Nan's Journey (16 page)

He had seemed more like a boy than man at the time. He had
big strong hands. They were
rough, but so tender whenever he tended to Elmer. That memory brought quick tears to her eyes. She and Elmer were lucky to have Fred. She determined that he would not be sorry that he had taken them on.

Nan noticed the black hair tossed onto his forehead, his straight nose, and gentle firm mouth. He still had a weary look around his eyes. Those bright blue eyes that twinkled merrily when he teased them could become daggers of fiery ice when anger came. She would like to be able to examine his eyes without his knowledge, just as she was looking at him now, because she did not want him to catch her. What would she do if the handsome face that she was peering at came to life as those big eyes opened? She would be mortified. What would she say?

She dragged her gaze off the sleeping man to the cozy room
where
they lay. Martha was warm and cozy like this room. Oh what was she thinking? Elmer. How was he doing? She must check on him at once. She quietly climbed out of the bed and wrapped a large shawl from the chair around her shoulders and made her way to the small room at the front of the house. Elmer was awake and looking a sight better.  He was taking a little water. She could only imagine the pain in his mouth from the cauterizing of the wounds.

“Elmer honey, how are you feeling?”

“No headache
,
”
r
eplied the raspy voice.

“No headache? Oh that is wonderful!”

“Nan, he can’t speak much or it will cause the bleeding to start up again
,
”
s
aid the doctor.

“I understand. I am so relieved that his headache has stopped.”

“He has been resting quite well. I think that the healing will come fast as soon as he gets a little strength back. He had so much poison that it could have killed him if it had busted out by itself. He is quite blessed to have made it to surgery in time.”

“What can I do for him?
”
s
he asked.

“You can get some rest. I know about the marriage and about the baby. You have to take good care of yourself, else you won’t do anyone any good.”

“When? How…”
Nan put her hand to her throat.

“Fred told his ma, pa and me about it when you went to bed. He said that he wanted to keep people from gossiping about a
sixteen
-year-old girl living in the wilderness with him. I think there is more to it, but it looks like he did the right thing. Are you sure that you are sixteen, girl?”

“Yes
,
sir.” Nan was so glad that Fred had told the news without her being present. She had never been a good liar.

“So the baby will he here around the last of May, right?”

“We got married the first part of October, wouldn’t it be July?”

“Just checking
,
” Grinned the doctor.

Nan blushed all the way to her toes and left the room.

Quietly Nan climbed into the feather bed. Fred had not moved since she left. Just as her head touched the soft pillow, the sleeper awoke. “Is everything alright, Nan? How is Elmer?”

“He was awake and said his head quit hurting!” Nan was batting back the tears that came to her eyes.

Fred quickly put his arms around her and gave her a bear hug. “Isn’t that good news?” He was speaking with tears in his voice. He patted her on the back and stroked her hair as if she were a small child. He kissed her forehead and as his lips brushed past her hair, he became aware of the spontaneous embrace. She had laid her head on his shoulder and was quietly crying. “Nan, I’m sorry. I didn’t
intend
t
o become so…
fam
iliar.” The words stumbled
through his lips.

“No Fred, I just can’t believe that it is finally over for Elmer and he will be getting well. You have been good to us. I love how you care for us.” She was sobbing great body
-
wracking sobs while she spoke.

“Let me get up and give you some time for yourself, Nan.”

“No, please. Could you just hold me next to your heart? My Pa used to comfort me like that. I can’t stop crying. I feel so stupid for crying because he will get well.”

“You have been carrying a big burden for such a little girl. Just cry all you want and I’ll hold you while you sleep. My heart breaks for you and all you have been through. I have to admit that I have been shedding grateful tears about Elmer too.”

Somehow knowing that he felt the same about her little brother slowed the tears. She listened to the steady beating of his heart and slept peacefully.

Fred heard her sobs slow and finally the soft breathing of deep sleep was evident. This sweet girl-woman was his wife. He was not sorry about that. He was really attached to her. No, he had to admit to himself that he loved her and that he wanted her to love him as a husband. When could or would that ever happen? It felt so right to
lie
next to her. She was still torn up about the attack. He doubted that she would ever see him as a husband or herself as his wife. She stirred and he smelled the fragrance of her hair. It was a sweet, clean smell. She lay there so trusting in his arms.

He began to pray. “Lord, thank you for taking care of Elmer. I pray that you will help my little wife too. She has as much poison in her as Elmer did only it ain’t the kind a doctor can get rid of. Heal us all. My own heart isn’t where it ought to be with You, Lord. Show me what to do. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.” In a matter of moments he was engulfed in deep sleep also.

Chapter
18

After a month of rehabilitation at Nate and Martha’s, Elmer was well. The burns in his mouth had healed and the headaches had not returned. He had a few nights of careful attention from his family and the kind doctor, but he was as good as mended. As the three prepared to go back up to the cabin, Martha had to try to convince Fred to stay in town through the rest of the winter. “Fred, Nan needs to be here with me so that I can give her motherhood instructions. You don’t want her giving birth all alone do you?”

“Mother, the babe won’t be here until July. We will be back for the birth. We want to go home.”

Many days of persuasion came and left and the little family was finally at the homestead. Nan hadn’t realized how much she had missed the crisp snowy air of the high Rockies. The sight of the small cabin against the woods made her heart sing. She truly felt that she was at home. The trip back up the mountain
was
joyous.

She had never heard Elmer talk so much. In fact, he was quite the chatterbox. He asked so many questions that she was sure Fred would scold him. Fred quietly answered every question. He was kind and patient with the inquisitive little boy. Actually, he was a really good teacher. Nan was learning a lot from listening to the conversation between the two.

The questions Elmer asked were quite advanced for a young boy. Fred told him of the geology of the rocky
crags
and formations that miners watched for to find silver and gold. One lesson was of the vegetation on the slopes that they traversed. As they stopped in front of the cabin Elmer asked, “Fred, will eating raw eggs kill a body?”

Nan had to suppress a smile at the remembrance of the train ride.

“Elmer, I am sorry to say that everyone who has ever eaten an egg raw or cooked has died.”

The look on Fred’s face was grave.

“Really?” Nan gasped.

“Yep, eventually everybody dies!”

Elmer was the first to burst into gales of laughter.

“I should hit you… I don’t know what to say to you!” yelled Nan.

“What’s the matter? I was just joshing with you
!
”

“Nan is mad ‘cause you scared her. She made me eat raw eggs on the train and she even ate some too.”

“Why did you two eat raw eggs?”

“We was starvin’ and my stomach hurt almost as much as my head. Mrs. Dewey didn’t like for us to eat too much.”

“I’m sorry to bring back a bad memory for you two. Forgive me, Nan.”

“I will have to think on that for a spell. Forgiveness too quick is cheap. You will think that scaring a body is too easy to get forgiveness for.”

“Nan, you need to forgive me for your sake as much as for mine.”

“I don’t see how that would affect me at all for you to not be forgiven by me
,
”
s
norted Nan.

“Unforgiveness is like that festered tooth of Elmer’s. At first it just smarts a little and then if left alone it could poison your whole mind and life.”

“Just give me a little time to think about that. I think that if I don’t forgive you, it will hurt you a little and I won’t feel anything. Just let me be.”

“You will see that I am right.”

“You bet. You are always right aren’t you
?
!” Nan scrambled off the horse and made for the creek.

“She won’t be mad long. She never stays mad at me.” Elmer patted his friend on the arm to comfort him.

Fred watched her trudge through the shin deep snow. “I guess some things have to be lived out before people believe what you preach to them.”

“Were you preachin
’,
Fred? Is that what preachin’ is?”

Fred had to laugh when he saw the comical look of concern on Elmer’s face. “Yep, Pard, I guess I was. Sorry.”

Why did things that Fred say grate against her nerves? Sometimes she wanted to hug him, but most of the time she felt like beating him on the chest with her firsts. She had never felt like doing anything like that to anyone in her life. What was the matter with her
?
She felt like she was living in someone else’s skin. The skin didn’t fit her. It was too tight and she couldn’t
breathe
.

All the hurt that she had suffered was coming to her mind and wanting to burst out of her lips. She hated the indignities she suffered at the hands of others, yet she found herself thinking thoughts of venom. She was glad that she hadn’t said most of the things that had come into her mind. Forgiveness? Never! A thousand times never! From this day on she would protect herself and those she loved from frightening things, even if it were just stupid jokes. Allow someone to hurt you just a little and then the real pain will start. No. She vowed never to forgive anyone again.

After a few moments, she was chilled to the bone. Quietly she entered the cabin
;
Fred and Elmer were bedding down the horses and mule. She took a seat in the low rocker in front of the open fireplace. Fred had started a small fire and it was popping noisily. She needed to start the cornbread, but she was exhausted and stayed seated. The flames eagerly licked the dry logs and brought forth needed warmth to the small room. She placed her feet on a small stool next to the hearth and allowed herself to completely relax. Before long her eyes were too heavy to remain open. She felt strong arms lift her and carry her to the big bed that she and Elmer shared. The covers were icy cold, but a heated rag-covered stone was placed at her feet and she felt cozy and warm. As she drifted more deeply to sleep she wondered why Fred was always so good to her. She had been hateful and mean. He never lost patience with her or struck her in anger. What was she going to do?

Early the next morning she heard the usual sounds of Fred doing chores. The ax
e
rang clear in the yard with the splintering of the logs as they were first halved then quartered. He must have been up a while because the chopping of wood was toward the last of morning chores. He must have already fed the Sonny and Ruby. Dear me, Nan thought, “I am supposed to take care of the chickens and milk the cow.” Fred insisted that they get them before they left Trinidad so that she and Elmer would have milk and eggs. Those confounded eggs! Why did I have to get so mad about that stupid joke! Hurriedly she dressed and headed to the small log barn.

Fred saw her as she walked briskly from the cabin.
I surely do hope she is over her mad spell,
he thought. As she drew near to the wood stack she cast her gaze to the ground, “Fred, I got riled up over nothin’. I gu
ess my feelings are tender now…
I’m sorry. You have been good to us and I want to try to behave myself.”

“You are a good girl, Nan. Even when you get mad it doesn’t change the fact that you are good. It might make it a little tough to see your natural sweetness, but it is still there. It was a stupid attempt at a joke and I am the one who is sorry. Let’s have a good day, ok
ay
? I already milked and fed the cow, but the chickens haven’t been fed yet.”

Nan smiled and walked through the barn door and found a tin bucket on a nail by the door. Under it was a sack of chicken feed. The sack had bright pink flowers on it. It reminded her of the chore dress her Mama had worn and she smiled. She carefully pulled the loosely sewn string that closed the top of the sack and stuck her hand in to get a few handfuls of feed to put in the bucket. The big old Jersey cow that stood in a stall next to Sonny and Ruby lowed a welcome to her. Elmer named her Bobby because her tail had been bobbed off after a wild dog bit it half off when she was a calf.  After looking around the barn she stepped into the yard and looked to see where Fred had put the chickens. “They are in the old chicken house around the back of the barn.”