My Secret Life (61 page)

One night soon after it was lighter than usual and some man passing the main road shouted out. — “Leave that girl alone.” — I went further up the turning, she with me, and was just stooping to feel her little bum, when some female came out a house and passed us. I stood upright, but soon saw the woman standing at the end of the turning, and seemingly looking back. — No one had ever passed out of the houses during my previous fun. This woman who had eyed us narrowly as she passed, or had certainly turned her head to look, I thought would turn back. The girl was more frightened than me. — “Oh don’t again, don’t, I won’t any more, and I mustn’t stop, I’m frightened of mother,” — and she walked towards the high road, I following.

A cab passed, few do pass at that spot or indeed much other traffic. — I hailed it. It was empty and stopped. — “Come into the cab, we’ll drive, you can feel me there and I can sit.” She hesitated, but I hustled her in. — “Drive to
^****
Park,” and off he drove. — How many times have I got women into a cab for my pleasure, how many times more shall I do so? They like it.

She got frightened and wanted to get out. I pacified her, promised her five shillings instead of the smaller sum I usually gave. — “Where to?” said cabby turning round as he entered the park. — “Go on till I stop you.” — On he drove, it was getting darker, I had not yet kissed her that day as I usually did — but in the cab, she stood by the side of me, and I kissed and she kissed again. — Kissing always soothes a female young or old. — Gradually I got one hand round her bum, and the other outside her quim, but directly I tried to insert my finger in the split, she strongly resisted, threw herself on to seat opposite, and cried to get out. — “No, no, I won’t — you’ll hurt me — yes you will.” — So I desisted.

“Well dear, lay hold of my hand — lay hold of this finger — put it yourself there, — just let it go where you piddle from, and no further.” — “There,” said she, holding my finger so that I just felt the clitoris. Then thrusting away my hand she again sat on the opposite seat, holding her clothes down; but I soon got her by my side again. The baudiness, I know, pleased her.

I was furious with salacity and talked baudy to my heart’s content. I had said a little of that sort before, and the little slut had listened to it without uttering a word, but stood drinking it all in with her ears, and as if she knew quite well what I meant, and as if she liked it. — I never liked frigging myself, but now my cock became unmanagable, as I felt her little buttocks, and coaxed her lewedly, and lovingly.

“Frig me my dear,” — I had taught her the meaning of that word. — “I can’t.” Taking her hand I put it round my prick. — “Now I’ll lift your clothes — there — it’s against your thigh — that doesn’t hurt you does it?” — I slobbered my prick with saliva, and taking her hand and putting it round my prick (which she now liked doing), frigged myself with it.

I always frig myself when I commit that wasteful action, with my foreskin nearly up, unless using soap or oil as an emollient; my tip being so delicate. — As the sperm left me, I pulled her hand up so as to quite pull up the foreskin, and cover the orifice, and much was ejaculated into her hand, whilst oscillating my arse, holding her by her bum, and kissing her in my ecstasy. - Trying to relieve her hand, “Let go,” said she, “you’ve done something sticky with your thing. — Oh! let it go, it’s nasty,” — but she seemed pleased with the fun for all that. — Then she got anxious to go home, so telling the cabman to drive to a convenient spot, I let her out.

The affair fascinated me. I went again to that quarter of the town at the time the girl left work, but never saw her for a fortnight. — She I believed had avoided me, till she had spent all her money. — Then she only felt my cock, got her shilling and went off. She resisted everything else.

I didn’t see now much chance of getting into her, circumstances did not favor me, and I had a long distance to go even to get the chance, so desisted; I had, besides, compunctions, thought it a pity to make the girl a harlot, and so told Sarah all about what I’d done and what I’d thought of doing. — Sarah said I had better leave it alone, but that some one would do it to that girl before long, for she evidently knew more than she should. One of the lads at the nursery would have her. She was more likely to let a lad have her than to let me. Perhaps she’d been fucked already, spite of her resistance. “Those little bitches are so damned cunning that it would surprize you, she’ll be gay, whether
you
do it to her or not.” — That gave me comfort, and again I thought I’d try to get the girl. — Time had run on, it was now dark at four o’clock.

So a fortnight after, I met her. It was so clear an evening, that I did not like talking to her in the road, and again waiting, got into a cab with her. Familiarity had, I found, removed her fears. I had talked baudy in the street, and in the cab, so far from having to hold her hand on my prick; on saying “feel it,” she put her little hand on to it, and grasped and felt about it. — I told her I wanted to feel her cunt, and promised never to move my fingers from her belly to between her legs — I had kept my word before, when she had helped me to frig. — After I had had her some minutes so, she holding my cock, I said, “It twists me so, sit on my knee.” She did, but still kept her legs close together. — “Let me put my cock against your leg again.” At length I put it against her flank, whilst she still held it. — “Do you know what fucking is?” I said, to which she made reply, “I only knows what you tells me.”

I asked her then to come to a house, but got a positive refusal — I got awfully lewed, and by coaxing, at last she stood in front of me and frigged me herself, but she hurt me. — “Hold my cock against your belly, just as it was at the side of your bum.” She did. — Then with one hand I pulled her to me, the other was on her naked arse. I’d lifted her clothes, and my prick touched her belly just by her cunt. She was still holding it — I shoved my prick against it up and down through her hand for some time, it was inconvenient, but the lewedness pleased me. — The cab kept slowly jogging on.

My pleasure increased, and with it the desire to fuck. — “Oh! I will give you half a sovereign if you’ll do what I want,” and I left off frigging. “Ten shillings?” “Yes, ten shillings.” — She seemed reflecting. My desire grew stronger, — “I’ll give you a sovereign if you’ll let me put my prick between your legs — not in your cunt, but only between your thighs, and you shall hold it there.”

“Oh no, — none of that,” — said she, hastily, “I ain’t a going to let you do that — I want to get out of the cab, let me go, oh do.” — She was taking fright and beginning to struggle.

I let her talk on. Opening my purse I took out a sovereign. — “Here’s a golden sovereign,” showing it to her as we passed one of the few gas lamps. — “You shall have it if you let me, you can wrap it up in a piece of paper, then make the paper muddy, and tell your mother you found it.” I once taught another girl this.

The girl was silent long, looking me in the face (as it seemed) in the dark. — Then, “No — oh no.” — Disappointment in her manner and tone, I saw she would yield. She’d laid hold of my prick again unasked, and I replaced it and my hands as before.

“If you won’t I shan’t see you again, I can get fifty girls to feel my prick for a shilling.” “Has any other girl done it? you didn’t tell me so.” “A dozen have.” “Lor,” — and she seemed to be reflecting on the information. “They will all do it my dear if they get the chance.” — So we talked. — The cab had gone once round the park, and still drove on. — I expect the driver knew the games we were up to, but never looked round that I noticed. But it was quite dark now.

Little by little I induced her to straddle across me with her clothes up, my legs between hers — I declared I wouldn’t touch her cunt, but pushed my body so forward that my knees nearly touched the opposite seat, and holding her close up to me, her legs got more distended, and I more and more reclining. — At length her feet scarcely touched the cab-floor. — She fell half forward on me, her face touching mine. — Promising her more money, she let me with my left hand clutch her little naked backside, my right was at the same spot but outside her clothes. — “Put your hand down, and hold my prick just against the bottom of your belly.” “I can’t,” said she, but she did it, and my prick tip was now near her cunt, and touching her thigh. I began oscillating my backside as well as I could, and got some rough friction against her dry flesh. — “That doesn’t hurt you does it?” “No.” She seemed amused with the trick.

I slipped further forward, hoping to get my prick against her cunt, then my position was so difficult that I could scarcely jog up and down. — “Let my cock go higher up dear.” — I put the hand which had been outside her bum down to hers, and pushed it so that it, with my prick, went nearer to the goal, but bending, its rigidity hurt me. — The idea of its being close to her little cunt then drove me wild — I pushed both hands round her backside, clipped with both; violently oscillated my buttocks, which opened her legs wider, her feet left the floor, she let go my prick, and put her hand on my shoulders to prevent her falling on one side. She was then half lying on me; my prick lodged somewhere in the furrow of her backside, and she cried out, “Oh don’t, you’re a hurting,” and struggled to get away.

Maddened with lustful delight at her cry, now I put one hand round her waist, kept the other on her bum, and grasped her so that she couldn’t move her bum, and jerked my arse furiously; my prick left its lodging, and jerked about blindly on thighs, buttocks, and cunt valley, moving recklessly but always rubbing. — I was nearly at the crisis. — “Be quiet dear, I shan’t hurt you.” “Oho — don’t — oh you beast — I’ll scream. — Cabman, cabman — let me out,” she yelled — and struggled.

Tighter and tighter I held her, and thrust and wriggled in the hopes of finding a soft lodging for my prick tip. — My spunk was rising from my balls when again my tool stuck tight. — Where I don’t know, but think it was between her cunt lips. Holding her backside firmly on to it, spite of her struggles, and then wriggling my arse and rigid tool, I spent a flood of sperm, somewhere between her bum bone and her clitoris; felt some of it fall on my hand which was nearest her thighs, and then I relinquished her. She was still yelling. “Oh! you beast — don’t — you hurt me — let me go out — cab — stop,” and getting away from me. Yet in the faintness of my pleasure, I was lewed enough to bring my hand round from her bum, and thrust it between her thighs — and in a glutinous state I withdrew it. The driver if he heard took no notice, but she got so vociferous, that I stopped the cab. She got out, ran off, not waiting for her gift, and in a second was lost in the darkness. — A little further on I stopped near a foot bridge, paid the cabman liberally, and went off. — I never saw the girl afterwards, for the scene of my amatory doings was not near my home. I was going to visit a friend when I got this piece of luck, and first met the little stupid, who might have had the pleasure of a fuck, and profit as well. — As it is, I dare say some dirty young boy will open her cunt, and give her a black eye if she upbraids him if her belly swells. That is the course of events in her class. — It is not the gentlemen who get the virginities of these poor little bitches, but the street boys of their own class.

There was sperm on my shirt and trowsers, but no evidences of a shattered virginity. — Was she a virgin, did I hurt her much, how far in her did my prick go, or at all. — What did she think when she had gone, and felt my spunk on her cunt, for certainly I spent against it, if not up it. — A risk I ran, yet missed the mark after all. — That baudy tuition, that titillation of our privates, that spend outside a little cunt in a cab, and all at a cost of a pound or two, amused me, as all chance adventures do. They break the monotony of matter-of-fact hard fucking — yet that I should have taken all that trouble for a dirty little work girl, whose face I never saw excepting by the light of a street lamp, astonishes me often when I think of it.

What convenient accessories to love-making are four wheel cabs. — Some dozens of cunts I have felt in them, some that I should never have felt at all, had it not been for the opportunities the four wheelers gave me. Several women I have fucked in them, as they rumbled along with a discreet cabman. — No doubt other men have found them as useful. — Thousands of women I am sure have fornicated in them, and scores do it in them daily. — Every cabman knows of their amatory utility, and the profit that it gets him, the profit of ambulating brothels. — Dozens are used every night I’m sure. I never spoke with a man yet, who had not fucked a woman in a four wheeler.

My -letch for a little one.
—
Sarah’s lodgings.
—
A new dress wanted.
—
A virgin proffered.
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The deaf little Emma.
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The tailor’s family arrangements.
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The price of the hymen agreed.
—
Doctor H**m**d.
—
Sham medical investigations.
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Aperiant pills
—
Sarah’s advice.
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An aperient Priapus.
—
Emma leaves Sarah.
—
The grocer’s in B
**
w
**
k Street.
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On the fucking facilities a little bum gives.
—
About my remaining manuscript.

When I told Sarah F**z*r this finale, she laughed heartily. — The desire for a youthful virginity seems to have been strong on me. — Sarah said she’d try and find one. Then I became exacting, and wanted one without any hair on her cunt, and I would see her virginity also before I broke it. I told her of the lovely little lass Betsy Johnson had got me, what I paid her, of the little virgin I got at the L**c**t*r S****e brothel, that I’d had both at brothels, and I must now have the girl whom Sarah got, at
her
lodgings, or at some quiet place, not a brothel.

The night we spoke most about this, we were jolly. — Sarah remarked, “I wish I could get you one, for it’s cold, I want a new silk dress and warm clothing for the winter, and don’t know how to pay for it — but I don’t see my way.” And it couldn’t be at her lodgings. — Then I dropped the affair.