Nameless (47 page)

She turned her
head to the side and squeezed her eyes shut, but even then she could still feel
him watching her. Could feel how much this meant to him.

It was too
distracting. And too overpowering. If she dwelled on it she’d lose the building
pressure of her orgasm. So she kept her eyes closed, tried to block out his
gaze and all that it implied.

Thought about
how their bodies were moving together in urgent rhythm. Thought about how his
hard cock was sliding inside her, stimulating her in the most intimate of ways.
Thought about how her body was rocking and shaking beneath him, about how she
was whimpering now in pleasure.

Found herself
close to coming again.

The sensations
had built up inside her until the pressure was overwhelming, so—with a sobbing
sound—Erin stopped clutching the bedcovers and moved her hand down in between
their bodies. She squeezed her fingers into position, until she could reach her
clit. Rubbed at it frantically, needing release from the peaking sensations.

Needing release
from the entire experience.

“Yeah,” she
choked out, as the clumsy massage of her clit pushed her closer to climax. “Yeah!”

Her body
writhed desperately until the tension finally shattered. She released a
breathless, wordless scream.

Seth was still
thrusting into her—making hard little pushes into her clenching pussy. His eyes
had closed for the moment, but his expression still revealed his effort and
pleasure.

When the
intense throbbing of her orgasm faded into a rich, lingering spasms, Erin
realized that her breasts had leaked again. She grabbed the towel once more,
clumsily wiping herself off as Seth continued to move over her, inside her.

Then his eyes
opened, and he met her gaze as the tension in his body reached its limit.

“Erin,” he
rasped.

For a moment,
the intensity in his eyes was blinding, suffocating. Erin literally couldn’t
breathe.

Then, with two
more hard pushes, he froze. Then came, once more choking out her name.

Erin
watched—couldn’t look away—as his face transformed and his eyes fell shut at
last. His body finally began to relax, and his elbows buckled before he caught
himself.

And Erin was
scared again—wasn’t sure she could handle this kind of intensity, wasn’t sure
if she could stand to be needed so much, especially since she wasn’t even sure
why.

Part of her
thrilled at it, longed for it. But that was a small, clinging part of her soul
that she rarely gave any attention to. The rest of her—the cynical, ironic
self—couldn’t take it, needed to break the rush of feeling before it drowned
her.

So, as soon as Seth
started to relax, she squirmed beneath him. “Condom.”

He opened his eyes
and pulled out of her.

“I’ll throw it
away,” she offered, rolling out of the bed and taking the damp towel with her. “I
want to clean up a little anyway.”

He nodded
silently. Tied the condom off and handed it to her.

Erin hurried to
the bathroom, relieved to get away for a moment.

She cleaned
herself off, wiping off her breasts, her belly, and between her legs. Then she
washed her hands with soap and splashed cold water on her face. Stared at
herself with hazel eyes that were almost wild.

Her heart beat
frantically, and it wasn’t just from the exertion of their lovemaking. She felt
like a cornered animal, like she was momentarily frozen from the shock of a
threatening danger.

Was so scared
of what might happen when she returned to the bed, returned to Seth. Was scared
he would take her in his arms, that he would say things she wouldn’t know what
to do with, that part of her might actually want to hear them.

Really wanted
to run away. To grab her clothes and run out of the room, without talking to him,
without looking at him.

As she dried
her face though, she shook herself off. She wasn’t about to do that. She wasn’t
going to hurt Seth again—certainly not in any way she could help. While she
wasn’t in the same place that he was—and part of her felt horribly guilty
because of it—she
did
care about him deeply.

And she wasn’t
going to mess things up between them again. Not if she had a choice.

So she screwed
up her courage and went back to the bedroom. Found Seth lying on his side, his
back in her direction.

Something about
the tense lines of his body made her gut clench with an entirely different kind
of anxiety.

She got on the
bed and scooted over toward him. Pressed herself against his back and draped an
arm over to stroke his chest and belly.

“Hey,” she said
softly.

“Hey.” He
didn’t turn his head back to look at her.

He seemed
different now somehow. Not the careful, reticent father. Not the suave,
cosmopolitan sex-god. Not the cold, hard lawyer.

He was
something else—something almost young, almost vulnerable.

Erin swallowed
hard. “Are you...I mean, you look...do you regret this after all?” She was
really scared of hearing his answer, but better to get things out in the open
so that he wouldn’t feel like he had to withdraw from her again.

He finally
turned to look at her over his shoulder. “No.
I
don’t. Do you?” His eyes
were sharp and observant, and she suddenly wondered how much of her panic a
minute ago he had recognized.

 “No. I feel a
little...strange and confused. But I don’t think I regret it. It was...good.”

Something
softened in his eyes and his body, but his expression still looked rather wary.
“Do you think you might want this to continue?”

Erin was silent
for a long time, trying to be honest and considerate both. “I...don’t know. It
all happened in such a rush. I think I need a little time to work through the implications
of everything. I’m sorry.”

Seth rolled
onto his back so he could look at her more easily. “Don’t be. It's entirely up
to you. There’s no obligation. You don’t have to feel guilty, even if you
decide against it.”

She squirmed a
little and burrowed into his side. “Honestly, I
do
feel guilty, a
little.” Before he could object, she went on, “But I won’t let it affect my
decisions. What happens between us is going to affect Mackenzie’s future, so I
really want to make sure we do the right thing. I'm not going to keep jumping
into bed with you if it's going to later cause problems between us. So I hope
you don’t regret this, after all.”

He nodded
silently. He must have found his cool defenses again because he smiled without
a hint of conflicted feeling. “No chance of that.”

Erin exhaled
deeply, relaxing beside his warm body, relieved to once more see the Seth she
was used to.

***

The drive back was quiet and
thoughtful, but not awkward as Erin had feared.

When they
finally arrived at Erin’s apartment, it was nearly four o’clock in the morning.
She realized that she was going to have to confront Liz—who she was pretty sure
would immediately discern what had happened.

So Erin tried
to steel herself as Seth walked her up to her apartment door.

He looked
drained and a little tired, and his clothes were uncharacteristically rumpled
from how they’d been wadded up on the floor for several hours. As Erin pulled
out her key, he said mildly, “I suppose Mackenzie will be asleep.”

Erin was about
to give an automatic assent, when she realized why he was asking. She suddenly
felt for him deeply. She couldn’t imagine what it was like for him to not be
able to see his daughter all the time.

So she said,
“Probably. But she’ll likely need to be fed pretty soon anyway. So if you want
to come in and say hi, you can.”

Seth just
nodded, and the two entered the dim apartment quietly.

The television
was on, but the volume was turned very soft. And they discovered Liz stretched
out on the sofa.

When Erin
cleared her throat, Liz jumped up. “Hey. I wasn’t sleeping. Just resting my
eyes.”

Erin chuckled,
and even Seth smiled a little. “How was she?” Erin asked.

“Great. She’s
been asleep for hours.” Liz’s eyes were skimming over Erin and Seth
assessingly, and Erin could only imagine what her verdict was. “Did you have
fun?”

“Yes.” She
moved toward the nursery. “Now that Mackenzie’s getting older, she sleeps
longer, which is really, really nice. I usually feed her at around 10:30 and she’ll
often sleep until about six in the morning.”

She flipped on
the hall light and then walked into the nursery. When she peered into the crib,
Mackenzie was waking up, squirming irritably, and trying to rub at her eyes.

Erin smiled
fondly, experiencing a familiar swell of affection at the sight of her daughter.

Seth had moved
to stand beside her and was peering down into the crib too. He frowned. “We
woke her up after all.”

Shaking her
head, Erin reached down to pick her up. “Don’t worry about it.” Glancing over
at Liz, who was waiting in the doorway, Erin asked, “When did she last eat?”

“It’s been
about eight hours,” Liz answered, after glancing at her watch. “She was bawling
her head off at eight o’clock, so I had to give her a bottle. Then she went right
to sleep and has been a perfect angel ever since.”

Meeting Seth’s
eyes in the dim room, Erin said, “Believe me, she was probably starting to wake
up anyway.” She pulled a warm, sleepy Mackenzie against her chest, and the baby
snuggled into her instinctively.

Erin brushed a
kiss along the side of the little head and rubbed her back over the cotton
sleeper. “Your daddy wants to say hi to you.” Erin felt kind of greedy about
cuddling her daughter, after being away from her all night, but she managed to
release the baby to let Seth hold her too.

He took his
daughter in his arms silently, adjusting her against his chest. The little blue
eyes blinked up at his face, and she made a couple of noises that sounded like,
“Paah, paah.”

“I know,” Seth
said soberly, nodding his head. “It was unforgivably rude of us to wake you up.
It's a bad habit of mine.” With his free hand, he lifted her tiny one, letting
her grab onto one of his fingers.

Mackenzie’s
face was slowly growing grumpy, and Erin knew it was because she was hungry. Scowling
up at Seth, Mackenzie flailed her other arm until she accidentally walloped him
in the chin.

He didn't pull
his head away. Just nodded again, gazing down at the rumpled baby in his arms. “I’m
sure I deserved that. I’d resort to violence too if someone woke me for no
reason except to gawk at me.”

When she heard Liz
laugh, Erin glanced over toward her sister. And was surprised to find that Liz
was watching (and laughing at) Erin rather than Seth.

It was only
then that Erin realized that she'd had the most ridiculous, sappy smile on her
face as she'd gazed at Seth and their daughter. So she quickly controlled her
expression and tried to pretend that Liz wasn't still laughing at her.

When Mackenzie
started to make ornery whimpers, Seth let out a breath and turned to Erin
again. “I should get going and let you feed her and then get some rest.”

Erin smiled as
she accepted her daughter again. “Thanks for tonight,” she said softly. “I had
a good time.”

“I did too.” He’d
taken a step over until he was very close to where Erin was standing with Mackenzie.
He leaned over and brushed a light kiss on Mackenzie’s forehead. Then he
straightened up and pressed a soft kiss just beside Erin’s mouth. Didn’t seem
remotely conscious of the fact that this wasn’t their normal method of saying
goodbye. “I’ll call you tomorr—.” Correcting himself, he amended, “I’ll call
you later.”

Still smiling
and kind of lost in the sweet, quiet mood, she murmured, “Maybe wait until this
evening, since I’m hoping to take a nap this afternoon.”

“This evening,”
he agreed, moving away with one last lingering glance at his daughter.

Without another
word, he left the nursery.

Erin stood in
place, hugging Mackenzie against her for a minute. Until she became aware of Liz,
who was giving her a decidedly amused and curious look.

Erin felt her
cheeks burning as she thought about what Liz had just witnessed. How it must
have looked.

So Erin gritted
out, “You promised. Remember? You said you'd be the soul of discretion.”

***

A ringing phone woke Erin from a
sound sleep in the middle of the nap she took that afternoon.

Since her naps
could last only as long as Mackenzie’s, Erin was not feeling charitable as she
groped for the phone. “Wha!” she demanded incoherently.

“I woke you
up,” Liz said, an unusual edge to her voice. “I’m sorry.”

“You better be
sorry. What the
hell
do you want?”

“I just sent
you a link. You need to check it.”

Erin tried to
make her scrambled mind understand what Liz could possibly be saying. “Now?”

“Now. Call me
back. I’ll be here all afternoon.”

Erin
disconnected, groggy and confused and feeling a weight of growing anxiety that
didn’t yet have a definite name or reason for being.

But she got up,
heard Mackenzie fussing and so went to pick her up, and then found her tablet, pulling
up the link her sister had sent.

It led to Mary
Carlyle’s blog. The first things she saw were two pictures in stark detail. Both
of Erin.

One of Erin
holding Mackenzie on the street just in front of her apartment building. Erin
couldn’t immediately place when it had been taken, but she looked hassled and
sloppy, and Mackenzie appeared to be crying.

The other
picture Erin could place immediately. It had been taken last night. On the
staircase of the inn. Seth had her pressed up against the wall—the side of his
head and lean body absolutely unmistakable—and his lips were on her throat. Erin’s
head was tilted to the side, her mouth open and erotically expressive. Even in
the slightly blurry photo, it was obvious that they'd been caught in the throes
of passion.