My Most Excellent Year (26 page)

I couldn’t find much time to visit with friends in Mexico City over Christmas because my calendar didn’t have any more room on it. If I wasn’t on my cell with Anthony, I was sitting in front of our television set with a workbook in my lap and a DVD entitled
American Sign Language for All
spinning in its tray. (I’m sorry—I simply
cannot
allow him to know more things than I do.) You’re lucky that Jack didn’t have any deaf adversaries in his life, because nothing in
American Sign Language for All
would have prepared you for the basic niceties like “How are you enjoying the Politburo, Mrs. Khrushchev?”

If I hadn’t discovered ASL Online, I’d have been up a creek.

Mamita had met Anthony and Hucky briefly when she picked me up at The Word Shop Café for a dental appointment, and (like anyone else they smile at) she was absolutely enchanted. So she spent most of December 28 helping me download assorted signing dictionaries from the Internet, and on the 29th we tracked down a subtitled copy of
Mary Poppins
(“
Por qué está flotando ese hombre en el techo, Señorita Poppins?
”) in order to translate as much of it as possible with our fingers. I now have a mother who’s learning American Sign Language in Spanish.

“
Let us never negotiate out of fear. But let us never fear to negotiate. Love, Anthony.”

I think I’m losing my mind.

Fondly,

Alejandra

P.S. Speaking of Mamita, she and Papa attended Parents’ Night at school. I was deathly afraid that they were going to find out about my secret life as an errant ingénue, and I had good reason: Mrs. Fitzpatrick couldn’t wait to blab to them about
Kiss Me, Kate
. Fortunately, Papa and Mamita know as much about musical comedy as Augie knows about Max Schmeling and Joe Louis, so when Papa pressed me for more details in the limo on the way home, I assured him that
Kiss Me, Kate
was nothing more than a kids’ version of
The Taming of the Shrew
. (Papa approves of both Shakespeare and serious drama—though I never actually said that
Kate
was either, Your Honor.) I don’t know how long I can keep this up. What if they want to come to a performance??

Dear Jacqueline,

I was in no mood to be crossed during rehearsals this afternoon, especially since nobody’s learned the second act yet except for the songs, and we open on Valentine’s weekend for a three-performance run. That’s only five weeks from now! How on earth am I supposed to pull it all together by then??

“Get up there on the stage,” ordered Anthony from his customary seat in the front row. “You’ll have it down cold in
half
that time.”

“Yeah,”
signed Hucky from his customary seat by Anthony’s right elbow.
“There’s no business like show business.”
(Augie taught him that in Vermont. Anthony and I both agreed that if Hucky begins quoting Bette Davis next, we’re not allowing Augie within fifty feet of him. Ever.)

R
EHEARSAL
N
OTES

1. We began with my first scene. Fred Graham is a theatre director, and Lilli Vanessi is a star. Even though they’re divorced, they’ve agreed to play Katharine and Petruchio in this production of
Shrew
—and you can tell right off the bat that there’s still some attraction there. For reasons of her own in choosing our Fred, Mrs. Packer cast Keith Marshall, a good-looking tenth grader who hasn’t brushed his teeth since the Clinton administration. In fact, you can always tell when he’s entered behind you because the aroma precedes him every time he breathes. (Unless my costume is equipped with an oxygen mask, the kissing scenes are going to be toxic.) This afternoon, his bouquet-of-lunch was still so pungent, I didn’t even bother to face him while we were performing “Wunderbar.” Instead, I deliberately sang it out front to Hucky—who grinned bashfully
and waved to me. Since he clearly knows nothing about Method Acting or the Fourth Wall, I waved back.

2. Mrs. Packer had to take a telephone call in the faculty lounge, so the rest of us moved out into the auditorium to watch Augie run through “Too Darn Hot.” It’s the only song in the show that’s ready for opening night, but we all get such a kick out of it that there’s at least one command performance at every rehearsal. When Augie stomps his feet and sings, “But I’d be a flop with my baby tonight, ’cause it’s too darn hot” and then winks at Andy, it’s too darn cute. But today there was no stomp and definitely no wink. As a matter of fact, they didn’t make eye contact once. Something is radically wrong.

3. I used my downtime to explain the story of
Kiss Me, Kate
to Hucky, which was clearly going to be a challenge. The signs that Mamita and I downloaded from the Internet had certainly covered basic English, but I wasn’t sure how well they embraced Cole Porter lyrics.

“Now, the scene you just saw,” I began, pointing to the stage.

“Was about you and T.C.,”
he concluded, nodding like he already knew.

“What??”

“She pretends she doesn’t like him and he pretends he doesn’t care.”
I had no handy rebuttal to that particular allegation and wouldn’t have been able to come up with one if I’d been given a week’s notice. So I countered with the only safe reply I could think of.

“The toilet is not working properly.”

4. Mrs. Packer called places for my final number, which still hadn’t been staged yet. This was the battle I’d been dreading since
the day I’d been cast as Lilli—so while the chorus assumed their positions behind me, I knelt down on the edge of the stage and whispered nervously to my director, who was taking notes on a yellow pad in an aisle seat.

“Mrs. Packer?”

“Yes, Alejandra?”

“Uh—I’m sorry, but I just can’t sing a song called ‘I Am Ashamed That Women Are So Simple.’ I have a NOW card.” From the back of the stage, I heard the always-reliable Lee fanning the flame toward a brushfire.

“Hear, hear,” she mumbled. Mrs. Packer put down her script patiently as though she’d been through this argument before.

“Alé, I understand your concern, but it’s an important part of the scene.”

“Yes, but—”

“Honey, we can’t work around it.” She shrugged and signaled Mr. Disharoon to cue the number. By now, the other kids had gotten wind of what was going on, and rehearsals promptly stopped dead in their tracks for the next twenty minutes as entire armies formed on both sides of the Continental Divide. Predictably, all of the girls stood behind me and Lee as their leaders, while most of the boys backed up the dentally challenged Keith as theirs.

“But Kate’s right. Men are more complicated.”

“Hellooo? What universe spawned
you
?”

“Aw, chill out. It’s not like she sings ‘I Am Ashamed That Women Are So
Stupid
.’”

“Don’t go there. I’m warning you.” This last rebuke came un-expectedly from Mrs. Packard, who realized she’d inadvertently
taken sides in a gender war. What else could she do??

5. Once the offending number had been eliminated, we wrapped up rehearsal with a walk-through of “So in Love With You Am I.” This is one routine I know so well, I could perform it under a general anesthetic. But halfway through the second verse, I happened to glance toward the back of the house and noticed an out-of-place yet familiar curly head nodding in time to the Cole Porter rhythm.
Carlos?? What’s
he
doing here?
My brother’s unexpected presence so threw me that I went up on my lyrics for the one and only time in my life. Even Mrs. Packer was startled.

“Uh, Alejandra?” she cued, looking up from her script. “It’s ‘in love with my joy delirious.’”

“I know.” I blushed. “Excuse me for just a moment.” While an oblivious Mr. Disharoon continued to play the melody line, I made my way up the aisle and accosted my brother like I’d just discovered what “fratricide” meant.

“You can’t just show up without warning me,” I hissed, leaning down to him in the last row. “You’re not even supposed to
be
here!” In reply, Carlos turned on one of those easy grins that have made him a regular fixture on several of our larger continents.

“Hey,” he admonished defensively, “if I’m going to go to bat for you, I need to know that you’ve got the right stuff.” Then he glanced up at the stage and turned back to me. If it were anybody else, I’d almost think he was awed. “Sis,” he whispered, “you’re
really good!
”