Necessary Evil of Nathan Miller (19 page)

The gun jammed. The stupid bitch
probably hadn’t even loaded the bullets into the clip properly. I
wanted to kill her all over again.

The big one kept me pinned to the wall
as Nathan did his utmost to get me free of him. Large hands grabbed
my frail fingers, trying to pry the gun out of them. Out of spite,
I threw it down on the floor, hoping to dislodge the clip so I
could reload it properly. Then I could shoot him.

Nathan somehow got the big bloke's
attention and his weight on me lessened enough for me to slide away
from him to the floor. I dived for my weapon but it skittered out
of my reach. I didn’t have even a moment to breathe before a
crushing weight knocked the breath out of me. The big bastard
covered my body with his and I didn’t even have the air to scream.
I’ll kill you...I’ll fucking kill you...Nathan, get him off
me...

The touch of cold restraints around my
wrists froze me entirely. The scars had barely healed from the last
set...
I’ll die first! And I’ll fucking take you with
me...

I tried desperately to throw him off,
to escape from his grasp, but I heard metal snap closed and almost
cried.
Nathan...please help me...

Nothing, not a sound from Nathan. In my
ear, the big bastard’s quiet words sounded perfectly calm. He told
me there was nothing I could do, that he was taking me with him and
he was going to knock me out.

I had only one reply. The same as the
first time. "FUCK YOU!"

His grip on me loosened and I used the
little freedom I had to look for Nathan.
Nathan. Please help me.
Nathan...

I saw his face, but he stood back,
panicking as if he was scared to step forward and help me. Why did
he hesitate? What did I miss? What did the big bastard threaten me
with that had Nathan so scared to help me?

If I’d thought his eyes were desperate
before, they were nothing to what his expression held now.
Insanity, desperation, anguish, despair, horror, grief: I could
take my pick, they were all there. Yet he still stumbled toward
me.

I felt the cold prick at my neck.
Oh, fuck. What’s he injecting me with?
As if Nathan’s single
step was his cue, I felt the liquid forced beneath my skin.
No...

I closed my eyes.

Part 58

Darkness swirled, but Nathan’s voice
pierced it as if sound were light.

"You’re not taking her anywhere."

I tried to move, but everything felt
too heavy. It was like being unconscious in hospital again.
Why
give me pain drugs when last time they used chloroform? And why
such a tiny dose, when normally it knocked me out for
hours?

I felt arms lift me, desperately
wishing I could fight to free myself. I must have made some
movement, because I heard Nathan’s voice apologise for hurting me.
So close a whisper...the arms holding me are his.
In relief,
I relaxed.

"Navid!" The way he said it, the
strange word sounded like he was calling a name.

The deep voice responding confirmed it.
"She killed the girl we were trying to protect..."

He’s a guard. One of Nathan’s
colleagues. And he thought I was her!
Relief cycled to triumph
as I realised switching clothes with her had worked – only I’d
fooled the wrong person. I wanted to laugh, but my body didn’t
respond.

"Caitlin killed the bitch..." Nathan
said the words so calmly, as if he knew I’d do it all along. I
hadn’t known if I’d manage to survive, let alone kill someone. Even
if she did deserve it.

I killed the bitch. The relief and joy
of it knew no bounds.
She’ll never hurt me again.

"That was Laura." I heard the venom in
Nathan's tone.
The bitch's name was Laura and Nathan didn't like
her at all. But she'll always be the bitch to me.

"It’s over. Nick, Pete, Tom...they’re
all dead. Make this all go away before she wakes up..." Blissfully,
I listened as I floated in the dark. In Nathan’s arms. And in
safety.

I drifted as both voices murmured. I
heard the unfamiliar deep voice realise Nathan was right. "It’s
over."

Nathan’s reply washed over me, until he
raised his voice a little to stress the words. "Please. I can’t
stand to lose her again..."

I wanted to smile. What more evidence
did I need to know that Nathan cared deeply for me? He’d killed for
me. He’d admitted it to one of the blokes he worked with.

I felt the gentle bump of Nathan’s
footsteps as he carried me away.

Part 59

Brick – Fingers – Broken – Nose –
Pete

What's in those pills? They leave me so
drowsy I can't stay awake.

Groggily, I tried to work out what had
woken me.

"I like the colour. Like you're
gift-wrapped, just for me." I heard the sound of sawing and felt
the rope constrict around my legs. The sawing stopped and his voice
sounded closer. "Pity your tits aren't bigger, though."

I pulled my knees up, my muscles
screaming as the rope constricted, and kicked out with both feet
together. I heard a satisfying grunt and a thump.

"Fuck! You broke my nose, you bitch."
The blade bit into my calf instead of the rope and I screamed.
"That's better."

"Try that again and I'll break the rest
of your face, too," I panted, praying he wouldn't cut me again.

"The other blokes said you like it
rough. Fine by me, but I'm not into pain. Mine, that is. So we'll
do things differently."

He grabbed my feet and dragged me off
the mattress, onto the cold concrete. He shoved a foot under my
back and kicked me over, mashing my face into the concrete. I tried
to kick him, but it was harder lying on my tummy.

"Better," he said. He seized my hair
and pulled my head back. "Scream for me again."

My scalp screamed in pain, yet I
swallowed mine. "Go fuck yourself."

By my hip I could feel the rough edge
of a brick. I tried to move my hands to the side so I could grab
it. Maybe if I rub the rope around my wrists against it, I can free
myself…

"You want the brick?"

Fuck. He saw what I saw doing. I felt
the brick move as he lifted it out of my reach.

"Okay." He smashed it down on my hand,
shattering my fingers.

I screamed until I ran out of
breath.

"Well that's foreplay out the way. Time
for the best part."

I heard the scream of his zip and the
crackle of plastic.

With my legs still tied together and me
lying face-down on the concrete, I wondered what the hell he
intended to do. I hoped he'd decide to wank instead of running the
risk of getting closer to me again. My fingers hurt too much to
cross them.

"It's better this way." He shoved me
down as he stretched himself out on top of me. He gave my backside
a stinging slap. "Such a sweet little arse. I bet it's tight, too.
Oh, fuck yeah. You like it rough, right?"

I screamed again.

Part 60

Cool air chilled my
bare legs.
Where are my pants?

A hand touched my chest between my
breasts. I curled up to protect myself, bringing my knees up so I
could kick the bastard so hard he sang soprano.
Nathan, if you
sold me out to them I will hunt you down and kill you in the most
painful way I can devise.

I relaxed a little when I heard
Nathan’s voice. I listened to the litany of reassurance that didn’t
tell me why he’d taken my pants.

"You’re covered in blood, angel."
Laura’s blood,
I wanted to say.
As soon as I can move
properly again, I’ll wash it off with disinfectant and then maybe
I’ll feel clean again for the first time since she touched
me.

"Just me, angel. I’m not going to hurt
you."

So he didn’t sell me out.
I
breathed again.

His hands touched my chest again and I
heard the purr of the vest zip. I was too tired to resist as his
hands examined me carefully, like a doctor would. His voice shook
and squeaked a little, but the words kept coming. He intended to
take my clothes off to wash the blood from my body. I wanted to nod
my acquiescence, but my head felt too heavy.

Cold air touched my chest as he peeled
the shirt from my skin, the blood making it stick to me. After
Nathan’s horror earlier, I didn’t want to see his expression now.
He'll never see my body as anything but damaged – he can only
see the scars and what they once were.
I could control my
eyelids again, but I felt no desire to lift them. Not even when the
hiss of warm spray hit my skin, from my shins to my face.

Maybe the medication had made me more
pliant, too, I mused, letting my body flop like a doll as Nathan
enveloped me in towels. Lifting, carrying and laying me down –
encased in flannel, as I felt a towel smoothed over my body like a
hospital sheet.

The shower spray hissed again.
Nathan’s turn?

I tested my body, trying to work out if
I could control it yet or not. I moved my toes under the towel,
trying not to wince as I flexed my aching thighs.
Do not climb
on dryers.
I arched my back a little, shrugging my shoulders
simply because I could. I played air with my fingers.
Necessary
evil, the evil and the good...
I felt the smile lift my lips.
After all, wasn’t killing people supposed to be evil? Yet I felt so
good now she was gone, as if the world was a better place.
Necessary evil, indeed.

Distantly, I heard the shower stop and
Nathan’s footsteps approached me. The slap of wet feet on tiles
ceased as water splattered beside me, some of it soaking through my
towel. Nathan swore and stepped away.

Curious, I carefully opened my eyes. I
watched Nathan struggle out of his soaked clothes until I could see
the pale skin of his bare backside. Not a bad backside, either. He
wrapped my pink towel around his waist, his arm muscles bulging a
little with the death grip he held the towel together with.
Is
he afraid his bits will fall off if the towel does?

He turned around and my smothered laugh
died in my throat. The fearful, worried look at me said more than
words. No. He didn’t want the sight of so much skin to scare
me.

It’s not the sight. It’s the feeling
of it in close proximity to mine
, I wanted to explain. But to
do that, I’d have to tell him everything and why. Burden him with
graphic descriptions of rape. I closed my eyes.
No, Nathan, I
can’t do that to you.

The shock of his skin on mine almost
broke my resolve. I sucked in a breath to scream.

His soothing voice cut me short. That
and the slide of satin over my skin, as he clothed me once
more.

Soothed, dressed and dry, I sank into
Nathan’s arms, secure and safe. Because the bitch is dead.

Nathan set me down on a soft mattress.
Mine.

Cool cotton covered me, slowly starting
to warm me.
Quilt.

I heard a voice say they were all dead.
I started to relax, relieved, before I realised the voice wasn’t
Nathan’s. The voice called me beautiful, then said something about
stealing souls. Cold fingers touched my face.

No. NO. Nathan? Nathan, you
promised...

His arms were around me and the quilt,
cocooning me tightly. "I’m here," I heard his voice murmur. "I’m
here." A pause. "No one’s going to hurt you, ever again. They’re
all dead."

It’s over. Oh thank God, it’s over.

I could feel my mind floating. Nathan’s
voice said something else, but I couldn’t focus on it. I drifted
off to sleep. Safe.

Part 61

It was dark when I woke up. Nathan was
beside me – I’d just woken him up.

In my dream it had happened again.
She’d come and tried to take me back; I’d shot her and her blood
had splashed...

I tried to take stock of what was real,
here, now.

I was wearing little more than my
underwear – shortie satin pjs.
Nothing else. Not someone else’s
clothes.

My hands were clean. There was no blood
on them.

It couldn’t have been just a dream.

But Nathan didn’t have a gun – I didn’t
have a gun.

I couldn’t have murdered anyone.

Oh but I did. I killed the bitch who
hurt me, whose husband...

"Hey, are you all right?" Nathan’s
sleepy voice in my ear. "You were lying there on the toilet floor
when I got there. You passed out. You’ve been out of it for
hours."

That can’t be right. I
remember...
Memory mixed with dream.
Did I shoot her or was
it an accident? It’s not murder when it’s self defence. No
accident...

"I dreamed that...they were trying to
take me back, and I killed someone, and you had a gun, and they all
had guns..." I tried to make it sound like any of it made sense,
but failed.

"Just a bad dream. It’s all over now."
His lips on mine.

I gasped in surprise.

I felt him freeze.
He hasn’t planned
this.
His breathing was ragged, but I kept mine as even as I
could, holding still.

It’s your move, Nathan.

Very carefully, he slid his fingers
along my pillow, between my cheek and the cotton cover. He kissed
my lips as if he was kissing his sister’s cheek, a kiss so chaste
it was hard to believe I was sharing a bed with a man who’d seen me
naked. Then he pulled away from me slightly, his breathing fast and
nervous.

Why so slow and hesitant? What happened
to Mr Sleazy Roommate in the toilet tonight? Unless he hadn’t
planned that, either...

A faint idea coalesced in my head and I
did what my body had wanted to do in the toilet earlier this
evening, before I pushed him away so I didn’t. I wrapped my arms
around him and kissed him properly.

He was too shocked to kiss me back for
a second or two – he even forgot to breathe.