Nature of Ash, The (20 page)

‘Is anyone hurt?’

I cast around. The other two look shaken but okay. ‘All good thanks.’
Who am I bloody kidding?

There’s steam hissing from the bonnet where it’s punched into the tree. I climb out, groaning as I straighten up. Everything hurts.

‘I’m really sorry,’ I say again. ‘You see, I’ve never really driven before, and we need to get back to Wellington urgently—’

The guy grabs me by the collar and pins me to the side of the car. ‘What the hell were you thinking then, you stupid idiot? You could have killed us all!’

‘We were trying to rescue my friend’s parents …’ Out it tumbles. The poor bastard’s eyes grow wider and wider as I spew the most demented story he’s probably ever heard. He lets me go. Scratches his neck as he studies me from head to foot. ‘You sure you didn’t knock your head, kid?’

‘It’s all true,’ Jiao says. She walks around and rests her hand on my back. I’m shaking like a storm-struck leaf. ‘Are you all right?’

‘Yeah. What about you guys?’

‘A bit sore from the seatbelt. Mikey’s fine. I think he was asleep, so he was all relaxed.’

‘Well, this car’s not going anywhere. The tyres are munted too, by the look of things.’ I scrape my hand over my face, trying to keep control. ‘I’m so sorry. I completely buggered up trying to overtake—’

Jiao tippy-toes to peck me on the cheek. ‘We’re all okay and that’s what counts. You did your best — and it’s a whole lot better than I could’ve done.’

The truck driver’s been watching us, and clears his throat loudly. ‘It sounds like you’ve been through the wringer, mate. Sorry, but you gave me such a bloody fright.’

‘I’m sorry too,’ I say again. ‘How far is it to Whanganui from here?’

‘Too far to walk, if that’s what you’re thinking. But I do have a radio in the truck. I could call up one of my mates to tow you into town. Would that help?’

‘Is the Pope a man?’ Jiao says.

The trucker laughs. ‘Done. Won’t be a tick.’

I watch him walk back up the road. What a
fucked-up
world it is, where strangers go out of their way to help while family try to kill you.

And the guy’s as good as his word. He’s back to tell us his mate is on his way, and asks if there’s anything else we need. I can only shake his hand and grovel yet again. Then we settle on the roadside to wait, sharing sips of bottled water till the tow-truck turns up. The driver introduces himself as Joe, dives down the bank, races back up and winches the Toyota on to the road. Now we can really see how stuffed it is. There’s no way in hell this poor car will ever drive again.

It’s a squeeze to get the three of us into the cab. But the guy’s friendly enough and doesn’t seem at all fazed by Mikey or the garbled bullshit he begins to sing. I’d normally make him pipe right down but I don’t have the heart. It’s a weird comfort thing he’s done since he was small. Anyway, I’m buggered, and don’t have the energy. Jiao, at least, has manners, and politely asks Joe for news.

‘Things are bad around here, love,’ he says. ‘All the local club games have been canned — half the lads are in the Territorials and they’ve all been recalled. The pub’s started rationing beer. The missus has to queue for bread. I’ll tell you what, the world’s gone mad.’ His beer gut wobbles. ‘Though it’s not all doom and gloom — the missus has lost half a bloody stone! A few more weeks of shortages and she might see her feet again. Now
that’s
a bloody miracle!’

I see Jiao scrunch her forehead. She turns to me.
Don’t,
I mouth.
Leave
it. Tomorrow will be soon enough to face the next shit sandwich. I close my eyes and let the motion of the truck lull me. I’m tired. I’m sore. I have no idea how we’ll get home, or when. It sure won’t be tonight.

It’s late afternoon by the time we hit the outskirts of Whanganui and there’s an army checkpoint blocking the road. They’re going through every car, and one guy’s even crawling around to search underneath. Joe, relaxed as ever, winds down his window and chats all comfy with the dude in charge.

‘Nah, mate, all good. Kids on a joy ride. You know what it’s like.’ He winks. ‘See you at the club rooms later?’

We’re waved right through. God knows what we
would’ve faced if we’d arrived in a Toyota toting Jiao’s gun.

We ask Joe to drop us at the whale. At least we know it’s dry and close to showers and loos — and Erich, with any luck. I can’t wait to unravel this whole mess with him.

‘I’m sorry I can’t pay for the petrol,’ I say to Joe as we clamber down from his cab. I mean it — this guy will never know how welcome his kindness and generosity have been.

‘No worries, mate. I’ll siphon the juice out of your old dunger there. That’ll do nicely.’

He idles the truck while we climb on the back to rescue our gear from the boot of the Toyota, then drives off with a blast of his horn.

Jiao sighs. ‘Only three things in human life are important. To be kind. To be kind. To be kind.’

‘Who said that?’

‘Henry James, with a little editing from me.’

‘Who’s Henry James?’

‘A writer from a long time ago.’

‘How come you like that old shit so much?’

‘It helps me understand the world.’

‘But that was then. What’s happening now is different. Hell, you do science, you should know that. They used to think the world was flat.’

‘Some things never change. Like the way people act.’

I pick up Mikey’s pack and settle it on his back. ‘Then we’re all fucked. History’s just one bloody war after another.’

‘Maybe,’ she says, ‘but if there’s one thing science
has
taught me, it’s that you have to understand a problem
inside out before you have any chance of solving it.’

Mikey pushes his face into Jiao’s. ‘Stop talking. I need food.’

She lugs her gear up, and winces. ‘Well, there’s one thing that’ll
never
change!’

I follow Jiao through the entrance to the park and it’s immediately obvious that here, at least, things
have
changed. Whole families are crammed into tents set out between the slides and swings. Groups of dazed-looking adults are sitting around wherever they can find space while their hordes of screaming kids run amok.

We haul our gear over to the whale, only to discover it’s been occupied by someone else. Mikey’s outraged. Refuses to leave, insists that it’s
our
whale. I have to bribe him with a promise that we’ll go straight to Erich’s — which is, thank god, enough to make him move. Meanwhile, the new inhabitants are bristling right back. Now is
not
the time to draw attention to Mikey’s differences — or Jiao’s.

It’s easy enough to find Erich’s hippie car but the cabin he was in last time is now home to a young couple with a kid. They’re approachable enough, and tell us Erich was carted off to hospital just yesterday.

This is the last bloody straw. I push through the crush of people near the toilet blocks and kitchens, pass row after row of tents until I find a track down to the river. Mikey chases after me, all panicked, shrieking my name. I just bloody ignore him. I need some time alone.

What if it’s somehow our fault Erich’s worse? That nut-shrivelling cold swim? The long hot drive? I scoop up a handful of rocks and start to biff them into the water as hard as I can. Feel all my strained muscles
complain as Mikey grabs hold of my pack and swings off it with all his weight.

‘Here now,’ he says, like I’ve been worried.
Here for bloody life.

‘Why don’t we find somewhere to leave our gear, then visit Erich at the hospital?’ Jiao says, coming up behind us.

I throw one final rock. Watch it disappear. ‘I don’t think I could bear it if he’s already died.’

‘Please,’ she says. ‘I think I need to be checked out.’

‘What?’

Her face is pale, her forehead crinkled with strain. ‘No big deal but I think I might have a broken rib.’

‘Why the hell didn’t you say?’ I grab her pack, unloading it from her back.

‘I thought it might settle down but it seems to be getting worse.’

Mikey brushes his hand over her forehead. ‘Are you sick, Jow Jow?’

‘Not sick,’ she says. ‘Just a bit sore.’

I’m guessing that’s a massive understatement. ‘Let’s go right now.’ I loop the strap of her pack over my shoulder and hand Mikey her extra bag. With Trav’s gear to cart as well, I can hardly move. ‘After you,’ I say, watching as she struggles up the bank. Yep, she’s in pain all right. And guess which useless tosser is to blame?

After a lot of grovelling, the woman running the camp agrees to store our gear. She draws us a map and says it should take half an hour to walk to the hospital.
In her dreams
. It takes an hour, by which time Jiao’s fighting back tears.

It’s another hour’s wait in A and E before they take her in. And nearly another before she emerges. Meanwhile,
Mikey’s so damn clingy I can’t even go to the bog without him coming too. He hangs round my neck like a ball and chain. Strokes my face. Pats me on the back each time I move.

‘Two cracked,’ Jiao says as she sits down beside us. There’s a bit more colour in her face now. ‘They said it was the seatbelt, though you’d think they were meant to help. They’ve given me some painkillers — that’s all they can do.’

‘How are you feeling now?’

‘Hungry,’ Mikey breaks in.

Jiao rolls her eyes and laughs. ‘I’d hate to be trapped on a desert island with you.’ She pokes his chest. ‘If we ran out of food, I reckon I’d be next.’

He smiles at her but doesn’t fully understand. Just as well. The way he looks at her sometimes, I reckon if he thought he
could
swallow her he’d try.

Mikey’s perpetual quest for food is all the worse now that I’m skint. We need to distract him fast. Jiao insists she’s feeling well enough to delay heading back to the camp, and suggests we go in search of Erich. I’m worried that she’s acting way too staunch — but the truth is I couldn’t have diverted Mikey from his stomach more effectively myself.

We find Erich in a crowded ward, hooked up to all these intense-looking machines. He looks a bloody mess: shrunken and grey. Barely alive. But his face lights up when we appear.

‘Well, well. I didn’t expect to see you again. What a nice surprise.’ He grips my hand surprisingly hard. ‘Did you find your mother, lad?’

‘Let’s just say we met and now we’ve parted company
for good.’ There’s no way I can go into detail. He’s far too sick.

‘I’m sorry to hear that. Sometimes life refuses to deliver up what we think we need.’

‘Yeah, well. Is there anything we can do for you?’

He closes his eyes for a good long minute, his breathing shallow and weak. Opens them. Reaches out his other hand to Jiao, though the tubing from the drips restricts his movement. ‘And you, young lady, any word from your folks?’

She shakes her head. ‘Not yet.’ She perches on the side of his bed, careful not to disturb all the equipment. ‘It’s looking pretty hopeless, to tell the truth.’ She swallows hard and for a moment drops the mask that hides her pain.

‘It’s not over till it’s over,’ I say. ‘We’ll try again once we get Mikey home.’

‘Sure,’ she says, but it doesn’t sound like she believes it for a sec. She turns her attention back to Erich. ‘Are you certain there’s nothing we can get you — anything you need?’

‘Just sit a while, no need to talk.’ He closes his eyes again.

‘Ashy,’ Mikey whispers like a bloody megaphone. ‘I’m hungry.’

‘Can it, mate,’ I hiss back. ‘Not now.’

‘My wallet’s in the drawer,’ Erich says. So much for dozing. ‘Take anything that’s left. I don’t need it now.’

‘We can’t do that.’

‘Then you’re foolish,’ Erich says. ‘If you don’t take it, someone else will — I’d rather see it go to you.’

‘But you’ve already given us so much.’

Erich releases his hand from Jiao’s. Pats her arm.
‘Please, my dear, you’re full of common sense. Take my wallet from the top drawer and buy that starving boy some food. I wish to speak with Ashley alone.’

I can tell she’s uncomfortable rifling through his stuff, but she does as he asks. She leads Mikey away, and I take over her seat on the bed.

‘I failed her!’ I blurt it out like it’s been waiting there for ever. ‘And then I crashed the car and cracked her ribs.’

‘Fiddlesticks,’ he says. He wheezes in a ragged breath. ‘Listen, lad. All my life I’ve worked with heads — thought I could save people’s lives. But I got it wrong, my friend. I thought I was so clever — big Mr Neurosurgeon Big-Shot. It took me all my adult life to learn what you already instinctively know.’

I have no idea what he’s on about. Maybe it’s the drugs. ‘I don’t know anything.’

‘Oh yes you do, even if you can’t see it. You give people your heart. You hand them dignity. That’s so much more valuable than anything else. Remember that: hearts not heads.’

I shake my head. Close off my heart. Don’t want to hear him say this shit. I’m way too raw.

‘When I meet your father on the far side of the pearly gates, I’ll tell him that he should be proud. That if I’d ever had a son, I’d want him to be just like you. Don’t ever change, Ashley McCarthy. Trust your own capacity for love.’

‘My mother tried to kill us!’ I blab. It’s either this or cry. ‘She nearly blew us up. Trav was shot and they drugged Mikey and tied him up like a dog. For all I know, she’s coming after us to finish us off.’

‘Good god! Have you told the police?’

‘Not yet. We just got into town.’

‘Extraordinary.’ His eyelids sag shut again. He takes in a noisy breath. Rouses. ‘Stay here for the night. I’ll say you’re family — they’ll bring in reclining chairs. Tomorrow morning take my car and go home.’

‘But what about you?’

‘I’m travelling light, my friend. Nothing would give me greater pleasure than to pass the old girl on to you. Let’s say I’m paying back your granddad for his kindness all those years ago, if that would make you feel better.’

I try to argue a little more, but see that it’s stealing his remaining energy. We can re-address the car issue in the morning, if needs be — meantime I’m pleased enough to keep him company if that’s what he wants.

Later, while Jiao and Mikey are dozing in their chairs, I sit close at Erich’s side. Hold his hand. Watch his breath grow ever lighter. Observe the lengthening of the gaps in between. He dies sometime shortly after midnight, with no great fanfare — just a ceasing to be. A poem Grandma used to quote when I was young rises inside me.
This is the way the world ends, Not with a bang but a whimper.
It’s exactly as Erich would wish it to be.