My Name Is River Blue (31 page)

Marcia Medlock, who
was only a few years away from retirement, stunned me when she introduced
herself as the nurse who found me in the pediatric waiting room of the hospital
almost fifteen years before my appendix ruptured. I attacked her with questions
as if I were a police detective, and Marcia gave me every detail of our first meeting,
and at my urging, told me the story again. I was fascinated, but I wished that
she knew more about my mother.

"I always
knew that someone found me in pediatrics but I didn't have details. Thank you
for passing the word to keep the blanket and nametag with me," I said. "I've
managed to hold on to both of them."

"You know, River,
I went for years wondering what became of you, and when I saw the first
newspaper story about you playing football, I can't tell you how thrilled I was.
It had your school picture next to the story, and I remember thinking that I
was right."

"Right
about what?'

"I told all
the girls who were cooing over you in the nursery that it was a preview of
things to come. You were such a beautiful baby boy that I knew you were bound
to turn into a handsome young man one day."

"Thanks."
I blushed and Marcia thought it was cute which made me blush again. I was happy
when she changed the subject.

"I came to
two of your football games. Those were the first games I had watched since I
was in high school. I was very proud of you when I listened to all the people
around me cheer your name. The Harper Springs fans love you."

"They love
to take their minds off their problems and feel like a part of a winner just
like fans of any sport. They love to brag about their school team and their
town. I bet that some of them don't love me very much for losing our game with
the Eagles."

"If that's
true, it'll pass, River. As for me, you brought back some great memories. I'm
single with no children, so other than work, my life is boring. Watching you
play was really exciting, almost like I was in high school again."

"I hope you
get to come next season. You should watch from the sideline with the team. We
could use a nurse, and if you're with the team, you don't pay to watch."

"That
sounds fun, but I doubt your coach would want an old lady getting in the
way."

I laughed. "He
would have
loved
an older lady who happened to be a nurse at our last
game. Our team doctor was running his old butt off between the guys with the
stomach bug and the ones with normal injuries."

"Hmm. Well,
tell you what, River. You ask your coach, and if he ever needs me, I'd be glad
to help out."

"Plan on it.
You need to get out and do things. Do you ever walk? Like at the park? I like
to go there and jog the trail, but I could walk it with you. You should join me
sometimes."

Marcia laughed. "Maybe
I'll do that, but you better walk slowly."

"I live at
Tolley House, and you're welcome to visit. Give me your phone number before I
leave here, so we can stay in touch and plan something. My fifteenth birthday
is coming up on December 19, and I'll have a little party where I work at Deer
Lake Farm. You're welcome to come."

Marcia was
immediately interested in the farm. "Does Manny still live there?"

I was surprised
that she knew Manny, and even more surprised when she told me that she had been
good friends with Manny's mother for years before Mrs. Flores and her husband
moved back to Mexico.

Marcia went on
to explain that she first met Maria Flores and her young son, Gabe, when she
helped treat the boy's broken arm in the ER. Years later, when Gabe was twenty
years old, Marcia was part of the ER team trying to save his life from a
gunshot wound when another ambulance brought in her husband, a car accident victim.
Gabe Flores and Robert Medlock both died on the same night, and Marcia never
worked in the ER again.

When Manny
visited me in the hospital, I told him about meeting Marcia, and he made a
point to find her and reinforce my invitation for her to join us for my
birthday. I was glad to see her when she came to the farm, and I think it
helped her to socialize with us. She visited with us a few more times while I
was in high school, and on Friday nights during football season, she often
assisted our team doctor on the sideline during our home games.

The day before my
doctor released me from the hospital, Papa was sitting with me when Howie
Spearman from
The State Reporter
knocked on my room door. After I invited
him into my room, I joked that I was reading one of his stories when I got so
sick my guardians had to call for an ambulance. We all had a laugh, and he got
to the point of his visit.

"River, I
hope I'm not bothering you, but I thought this might be a good time to cheer
you up a bit. The newspaper has started an annual awards program for high
school student athletes. Each reporter gets to choose an athlete from his area to
give a gift that would be meaningful to that athlete's future academic success.
The short story is that I picked you. I know you weren't lucky enough to have
parents to set up a college fund for you, so I thought this might be a good way
to help you a little."

Howie handed me
an envelope and nodded that I should open it. I'm sure my eyes went wide when I
saw that the newspaper had written me a check for $1000. To a state kid, it was
a fortune. My hand shook as I showed the check to Papa.

"Mr. Spearman,
that's a very nice gift," said Papa. "I hope I'm not offending you or
your employer by wondering if there's a catch to your generosity."

"Mr. Long,
writing about athletes like River sells papers for us, so it only seems fair
that we give back to them when we can. I have learned that River is a private
sort of young man, and I thought that giving him the check here would prevent
any possible embarrassment. We will congratulate him on his selection as one of
our student athletes of the year, but we won't write one word about the check,
so it's up to River if he wants to tell anyone."

Papa nodded and
looked at me. "River, I think Mr. Spearman's word is good, so I see
nothing wrong with it, but you might want to run it by Hal and Jenny."

It was hard to
focus on the conversation around me, as I pictured all the things I could buy,
but common sense prevailed. I couldn't afford to blow the money.

"Thanks,
Mr. Spearman. I'm sure my guardians won't mind, and I plan to ask them to help
me start a savings account."

"Very good
idea, River," said Howie. "Just one other thing. I don't expect any
favoritism, but I would like you to consider something. I see nothing but a
bright future ahead of you, and although I don't know all the details of your
past, I know that you must have had a difficult life compared to kids with a
typical family. One day, after you have finished school and become famous, if
you ever decide to tell the story of your life, I would like first crack at
helping you write it. I think it would be interesting."

I laughed at his
idea. "Well, Mr. Spearman, I doubt anyone will be interested, but if I ever
decide to write my autobiography, I will have to have someone smarter than I am
to help me, and you'll be first on my list."

"Thanks,
River. I've intruded long enough. I'm glad you're recovering well, and I'll see
you next season, if not before. Have a good day, Mr. Long."

As it turned
out, I did see Howie Spearman before the next season. Ant and I invited him to
Deer Lake Farm to see our offseason training routine. We soon became friends,
and Howie was a regular visitor to the farm and Tolley House. As Howie and Papa
became better acquainted, Howie often accepted invitations to bring his family
to join Papa's cookouts at the farm.

I was excited
about the check, and I couldn't wait to tell Ant, but when I thought more about
it, bragging to him about the money didn't seem like such a good idea. He
trained as hard as I did for football, and without him as my practice partner, and
my favorite target in games, I wouldn't have played as well. I made the
decision right then that I would split the money with Ant, and we could each
open our own savings account.

The thought of
seeing Ant excited about his share of the money made me grin. Papa approved of my
decision and enjoyed seeing me so animated because it didn't happen often. If I
could have read Papa's mind, I would have known that he was planning to see me
excited again for my birthday and Christmas.

***

When Ant and I
were visiting with Papa at Deer Lake Farm, we enjoyed camping and exploring his
land rather than sleeping indoors and hanging around his house. My time in
Stockwell and the boys home, made me enjoy the freedom to roam through all the parts
of Papa's property where I used Papa's camera to shoot nature scenes. I was
often lucky enough to take shots of the wildlife that inhabited some of the more
remote acres of his land. Everyone at the farm said I was good with a camera, and
Papa even put a few of my photos on the wall in his office. After one set of
shots, I was hooked on photography and planned to take a course that our school
would offer in the summer.

Another one of my
favorite things to do was trail riding with Ant. Sometimes we rode all the way
to the Blue Bergeron River, which cut across a corner of Papa's land at the far
end of his property. Ant was the first to bring up the possibility that the
river could have inspired my unusual name. I often joked with Ant that if he
were right, I was glad that my first name wasn't "Bergeron."

The first time
we rode the trail to the river, I shot pictures all along the way, and Manny
used my photos to show customers what they would see if they paid for a trail
ride to the Blue Bergeron. Customer requests doubled for that route, and Papa
gave me the project of taking pictures of the scenery along all the trails that
were available to our customers.

I think that I was
the only one who didn't know that Papa was giving me an expensive camera for my
birthday. As nice as the camera was, he gave me an even better Christmas gift a
week later, and he gave an equal gift to Ant.

Papa knew how
Ant and I enjoyed riding and then pampering our horses when we brought them
back to the barn. He once mentioned that he thought we cared more for the
horses than we did most people, and he was probably right because horses had
never hurt us. Papa could think of no better Christmas presents than to make us
the official owners of the horses. He gave Milo to Ant and gave Ace to me. We couldn't
have been happier.

CHAPTER
SIXTEEN

As they did with
most of Carlee's wishes, her parents approved her request to host a holiday
party at their home during the last week of December. The guest list was
similar to that of her back-to-school party but specifically excluded single
girls that Carlee didn't want near me. She invited the varsity football team
and the players' girlfriends, and left the single football players irritated by
the lack of single girls.

I had celebrated
my fifteenth birthday the week before Christmas, and Carlee's fifteenth birthday
would be in January. I knew that even if her father ever approved of me as more
than a friend to Carlee she still had another year before she would turn
sixteen and have her father's permission to date. Until then, there was no way
that she could appear too interested in me unless she wanted "Big
Bill" to go crazy, possibly grounding her until after she graduated from high
school. Carlee was frustrated because she thought that she had to worry about
other girls flirting with me since she could not announce that we were a
couple.

In addition to
his rules on dating, Carlee's father insisted on imposing other unrealistic
expectations on his children. His beliefs were so outdated that Bill Summers
was delusional to think Carlee and Billy, Jr. would not find ways to rebel.
Carlee and her father were much alike in the sense that both of them insisted
on believing that things would be, as they wanted them to be, even when simple logic
told them differently.

Carlee's
invitations noted that the proper dress for her party guests would be "black
tie," the same as a prom. I seriously thought of skipping the party, but
Papa thought it would be good experience for Ant and me and paid for the rental
of our tuxedos. I understood Papa's point, but I kept thinking that I would
rather live at Tolley House than to live in that stuffy, pretentious
environment Carlee's parents created. I was uncomfortable in a house that had a
ballroom, the largest room of any kind that I had ever seen.

When Ant and I
arrived at the party, we found Tina and Carlee, and talked with some of the
kids we hadn't seen since school dismissed for the holidays. One of the
favorite topics of discussion was "What did you get for Christmas?"
and for once, Ant and I didn't mind answering. We could have talked proudly
about our horses all night long.

I hadn't been at
the party long when I saw Carlee's father just outside the French doors on the
terrace. He was having a conversation with his brother who was Max's father. Max
stood to the side of them and looked miserable to be spending his party time
with his father and uncle, while Julie, his date, was waiting on him.

I had already
spoken to Big Bill, who always made some comment to me about football. He would
tell me I played a good game, or he would give me advice, such as I should look
harder for an open receiver before I run with the ball.

Because of the
crap that Carlee fed her father, he sometimes thanked me for looking out for
his daughter. She had him believing that she and I were just friends, and that
I was more like her bodyguard. Big Bill would sometimes remind me to tell him
if any of the boys were acting disrespectful towards Carlee or talking trash
about her in the locker room. He obviously didn't believe that his sweet Carlee
was capable of deceiving him, even when he saw her dancing with me. I wondered
what his reaction would be when Carlee turned sixteen and wanted to date me. I
told her that her father would be angry that we lied to him, but she insisted
that she knew what she was doing.

Except for the
first time I met Max's father, the strange man ignored me when we were close
enough to speak. He obviously disliked me, but Max and I never discussed it.

I was listening
to Ant and Tina talk about joining the school drama club when I heard loud
voices coming from the terrace. Max came storming past us to the stairs where he
took two steps at a time on his way up to the second floor where the bedrooms
were located. I knew that he had a particular bedroom that he used when he
stayed at Carlee's house, and I assumed that he was heading there. I had never
seen Max so upset, and I'm not sure if anyone else noticed, but I saw a
handprint on his cheek. The way his father yelled after him, I assumed that Sam
Summers had hit his son.

I followed
Carlee's eyes from Max to the terrace. Her father and Max's father were arguing
on the other side of the doors, and it looked very heated. "Carlee, what
the hell is going on?"

"Max's
father is a jerk," she said angrily.

"Do you
need to go up and check on Max?" I thought someone should, and it was her
house and her cousin.

"If you
don't mind, it might be a good idea."

"I can wait,
Carlee. Max needs you now."

A half hour
later, I was hanging with some teammates when Carlee came back downstairs and pulled
me away. She said that Max was okay, but she would leave it up to him if he wanted
to tell his friends what happened. I thought she had the right idea because I
didn't want to see him embarrassed more than he already was. We agreed that we
should try to enjoy the rest of the party, but it turned out to be an ugly
night for us.

At the time of
Carlee's holiday party, I was unaware that she was once again suffering from the
same old paranoia and jealousy that I thought was no longer an issue for us. As
far as I knew, everything had been fine since that day at Deer Lake Farm when I
officially asked her to be my girlfriend. I was wrong. Carlee had hidden the
fact that the intensity of her paranoia had grown along with my success and
popularity as a football player. In her mind, she was in a desperate struggle
to hold on to me against devious attempts by other people to take me away from
her. She was jealous of anyone, including my teammates, who took time from me that
she thought should be hers. She began to rationalize that she had to protect me
from phonies who didn't care for me as much as she did.

Carlee
constantly warned me about all the snobbish Harper Springs people who normally crossed
the street to avoid contact with a kid like me, but because of my status as a
football player, they treated me as if I mattered. I told Carlee that I cared
nothing for all the fakers lapping at my heels and that I was polite to people
only because of my respect for Papa, who insisted that I use good manners no
matter what my personal feelings were. Had I been brutally honest with people, I
would have relieved some of Carlee's jealousy, but Papa warned me that I could
hurt my future by making enemies when it wasn't necessary.

Carlee had been
frightened when I had emergency surgery, but after the doctor announced that I
would fully recover, she was excited to have a reason to see me that she could
sell to her parents. She presented her visits, which always included Max, as
the Christian thing to do for a boy who was much less fortunate than she and
Max, who both had good, loving families. She took the opportunity to thank her
mother and father for all they did for her and to tell them that seeing poor River
in the hospital with no family made her realize how lucky she was. Since my
situation made Carlee see how grateful she should be for her wonderful parents,
they saw nothing wrong with her joining Max on his visits. With her parents'
blessings, Carlee saw me every day at the hospital and several times at Tolley
House where I continued to recover in the room I shared with Ant. Max and Ant
always found something to do to give Carlee and me time alone during each visit.

It had been
impossible for Carlee to have me alone at her party with so many of our
classmates talking to me. Besides questions about Christmas gifts, some of them
asked about my recent surgery, and a few of them wanted to talk about a
particular football play from the season that just ended. Carlee thought that
she would scream if one more classmate attempted to stroke my ego because they
hoped that some of my popularity would infect them. For December, it was an
unusually warm night and as soon as Carlee was able to get me alone for a
second, she asked me to take a walk with her to the gardens. Before we had
walked ten feet, two girls stopped us.

One of the
girls, Brooke Jamison, was a sophomore cheerleader who had done her best to
hang around me that night. Carlee discovered that Brooke had broken up with her
boyfriend right before the party, which meant that she was free to giggle at
anything I said that was remotely funny while she looked for any excuse to
touch me. Several times, Brooke patted me on the back, but the one time that
Carlee saw her, the girl's hand was briefly on my butt. Brooke was lucky that
Carlee's parents were there. Their presence was probably the only thing that
kept Carlee from yanking every hair from Brooke's head.

Carlee finally managed
to slip me away with her to walk through the gardens to the same gazebo where
we had kissed for the first time. As we walked, I could see that she was angry,
and I discovered that it was because I was oblivious to how badly she wanted to
be alone with me. She believed that if it were not for her, we would never have
any time to ourselves. She was making the kind of melodramatic, childish fuss
that irritated me, and my reaction did nothing to calm her.

"Carlee, if
you had a problem, why didn't you say so all the times I asked if you were okay?
And what did you expect when you planned this party? Did you think your parents
would be okay with us staying in your bedroom all night? People mingle and talk
at parties. So what if people talk to me?"

Carlee almost
growled her loud response. "
So what?
I'll tell you
what.
A
relationship takes effort from
both
people, and I'm the only one making
an effort. Do you think it's been easy for me to come up with excuses to see
you? And do you think those other girls really care about you? Did any of them
visit you in the hospital as much as I did? Did any of them go to Tolley House
to visit you in your crappy, little cracker box of a room? Did any of them care
enough for you to suffer through the disgusting odor of your black roommate's
stinky workout clothes?"

Carlee abruptly
stopped talking, bringing her hand to her mouth as if to plug the dam of
inappropriate remarks. She was immediately sorry for her words, as she watched
me cloud over like a purple thunderhead blocking out the sun. A storm was
exactly what brewed behind my eyes as I struggled to control my anger.

Carlee was
attempting to phrase an apology that would wipe away the hurtful words that she
regretted, but before she could say anything, I spoke through my gritted teeth.

"So, I guess
I should be grateful that you stooped low enough to visit me in my
'crappy
room'
where all of a sudden, instead of Ant, he's my
'black roommate'
with
'stinky clothes.'
I'm sorry you were disappointed with your
slumming
experience at Tolley House, but I'll make damn sure it doesn't happen
again."

"River, I'm
sorry," pleaded Carlee. "That didn't come out right at all. I was
just upset."

"You
stay
upset. You don't believe me no matter what I say or do. You're jealous, paranoid,
possessive, and petty, and it's all ugly as hell on you. You don't have a
reason to get
upset
anymore because I'm done with your snobbish, racist
ass."

I was angry
enough to lose control, and I knew that I had to walk away, but as I turned
back onto the path that led to the party, Carlee grabbed my arm.

"Please, River.
I'm sorry."

In my state of
mind, we were both lucky that I only shook off her hand. "Carlee, don't
touch me again. We're finished. There's nothing you can do that will make me
forget what you said."

I heard Carlee
crying behind me as I walked towards her house to find Ant. I needed to tell
him that I was going to call Hal for an early ride home.

Carlee's remarks
hurt me so badly because I loved her. Her biggest mistake was her comment about
Ant, which sounded as if she had been a racist all along. A racist who slipped up
and said what she really thought. Anyone who knew me understood that Ant had
become a brother to me and that I would never tolerate anyone disrespecting
him.

In addition to
her remark about Ant, the way she described visiting my crappy little room,
made me wonder just how much she looked down on me. Did she ever really love me
or was I just the bad boy she used as a way of secretly rebelling against her
parents? Was she trying to protect me from phony girls or was she protecting
her property?

When Hal drove
Ant and me home from the party, I was sick and confused over my fight with
Carlee. I knew for sure that I couldn't deal with the ugly side of her that she
showed me in her garden. With my life finally getting better, I wanted no part
of anything that made me feel as bad as I did on the ride home to my crappy
little room at Tolley House.

***

I didn't sleep
well the night of Carlee's party because I kept waking up and replaying our fight
in her garden. One minute, I would get angry all over again and the next
minute, I would question my harsh words to her, wondering if I had overreacted.
I told Ant about some of our argument, but I left out her remarks concerning
him. From what I told him, all he really understood was that she was too
possessive and was trying to smother me. He agreed that Carlee and I should be
having fun with other friends. At fifteen years old, he said we were too young
to be living a soap opera and I agreed.