Nameless (39 page)

Seth cleared
his throat. “I see. I thought I was getting off too easily. Is that why I’ve
gotten such a friendly reception?”

“No, I just—”

Seth shook his
head. “It’s fine.” Turning to face Liz, he said mildly, “If you have something
to say to me, you’re welcome to say it.”

Liz looked more
surprised than anything else, but she finally managed to say, “Erin wants us to
be nice—and I can see why, for Mac’s sake. But I just want to make sure you’re
not going to take off again.”

Her father had
been focused on an increasingly fussy Mackenzie, but at this he turned to look
at Seth as well, silently waiting for his response.

Seth didn’t
even blink. “I’m not going to take off again.”

“And we’re all
just supposed to take that on faith? Why exactly should we believe you?”

Seth gave a
half shrug. “There’s no reason why you should. It just happens to be the
truth.”

And that was
it. He didn’t defend himself or give an impassioned plea for forgiveness. Didn’t
act offended or angry.  He simply spoke the words calmly and without
embarrassment or resentment.

Erin was
almost—ridiculously—proud of him.

Her father
nodded, as if that answer was enough for him.

Liz frowned,
but she finally said begrudgingly, “Okay. We’ll go with that. For now.”

Erin would have
said something too, but she was distracted by a more insistent squall from her
daughter. Mackenzie must be hungry.

Reaching for her,
Erin brought the infant in close to her chest. When the baby started nuzzling
at her breast, she shook her head. “I’m sorry. I was hoping she could hold out
a little longer, but I think I better feed her.”

“No problem,” Liz
said easily. “She’s done pretty well lasting so long. Do you want me to get
dessert together?”

“Would you
mind? I’ll be right back.”

While she
wasn’t embarrassed by breastfeeding, she didn’t feel comfortable doing it at
the dining room table, so she stood up with Mackenzie.

Seth stood up
too and started gathering up his empty plate and Erin’s. “Take your time.”

“Be nice,” Erin
hissed at Liz as she carried Mackenzie toward the nursery.

Once she was
settled in the rocker in the warm, pretty nursery and Mackenzie had latched on
and started to suck, Erin realized something.

Things weren’t
bad at all.

In fact, she
was almost happy.

Everything
wasn’t perfect, of course, but things didn’t always have to be terrible. Sometimes
they could actually go well. Get better.

A short time
later, Erin had finished nursing and was holding Mackenzie up to burp her.

Seth appeared
in the doorway.

“Hi,” she said
stupidly.

“Hi.”

“Is Liz
behaving herself?”

 “Only one
muttered comment, but it sounded rather half-hearted. But I’m to tell you that
dessert is ready whenever you are.”

Just then, Mackenzie
burped, spitting up milk onto the burp cloth. When Erin looked down, she saw
the spit-up had gotten on her new shirt too. She sighed and wiped at Mackenzie’s
mouth. Then tried to clean the spot off her shirt. “Well, good job.”

Mackenzie smiled,
as if delighted by her success.

Seth chuckled. “She
seems to be very talented at that particular endeavor. Must get it from your
side.”

Erin couldn’t
help but grin. She made sure her clothing was adjusted before she stood up with
Mackenzie in her arms.

When she joined
Seth in the doorway, he reached over toward her. She stared at him in surprise—thinking
he was about to touch her in some way—until she realized he was just pulling
down Mackenzie’s dress, which had been hiked up over her diaper.

She waited for him
to move, but he didn’t. He just stood in the middle of the doorway, gazing down
at her.

“Seth?” She
looked relentlessly at Mackenzie so she wouldn’t have to see whatever
expression was in his eyes.

“Thanks for having
me over for dinner,” he murmured, his voice textured, almost husky, holding far
more resonance than the words would suggest.

The tone of
voice made Erin feel edgy, but the words themselves finally processed in her
mind. “You’re staying for dessert, aren’t you?” she asked, realizing she’d be
disappointed if he didn’t.

“Of course.”

“Oh.” She
pushed past him, deciding that maybe she was a little annoyed since he was
obviously trying to disturb her with his lingering presence and husky voice. “Good.”

***

They didn’t linger over dessert
long, and afterwards her father went home, she and Liz cleared the table, and
Seth sat with Mackenzie in the living room.

Naturally, Liz
teased her more about Seth—this time asking whether she thought there was any
possibility of their becoming a happy little family now that he’d come to his
senses—an interrogation which Erin dutifully ignored.

 “Speaking of,”
Liz continued, “You’d better go check on them to make sure Seth hasn’t offered
her Scotch or anything.”

Erin couldn’t help
but laugh, but she did step out of the kitchen to see what was going on in the
living room.

She stood in
the background, unnoticed. Mackenzie was rocking in her swing, and Seth was
sitting in a chair facing her. The two were staring at each other with almost
identical looks—half-curious, half-mesmerized.

Erin smiled and
was about to go back to the kitchen when Seth spoke.

“Well, what do
you have to say for yourself?” His voice was so even and natural that Erin
thought for a moment he must have seen her and was asking the question of her.

But he wasn’t. He
was talking to Mackenzie.

Because after a
moment, he nodded, still focusing on his daughter. “I see,” he continued, as if
he’d gotten an answer. “I know the feeling.”

Erin smiled
again, this time feeling strangely touched by this bit of bonding. She probably
should leave discreetly, but she couldn’t quite turn away yet.

“That’s a very
pretty dress you’re wearing,” Seth continued, leaning forward and observing his
daughter intently.

Mackenzie watched
him unblinkingly with her round blue eyes, and her mouth dropped open as she
stared.

“And that’s a
very impressive swing,” Seth continued, his voice mild, but his tone no
different than he would have used with an adult. “I believe it’s winding down,
though. Too bad.”

The swing
was
winding down. Mackenzie was barely rocking back and forth.

“Should I start
it up again?” Seth asked her, standing up and taking the two steps toward the
swing.

When he reached
over to get the swing moving again, Mackenzie burst into her babbling giggles.

Seth stopped
short. Stared down at the infant.

“Laughing at
me, huh?” he said, his voice slightly thick. “Your mommy does the same thing.”

For some
reason, Erin felt her heart swell. She wasn’t sure why, but it had something to
do with overhearing Seth refer to her as Mackenzie’s “mommy.”

He sat down
again on the chair facing the swing. “You have a stuffed rabbit that I gave
you—did you know that? I have a few more for you. I’ll have to bring them over
next time.”

Erin bit her
lip to hold back a noise in her throat. Then, when she saw Seth moving in his
chair, she hurried into the kitchen, afraid he would turn around and notice
her.

“Everything
okay?” Liz asked. She was putting the last of the dishes in the dishwasher.

“Yeah,” Erin
said faintly. “Everything’s fine. They’re having a little chat.”

 “Well, that
must have been a sight.” Peering at Erin’s face, Liz added, “What? Are you
turning all sappy on me or something?”

“No. Of course
not.”

She wasn’t
entirely sure the words were true, though.

It was all Liz’s
fault.

Erin had been
doing perfectly well. Everything had finally fallen into place. She’d been
content with everyone’s position in her life. And it had felt like the future
could actually be comfortable and secure, with things lined up the way they
were supposed to, with Seth in her life but all her strongholds still in place.

Erin scowled at
her sister’s back.

Damn Liz,
anyway.

Putting ideas
into her head.

Erin was close to crying from
frustration as she tried to hurriedly pick out something to wear. Mackenzie was
screaming again, however, and Erin couldn’t even think, much less figure out
her best choice of outfit for a double date with Liz and her current boyfriend,
and the guy they were setting her up with this evening.

When Mackenzie’s
squalls changed from the ornery to the downright hysterical, Erin left the
closet and returned to the bassinet. Reached down and picked up the sobbing
infant.

“Please,
pumpkin,” she murmured, taking deep breaths so she wouldn’t get annoyed. “I
can't hold you constantly. I’ve got to get dressed before Aunt Liz gets here. Is
it really so bad you have to scream about it?”

Apparently, it
was
that bad, since Mackenzie’s cries didn’t lessen. She’d been fussy all day—so
fussy that now, after six o'clock in the evening, Erin was on the verge of
either shrieking or collapsing in exhaustion. Usually, Mackenzie slept a lot
during the day, giving Erin a few moments of peace on Saturdays, when she had
her all day.

But not today.

Twice today Erin
had already had momentary breakdowns, when she’d felt so helpless and tired
that she hadn’t been able to hold back a few tears.

She was almost
at the point of crying again.

Which was
magnified by the fact that she was about to go on a blind date.

Her first date in
months.

She’d managed
to catch a three-minute shower an hour ago, during one of the brief lulls in Mackenzie’s
bad-temper, but she was still wearing a bathrobe and had been forced into a
hit-and-miss approach with her hair and make-up, since she hadn’t had enough
time or concentration to devote to primping.

Sitting on the
edge of her bed, Erin held Mackenzie upright as the baby’s sobs diminished to
choked, little hiccups. “That’s better,” Erin said soothingly, rubbing Mackenzie’s
back. “Do you have a tummy ache? Do you need to do another burp?”

The baby
squirmed and scowled at Erin. Her fine red-gold hair was practically standing
up straight on her head, and her lavender sleeper was twisted around her body. She
didn’t seem to want to burp again, though. The tiny hands were clenched in
fists as her arms flailed around irritably.

Erin forced
herself to remain patient even as another wave of exasperation rose in her gut.
It wasn’t Mackenzie’s fault. The poor thing couldn’t help if she was miserable
and wanted her mommy to make it better.

Her mommy just
didn’t know what to do.

Mackenzie
didn’t seem to be sick—at least not by any signs that Erin could find, and
she’d examined her daughter in detail from top to bottom at least seven times
today. Anyway, the cries didn’t sound like the ones Mackenzie normally made
when she was hungry or in pain. Mostly, they just sounded tired and miserable.

Much like Erin
herself.

As Erin had
expected, Mackenzie didn’t need to burp. So Erin just pulled her daughter
against her chest and held her close. After a minute, Mackenzie’s gurgles
faded, and Erin relaxed for a minute, enjoying the exquisite moment of quiet.

She was just
wondering if it was safe to put her down for a minute so she could get dressed
when there was a knock at the front door of her apartment.

“There’s your
daddy,” Erin said, keeping her voice light so as not to disturb her momentarily
quiet baby. “You get to hang out with him tonight. Won’t that be fun?”

Mackenzie
didn’t appear to be looking forward to it, if her grumpy expression was
anything to go by.

With Mackenzie
in her arms, Erin hurried to the door. Pulled it open to reveal Seth standing
in the hallway, looking cool, casual, and positively scrumptious.

Not that Erin
was in the habit of noticing such things.

Eyeing him in
automatic assessment, she said, “Didn’t you wear a coat?”

“I was outside
for approximately thirty seconds. Why should I bother?” His eyes moved from her
tousled hair to her wrinkled robe to her bare feet. “I assume that’s not what
you’re planning to wear this evening.”

Erin sneered, stepping
aside to let him into the apartment. “A brilliant deduction on your part. I
haven’t had time to get dressed yet. We haven’t had a very good day.”

“Then you
probably don’t want to bother going out this evening. Best to just stay here
and relax.”

Erin shot him
an exasperated look over Mackenzie’s head.

Seth almost
smiled. “Thought I’d give it a try.”

“Would you mind
taking her while I run get dressed?” Erin asked, adjusting their daughter so
she could hand her to Seth. “Liz will be here in less than ten minutes.”

As soon as Seth
took Mackenzie in his arms, however, the baby started to scream again. Loud,
angry, ear-piercing.

Erin groaned. “She’s
been doing that all day. I hope she’s going to be okay for you.” She took a
step over to rub Mackenzie’s back. “It’s okay, pumpkin. You love your daddy
too.”

Seth’s face was
intently focused as he studied his sobbing daughter’s reddening face. “I’m sure
those are just cries of delight from her joy to see me.”

Erin gave him a
sympathetic smile. “Maybe try the swing. I just need to get dressed. I’ll be
right back.”

“Take your
time,” Seth told her, as he carried Mackenzie over to the swing.

Trying to drown
out her daughter’s squalls, Erin hurried into her bedroom. There, she randomly
picked out a pair of flattering pants and a thin, rose-colored sweater that
dipped at the neckline and emphasized her figure.