“They took off to play pool, and to give Nate some space for a bit,” she tells me. “I’m sorry we haven’t officially met. Nathan doesn’t bring anyone home to meet the family.”
“Can you give me any clues as to what’s going on?”
“I think it would be best if he told you why he gets like this once a year.”
“That’s not really helping.”
“I know, and I’m sorry. It’s the best I can do. I’m already meddling enough, and if he finds out you know, before he shares it with you, he will blow his lid. I’m already on shaky ground here as is, with phoning you.”
“Alright. Like I said, I’m not in town, so I need to get my friends and head back that way. And—Carianna, thank you for calling me. I wish we had met under better circumstances, even if it
is
over the phone.”
“Me too,” she quietly replies. “Thank you.”
“I wish I could say you’re welcome but to be honest, I’m scared here. If he won’t even tell me about his family, and with whatever is going on, he’s going to be ticked when he sees me.”
“I know. I’m sorry, but thank you anyway. I truly believe it will all work out.”
We say our goodbyes and hang up. I’m not sure this is a great plan, as I stand here, in the parking lot feeling at a loss for words. Eventually I get my thoughts collected, and return to the restaurant.
I get inside and head to the table where the other two give me questioning looks.
“So—what’s up? Did he want to see you?” Halley inquires.
“It wasn’t Nate.”
“
What
?” They ask in unison.
“It was his sister, Carianna.” I shake my head, still trying to make sense of what just happened.
“Uhh— okay?” A perplexed Naomi questions.
“I just had the strangest conversation with his sister. I can’t make sense of it, but I do know that I need to leave so I can see what's going on with Nate. The others are at
Texas
Jacks
. I bet if we leave right now, you can catch up with them."
"What do you mean it was strange?" Naomi asks.
“I don’t know for sure. She said he was feeling really sick, and she felt like he needed me.”
“Sick? I’m still not connecting the dots here. Also, why are you telling us we could meet up with the guys?” a very confused Halley asks.
“Something’s going on with Nate. Apparently he gets like this once a year. What does that even mean?” I ask my friends, like they have a clue.
“What does that even mean?” Halley repeats.
“I don’t know. She told me she wasn’t at liberty to say. Apparently, he would be upset if she told me, rather than hearing it straight from him.”
“It sounds like we need to get our check and clear out. We’ll swing by your place to get your car, after we drop you off at Nate’s on the way.” Halley says, as she waves over the waitress.
After paying, we make a hasty retreat and Halley heads straight for the guys’ place. Fifty minutes later, we’re taking the exit that will lead us to his place.
“I’m sorry to leave you both in the middle of our girl time.” I tell them apologetically as we wind our way through the neighborhoods.
“Don’t even worry about it.” Naomi assures me. “But please, let us know if you need anything while you’re there,” she offers.
“We’ll reschedule our girls’ night for another time, don’t worry.” Halley reassures me. “For now, we’ll go check in with the guys, to make sure all is well with them. Maybe they can shed some light on the matter.”
“Thanks. I’ll text you when I know more.” I say goodbye and hop out of the truck that’s idling in front of Nate’s house.
His truck is in the drive and the porch light is on. I head up to the door, lifting up the mat to find the key Carianna had promised to leave. Upon opening the front door, I realize she left on the front entry-way light for me. I make my way to the kitchen, flipping on the light when I enter the room, setting my purse on the kitchen counter with my coat on top of it, before taking in my surroundings. It doesn’t seem like anything is out of the ordinary. I didn’t even see Nathan when I came into the house. I take in a deep breath and call out to Nate. The last thing I want to do is scare the day lights out of him. When I don’t get a response, I decide to take action by heading down the hall towards Nate’s room, and get to the bottom of the mystery of what’s going on with him.
I flip the hall light on, slightly pausing at his closed bedroom door, listening for any noises to give me any signs that he’s even in there. It’s silent so I reach out my hand and twist the door knob, not knowing what I will be walking into.
I step inside, but leave the door open so I can see what’s going on from the hall light. Walking in as quietly as I can, I make my way over to his bed to find him resting. From what I can tell, everything seems fine. I don’t see wadded up tissues, a barf bucket, or even a bottle of medication on his night stand by his bed. I’m not sure what his sister was worried about. He’s lightly snoring, lying on his side. Though, he’s not covered up. I start searching his room for a blanket, so I can go wait in the front room until he wakes up, or someone comes home, and that’s when I see it. It’s a bottle of Jack Daniels sitting on his side table by his alarm clock, that’s on the opposite side of his bed.
I’m shocked, frozen like a deer in headlights, not sure what to do next. From what I know of Nate, he’s not one to drink hard liquor or to get drunk.
What’s going on?
I slowly ease myself onto his bed, trying not to ruffle it, or startle him. Turns out that wouldn’t have matter as he’s out for the count. I take him all in, realizing he’s lying in his pajamas on top of his covers. I slowly rise from the bed to go out to the hall linen closet to find him a blanket. Searching his room was a fruitless endeavor—though I didn’t really look too hard, then head back into his room and lay the blanket over him. There’s nothing I can do at this point, except get him items that will help when he wakes up. Deciding on my next plan of action, I go back into the kitchen to look for pain relievers. While I’m there— I get him a glass of water, and grab the garbage can, too. It may come in handy. I can already tell this is going to be a long night.
Before I head back into his room, I shoot a text to my friends to let them know that I don’t know what’s going on, but I will keep them in the loop when I get to the bottom of the matter. I wish them a good night with the guys, and then turn my attention back to the objects I need.
I gather up all the items from the kitchen and head back down the hall. I grab a towel from the closet, before returning to his room. I lay everything out where he can easily get to them, wondering if I should sit on his bed and wait this out, in-case he needs me? Or, should I just wing it, and crawl into bed so I can hold him? I’m not good at this, and I don’t want to freak Nate out if I climb into his bed.
Or is it myself I don’t freak out?
Though, we had a trial run at this the night he came over to watch over me. So, I guess the nervousness I’m feeling can take a flying leap.
As I’m lost in my musings, I feel movement on the bed, when I see Nate blindly reaching for the covers. I take over in his struggles, pulling the blanket higher up over his chest. He accidentally hits my hand with his hand, causing his eyes to fly open. At first, his eyes rapidly blink, and then go to squinting at me, trying to piece together who I am. When he finally recognizes me — he gives me a lazy smile.
Does he realize I’m actually here?
He reaches out again, this time to grab my hand with his, and entwines our fingers together. “What are you doing here, little one? Please tell me I’m not dreaming, and you’re really here in my room.” He sounds so out of it.
How much did he drink?
I smile back at him, trying to tease him. “Maybe this isn’t a dream, and you’re stuck in a nightmare.”
He drunkenly laughs. “Heaven, I hope not.” He looks up at me, then orders, “Stay with me.”
I hesitate, “I’m not sure if this is a good idea, Nate.”
“I don’t know what I need, or how you came to be here. What I do know is that I need to feel you in my arms. I can't even describe it. I just have this sudden urge to hold you, Charlie. I need your arms around me.” He says while tugging on my hand, causing me to fall onto the bed and slightly onto him at the same time. I quickly right myself, and then slide in to place beside Nate on his queen size bed. We lay there silently for a few moments just taking in the silence, wrapped in each other’s arms.
Eventually he rolls us both onto our sides, then sighs out in contentment.
“Waking up to your pretty face could never be a bad thing. If I could wake up every day to your gorgeous face, I would die happy.” His words warm my cheeks and cause my insides to get all funny. “Did she call you?”
“Carianna?”
“You know, it doesn’t even matter that she did. It’s enough that you’re even here.”
“Are you sure this is okay? You won’t be mad at me tomorrow?”
“She would have loved you, you know.” He suddenly, but quietly states into the darkness, ignoring my questions.
“Who?” I don’t have the foggiest idea as to who he’s referring to. It’s not like he’s given me many clues about his family, or past girlfriends.
“She was full of life, love, and just pure happiness.” He continues, as if I didn’t just ask him another question. “I wish you could have met her.” He twines his fingers through mine again, resting them at my belly. “She was always there, cheering us on, you know? No matter what we were doing—winning, or failing— she was the biggest cheerleader you could ever wish to have.”
I’m at a loss, as to who he’s reminiscing about, but I realize that it’s best to just let him continue on without speaking in return. I wonder if he will remember any of this by day light. Will he be mad that he told me these personal thoughts? Or will he feel relieved, maybe even freer of the ghost that haunts him?
“She was always making us laugh, or volunteering for whatever school function she could. We were
that
house that everyone loved to come over to, and never go home from. She became like a second mom to Holt, and Tucker. Boy did we ever try her patience with our pranks. We were a bunch of teenage troublemakers, that’s for sure. Staying out way passed curfew, dating too many girls, and not finding that one good girl to hang on to, stirring up trouble with our friends. Though, she was the one who taught us how to toilet paper houses.” He chuckles. “You should have seen her with the three of us, and my sister. It was a riot.
“We used to tell her that there was no way we would settle with one woman. Where was the fun in that? Though, we knew it was more just to tease her, and that we didn’t really believe we would be serial daters. She used to lecture our ears off about settling down with a good girl when we were older. She would remind us about how her, and dad, had such a strong love. ‘Once you find the one, you will know it’, she would say. She really believed in the theory of — ‘
The one’
. They’re marriage really was a great example for us to learn from. It wasn’t perfect, by any means. They just learned how to deal with their issues, and when to let go of a losing battle.
“She was so pretty, too. She wasn’t much taller than you, with her shoulder length, black hair. I remember she would always pin her bangs up to the side, to keep them out of her eyes. And she always knew when you were up to no good. I don’t know how she did it, and she never did get the chance to reveal her secrets to us. She was still full of life when she passed. Though, you could see the strain and exhaustion in her frail body, as it was ravished by cancer.
“She didn’t want anyone feeling sorry for her. She did her best to keep up appearances, like she wasn’t sick but still healthy. She tried to her hardest to be involved with as much as her body would allow. Some days though, she wouldn’t be able to get out of bed. It got to the point that the rest of us stopped going out. No one wanted to be away from her. Carianna and I would come home during school lunch breaks to check on her. Dad eventually started working from home. When we couldn’t be there, due to obligations, we had friends and family stay with her around the clock. No one could bear to be a part from her, but sometimes you can’t help it, right? Heaven, we hated those times we had to leave her, not knowing if we would come home to find her gone. It was pure agony and you couldn’t concentrate on the tasks you had to accomplish.
“Even Tucker and Holt started staying over all the time. Luckily their parents understood, and knew how much she loved them, and vice versa. Though, we had to be careful not to let anyone sick around her. Those were just as hard on us too, not letting close friends or family in.”
He stops, and I hear nothing except the white noise of the house, as he mentally collects himself. My eyes burn with tears, as does my throat—as it tightens a little more, not allowing words to pass my lips. Even if I want to speak, I know there’s nothing I can say at this point, or that would penetrate his ears. I feel like he’s talking to me, yet he’s not. I now know that he’s talking about a lost parent, one he had a deep love and respect for. One who was his whole life. The reason he no longer gives his heart away fully, just partially. The only thing I can do is just lay here, hold his hand a little tighter, and let him get it all out. I just pray he doesn’t regret this by the light of day.
“I had a serious girlfriend at the time.” He picks up the thread of the story again, with more new pieces of his life. “Her name is Heather. We had these great plans to marry after high school, and be just like my parents. Heaven, we were so young and so hopeful that love lasted forever. We wanted to keep their example going so we could pass it down to our children. I was going to own my own construction company with the guys, have a few kids, and even a dog. We planned to stay in town, so our kids could grow up with own their grandparents. I guess that was all wishful thinking. Now? There’s no way I can even think of subjecting anyone to that kind of pain. I can’t even imagine having a child at this point. I don’t want to image the day they would have to suffer the loss of a parent. How can life be so cruel, to take away a beautiful, vibrant woman? It’s horrible to think about, let alone speak about.” His whole body shudders. My ears are ringing from his words, my mind is going a million miles a minute, but all I can do is continue to lie still, and take his words in.