My Perfect Imperfections (8 page)

“When we danced, you were able to put weight on your legs and move. Are you able to walk with help? You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.”

“I walked better when I was younger. I can still walk with help, but very short distances.”

“Do you practice walking often so your muscles don’t get weaker?”

“You said one question.” But I smile. I consider Chance my friend, so I don’t mind talking to him. I’ve never had a friend who has cared enough to ask.

“True, I did say that, but I lied.” Chance smirks, lifting one eyebrow.

“I’ve had physical therapy my entire life. Once insurance stopped paying for it, my parents had to pay out of pocket, which can get very expensive. During the week, I still receive therapy once a week. On weekends, I attend an aqua therapy class as well. That’s my favorite because I can do so much more in the water.” Just remembering how relaxed my muscles feel during those sessions makes me smile.

“Yeah? Maybe I can go with you sometime.”

“No, the sessions are long and you would be bored.”

“Can’t I go in the pool with you?”

“Well…they do allow family and friends to participate—more for training purposes. But I don’t know.”

“Let me go with you this weekend, Lily. I’m curious, that’s all. Besides, I’d love to see how you move in the water.” Chance winks, teasing me.

“You’re crazy. But okay, fine. Don’t complain if you get bored. I tried to warn you.”

“You got yourself a deal. I gotta go to work soon. I’ll e-mail you the notes from class today. You get all the e-mails on that device of yours?”

“Yeah, I have all internet access with this thing. It’s been a lifesaver.” I say, placing my hand on my device.

Chance remains silent, lost in his thoughts. The teasing Chance is gone, replaced by the more serious one.

“It’s all good, Chance. I’m used to it,” I interrupt his thoughts.

As if coming back to reality, he smiles. “Yes, I see you’re all good. Well, thank you, mademoiselle, for the wonderful dance. Be looking out for my email tonight, and I’ll see you Wednesday in class.” Chance bows dramatically in front of me and strolls out of my room.

Later that night, I receive an e-mail from him that says, “Hey, beautiful, here are the notes from class (see attachment). Remember, no more dancing in an empty room. Sweet dreams, Lily.”

“Good night, Chance,” I reply back.

Sometimes, life can seem very bleak. But, if you wait long enough and look hard enough, you may see a glimmer of light through the darkness…bringing with it, a hint of hope. And, that tiny sliver of hope may just save your soul.

That night, I fall asleep smiling.

When I tell my parents that Chance will be attending the aqua therapy session on Saturday, neither responds to the news. I wait for the questions, the lectures, the disapprovals, but instead, they simply nod and walk away. This suits me just fine because I have no desire to discuss Chance with them.

True to his word, Chance joins me in the pool. I feel a bit uncomfortable in the beginning because I’m in my swimsuit, and I have to be wheeled down the ramp with the pool chair. Chance doesn’t seem to think anything strange about it. As a matter of fact, he brings the chair into the water and lifts me out. It’s amazing the thoughts that run through one’s mind when placed in a vulnerable situation like this.

Damn, his body is hotter than I had imagined.

Thank you, Mom, for always being obsessive about shaving my legs and all of my personal areas.

Thank God I’ve always had a fit body.

Hope my swimsuit is on correctly and nothing is sticking out.

Hope my body behaves for once in my life. Please don’t let me hit him on the head accidently!

Taking a deep breath, I force myself to relax so the water can do its magic.

Chance is a good listener because he follows all the directions from the therapist. She shows him how to help me walk, and how to facilitate as well as stretch my muscles. Since he’s a nurse, he picks up the techniques with ease.

It feels good to have Chance work with me in the water. I feel so much more in control of my body in here. I’m also pretty good at walking in the pool if I have some assistance. I show him everything I can do, including swimming on my back with a neck collar.

“Let’s try this, Lily,” Trina, my therapist, says and brings me to a corner to work on standing squats while holding the rail. Making sure Chance is out of earshot, she whispers, “He’s so hot, Lily. Where did you find him?”

I laugh because Trina has been my therapist forever. I would even consider her my friend because I know she genuinely cares for me. I smile smugly, excited to have Chance in my life.

“What are you guys working on?” Chance sneaks up on us, standing on the other side of me.

“We’re doing squats now. Do you want to work with Lily while I go help my other patients?” Trina asks.

“Absolutely,” Chance answers. After Trina swims away, Chance asks, “What was she whispering to you?”

My smile widens, throwing him a mischievous look.

“Girl talk, eh? Holding secrets from me, eh? Well, that calls for payback.”

Before I can react, Chance grabs me by the waist and turns me around to face him. As he holds me in his embrace, he wraps my legs around his waist. Before I can resist, he takes me for a spin. He twirls me around and purposefully splashes water on me. With my arms and legs wrapped around him as I hold on for dear life, all I can do is laugh. Even the therapists and the other patients cheer for Chance.

Before long, all of the patients gather around us, and Chance quickly has them under his spell. He compliments everybody on how well they’re doing and encourages them to continue working hard. He is certainly gifted with that charismatic personality that draws people to him.

As our friendship becomes stronger, Chance and I spend more time together. He attends my therapy sessions when he’s available and comes over at least a couple of times a week. We even pick our classes for the following year according to when we can meet up at school. I’m excited that it will be my last year before I graduate. I’m ready to be out there working and bringing home a real paycheck.

During the summer break, Chance and I grow very close. I finally learn to let my walls down and trust him. As my comfort level increases around him, I don’t worry too much about my disabilities. We talk about everything and nothing. Sometimes, we argue about politics, TV shows, favorite movies, and favorite books. Chance has somehow slipped into my life and has become my best friend.

He usually comes over or takes me to the movies, and on most days, we usually go on our evening strolls. Our strolls consist of Chance walking next to me while I drive my wheelchair.

During our walk one evening, I ask him about his family. He has yet to mention anything about his personal life.

“I don’t really have any family, Lily. I was an only child, and my parents died a few years ago.”

“Oh, sorry.” I stop my wheelchair because I want to talk to him properly.

“It’s cool. It was a while ago.” Although he says this, I can tell the conversation is making him uncomfortable.

“What about uncles and aunts? Other family?”

“My family is from Colorado. I was never very close to my extended family. Once my parents died, I moved away. I suppose I could have tried to keep in touch with everybody, but I just needed to get away from it all. I moved here to Michigan and got a job as a nurse. Now, I consider this my home.”

“So you’re all alone here?” I ask as a wave of sadness washes over me.

“Well, no! I’ve made a lot of friends here, and I’ve got you! Of course, I’m not alone.” Chance winks, teasing me.

Although I smile, I know he’s using one of his tactics to change the subject.

“Can you do me a favor? Can you take me to Layna’s gravesite?” I ask.

Chance looks surprised, but says, “Of course, Lily.”

“I need to do something I should have done a long time ago.”

Usually, when Chance and I go out, we use my parents’ van since it is wheelchair accessible. He never lets me sit in the wheelchair in the back, though. He says my place is in the front, next to him.

When we return to the house from our stroll, Chance takes the van keys and lifts me to the passenger seat. He places the belt on me and parks the wheelchair in the back. He has already taken the directions from my parents, so he knows where to go.

Lost in my thoughts, I can’t help but be nervous about going to visit Layna. I’ve never gone there, even when my parents have asked me to go with them. I know I’ve avoided it long enough, and it’s time to face my fears. With Chance by my side, I can tackle anything.

They say fear may prompt one of two responses: forget everything and run or face everything and rise. I’ve been hiding all this time—running from my fears. It’s time to accept what happened. It’s time to let Layna go.

When we reach the cemetery, Chance is easily able to find Layna’s site with my parents’ directions. Luckily, we’re able to drive my wheelchair all the way to her gravestone.

Once there, my anxiety increases. Maybe this is not the right time. Maybe I’m not ready for this. Seeing her name engraved on the stone brings back all of the memories. I can’t say goodbye—not yet.

Sensing my panic, Chance places his hand on mine. “It’ll be okay, Lily. I’ll help you.”

I focus on him, allowing his strength to help me find my courage.

“Do you want me to bring you down to the ground?” he asks, squeezing my hand.

I nod, needing to be close to Layna.

Chance carries me out of the wheelchair and lowers me down by her stone. He sits behind me so I can lean against him. I take a deep breath and read the words.

In Loving Memories of

Layna Grace Cooper

Beloved Daughter, Cherished Sister

Heart of Gold, Never Forgotten

A sob escapes me as tremors crawl through my body.

Oh, Layna, I am so sorry. I should have come sooner. I just couldn’t do it. You were always the brave one between us. God, how I’ve missed you. These years without you have been so hard. I hope you’re doing well. I hope you’re happy. I know I should have come to the funeral. It was the right thing to do. I should have stood by Mom and Dad and helped bury you. I should have, Layna. I just couldn’t. I wasn’t ready to let you go yet.

The tears continue to flow. By now, I’m sobbing out loud. Instantly, Chance holds me tighter in his embrace. He doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t disturb me. He simply holds me, silently providing me his strength.

I wanted to check on you today. I wanted you to see that I’m doing better. I’m slowly getting my life together. Hell, I’ll be graduating from college next year, Layna! Can you believe that? I’m all grown up now, Layna. How I wish you were with me. We’d be graduating together.

I pause, trying to control my emotions.

Layna, why did you have to leave? I was angry with you for the longest time. I blamed you for turning your steering wheel the way you did. You could have been here today, Layna, if you didn’t do that.

The pain in my heart is unbearable. I turn my face into Chance’s chest and holler in pain. It doesn’t matter that I’m screaming. It doesn’t matter that his shirt is dampening from my tears and probably my snot. I just know I need a good cry. I need to let it all out.

After twenty minutes of my hysterics, I eventually settle down, mostly from exhaustion. I glance at Chance to throw him an apologetic smile. He shakes his head, and I notice his unshed tears. Seeing the pain in his eyes makes me hold him tighter.

Taking a deep breath, I turn toward Layna’s stone again.

I love you so much, Layna. You are with me always…every day and every night. You’d be proud of me because I have learned to pick up the pieces and find joy in my life again. I promise to visit you more often now. I won’t wait so long. And, if you’re with Duke, give him a kiss for me. Until we meet again, Layna.

I gesture to Chance that I’m ready to get back in my wheelchair. With a swift move, he lifts me up and places me back in my chair.

Once we drive away, Chance doesn’t take me directly home. Instead, he brings me to the lake. “I’m not ready to go back yet, Lily. Is it okay if we go for a walk on the path here? It’s so pretty, and I think we both need to just unwind a bit.”

I nod, also not ready to go back home yet.

After walking a bit, he sits on a bench facing the lake. Once I park my wheelchair next to him, he says, “Tell me about her, Lily. I want to know.”

I take a deep breath. With my device, I finally share my deepest thoughts about Layna. “She was my twin sister and my best friend. She was amazing and perfect—beautiful, smart. That’s not all, though. She really did have a heart of gold. She helped everybody, especially me. She always took care of me. Protected me. Even at the end…she died protecting me.” I stare off in the distance, remembering that dreaded night.

Chance reaches out to hold my hand. “What happened?”

“We were heading home from prom. Layna insisted that I be her date, even though she was asked by the most popular guy in high school. But, she said she had always wanted to go to our senior prom with me. It was a great night. We both dressed up in matching dresses, and she made sure I had the time of my life. It was my first dance, and Layna wanted it to perfect. And it was. Until we were driving home. I was in the back in my wheelchair, strapped securely. The roads were slippery, and the headlights came from nowhere. It all happened so fast. All I remember is Layna yelling, ‘Hold on, Lily.’ She spun the steering wheel and took the impact of the hit. Typical Layna thing to do. She turned the van in such a way so that the truck wouldn’t hit me. The next time I opened my eyes, I was in the hospital. Layna was already gone. Apparently, she died on impact. And me? I barely had a scratch.” It takes me a long time to say all this through my device, but it’s important that I share the events of that night with somebody…with Chance.

“Lily, you can’t hold this guilt inside you. I promise you, your sister would not want that.”

“No, no she wouldn’t. I didn’t even go to her funeral. I was a mess. So many emotions were going through me—anger, depression, guilt, hate. And fear. Most of all fear. I was too afraid to face reality, so I avoided it. I didn’t want to let her go, so I never said my goodbye. Until today. Thank you for taking me.”

“I’m glad you asked me to take you. Thank you for telling me about Layna. Anytime you want to visit her, I’m here for you, mademoiselle.” Chance stands up and bows while he takes my hand to kiss it.