My Tomorrow (12 page)

“Um…we’re not…” I stammered, but then I felt Drew’s hand on mine and he smiled playfully at me.

“Thank you, Maria.  That’s very sweet of you.”

“Don’t let this one get away,” Maria said, grabbing Drew by the chin for a moment. “I like her and you look happy.”  Maria turned and winked at me and I just blushed again.

“Well,” I began once Maria was gone. “She’s not very insightful, is she?”

“No, I guess not,” Drew laughed. “Then again though…maybe she is.”  He grinned and I looked away for a moment as my heart beat a little faster. “You seem embarrassed actually.”

“Perhaps I am, a little.”

“Is it that humiliating to be mistaken for my girlfriend?” he grinned.

“No!” I said quickly. “That’s not what I meant.  I was just saying…” I stuttered, but his laughter stopped me.

“You’re so easy to fluster.  Regardless though, it’s fun to pretend on occasion.  To pretend to live a life you don’t really.  Like right now.  You and me.  Everyone here assumes we’re a couple.  I could pretend to propose to you right now or we could get in an argument and you could throw this gelato here in my face.  To everyone else, it would all be real and we’d be the only ones who know the truth.”  The grin on his face was playful, but I saw something more behind the smirk when he held out a spoonful to me.  “And as your pretend boyfriend, I insist you take a bite.” The spoon was hovering just inches from my mouth and I opened as he slid the spoon inside.  My lips closed around it and then he slid it slowly out.  I swallowed, but my eyes never left his and he wasn’t smiling anymore as his gaze drifted to my mouth and we were quiet until he spooned himself some. 

“Now that,” he said, pointing to the gelato. “Is good.”

“Yeah, it is,” I said and I wondered if I was the only one whose heart was beating fast.

We were quiet for a few moments as we continued to eat and then I had to say something to break the silence.

“I love chocolate.  I could eat anything chocolate all day, every day,” I said, taking another bite. “It doesn’t matter when.   When I’m sad, when I’m happy, as long as it’s chocolate, I’ll eat it.  Not dark chocolate or white chocolate though.  It’s gotta be milk chocolate.”

“You’ve got a sweet tooth then?”

“Yes, especially when it comes to chocolate.  I love Hershey bars with almonds and I could devour a huge bag of M&Ms in one sitting.”

“I find that hard to believe.”

“You shouldn’t,” I laughed as I heard a beep coming from Drew’s pocket.  He pulled his phone out and read a text.  A scowl crossed his face and he shoved it back in his pocket.

“It’s Leslie.  I’m needed back at the office.” He stood up, holding onto both the lemon and chocolate gelatos. “We’ll finish these in the cab.”

Outside, I couldn’t help but laugh as Drew tried to hail a cab with the gelatos still in hand.  I offered to help, but he insisted he was fine. A cab finally stopped and we climbed inside.  As we drove, we each finished eating and then shared the chocolate one till there was nothing left.

“I wish we didn’t have to go back to work,” Drew complained once we’d arrived back.  He hardly sounded like a partner in an architectural firm.  Instead he sounded like a kid not wanting to go to class.

“Well, you’ve kinda gotta go.  You are the boss,” I grinned.

“Sometimes I’d rather not be,” he grimaced.

“You’ve gotta admit, it’s got a lot of perks though,” I added and he nodded. “And those perks have to outweigh the cons.”

“True,” he agreed with a smile as we headed towards the door.  He held it open and we walked to the elevators. “I had fun today.  Thanks for getting me out of my pissy mood.  I owe you.”

“No, you don’t,” I said, resting my hand for a moment on his sleeve and I watched as his gaze drifted down to my hand then up to my eyes again.

“Yes, I do,” he said softly and I couldn’t help but feel the heat on my cheeks as I grinned nervously and looked down at the floor for a second before we returned to the office.

“Can you type up those notes?” Drew asked once we got back to my desk.  I nodded as he took off his trench coat and hung it in his office before disappearing to meet Leslie. 

I sat at my computer, but I couldn’t ignore the gazes from my co-workers, who, I decided, would in no way, shape or form learn of my sharing gelato with Drew.

“What’d you guys do at the site?” Court finally asked from his desk.

“He wanted to make some changes so he blabbered out some ideas and I wrote it all down.  Now I’m typing them up.”

“And that took two and a half hours?” he asked doubtfully.

“I guess it did,” I said, glancing down at the clock on my computer, surprised at how late it was. 

“Two and half hours to get there, take some notes and come back?” Court continued.

“What are you getting at?” I asked, whipping my head away from my computer to glare at Court.

“I’m not getting at anything.  I’m just making an observation,” he smirked.

“Well, don’t.  Now, I’ve gotta get these typed up,” I said sharply, turning back to the computer and I began typing quickly. 

Maybe I should’ve just told him that we’d stopped for gelato.  I had nothing to hide, so why should I have to lie?  I’d done nothing wrong.  My boss had been stressed out and had wanted to treat me.  He’d basically dragged me there.  I couldn’t refuse.  Maria had mistaken us for a couple and given us some free gelato.  I couldn’t very well refuse that either.  It’d be rude.  It had been an innocent snack with my friend.  No, it had been an innocent snack with my boss.  But then I closed my eyes for a moment, thinking back to the little shop and the spoons we’d shared, and wondering if it had been so innocent as I was insisting, then why did I suddenly feel so guilty?

Twelve

I put the afternoon out of my mind as best I could, but I knew Court hadn’t.  He continued to eye me the rest of the day and I knew exactly what was running through his mind.  I didn’t talk to Drew either.  Whatever Leslie had needed him back at the office for kept him busy and all I saw of him was his profile in the conference room, staring down at something on the table, his brow furrowed in what I could only think was distress, as I left the office for the day.  I didn’t see him much either the next day, but when I arrived at work the following morning, there was a large bag of M&Ms waiting for me on my desk.  He was nowhere to be found, but I knew they were from him.  He was the only person I’d told about my love of M&Ms and he’d obviously been listening.  I immediately opened the bag, devouring a handful and getting to work. 

“Thank you for the M&Ms,” I told him when he’d finally made an appearance before lunch.

“You’re very welcome, Natalie,” was all he said and he’d disappeared into his office for most of the afternoon.

It’d been a busy day and it was almost six o’clock when I decided to head home.  Drew was still working and Anna Beth and Court had already left.  I slid on my coat and knocked on his open door.  He looked up from his desk, but his left hand remained poised with a pencil and it appeared as if he’d been sketching something.

“I just wanted to say goodnight,” I said to him.

“Come here, Natalie,” he said, motioning me over to him.  I walked into the office and made my way to the front of his desk. “Come around here.” He gestured to his side and I did as he asked. “What do you think of this?” He looked up at me as my eyes focused on the large sketch.  I could tell he’d been working furiously on it by the way the strokes seemed to move hurriedly across the page.  Despite the obvious rush, it was an amazing drawing...so lifelike it almost jumped off the page at me.  The building was modern and sleek, lined with a wall of windows. I thought it was beautiful. 

“I think it’s great.  Is it for Mr. Tashawa?”

“Yes.  Every design I send for his approval gets sent back and he never tells me why.  If I don’t get this right, he could very easily take the project to someone else and then I won’t be nearly as rich as Court believes I am.”  I knew his last comment was meant to be a joke, but neither of us laughed.  I’d never seen him look quite so nervous.  He’d been worked up that day of the gelato, but he seemed almost in a panic now.  Not a panic that everyone would notice, but one that I could pick up on because I knew Drew and what was normal for him at work.  He was always calm and collected.  He was neither of those things now. 

“What if you went with something less modern?” I said timidly, hoping he wouldn’t find me presumptuous by offering someone like him advice when I knew absolutely nothing about design.  He looked up from the sketch, his brow creasing in obvious curiosity and I decided I should keep going. “It’s for a cultural arts center so why not bring an old world feel to it?  Bring the past back?  Maybe he’d like that?” My voice was quiet and I felt ridiculous for even trying to give him advice.

“It’s so different than what I normally do though.  I mean, he hired me because he likes my designs.  I should stay with what I do.”

“It was just a suggestion,” I said quickly. “You’re right though.  Stick with what you know.”

He turned his head back to the sketch, eyeing it for a few quiet moments.

“Thank you, Natalie,” he said and I took that as my cue to leave. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Drew.  Have a good night.”

“Thank you.  I’ll be heading out myself soon.  I can’t stare at this much longer.”

“Don’t stress yourself out,” I said, and I rested my hand on his shoulder to reassure him. “You’ll figure it out.”

He didn’t say anything.  He just picked up his pencil and I walked out of his office, turning once more to see him rip the page off his sketchpad and begin again.

The sun was almost set and the bright lights of New York City lighted my way home before I descended underground to the subway.  I was surrounded by people, but I felt alone as I waited for the train that would take me home.  It squealed to a stop and I got on, finding an empty seat and staring out into nothing as I rode in no hurry to get home to an empty apartment again.  Then I heard the stop announced for 42
nd
Street and I stood up, heading towards the door, even though I was nowhere near my stop.  I missed Ethan and I’d yet to see where he worked.  Maybe I could grab a bite to eat and watch him in action and not miss him so much for a little while.  Even if I couldn’t be with him how I wanted, at least I could be in the same room with him.

When I stepped onto the street, I had no clue where I was going.  I’d never been to Carmine’s and all I knew was that it was in the theatre district.

The streets were crowded as usual and I peered around each corner, hoping I might catch a glimpse of Ethan’s restaurant, but after searching for fifteen minutes and feeling like a fool each time I stopped to look and someone bumped into me, I was ready to give up.  I finally decided to ask for directions.  I looked around and saw a man selling magazines and candy.  He looked nice enough, but with New Yorkers, you never really could tell.

“What canna get fo ya?” his deep, accent laced voice asked when I approached. 

“I was wondering if you might know where the restaurant Carmine’s is?” I asked.

“It’s ova by
The Lion King
.  Three blocks down, turn right,” the man said and then looked behind me to a waiting customer. 

“Thanks,” I said, but he didn’t acknowledge it. 

I started walking in the direction the man had told me and was almost lost in the sea of people.  I was still overwhelmed by all the excitement and I gazed upward at the lit up billboards and all the show marquees.  I couldn’t wait to go to a Broadway show sometime.  I’d never been, unless you counted the time
Phantom of the Opera
came to Des Moines when I was in high school.  Perhaps I could hint at it for my birthday.

I turned the corner where the man had said to and I immediately saw the huge
The Lion King
sign.  I headed towards it and kept walking until I finally saw the small black and white sign that read
Carmine’s
.  When I opened the door, I was taken aback by how crowded it was.  Ethan had told me it was a popular place, but I hadn’t expected it to be that big or that packed.  I started scanning for Ethan, but the restaurant was so massive that I didn’t see him.  I inched my way to the front to the hostess, a pretty blonde dressed all in black. 

“How long is the wait for a table for one?” I asked. 

“About an hour, maybe a little longer,” the hostess said and I felt my mouth form into a frown. “You could always go the bar.  There’s a full menu and it’s open seating,” the girl said encouragingly and I smiled, thanking her as I made my way over. 

There were a few open seats and I claimed one of them.

“What can I get you?” the bartender asked a few moments later.

“I’ll just take a water,” I answered.

“Do you need a menu?”

“Please,” I said and he handed it to me.

“Let me know when you’re ready.”

“Thanks,” I said, taking it, but not opening it right away.  Instead, I began scouring the crowd again.  I had a good view from the bar and I hoped to spot Ethan soon, but there was so much hustle and bustle and the servers were dressed in black so they all looked the same.  I decided to look through the menu and continue my search after I’d ordered and I flagged down the bartender.  I’d decided on the chef salad when what I really wanted was the chicken parmesan, but the salad was half the price.

“Before you go,” I said just as he’d turned to leave after taking my order. “Do you know Ethan Carter?  He’s a server here.”

“Yeah, I know Ethan.”

“Do you know where he’s at?”

“I’m not sure.  I think he’s in the back of the house tonight.  Do you need to talk to him?”

“If it’s possible.”

“I’ll see what I can do.”

“Thanks,” I said and continued spanning the crowd as I waited for my salad, feeling like a loser, sitting alone at the bar.  Everyone else was laughing and talking and having a great time and it suddenly struck me that I had no one in this city.  No one I could count on besides Ethan and sometimes I felt like I didn’t even have him anymore.   

I had my salad a few minutes later and began mixing it around, the whole time watching the restaurant for any sign of Ethan.  I smiled when I finally spotted him.  I knew he’d seen me too by the way he was walking straight towards me.  I felt my smile fade though when I noticed the sternness of his face and he didn’t look happy to see me.

“What are you doing here?” he practically whispered when he’d reached me. 

“I thought I’d grab a salad and say hi before heading home,” I said, but I could see that he didn’t think my idea had been a good one.

“You can’t just show up here.  This is my job.  I’m working.” His tone was harsh and I hadn’t expected it at all. 

“I didn’t think it would be a big deal.  I just wanted to say hi.”

“Do you know how bad it looks when someone comes up to me in front of my manager, telling me some chick is waiting for me at the bar?” He was openly sneering and I had to do everything to bite back the tears forming in my eyes. 

“I’m not some chick,” I choked out quietly and the silence settled uncomfortably between us.

“Hey,” he said, his voice instantly softening and he surreptitiously took my hand. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

“I don’t know what else you could’ve meant,” I said, pulling my hand away.

“It’s really not a good idea to just show up because I can’t just stop and talk to you.  I’m really busy right now.”

“I’m sorry,” I said quietly. “I just wanted to see you, but I’ll go now,” I said, grabbing my coat and sliding it on.  I reached into my purse and pulled out a twenty dollar bill, leaving it next to my unfinished salad. “This should cover the cost.  I’ll see you when you get home.”

I began walking towards the door, half expecting Ethan to come after me, but he didn’t, and I turned and looked for him once more before leaving.  He was walking back to his section and my heart ached as the distance grew between us.  I’d just wanted to say hi.  I’d just wanted to see him, if only for a few minutes and he’d acted like I was some crazy stalker.

I grabbed the large gold handle of the door, but I kept my eyes on Ethan.  He was in the corner of the room now, entering something into a computer when an exotic looking girl with silky black hair put her arm around him and said something I couldn’t hear, but whatever it was, it caused them both to laugh.  The girl walked away and I was sick with jealously.  I wanted to slap him, but I didn’t.  I just whipped the door open and stepped out into the cool night air and even though the streets were crowded with people, I’d never felt more alone.