My So-Called Family (12 page)

I
rang the doorbell at Avery's house, and a few seconds later I heard footsteps, and then Lori was there, ushering me in, taking my backpack, calling for Avery.

We sat down in the den. Lori had given me a box of tissues, and I had a tissue balled in my fist. I felt it getting gross and shredded because my hands were so sweaty. Avery reached for my other hand but I pretended not to see her. I didn't want her to feel how wet my hand was. Lori leaned forward and put her hand on my knee. “Do you want to talk about it, honey?”

I shook my head.

“I used to fight with my mother a lot when I was your age,” Lori said. “She had a lot on her mind. I didn't have a father around and my mother was so worried all of the time. It was hard for us kids to understand all of that. I was the oldest, so she expected a lot from me. But even when you're the oldest kid, you're still a kid. Sometimes parents lose sight of that.”

“Leah's the oldest too,” Avery said. “Her brother is eight years younger.”

“Just like my sister Sarah,” Lori said. “She's seven and a half years younger than I am. When I was a teenager, Sarah was always following me around. I'd tell her to leave me alone, but my mother would tell me I had to take care of Sarah. I still remember all of the fights with my mother, with her telling me I wasn't allowed to leave my sister out. Sometimes I hear myself doing that to Chase.”

“Mo-om!” Avery said.

“I know, honey,” Lori said. She lifted her hand from my knee to pat Avery. “And I don't think Chase minds having you around. I'm just saying that sometimes it's nice for an older sibling to have some time alone. With Sarah and me, well, I just wanted a moment not to think about her. But my mom never let me forget my sister.”

“But that's just it,” I said. “My mom wants me to forget all about my sister!”

The words just came out. It happens sometimes, when I'm all worked up about something. I squeezed my eyes shut so I wouldn't have to look at Avery or Lori.

“You mean your brother,” Avery said. “You mean Charlie, right?”

I knew I could lie, right then. It would be so easy. I could say I meant my brother. I meant Charlie. And they would think it was because I was so upset and messed up that I'd just gotten confused and said the wrong word. I opened my eyes and saw Avery and Lori both expecting me to say that I meant Charlie. I started to nod, but it all seemed so stupid, pretending Samantha didn't exist, pretending I was just like other kids. That's what Mom and I were fighting about. I didn't want to pretend anymore. “No,” I said. “I meant my sister.”

When Avery is having a hard time figuring something out, she gets a line like a little parenthesis right next to her eyebrow. I noticed it once when our math teacher, Mrs. Simmons, called on her and she didn't know the answer. The little parenthesis popped up next to her eyebrow just then. She was trying to figure it out. “Did she die?” Avery asked.

“What?”

“Did you have a sister who died?” she asked. “Like a twin or something? And your mom just wants to forget about it because it's so painful to remember? Is that why you're fighting?”

“Avery,” Lori said, saying her name like a warning. But she was leaning forward, toward me, and I could tell she wanted to know the answer.

“No, she isn't dead,” I said.

“I don't understand,” Avery said. “I didn't even know you had a sister. All you ever talk about is Charlie.”

“I know,” I said. “It's really complicated. She doesn't live with us.”

“Where does she live?” Avery asked. I didn't answer right away. I just watched Avery watching me. I knew she was imagining all sorts of crazy scenarios. It wasn't a dead sister, but maybe it was a sister who was sick and living in a hospital, a sister who was crazy and locked up in an institution, a sister who was put up for adoption, a sister who lived in Europe with my long-lost father.

Everything seemed so quiet all of a sudden. I just kept looking at Avery looking at me. The parenthesis was still next to her eyebrow, and there was a really faint scar right by her left ear. I hadn't ever noticed it before, but I saw it when she moved her hands to her face and pulled her hair back. She twisted her hair at the back of her head and knotted it. She has such long hair that she can loop it around, make a knot, and pull a ponytail through. I've tried to do it with my hair, but the knot always falls apart.

Lori coughed and the sound startled me, but then it didn't seem so quiet anymore. The phone was ringing. I heard footsteps from the floor above us, probably Chase going to answer the phone. Avery shifted and the leather on the couch made a crunchy noise. “She lives in Haverford,” I said finally.

“Haverford? Really? Why didn't you tell me? We were just there! We could have seen her!”

“But I did see her,” I said.

Avery scrunched her face like she was thinking, and I could tell she was confused, but Lori nodded. “Your friend from camp,” Lori said.

“Yes,” I said.

“She's your sister?” Avery asked.

“My half sister, actually,” I said.

“Of course,” Avery said. “You have different mothers, and your mom must hate your father for moving so far away, so she doesn't want you to see your sister.”

I shook my head. “You're going to think I'm so messed up,” I said.

“I won't,” Avery said. “You can trust me.”

“It's all right, honey,” Lori said.

I took a deep breath in and let it out slowly, and then I started to tell them—about Mom going to Lyon's Reproductive Services and choosing my donor. I told them how I had found the Lyon's Sibling Registry on the Internet and read about Samantha and the boys, our half brothers. I told them how Samantha and I talked on the phone and how she called me her sister. Avery was looking at me closely but I wasn't sure what she was thinking. She didn't look upset or disgusted. I knew she probably wouldn't be rude to me in front of Lori, but we had to go to school the next day and Lori wouldn't be there. Maybe Avery would stop wanting to hang out with me so much. Maybe she wouldn't invite me to sit with her, Brenna, and Callie at lunch anymore. It was too late for me to try to be normal anymore.

“Oh, honey,” Lori said when I'd finished. “That's very tough. I'm so sorry.”

“I'm sorry too,” Avery said.

“Well,” Lori said, “how about if I go make some hot chocolate or something? That always used to make me feel better.”

“That'd be good, Mom,” Avery said.

Lori stood up and pulled at her shirt to straighten the creases. I watched her walk out of the room. Avery was right there next to me, but I didn't know what to say. “You like hot chocolate, right?” Avery asked.

“I thought your mom didn't know how to make anything,” I said.

“She can make hot chocolate in the microwave,” Avery said. “And she can make that macaroni with the powdered cheese that comes in a box. That's about all she can make.”

“Oh,” I said.

“But we make some pretty mean chocolate chip cookies, don't you think?”

“Yes, I guess we do,” I said.

“Just for the record, I don't think you're messed up,” Avery said. She had pulled out the knot in her hair so that her hair fell over her shoulders. She looked sweet and sincere, but I wasn't sure that I believed her. Then, like she could read my mind, she said, “Believe me, Leah. I swear.”

I almost nodded, but Avery started to laugh.
I knew it,
I thought.
I knew she didn't mean it.

“I'm not laughing at you,” she said, reading my mind again.

“It's okay,” I said.

“But I'm really not laughing at you,” she insisted.

“Then, what are you laughing at?”

“Well, it's just that you wouldn't believe what I was making up in my head when you said you had a secret sister. I thought maybe she was in some insane asylum and so it was a big family secret. Then I thought maybe she had some horrible disease, like maybe she was a leper or something. We learned about the lepers last year. You know, they used to ship them off to these far-off islands to die, and the families would pretend they never knew them in the first place.” I smiled because I realized that I could read Avery's mind too. I knew she had been making up crazy things in her head. “So I guess you think that
I'm
the one who's messed up,” Avery said.

“No, I think we're even,” I said.

“Good,” Avery said. “Even though I wouldn't really care if you thought I was messed up. So, what's she like anyway?”

“Do you mean Samantha?”

“Yeah, of course I mean Samantha.”

“Well,” I said, “she's nice. She likes shopping. I think she's probably popular. She talks a lot.”

“
I
talk a lot,” Avery said.

“She talks even more than you do,” I said.

I expected Avery to laugh again but she looked serious. I hoped she wasn't mad at me. “I'm glad you told me about all this,” Avery said.

“Me too,” I said. Mostly I was relieved because she didn't seem to think I was weird or awful. “Promise you won't tell anyone else? Not Brenna or Callie or anyone?”

“I promise,” Avery said.

“Thanks,” I said.

“I pinky swear!” she said. “Remember that?” I nodded. When I was younger, I used to always pinky swear with Heidi when things were important. Avery made a fist and held it up toward me, her pinky extended and curved into a little hook. I made a hook with my pinky and locked my finger with hers.

“Pinky swear,” I said.

A few minutes later Lori brought us hot chocolate with marshmallows floating on the top. I could see the steam rising and I blew hard into the mug to cool it off. The hot chocolate sloshed up against the sides. Lori said she had called Mom and Simon, and Simon would be coming over to pick me up after dinner. I nodded and took a sip of my hot chocolate. Even though I had tried to cool it off, it still burned a little.

S
chool got really hard all of a sudden, which is what happens right before winter vacation. Well, not for Charlie, since he's just in kindergarten. Everything stayed the same for him. I had final exams in every single class, except for art and gym. Avery complained about all the studying they expected us to do, but I was sort of glad about it. I didn't have to talk to Mom or Simon, because I had so many tests to study for, and I didn't have to think about how strange and terrible everything was, because I was busy thinking about all the work I had to do.

Our algebra exam was first. I'm a pretty fast test-taker overall, so I usually have time to go over my answers and make sure everything is right. I went over the algebra exam and I still had time left over. I looked around the room. Everyone was still bent over their desks. I saw our teacher, Mrs. Simmons, at the front of the room. She caught my eye, and I looked down quickly because I didn't want her to think I was looking around the room to try to cheat. I've never cheated on a test. Besides, math is one of my best subjects, and I thought I'd done pretty well, so there wouldn't have been any reason for me to cheat.

There were still ten minutes before the exam period was over. You're not allowed to leave the room until the bell rings and all the exams are collected. I didn't feel like going over my test a third time so I just sat there waiting. I wondered what would happen if I just opened my mouth and screamed. Right there in the middle of class. It would be so easy to do. No one was stopping me. I wondered what it would sound like. I don't think I've ever just opened my mouth and screamed like that. Mom once screamed when she saw a mouse in our kitchen in Baltimore. Simon called an exterminator, who flashed a light underneath the fridge and then set up glue traps around the kitchen in case there were any more mice. For the rest of the week, Mom and I avoided the kitchen as much as we could.

If I screamed in the middle of the classroom, I could pretend I'd seen a mouse. I wondered if everyone would start laughing at me or if I would get in trouble. Maybe they wouldn't believe me about the mouse and they would think I was sick, like mentally ill or something, and Mrs. Simmons would send me to the nurse's office. Maybe Mrs. Simmons wouldn't make the class finish the test because they would all be so worried about me.

I had been feeling crazy lately, but of course I didn't do it. I guess I wasn't really crazy after all. Instead I just sat there with my lips pressed together. The room was quiet except for the pencils moving across the papers. I heard the girl next to me erase something, and then brush her hand across the page to get rid of the bits of eraser.

Finally the bell rang. Mrs. Simmons made us all stay seated and she walked around the room collecting our exams, and then Avery and I headed over to our lockers. One of the things I like about Avery is that she isn't one of those people who finishes a test and then talks about every single question that was on it and insists on comparing answers. Brenna and Callie, on the other hand, can't help but talk about tests when they're over. It's like they want to relive the whole experience. We had a history exam the next day. Even though we're in different classes, the entire eighth grade had the same textbook and was getting the same exam, so we decided to study together. Avery and I said we would meet Brenna and Callie at Brenna's house. That way the two of them could talk all they wanted about the algebra exam on the way over, and the two of us wouldn't have to hear it.

“I want to pick up some snacks on the way to Brenna's,” Avery said. “There's never anything good to eat in her house. Is that all right?”

“Sure,” I said. “Then they'll have extra time to talk all about the exam.”

Avery rolled her eyes. “I
so
don't want to talk about that exam,” she said. “It was totally impossible. It was like Mrs. Simmons expected us to be human calculators or something. I mean, there were like a million questions and we only had one hour. I didn't even have time to finish!”

I didn't tell her that I had actually finished the test early. I just nodded.

“So, do you want to use my phone?” Avery asked.

“Yes,” I said.

Avery opened her bag and pulled out her cell phone, which is bright pink. I have the same phone, except that mine is silver. I pressed the button to turn it on. Avery had programmed her phone so when it turns on, it plays a song from that show she likes. It's sort of annoying because it takes longer for her phone to turn on and for the screen to clear so you can dial, but of course I've never said that to Avery. I waited for the song to end so I could call Samantha.

It was this thing we did now. Avery let me use her cell phone to call Samantha, just in case Mom and Simon were monitoring my cell phone bill for phone calls to Samantha. At first I was worried that Avery would get in trouble because there would be extra minutes on her cell phone bill, but Avery said her dad had signed up for a family plan with a zillion minutes, and her parents didn't keep track of how many she used, or who she was calling.

I dialed Samantha's number. Avery had offered to program it into her phone, but I knew it by heart so I didn't need her to program it in. Besides, it would have been weird for Avery to have Samantha's phone number stored in her phone. I didn't even have Samantha's number programmed into
my
phone, in case Mom or Simon went snooping around. I didn't want Avery to be closer to Samantha in that way. I didn't want her to be able to call Samantha even when I wasn't around.

Avery had pulled her iPod out of her bag, and now she had the white earphones stuck in her ears. I pressed the phone against my ear. Samantha answered after the third ring.

“Hey,” she said.

“Hey, it's Leah,” I said.

“I know,” she said. “I saw on the caller ID.” It was sort of strange how Samantha recognized me even though I was calling from someone else's phone. “It's so cool you just called. I have to tell you something.”

“What?”

“Well, you know Henry and Andrew?”

“From the Lyon's Sibling Registry?”

“Yeah,” she said. “Well, they just moved to California with their moms.”

“Aren't they brothers?”

“Yup,” she said. “Twins. They have two moms. Anyway, they just moved to California. So we were e-mailing back and forth, and they're gonna come back east for a donor sibling reunion. We haven't worked out exactly where it's going to be, but it's gonna be during spring break, I think the third weekend in March. I spoke to Tate, and he's gonna come too, with his parents.”

I felt something drop inside me. Samantha sounded so excited to see the boys. I guess I understood. I mean, they were her brothers just the same as I was her sister. But somehow it made me feel like I didn't count anymore. Maybe it was just because they would be all together, and I wouldn't get to be there. Samantha, Henry, Andrew, and Tate all had parents who understood about the Lyon's Sibling Registry. Not like my parents. Mom and I had barely spoken about it since that first time. Mostly she and Simon talked about how important our family was—she and Simon and Charlie and me. Like it was all enough. Like Samantha and the boys didn't matter at all. Like if we didn't talk about them, they would just go away.

“Anyway,” Samantha continued, “it's still a few months away, so maybe your parents will get used to all this by then and you all can come.”

“I don't know,” I said.

“Oh, come on,” Samantha said. “We can't have a reunion without you! I'd be the only girl. I totally need my sister!”

I felt better when she said that. Maybe there would be a way to work it all out. I had three whole months to get Mom and Simon to understand everything about the Lyon's Sibling Registry. And if that didn't work, I had three months to think of an excuse to go to Pennsylvania without them.

When I got to Brenna's, I pulled my Palm Pilot out of my bag. It used to be Simon's, but he got a new one, so he gave the old one to me. Charlie wanted it because he likes the beeping sounds it makes when you set the alarm. But I told Simon I needed it for school, which is more important than Charlie having it as a toy. Simon agreed and he deleted all his work stuff. I plugged in things like homework assignments, my friends' birthdays, and other important dates so I wouldn't forget them. It was a lot more fun to use than the day planner that Mom had given me in the fall.

Avery had torn open a bag of Doritos and was looking through a gossip magazine that she'd bought at the deli. Brenna and Callie went into the kitchen to get us all sodas. Brenna had only diet soda at her house, which I hate, but I'd been so distracted on the phone with Samantha that I had forgotten to buy regular soda when Avery and I were buying snacks. I wasn't that thirsty, so it didn't matter anyway. I turned on my Palm Pilot and clicked the arrow to go forward until March, and I counted to the third weekend. Then I saw it: ROSS FAMILY REUNION. Simon's big family reunion, when we all went back to Baltimore and everyone even remotely related to Simon showed up.

There was no way I would get to see Samantha and the boys that weekend. I wasn't even related to the Ross family, but Mom and Simon would make me go to the reunion for sure.

“All right,” Brenna said as she came back into the room. She put the soda on little coasters on the coffee table. “Let's get this over with.”

“Please, not yet,” Avery said. “I'm just at the good part.” She held up the magazine and pointed to a picture in the center of the page. “You guys think Chase is so great, but really, have you ever seen anyone as cute as Brody Hudson? I just love his show. Don't you?”

“It's all right,” Brenna said.

“Did you see it last night?” Avery asked.

“No,” Brenna said. “I was studying.”

“Oh, I took a break to watch it, and it was awesome,” Avery said.

“I watched it on the phone with Ian last night,” Callie said. “But he thinks the writing on the show isn't really that good anymore. You know, the head writer left or something, so Ian says the show might even be canceled.”

“Oh, I'm gonna cry,” Avery said. “They totally cannot cancel it.” I thought it was strange the things that made Avery want to cry. Callie shrugged.

Brenna heaved our history textbook onto the table. “Come on, you guys,” she said. “Hey, Callie, Megan must have used this book last year. How'd she say the exam was?”

Callie shrugged. “I wouldn't know,” she said.

“Should we call her?” Brenna asked. “You know, sometimes teachers give the same exam two years in a row. Maybe she'll remember some of the questions.”

“I don't think we should call her,” Callie said.

“I still think you guys should just make up,” Avery said.

“I told you,” Callie said. “We can't just make up. It's not like that at all.”

There was a silence for a couple of seconds. Avery was looking at Callie. I could tell she didn't understand why it had to be so hard. I looked back down at my Palm Pilot and pressed the button to turn it off. “Well,” Avery said finally, “the study outline Chase made is in my bag. So I guess it doesn't matter now anyway.”

“Oh, thank goodness for Chase,” Brenna said. “Of course he made a study outline.”

“I'm sure he got a higher grade than Megan anyway,” Callie said. She had been sitting forward on the couch, but now she sat back like she was relaxed.

“Probably,” Avery said. “He's made an outline for practically every class he's ever taken.” She rolled up her magazine and reached toward her backpack. The bag of Doritos that was on her lap pitched forward.

“Don't get the chips everywhere,” Brenna said. “My mom'll kill me.”

“I'll clean it up,” Avery said.

“But I wanted some of those,” Callie said.

“Well, there aren't any left in the bag,” Avery said. “But you know, ten-second rule. You can eat them off the floor.”

“That's gross,” Brenna said. “Just throw them away.”

“But there's nothing else to snack on here,” Callie said.

“Sorry,” Brenna said. “I told you we should have just gone to Avery's.”

“Oh, no,” Avery said. “Then you guys would just be all obsessed with Chase, and we wouldn't get anything done.”

“We would not,” Brenna said.

“Whatever,” Avery said. “He's holed up in his room studying anyway.
I'm
barely allowed to talk to him.”

“Can we just get started?” Brenna said. “You guys can order a pizza or something if you want.”

“You see?” Avery said. “I knew the only reason you wanted to go to my house was to see Chase!”

“It's just that we're already here,” Brenna said. “And we really should get started on this.”

“So are we gonna order pizza or what?” Callie asked.

“I'm not hungry,” Brenna said.

Avery rolled her eyes. “I'll have a slice. What about you, Leah? You're so quiet. Are you nervous about the exam?”