My Stupid Girl (48 page)

She put her hand on the back of my head, still
resting on her belly. The warmth of her touch brought indescribable comfort. I
looked up at her and reached for her left hand. 

“Were did you get this?” I whispered, my
face very close to hers now. 

“It was thirteen dollars at the drugstore,”
she whispered back. I could hear a hint of laughter that would have come
spilling out of her in earlier times. I reached over, slid the ring off her
finger, and flicked it into the lake. The whistle it made as it spun through
the air faded before we heard a faint plop. We watched the ripples before I
spoke again. 

“Lucy, I haven’t been the same since the
day you washed my makeup off.” I brought my hands up to the side of her face
and held it so she couldn’t look away. “I won't let you do the same thing I did
to myself. I won’t let you hide, thinking you’re not good enough the way you
are. You don’t need that ring.” My eyes got hot. Crying was a definite
possibility. “I love you, Lucy. No matter what.”

Tears started flowing from her eyes. She
reached up and wrapped her arms completely around my neck, drenching the side
of my face. 

“I’m so sorry, David.”

I didn’t know if I should say, “I forgive
you,” or “it’s okay,” or “me too.” None of it matched how I felt. All I could
think to do was put my hand behind her head, pull that amazing face into mine,
and kiss her. I took in everything. She smelled just like my Lucy: flower
shampoo and cinnamon gum. Her lips felt just as soft as before, even her skin
was the same temperature and just as smooth as I remembered it. I felt like I
was home. 

“I love you,” she blubbered into my ear. 

“Lucy, I love you.” I still held her face
in my hands so I could look at her properly for the first time, without a film
of pain over my eyes.

“So... what happened?” I kept my voice low
as I returned my hand to her stomach. Lucy’s shoulders went up instantly,
tensing, ready for me to retreat. I knew that I was going to love her, no
matter what she said, but I still had to know. I just waited. She took another
deep breath and then buckled. 

“I went to a party with some girls from
school, there was this guy there.” She looked deep into my eyes like she used
to, but this time she was pleading with me to forgive her. I felt a twinge of
jealousy, knowing what was coming. “David, I don’t want to get into details.
The first time, I was still so mad, that when he asked me to...” She bit her
bottom lip and looked over to the lake, shame deep in her eyes. “I lost my
virginity to some guy in someone else’s bed. I was drunk and all I really
remembered was that it hurt.” Her voice caught and she leaned forward and put
her face in my neck, a new wave of tears coming down. My jealousy was replaced
by sudden anger. I wanted to find that guy and bash his head in. I’ll bet if I
asked Johnny and Isaiah we could make a day trip of it. 

“We were only together a few times. I found
out I was pregnant a few weeks later. He was so mean. He told me I was stupid,
that he never wanted to see my face again. He wanted me to get an abortion.”
She shook her head, disgusted.

I had to take deep breaths for a full
minute before my face, purple from rage, relaxed enough to eek words out of my
lips.

“You said you signed something that says he
has no right to the baby?” I made sure my voice was calm and tender. Not at all
matching the protective rippling storm I was feeling inside. 

“Yes.” She smiled at me, and I reached in
and kissed her again, because I could.

“Thank you for telling me.” I tucked little
loose hairs behind her ears. Her hair was layered so short now that they kept
slipping out.

“How many months along are you?”

“Eight. I’ve got about three weeks left.
Technically, it could happen any day.” She put her head to the side and smiled.
“You’ve changed.”

“How do you mean?” 

“You’re so much more gentle, more patient.”
She gave me a grateful look that made me instantly glad that I had chosen to
fight my temper back. Over and over and over again. Some people chose
forgiveness daily, I chose not freaking out. Hourly.

“I guess I’ve learned a bit in the last
year. You seem different, too.” I got off my knees and sat next to her on the
bench. She leaned her body over and I put my arms around her, already used to
(and loving) the girth of her body.

She reached up and grabbed my hand and
spread it open with her fingers, hers into mine. “God said that whoever has
been forgiven much, loves much. I’m learning to love better.” 

“The woman who poured perfume on Jesus
feet, right? Luke.” It was automatic. I wasn’t even thinking when I said it;
just kind of excited I recognized the quote. Lucy, however, was shocked. She
spun around and looked at me. Her eyes were wide and her mouth was gaping.

“How did you know that?” 

“A lot of things have changed this year.” I
smiled at her and kissed her nose. “I had a lot of free time.” She punched my
shoulder. It felt awesome. 

“We should go back to the lunch.” I stood
up, grabbing her hand and helping her up. “Luce, you gotta’ meet my birth
father.” Excitement ran thru my body.

I didn’t care that she was pregnant when she
would be meeting Anthony Pfalmer. I didn’t care that we hadn’t talked in a
year. All I cared was that she was mine again. 

27. BIRTHDAYS AND AMNIOTIC FLUID

I think my birth father fell in love with Lucy
quicker than I did. The two of them sat at a table together and talked for
hours. I got jealous. I couldn’t tell who I wanted attention from more, Lucy or
my father. But there they sat, talking like old friends. They were a lot alike,
which gave me more pleasure than I could describe. 

Johnny and Isaiah walked up to me, both
looking like two naughty children waiting for their beating. They stepped in
unison, looking like that creature with two heads and one body on Sesame
Street, except one had a distinct limp, which I think he was exaggerating so
that I would have pity on the cripple. It wasn’t going to work. No mercy for
gimps. 

“Forgive us David, for we have sinned.” One
voice came out of two mouths, with perfect timing. I tried very hard to look at
them sternly, but I couldn’t. Laughter bubbled out of my throat. 

“You guys are idiots.” I shook my head at
them, really wishing that I could fake just a little bit of anger. They
deserved a heaping serving of guilt.

“We understand why you’re mad. We made a
really bad decision, keeping quiet.” Isaiah spoke seriously. That was rare
enough. So I listened.

“Yeah,” Johnny said, lowering his voice so
Anthony couldn’t hear what we were saying. “We really wanted to, but she kept
telling us she wanted to do it. We figured it was her call. I mean her
privilege, or whatever, to be the one to tell you. It just got out of hand.
We’ve been freaking out all morning, knowing you were going to see her today.”

“I almost took the engine out of her car,
but I think she probably would have walked here or hitchhiked from a crazy
truck driver and gotten herself killed or something. I couldn’t have that on my
conscience.” Isaiah explained solemnly. He was back to joking now. Kinda.

They both looked at me, waiting for my
response. I shook my head at them and looked over at Lucy who was still talking
to my birth father, but looking over at us from the corner of her eye. 

“I see why you didn’t tell me.” Both
relaxed the tiniest bit at that. “You’re a pair of pansies.” They raised their
eyebrows and pouted their bottom lips at the same time, obviously planned. I
glanced over at Lucy who was also sticking her bottom lip out at me. I laughed.
Reaching over, I kissed Lucy’s mouth. In front of everyone. 

I hadn’t even realized I had done it until
Dillon cried out.

“Ohhhhhh.” 

“She gets a kiss, and we don’t?” Isaiah
batted his eyelashes and made a kissy-face at me. He looked like he was hurting
himself.

“She’s got a bit more to offer. Sorry.” 

“Harsh man.” He sat down at the table to
join us, Johnny dragging a chair in between Lucy and me on the other side. 

“Evelyn would probably appreciate a kiss.”
I jerked my head towards the beautiful chocolate-brown curly-haired girl
somewhere behind us. 

“Ugh. I just threw up in my mouth,” Isaiah
said, his lip curling up in disgust.

“Shut up man, we all know you like her,”
Johnny said. Lucy’s giggle surprised us. She bit her lip and gave Isaiah an
apologetic look. 

“No, I am terrified of her. There is a
difference.” His face was serious.

“Terrified? Whatever man, you take her out
all the time,” Johnny shot back.

“I do not ‘take her out;’ she follows me
everywhere.”

“You drive to her house and pick her up!”
Johnny started hitting his knee, laughing uncontrollably. Isaiah didn’t answer
this time. He just crossed his arms and started tutting like a 90-year-old man
at anyone who made noise.

“Am I the only one not freaked out about
having a gorgeous girlfriend?” Johnny asked.

“Well, you are the ugliest of the three of
us. I would say yes.” Isaiah spoke up before I could reply. “And Evil isn’t my
girlfriend.” 

It was wonderful to be sitting at this
table, not only with Lucy and my birth father, but with my two best friends.
Everyone was laughing and picking on the weakest link of the moment. I missed
this so much.

Lucy reached her hand behind Johnny and put
it on my arm. 

“Can I take you home, David?” she asked,
her big eyes looking hopefully at me. 

“Not yet, I want to spend some time with
you first.” I didn’t bother to whisper because Johnny was in between us.
Anyway, he wasn’t even pretending to not eavesdrop. I flicked his eye. He
yelped. He deserved it.

“What the heck man?!” He grabbed his eye
and flicked my ear, right before he ran away, like a delicate pansy, to Jennika
for safety. I moved into the chair that Johnny had been sitting in and put my
forehead against Lucy’s cheek. I was basking in this.

* * *

I got a hotel room in town.

Grandma’s house and the loneliness of
Whitefish were too much for me to face. Plus, I really didn’t want to be an
hour away from my birth father or Lucy. Tony (he told me to call him that) was
staying for the weekend so I got a whole extra day with him on Sunday.

There was so much to do at Grandma’s house
that I wasn’t ready to deal with. I had to deal with all of the house stuff:
paying her final bills, going through her things and cleaning her room, and
figuring out what to do with the house. Her sons had been really ticked that I
got absolutely everything. It was kind of weird, because Grandma hadn’t had
much. It wasn’t like she could have split it into many pieces. Aside from the
house, there was a bank account with a few hundred dollars and some stocks that
were almost worthless.

Even still, I would have felt bad for them,
if it weren’t for the fact that the most effort they’d made in the last ten
years was to call on Sunday afternoons. I was over it. They left town in a
huff.

Lucy had dropped me at the hotel
proclaiming that another birthday celebration was in the works.

“Wow. You’re already thinking of my
birthday?” I chuckled. It was the last thing on my mind. With all that was
going on, me turning nineteen hadn’t been on my mind.

“Of course I am.” She smiled so sweetly at
me I couldn’t help but kiss her. Every time she opened her mouth and said
something to me, my first response was a kiss. I couldn’t help it. She was so
beautiful, and the best part was that she was in front of me. Magically.

I knew I had missed her but I wasn’t aware
of the complete void I had felt without her. Her pregnancy, which had given her
a lot of anxiety, was, for me, just part of the awesomeness of being in Lucy’s
presence. I felt nothing but indescribable devotion to her. It almost set my
heart on fire.

I couldn’t believe how calm she was. Every
time I expected her to laugh or punch my arm, which she used to do all the
time, she would surprise me by softly smiling, and grabbing my hand, and
wiggling her fingers between mine. I kind of missed the old Lucy, though. It
was painful to see how quickly she’d been forced to grow up because of the
choices she had made and still had to make. But she was still my Lucy. 

“Can I see your tattoo? I never saw it
colored in.” She turned off her ignition in a parking spot in front of my
hotel. Her face lit up with excitement at the prospect, a glimmer of old Lucy
still shining in those icy blue eyes. 

“Heck yeah!” I took my grey jacket off and
unbuttoned the sleeve of my shirt. I rolled it as far up as I could and showed
off what she had bought me almost a whole year ago. She traced the filled in
spaces that were now colored in with deep blues, reds, and yellows with her
fingers and bit her lip.   

“It’s amazing,” she squeezed my bicep and
looked down at her belly, something she did whenever she was being careful what
she said or did. “Oh.” She looked over at me with big eyes, grabbed my hand,
and put it right below her belly button. I waited, not knowing what for,
exactly, but then a little something nudged my palm. 

“Whoa! Was that a kick?!” Lucy nodded,
grinning from ear to ear. I felt a sudden rush of affection for this little
person I had no real idea about. “Do you know what it is?” I asked, putting my
other hand near the one already on her huge stomach.

“No.” She rested her eyes somewhere on the
window behind my head. “I wasn’t sure if I was going to keep it or give it up
for adoption so when the time came to find out I didn’t think I could handle
it.” I tried to keep my face as neutral as possible, but I failed. I felt my
face get a “I feel sick” look.