Nanny Piggins and the Daring Rescue 7

About the Book

When Mr Green rings from a tropical island, begging to be rescued, Nanny Piggins' first instinct is to say no. However, a principle is at stake. No-one kidnaps her employer - at least not without written permission from her.

So Nanny Piggins sets out to save the hapless tax lawyer, and to do so she must first dabble in a spot of bungy jumping, deceive immigration officials wearing a fake moustache and seduce the President with her most powerful weapon - the dance of the seven cakes.

• Cover
  
• Previously on Nanny Piggins …
  
• Title Page
  
• Chapter 1
  Nanny Piggins and the Dance Lesson
  
• Chapter 2
  Nanny Piggins and the Hair Salon
  
• Chapter 3
  Lord of the Piggins
  
• Chapter 4
  Boris and the Grandmaster
  
• Chapter 5
  Nanny Piggins and the Soap
  
• Chapter 6
  Nanny Piggins and a Day at the Office
  
• Chapter 7
  Nanny Piggins and the Eggs
  
• Chapter 8
  Nanny Piggins and the Talking Parrot
  
• Chapter 9
  Nanny Piggins and the Sudden Diversion
  
• Chapter 10
  Nanny Piggins and the Daring Rescue
  
• About the Author
  
• Copyright Page
  

Derrick, Samantha and Michael were sitting with their nanny in the holding cell of their local police station. But do not worry, things weren't too serious. The door was ajar. The Police Sergeant found he saved a lot of money on having to get broken locks replaced if he left the door slightly open when Nanny Piggins was under arrest.

‘What were you thinking?' asked Michael.

‘I was thinking that Galileo was a hack,' declared Nanny Piggins, ‘and that the whole foundation of the study of physics could be based on data inaccurately recorded by a kooky Italian who had too much red wine at lunchtime.'

‘So you decided to redo his experiments yourself?' said Samantha.

‘Really, if anyone is to blame, it's Derrick,' accused Nanny Piggins.

‘What?!' protested Derrick.

‘How many times have I told you not to leave your school textbooks lying around?' said Nanny Piggins. ‘You know if I read them they always make me angry. I was reading about how Galileo proved the constant power of gravity by dropping cannonballs off the leaning tower of Pisa and I just saw red.'

‘Why?' asked Samantha.

‘It seemed like such a terrible waste,' said Nanny Piggins. ‘Cannonballs are for blasting, not something as mundane as dropping. Anything can be dropped.'

‘So you set out to disprove gravity?' asked Samantha.

‘It sounds silly when you say it that way,' said Nanny Piggins, ‘but if you don't check what these scientist fellows come up with, they could be getting away with anything.'

‘Galileo didn't get away with it,' said Derrick. ‘He was imprisoned.'

‘As am I,' said Nanny Piggins, indicating the bars around her. ‘We great thinkers are so unappreciated.'

‘Yes, but the difference is that Galileo didn't drop his cannonballs onto the roof of the mayor's car,' said Derrick.

‘I didn't mean to do that,' said Nanny Piggins. ‘I don't know why the mayor had to yell and scream quite so much. Convertibles are very fashionable. I'm sure a mechanic would have charged a lot to cut a sunroof into the roof for him. Really, the mayor should be thanking me for doing it for free.'

‘It also tore a hole in the bottom of the car,' said Samantha.

‘And the improved ventilation will save him from having to use the air conditioning,' said Nanny Piggins, ‘for which, again, he should be thanking me. I was just doing my bit to make his car more carbon neutral.'

The Police Sergeant came over. ‘I've just got off the phone with the mayor.'

‘Hmmpf,' said Nanny Piggins. ‘Did he call to apologise for using such ungentlemanly language in front of a lady?'

‘Not exactly,' said the Police Sergeant, ‘but he did agree to drop the charges.'

‘Why?' exclaimed all three Green children (shock often caused them to talk in unison).

‘I pointed out to him that his car was, at the time, illegally parked in a disabled parking space,' said the Police Sergeant.

‘Was it?' said Nanny Piggins. ‘What a naughty man!'

‘The disabled parking space outside the sweet shop,' added the Police Sergeant.

‘Ahh,' said Nanny Piggins knowingly. ‘Then we mustn't judge him too harshly. I myself have been extremely tempted to park there when I have been in urgent need of some lemon bonbons.'

‘I think the mayor's main concern was his wife finding out,' added the Police Sergeant, ‘since he is supposed to be on a low carbohydrate diet.'

‘He is?' asked Nanny Piggins. ‘No wonder he has such a bad temper. I almost feel sorry for him. Samantha, make a note: I must bake a cake for the mayor. He can't be allowed to make important civic decisions when his blood sugar is low.'

‘So you're not in too much trouble today. There are just the charges of causing a public disturbance and, of course, resisting arrest,' said the Police Sergeant.

‘Resisting arrest?!' exclaimed Nanny Piggins. ‘Surely you wouldn't be so petty, Police Sergeant? If I didn't resist arrest there would be nothing for you to do! I know for a fact the young police constable loves it. Do you think he would have scored 18 tries for the Dulsford Mules last season if he hadn't had so much sprinting and dodging practice, thanks to me?'

‘Don't worry,' said the Police Sergeant. ‘I'll waive that one too, as long as you promise to never do it again, of course.'

‘Oh yes, of course. I promise to be very good from now on,' agreed Nanny Piggins. ‘For as long as I remember, anyway.'

‘So you just need to pay a one hundred dollar bond for the charge of causing a public disturbance,' said the Police Sergeant.

‘But I don't have a hundred dollars!' said Nanny Piggins. ‘I'm only paid eleven cents an hour.'

‘Don't worry,' said the Police Sergeant. ‘I rang Mr Green. He's on his way down.'

‘Oh no,' said Nanny Piggins.

‘You're doomed,' said Samantha.

‘He wouldn't pay ten cents to have you released,' said Michael.

‘And definitely not a hundred dollars,' agreed Derrick.

‘I don't think he's ever paid a hundred dollars for anything,' added Samantha.

‘And if you're locked up in jail, how are you going to be our nanny?' asked Michael, a tear beginning to well in his eye.

‘Don't worry,' said Nanny Piggins, giving him a hug. ‘If it comes to that, I can always ask one of my more evil identical fourteenuplet sisters to pay me a visit in prison – then bop her on the head, swap clothes with her and escape.'

‘Here he comes!' called Derrick, having spotted his grim-looking father being buzzed in through the front door.

‘Just remember, Nanny Piggins, you're asking him for a favour,' said Samantha, ‘so no biting.'

‘I'll try to resist the urge,' promised Nanny Piggins, ‘but sometimes he really does ask for it. I know, I'll mentally recite my favourite cake recipe while he yells at me. If I'm not listening to him, I'm less likely to be incensed by what he's saying.'

‘She's over here,' said the Police Sergeant, leading Mr Green to the holding cell.

‘Eight ounces of butter,' muttered Nanny Piggins, ‘eight ounces of sugar . . .'

Mr Green stood in the doorway. He looked dour at the best of times because he always wore a grey three-piece suit and never smiled. (It would be unprofessional. Who would hire a smiling tax lawyer?) But on this occasion he looked extra specially grim as he pressed his lips together and glowered at his nanny.

‘I can explain it all,' said Nanny Piggins. ‘Really, when you understand the scientific principles at stake and the mayor's immoral parking habits, you'll see there is no way I could have done anything other than rip a hole straight through his car with a cannonball.'

Mr Green did not speak. He just grumbled. It was as if there was something he'd like to say and something he had to say and it was a struggle to decide which was going to come out of his mouth.

‘Piggins . . .' he began.

Nanny Piggins and the children winced. When he dropped her job title that was usually a very bad sign.

‘. . . Sarah,' he continued.

This made Nanny Piggins and the children flinch. They did not realise that Mr Green even knew her first name.

‘I've paid your little bond,' said Mr Green, brushing the thought aside as if it were nothing. ‘It was my pleasure to be of assistance.'