Nameless (12 page)

“I’m sure
you’ll be very fond of him, since he’s really a nice guy underneath it all. But
you’ll have to make sure that, when you get old enough, you stay away from guys
like him.” Erin smiled faintly. “He doesn’t do well in romantic relationships,
so women end up getting hurt.”

She got up to
get another cup of coffee. “Your mommy doesn’t do well in romantic
relationships either,” she admitted—compelled by the need to be honest. “But
that’s a whole other story.”

Erin had been very
happy when she’d found out last week that she was having a girl.

“You’ll have to
learn to be attracted to guys with more potential,” Erin added, pouring more
coffee into her mug. “Maybe by that time,
I’ll
have a clearer idea about
the right kind of guy to be attracted to, so that I can help you sort them
out.”

At the moment,
she obviously had no idea about sorting guys out.

She was saved
from her discouraging reflections by the ringing of her phone. Walking back
into the living room to pick it up, she smiled when she heard her father on the
other end of the call.

“I pulled your
old wooden highchair out of storage yesterday,” he informed her after the
briefest of greetings. “It was great quality, so it’s still in good shape. Just
a little dingy. So I sanded it and restained it for you. It looks great now,
and it's really sturdy.”

Erin smiled
fondly. “Thanks, Dad.”

“Darlene next
door is making a cushion for it.”

“Okay.”

“You don’t have
to use it if you don’t want to.”

“I’m sure I’ll
like it,” Erin assured him. “That’s very nice of her.”

“It’s really a
good highchair. Better than all the rickety crap they try to sell us now. If
you want, I can...”

Chuckling, Erin
listened to her father’s ideas and suggestions and then thanked him again
before she said goodbye.

As she hung up,
she looked down at her stomach and stated, “Your granddad is very excited about
you. He can’t wait until you get here. As for me, I’m glad I have a few more
months. Since, honestly, you’re a little bit scary.”

Glancing at the
clock, she realized that she needed to get ready, so she went to take a shower,
dry her hair, and get dressed.

Getting dressed
was always an adventure now.

Peering into
her closet, she picked out a pink shirt and tried it on. Decided it made her
look like a tent. So she took it off, tossed it on the floor, and pulled on
another one. Didn't like that one either.

Her belly still
wasn’t huge, and sometimes she liked how she looked. But other days—like
today—everything she put on just made her feel fat. She settled on a V-neck top
with an empire waist that at least flattered her breasts, and she was just
putting on her shoes when Liz knocked on her door.

The first thing
Liz did was stare at her belly.

“Yes, it’s
big,” Erin grumbled. “I’m pregnant. What do you expect?”

Liz grinned. “I
know. But still, it’s wacky to see you pregnant. Every time I see you, I'm stunned
with disbelief.”

“Welcome to the
way I feel constantly.”

“Seriously,
you’re not that big yet, and you actually look pretty good.”

Erin rolled her
eyes.

“Really. I’d
kill for your tits.”

Glancing down
at her lush cleavage, Erin sighed, “Unfortunately, they are paired with a
gigantic ass.”

Liz made a
point of peering around at her butt. “It’s not too bad. Some guys would really
go for it.”

“It was already
curvy enough.”

“Why all the
whining? I thought you were feeling pretty and voluptuous for the last couple
of months.”

“I do
occasionally. But not every minute of the day. And, besides, what’s the point? Now
that it’s obvious I’m pregnant, every eligible man I meet runs in the opposite
direction as soon as I make an appearance.”

Her sister
nodded sagely. “Of course, they do. What else would you expect?”

Count on Liz to
never tell her encouraging lies.

***

They shopped for a couple of
hours, looking through racks of maternity clothes at various department stores
and at a couple of boutiques that catered exclusively to expectant mothers.

Erin purchased
a few basic pieces that would go with anything, and then Liz pressured her into
buying a couple of things she never would have considered otherwise. Including
a slinky chemise that was absolutely useless, since no one would ever see it
but Erin.

When she
protested the purchase, Liz insisted blandly, “Well, wear it for yourself. No
use in feeling unattractive all the time.”

Erin muttered
out complaints but ended up buying the chemise after all. Tried very hard not
to visualize herself calling Seth up to test it out.

After they
shopped, she and Liz had lunch at a trendy bistro, and Erin scarfed down as
much bread and pasta as she could, turning up her nose in disgust at Liz’s
salad.

But as she
sipped her glass of water, she did eye Liz’s beer lustfully.

“So it’s a
girl, huh?” Liz prompted.

Erin had her
mouth full, so she just nodded her response.

“Have you
thought of a name yet?”

“I have no
idea.”

“I guess Liz is
off the table. You should really reconsider. Elizabeth is an excellent name for
a little girl.”

 “Nice try. I’ve
gone over tons of names, but nothing is jumping out at me as just right. I
never really thought about having kids before, so I don’t have a name ready
like a lot of women would.”

“What does Seth
want to call her?”

“I haven’t
asked him.”

“Why not?”

Erin shrugged.
“I don’t know. It just seems like even asking would be—”

“Giving him a
foothold of control.”

The words
exactly captured Erin’s feelings, but her sister’s skeptical expression made
her bristle. “I’m just trying to be careful about the dynamics between us.
There’s nothing wrong with that.”

“I know, but
every man isn’t like Marcus.”

“I know that.
I’m not assuming Seth is Marcus.”

“Has he done
anything to make you think he’s going to try to control you?”

Erin remembered
his obnoxious response to finding her out on a date, but that didn’t really
count.

When she didn’t
answer, Liz went on, “I know he has a reputation as a pushy, heartless ass, but—”

Erin made a
face.

“What?” Liz asked,
interrupted from whatever she’d been about to say.

Erin shifted in
her seat self-consciously. “I was just thinking. She can hear us.”

“What?” Liz
looked absolutely baffled.

“Maybe we
should watch our language a little.”

Liz stared at Erin
as if she’d suddenly sprouted horns.

“I know,” Erin
admitted. “I can’t believe I’m saying this either. But apparently they can hear
us talking—at least, that’s what the experts say. I don’t want to be a bad
influence on my baby before she’s even born.”

“But she
doesn’t know what words like ‘asshole’ and ‘fuck’ mean. In fact, we use them so
often she probably thinks they’re endearments.” With a mischievous expression, Liz
scooted her chair over until she could lean over toward Erin’s belly. Then she
cooed sweetly, “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.”

The middle- aged
woman at the adjacent table shot them a scandalized look.

Erin was torn
between amusement and outrage. “Stop saying that to my baby,” she hissed at her
sister.

Liz stared.

“I think I just
had a mommy moment. What’s happening to me?”

Liz howled with
laughter but didn’t seem to have an answer for her.

After she’d
moved her chair back into place and started on her salad again, Liz said,
“Don’t think I’m distracted from what I was going to say. I know Seth has the
reputation for being an asshole, but he’s been pretty decent in this and I
don’t think he’s going to try to control you. In fact, my only real concern is
the way he gets around. With women, I mean.”

Erin shrugged.
“Why should that matter?”

 “He’s the
father of your baby. I think I’d feel weird about it.”

“It might be
nice if he was different, but this is the real world. Womanizers don’t change
simply because their sperm happens to hit its target.”

“True. But
maybe his interest in the baby means he’s ready for something more stable and
committed. Maybe he wants a real, meaningful relationship with someone.”

She met Erin’s
eyes for a silent moment.

Then both of
them burst into hysterical laughter.

“Or maybe not,”
Liz gasped.

Through her
amusement, Erin concluded, “Babies change people’s lives, but they don’t change
people’s natures.”

She put a hand
on her abdomen. Felt a strange butterfly sensation that was supposedly her baby
moving around. “I’m not going to suddenly turn into a domestic goddess and
besotted wife, just because I’m having this baby. And Seth isn’t going to want
to tie himself down for life to a kid and a random woman he fucked once upon a
time.”

Liz tsked her
tongue. “Language, language. You mean, a random woman he
made sweet love
to once upon a time.”

“Right.”

***

Erin was exhausted when she got
home. Dead on her feet—merely from lunch and a few hours of shopping. Her feet
were swollen, and she felt like a pathetic slug.

“You’re quite
exhausting, you know,” she informed her belly. "I used to be able to go
all day. Now I can barely make it to three o’clock in the afternoon.”

She kicked off
her shoes and collapsed onto her couch with a bottle of water. “What do you
think? Am I a wimp? Do I need to just suck it up, stop whining, and get my ass
in gear? I mean, get my
bottom
in gear.”

Her phone rang,
and she was vaguely relieved that it interrupted her ramblings. “It’s probably
your granddad. He’s always calling to check on us.”

When she
glanced at the caller ID, she amended, “Nope. It’s your daddy. What the hell
does he want?”

She winced,
realizing that she was going to have some trouble learning to soften her
language.

Clicking the
phone on, she said agreeably, “Hey there.”

“Hi,” Seth
replied. “It’s me.”

“I know that.”

“Is everything
all right?”

That was Seth’s
standard greeting now. He had no experience with pregnancy—any more than she
had—and he obviously thought that she was always on the verge of collapse. “Everything’s
fine. I did too much shopping, and I could really use a good foot massage.”

“I certainly
hope that wasn’t a hint.”

“If you ever
tried to give me a foot massage, I think I’d have a stroke.”

Seth sounded
like he was smiling. “Then I’ll make sure never to do so.”

“I noticed you
had some excitement this week.”

There was a
pause on the other end. “You mean the judge’s ruling?”

Erin huffed in
amusement at the realization that his work was far more significant to him than
his relationships. “No. I was referring to something a little more personal.”

“Ah. You read
that ridiculous blog, I see.”

“Of course. How
else could I keep up with your social life? I can’t believe you actually dumped
a Golden Globe winner.”

 “Believe it or
not, such awards do not always coincide with an ability to engage in
intelligent conversation.”

His dry voice
made Erin giggle. “Not very smart, huh?” She grinned down at her belly and
murmured, “Told you.”

“Excuse me?”

“Nothing. Not
talking to you. But, still, you only dated her for a few weeks.”

“Why does that
surprise you?”

“I don’t know. She
was exactly your type. I thought you’d at least get engaged before you dumped
her, like the Saturday sex chick.”

“Is it your
intention to spend the entire conversation mocking my misfortunes in romance?”

 “But there’s
so much there to mock.”

The only
response was a bad-tempered silence on the other end of the line.

“You can mock
my
love life, if you’d like,” she offered magnanimously.

“Hmm,” he
murmured snidely. “That would be very generous were there any romance in your
life to mock.”

“Hey! That was
mean. I happen to be pregnant, you know. That limits the available options. I
had plenty of options to choose from before I got pregnant.”

“I’m sure you
did.”

Since he
sounded like he was humoring her, she frowned. “I just always seem to pick the
losers.”

“Does that
include me?” His voice was more curious than offended.

“Um, not
really. I mean, one could hardly classify you as a loser. But as far as your
potential to commit to me in a meaningful relationship, I’d say you were
basically a lost cause.”

“Which is, of
course, why you had sex with me in the first place—because you knew it would
never lead to anything.”

 “Exactly. You’re
pretty sharp for a loser.”

“I’m flattered.
We’re not really all that different, you know.”

Erin sighed. Wasn’t
sure what she thought about that particular truth. “I know.”

Then she
felt
something. Different. Definite. Unquestionable. “Oh, my God!” she breathed in
awe.

“What?”

She didn’t
answer. Just moved her hand to her stomach and tried to relive what she’d just
experienced.

“What?” his
voice was more urgent now. “Erin, damn it, what is it?”

“She just
kicked.”

Seth was silent
for a moment. Then, “She did?”

“Yeah. Before,
all I’d felt were strange, little flutters, but this was a definite kick.”

“What did it
feel like?”

“Like...like a
little kick.” Her voice was wobbling embarrassingly with an absurd flood of
emotion.

“That’s an
incredibly helpful description. Thank you very much.”