My Stupid Girl (14 page)

Inside was a collection of art supplies. I
moved the acrylic paint and drawing pencils to the side and pulled out my black
chalk and sketch pad. My perfectly clean hands were clutching the pad and I
instantly recalled a time when they were always stained brown from drawing. My
bones ached to open the pad of thick sketch paper and re-discover older days,
re-stain my hands. Instead of starting right in on a new sketch, though, I
began flipping through the book. It used to be so familiar to me but lately I’d
almost forgotten about it. Seeing the different pages was like rediscovering
old friends.

A few pages in I stopped flipping, noticing
a sloppy picture of a smile I don't remember seeing in real life but knew by
heart from photographs. The lines went up where Julia’s lips met and her big
teeth blared off the page, brilliantly. There were smile lines next to the
mouth, one of the only pieces completely drawn onto the page. I liked to draw
broken up pictures. I saw things that way when I walked around. I saw the
features on people that stood out on them, that made them who they were. On
Lucy it was big lips, long eye lashes and freckles. My fingers itched to pick
up the chalk and put life on an empty page. The rest of the review could wait.

I walked back into the dark living room
where Lucy was sleeping. I turned on the hall light and sat against the wall
that was facing her. The blank page in front of me was like being reunited with
somebody after a long absence, and maybe a fight. It felt right, and good, and
like a relief. I glanced up at Lucy. She was sleeping on her right side with
her arm under her face. Her arm reached over her head, so her hands were
resting limply on her face. I started drawing her long full fingers in
beautiful curves with the single eye that the fingers were trying to hide. I
soon realized that her eyes were giving me trouble because they were so big.
Her long lashes were exaggerated on the paper. I flipped to a clean page and
drew another picture of Lucy’s lips.

I didn't have to look at her to draw it
accurately. I had sketched her mouth into my mind like a tattoo. I couldn't
scrub it off; it was painful but worth it. The top lip was considerably bigger
than the bottom and her two front teeth were bigger than they should be and one
went down a fraction more than the other. None of this stuff was anything I
would have noticed unless I hadn’t spent time contemplating those lips. I drew
a nose, dirty with freckles, and then lightly sprinkled pink cheeks. When I was
finished with the first sketch of sleeping Lucy, I continued to draw for hours,
picking out different things that stuck out to me.

My favorite picture, the one I spent the
most time on, was an old, bony, wrinkled hand holding a cup of coffee with a
younger longer hand on top of it.

I couldn't deny that a part of my heart had
fallen in love with Lucy when I saw her reach out to comfort my grandma like
she had. I could feel my heart changing its ideas about life, my mind
conforming to beliefs and ideas I had never considered. I could feel my body
growing more comfortable around her, like when she reached out to touch my hair
or my hand I didn't feel nervous. I realized I was becoming like a feral cat
who is slowly being won over by a sweet old woman who leaves milk out for it
daily.

That stupid little girl who goes too far
out on frozen lakes was winning my heart. The girl who drove up to give someone
their car back but had no way of getting home was becoming a part of me. That
loud, obnoxious laugh was ringing in my ears and I longed to be the one that
drew it out of her. I was falling hopelessly in love with Lucy and that
realization caused a mixture of excitement and panic. Excitement because I had
never imagined I would ever feel this way, and panic because it was completely
out of my control and I hated that. I hated it but I was willing to lose it,
lose the control over what I pretended I had control over. I realized in that
moment that it was a crazy thing to try to fight this, so I decided to go with
it. I went with every feeling that was flooding me and dripping from me. This
gorgeous, stupid girl had done in a few days what no one had been able to do in
years. I was totally relaxed, completely happy, and content.

That is, I was all those things until I
glanced at the clock and realized that in an hour and a half I would be walking
into a church with Lucy and, probably, to my great disgust, Mike. I was crazy
for thinking this would work. In a few hours all her friends would be telling
her she was crazy for bringing me and she would be advised to never see me
again, I was sure of it. They’d probably be saying it right in front of me. My
sketch pad closed with a snap and I was suddenly angry with my dirty fingers
for betraying me. I walked back to my room and put all of my things away
neatly, the way I liked them. In the sparkling bathroom I washed my fingers
clean and re-applied my make up before I went and woke Lucy up so we could
leave to go to her church. Joy.

8. RACHEL

Lucy was bouncing up and down like a hyperactive
six-year-old as her church came into sight. Considering she was the one
driving, the bouncing was impressive. We mingled in with a long line of cars
creeping toward the sprawling parking lot. The more of the giant compound and
lot that I saw, the lower I shrunk in my seat. Lucy reached over and put her
hand on mine. It comforted me for a second, then I realized how obviously
pathetic I was being. I looked over at her and gave her an obvious fake smile
with two cheesy thumbs up. She fake smiled back. Not even that cheered me up. I
decided to wallow in pathetic.

"Don’t leave me alone anywhere," I
tried to be stern but it totally came out like a plea.

"I won't," she replied,
sincerely. I nodded at her, in thanks and then resumed looking out the window
and feeling out of control.

"What are you worried about?"

"One, I’ve never been to a church
before. And two, everyone here looks the same." I pointed to the family
walking past the car, with three perfect little children who were dressed to
impress. In identical outfits. Even the parents had matching colors. Dad’s tie
and Mom’s skirt were grown-up versions of the kid’s bluish church uniforms.

"So? All your friends look the
same." She sounded irritated.

"Touché." I climbed out of the
car and immediately planted my hands in my pockets, where they felt at home.

"These are nice people," she
whispered in my ear after I’d walked around the car and looped her arm in mine.
I grunted in response. We walked about six miles to the main door. During our
epic trek across the asphalt tundra, Lucy said “hi” to every single person we
saw. I couldn't raise my face to look at any of them. I was contemplating the
actual start time of church. We had left the house around eight, and it had
taken a while to get here, and then another chunk of time to park. Now an hour
or two of hellos as we were making a pilgrimage toward the distant church. At
this rate, the service should start sometime around Tuesday afternoon. Can.
Not. Wait.

“David, please stop looking at the ground,
you look like you’re about to have a panic attack.”

“I am about to have a panic attack.”

“Listen, stop over-thinking this and just
look at people. You’re making it worse for yourself by avoiding everything.
You’re assuming these people don’t like you and you haven’t even taken the time
to look at them. So… you’re being the judgmental one right now.” She squeezed
my arm again as she said this. I’m not going to lie, the arm squeeze took some
of the sting out of her words. Not all, but some. Stupid girl. Calling me out
on my issues.

In retaliation I nodded at every person
that she greeted from then on. (That’ll show her.) They actually weren’t
looking at me the way I had expected. They definitely did double takes, but
they still smiled at me. Apparently, church people were harder to scare than
high school administrators. 

"Lucy!" A girl yelled from across
the parking lot. We both looked around to spot the owner of the voice and Lucy
started to bounce again, patting my arm in excitement.

“Jennika!” She squealed. A feisty, small
girl with deep brown skin and a halo of thick dark hair hurried up to us. I
recognized her from school. Michelle called her and Lucy the "Cutie
Patooties." Michelle always said it like an old lady would say it, and it
always kind of fit.

“Girl, where have you been? Shelby is sick
and can’t do Kid’s Church; we have been trying to call you.” Jennika looked at
me briefly as she was breathlessly delivering the Kid’s Church emergency news.
I saw her eyebrows go up when she finally registered who I was. I copied her
facial expression perfectly and she cracked a smile.

“Oh no! I had my phone ringer off.” Lucy
glanced at me sideways and asked, “So, David, do you like kids?” Jennika
laughed. I was loving this girl. She was a good fit for Lucy. But the kid thing
worried me a little. Both girls looked guilty as they waited for my answer. Not
reassuring. Two gorgeous, high-spirited girls staring at you, looking guilty
equals trouble.

“I like them more than adults…” I answered
slowly.

“Good, because it looks like we are
teaching a class of about twenty four-year-old kids right now.” She beamed at
me like this was great news. I gave her the fake smile and thumbs up again.
This time she just laughed at me. I realized, as we continued walking, that I
didn’t even have a say in this. It was done. Bring on the kid parade.

“Oh, Jen,” Lucy stopped me in my tracks,
and her friend stopped too, “this is David.” She was looking at me while she
introduced us.

“That’s what I figured,” Jennika said,
smiling as she reached out her hand. “Hi David.” I took her hand, shook it
quickly, and then buried the free hand back in my pocket. 

“Lucy has told me all about you,” she
continued as we started walking again. 

“She doesn’t know all that much about me,”
I said. “That year I spent in the circus, for example.”

“Well, then I guess she just talks about
you a lot.” Jennika grinned again. I couldn’t help it, I smiled back at her. A
little. Despite her beautiful, striking features and bracing confidence, she
made me feel comfortable, which was impressive. I liked Lucy a lot but I was
just getting to the point where she didn’t make me want to hide in a storm
bunker whenever I thought about her. 

“Jennika is my best friend in the whole
world.” Lucy told me what was already pretty obvious, squeezing our linked arms
closer to her body. 

“If I had been at the lake that day you
wouldn’t have had to rescue her!” Jennika shook her head, a fierce protective
look in her eyes. 

“I’m glad you weren’t there then,” I said.
She laughed, thinking I was kidding. Which I wasn’t. Honestly this was getting
ridiculous; I was becoming the master of cheesy lines. God help me.

“Luc, you better get in there, all the
parents are trying to drop their kids off.” Jennika turned around and led the
way to the front of the church, us following. The nice thing about hurrying was
that I didn’t have to nod to anyone anymore. We walked into a large church; it
wasn’t a typical church building like I had been expecting with dried flowers
and pews. There were large pictures on the walls of different people, no one I
recognized. One picture was of a woman laughing and it had the word “joy”
underneath. Another showed a man drinking coffee, it said “Faith.” I wasn’t
sure how it correlated but they were cool. The church was very modern with
green and brown painted walls and a black carpet that had gray speckles in it.
The sanctuary (that’s what Lucy called it ) was to the left. We went to the
right and opened the doors to a big room with tons of happy little faces. These
kids were beautiful I had to admit it, it was like all the attractive people in
Montana got together in this church and procreated. 

“Miss Lucy,” the kids all yelled as we
walked into the room. They rushed her and completely overtook her. They were
hanging on her neck and trying to swing from her arms. One little boy with
brown curly hair and matching eyes turned around and looked at me. He pointed
right at me.

“Are you a girl?” he said, pointing to my
earrings. “My mom said only girls have earrings.” I laughed. The kid was cute,
I couldn’t deny it.

“I am a boy," I said bending down so I
was at his level.

“Prove it,” he said seriously.

“Well…” I wasn't sure what I was going to
say, but then I was interrupted.

“Alright kids, go sit down at the table.” A
strong, deep voice said, behind me. I turned around and standing next to a
kid's bright blue table was none other than Mike. I groaned.

“I thought you were doing the class,” I
said accusingly to Lucy.

“I am,” she replied, looking around the
class. “Oh, don’t worry about that.” She noticed that Mike was there. “There
are always three people who take care of the kids. A teacher, a helper and a
player.” She looked up at me and smiled. “I'm a teacher, but these are Shelby’s
helpers and players, I don’t usually work with them. This isn’t my week to
teach Kids church.” It made sense, but I didn’t like it.

“What am I going to be?” I asked, looking
at all the little kids.

“What do you want to be?”

“Helper," I said, thinking that a
player might be a bit of a stretch for me.

“K, then you're going to be with Rachel.”
Lucy pointed to a girl that was facing the wall, she was taking paint out of a
plastic tub that was labeled “paint“.

“You want me to walk over there and
start…helping?” I said, putting my hands in my pockets, again.

“I know this is weird for you.” Lucy put
her hands on my shoulders and gave me a sympathetic look. “But I had to help, I
couldn’t say no when they needed me. If you really don’t want to do this then
take the car and come pick me up at 11:30.” She smiled at me in a way that made
me feel like if I did choose to leave, she wouldn’t hold it against me. I
looked over at Mike who was busily hushing the kids, and I could tell he was
trying not to notice us.