. She's the talent, you're the stuntboy. When they're filming your stunt, she's gone for the day or shooting somewhere else. I've worked on tons of movies. Sometimes I barely meet the actor I'm jumping off buildings for.”
Tanya walks across the lot with an entourage of assistants and makeup people. She looks over her shoulder and gives me a wave. “Good luck on your jump, Doc!”
Like a knucklehead, I walk into a post as I wave good-bye.
entourage
 
 
fiasco
“They're ready for you,” Tony says. “All set?”
The fiasco with Tanya got me off track, but the cup of hot chocolate and raisin bagel with cream cheese helps get me back on course. The director comes over and puts her arm around me.
“If Tony says you're the boy for the job, then you're the boy for the job.” She pats me on the head, which
sends the hair and makeup people running over to spruce me up. I haven't been this fussed over since I was little and my mother used to try to beat down my cowlicks on school picture day.
cowlicks
The director shows me marks on the ground that she wants me to hit before I make it to the wall. “This way you'll be in frame—from the back of course.” Tony and I run through the stunt one more time for the director to see. I start at the front steps of the house, jump over the wagon in the fake yard, vault over the table, and climb up and over the wall. After I'm done, I walk back around to the director.
“That was perfect,” she says with a smile. “Do it just like that, and we'll get it in one take.”
This is probably the only time in
my life I've ever done anything right the first time. When I look over at Dad, he's beaming. I'm glad he saw this “perfection” too so I'll have a witness to such a monumental event.
monumental
horrified
As I smile back at him, I realize the person he's standing there talking to is Tanya Billings.
When she sees me looking, she waves. “Go, Doc! Go, Doc! Go, Doc!”
I am horrified and run back to take my mark.
“Would you stop trying to impress her?” Tony laughs. “She was having a farting contest with the actor who plays her father yesterday. She's just a kid like you.”
The thought of Tanya Billings of television and movie fame having a farting contest makes me laugh
out loud, and when the director shouts “action!” I run through all the obstacles in the backyard and scramble up the wall as if aliens really are chasing me. I'm on the other side of the wall when the director yells “cut!”
The next thing I hear causes me to break into a giant grin—the crew is applauding.
“Great job, Derek.” Collette turns to the assistant director. “I think that's a keeper.”
The assistant director calls over to the camera assistant to “check the gate.” I know from being on sets with my father that the cameraman or -woman needs to look into the camera to make sure no hairs or dust ruined the shot before the crew goes on to the next scene. All
the crewmembers stand quietly and wait for the camera assistant.
“All set,” she says.
“We're moving on, people,” the assistant director says to the crew.
“The junkyard scene is in a few days,” the director says. As she walks with me, three other people follow her, waiting to ask her a million questions. It's kind of like the director is the teacher and everybody else on set is a student. “Tony will give you a call to let you know when.”
whisked
And before I get a chance to thank her for letting me be a part of her movie, she's whisked away by one of her assistants.
“You were amazing,” Dad says. “One-Take Fallon. You want to go to craft services to celebrate?”
I try to catch a glimpse of Tanya Billings, but everyone has moved to another part of the soundstage to get ready for the next shot. My father guesses who I'm looking for.
“She was calling you Doc.” Dad laughs. “I told her your name was Derek.”
“You and Tanya Billings were having a discussion about me?” I'd sink into the ground with embarrassment if I weren't too busy trying to decide which candy bar to eat first.
“She had to prepare for the next scene, so she couldn't stay,” Dad says, “but she asked what day you were coming back.”
“She did?” Even shelves full of candy bars are not as important as this extraordinary news.
extraordinary
“She did.” Dad's grin is so wide, I can see the silver fillings on his back teeth. “I think she likes you.”
I can't decide if I'm horrified or thrilled to be having this conversation with my dad. On the drive home, I make him repeat his conversation with Tanya Billings fifty times.

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