Necessary Evil of Nathan Miller (21 page)

My brain was still fuzzy and I couldn’t
work out what he meant. I didn’t resist as he lifted me to lay my
head on a pillow. His hands stroked my knickers. "Are you
sure?"

I laid my hands on his, pushing his
fingers into a hook between the stringy satin and the bony skin at
my hips. Together we pulled them over my knees, down past my toes.
I threw them on the floor. "Yes," I breathed. I'd never been so
scared.

Part 65

Tied – Chris – Cornflakes – Coke –
Superman – Death

"Here, I brought you something to eat,"
Chris's voice hissed quietly. "Can you sit up?"

Groggily, I struggled and groaned a
little, to no avail. Plastic clattered on the concrete floor before
his hands slid behind my back, supporting me as I tried to sit.

A flash of pain. I gritted my teeth. I
wouldn't let on how much it hurt.

Even in the dark, he noticed something
wasn’t right, but he didn’t mention it. He draped a blanket over my
shoulders as he moved to sit partly behind me, so that his body
supported my back.

My instincts threatened to shrink away
from even this benign body contact, but exhaustion got the better
of me. My body sagged against him, with just a blanket between us.
All the while, I told myself, He won’t hurt you. You don’t need to
fight right now – just rest. Begging for it to be true.

The clack of cutlery on plastic as some
kind of cereal rustled. I registered that part of my pain was
hunger and accepted a spoonful of whatever he offered.

Stale, dry cornflakes. Like biting into
the plastic packaging. I wanted to spit them out, but my mouth was
too dry and I was too hungry. Tears dripped silently as I struggled
to chew.

He voiced an apology. "I looked, but
that’s all there is. There’s no milk and they’ve run out of juice.
All I found was Coke – here." The click and hiss of a can being
opened, followed by the sound of many bubbles that meant it was
warm.

He pressed the can to my lips. Coke
warmer than the temperature in the room ran down my chin and onto
my legs, which the blanket didn’t cover. Bubbles burned into the
cuts and bruises.

It was too much. I started to sob and
once I started, I couldn't stop.

His arms crept around me in a cautious
hug. He was careful to enclose the blanket in his embrace. Unlike
the others, he didn't touch my skin at all.

"It'll be okay," he whispered, sounding
uncertain.

"No it won't," I said between sobs.

"You have to keep fighting. You can't
let them win," he insisted.

The tears flowed faster. "I can't any
more. Please. Kill me now. Do it quickly, so they can't hurt me
again. I’m begging you. Don't let them…don't let them…"

"You have to hang on. I'll find a way
to get you out of here. Both of us."

"Your family…" I started to say, not
sure how to finish.

"I'll go to prison to protect them. But
I can't kill you. I'll find some other way to protect them. I'll
save you."

Him and his Superman complex. He can't
save me. He can't even save himself or his family.

I almost laughed. "If you get me out of
here alive, I swear I'll tell everyone from the police right up to
the judge that you were a saint and my fellow captive – including
how you saved my life."

"What happened to telling them how
horrible I am?" He sounded rueful. "Tell them whatever you like, as
long as you hang in there, angel. I won't let them hurt you."

A bit bloody late. What about how much
I hurt already? Can you take that away, too?

"You need your strength. Please, eat
some more?" He sounded apologetic as his arms loosened.

I heard him scrape another spoonful and
opened my mouth dutifully.

Eat. Drink. Let him help you rest and
take some of the pain away. Let him help you keep your strength
long enough to live and get out of here.

If I stopped eating, would this be over
sooner? No more pain?

I pushed the traitorous thought away,
forcing myself to crunch through the cornflakes and swallow.

"When I get out of here, I'm never
going to eat cornflakes again, stale or otherwise," I vowed
vehemently, the anger more at my own thoughts than the decrepit
cereal.

The only way I'll leave here is if I'm
dead. I have nothing left to lose.

"Hold onto that thought." His voice
sounded like it came through gritted teeth. "Here, this will help
with the pain." More pills, washed down with warm Coke. I never
thought to ask what was in them. I didn't care enough to ask. For a
dark moment, I wanted more – enough to stop the pain forever.

But I wouldn't ask. A drugged death was
too uncertain. If I had to die, I wanted to take at least one of
them with me. For that, I needed my strength. So I needed to eat
cardboard cornflakes and drink the Coke to sustain me until I could
make them pay, at least in part, for my pain.

More cornflakes until the pills brought
more oblivion.

Part 66

This was no fumble in a dark corner, at
some school friend’s party with a clumsy boy I barely knew. Nor was
this a brutal assault that would leave me bruised and broken.
Nathan handled me lovingly, like delicate china.

He held his weight off me, his body
hovering above me as his lips kissed mine, then a line of soft
kisses down my breasts, firmer as his mouth dipped lower. His
gentle hands stroked my thighs, pushing them further apart. I found
I was holding my breath in anticipation, but I cried out in shock
at the unexpected rasp of his tongue over sensitive skin.

"Caitlin, I don’t want to hurt you, or
push you too far again. Angel, tell me if you want me to stop." His
breath was warm on my skin as he spoke, so I barely heard the
words. I couldn't decide if I was trembling with excitement or
fear. His eyes looked at mine across the length of my body,
worried.

I forced myself to smile and slowly
shook my head. "Don’t stop. Please, Nathan, don’t stop."
For if
you do and my courage fails, I'll curl up and never let you or
anyone else touch me again
.

He didn’t stop again. Instead, he was
wonderful.

The first time was sudden and
explosive. So lost in the sensation, I barely heard my own voice
scream his name. I was too caught up in the vibration of his
chuckling response.

The second I thought I was more
prepared for, a slow burn to a less powerful peak. I found I was
lifting my hips to meet him as the warmth washed over me. His hands
were firm beneath my backside, supporting me. "Let me improve on
that, angel," he murmured and began again. The strokes were slower
this time, a long, languorous selection of licking, sucking and
stroking all blended together until I sobbed his name again. It
struck me that I was sober and there was something else I wanted to
do, for I felt so sensitive now I wasn’t sure I could take much
more. His gentle fingers stroked me again, driving me mad.

"Stop," I begged him. "I want you to
kiss me."

Nathan moved quickly from between my
legs and off the bed. The hiss of released gas left me looking
around in shock. Nathan gulped down half of one of my little vodka
drinks and smiled. I wondered how he’d brought them to the bedroom.
The bottle clunked to the bedside table as he crept across the bed
back to me. His kisses tasted of lemon.

"Thank you," I said when he paused for
breath.

"You’re welcome, angel. Any time…" he
murmured, leaning in for another kiss.

I kissed him and pushed him, all in one
smooth motion as we rolled together. I was on top once more. I
didn't have the courage to do this any other way. I wasn't sure I
had the courage now. I gritted my teeth as I felt the heat of him
between my legs. I was terrified.

My heart rate still hadn't slowed and
my very blood was buzzing from his touch. The least I could do was
reciprocate.

I kept kissing him as I unzipped his
fly and undid the button. My hands under his bum, I dragged the
dress pants down over his hips as he sat up in surprise. Something
in my eyes stopped his protest before he gave it voice. "Condoms?"
I murmured between kisses.

I couldn't look down. I felt cold at
the thought of sex. Of letting him…letting him…

My courage ebbing as fast as it came, I
resolved to give him a blow job. Both the least and the most I
could do. I swallowed, hoping I'd be able to follow through with
it.

Oh God, I should have had more alcohol
to drink. Maybe I wouldn't be so scared.

I could hear Nathan fumbling around
with the bedside table. I heard the drawer slide open and glanced
over as he reached for the box on top. There were plenty beneath
it, all different.

I looked at the box he handed me.
Strawberry-flavoured, it said.
You didn’t expect this, but you
sure as hell hoped
, I thought grimly. I grimaced.
Pity they
taste more like bubblegum than strawberry. Better than bare latex
and damned if I’m swallowing for you, Nathan.

He stuck out of the front of his
checked boxer shorts like an empty flagpole. I pulled his shorts
down, too, so he was bare to his thighs. I didn’t want a mouthful
of cotton. I stuck on his hot-pink condom one-handed, kissing his
mouth the whole time.
Angels need two hands and instructions for
this, Nathan.
I gently massaged him with my hand.
Not small,
but not enormous, either. I can handle this.
I moved quickly,
before I could waver in my resolve. I had a warm,
bubblegum-flavoured mouthful before he regained the power of
speech. What he did say came out sounding like, "Muh." I sucked
harder and felt him thrust in response. I almost choked.

A reverent hand stroked my hair. "You
don’t have to do this, angel."

I’m not a fucking angel. Or maybe I am.
An angel of death, more like.

I felt a tear slide down my cheek.

"No. NO!" Nathan’s sudden shout scared
me. He pushed me away. His face looked afraid and he visibly shrank
away from me in more ways than one.

What did I do?

More tears welled up. "I thought you
were enjoying it."

He wiped my tears away. "You weren't.
Everything I've ever done for you…I'd do it again in a heartbeat.
All you have to do is ask. And you still wouldn't owe me anything,
angel. Least of all this."

He gestured at his rapidly retreating
arousal.

"I can do this," I insisted.

He saw my scars. He saw the damage and
didn't want me any more.

"I'm sorry, angel, but I can't." He
stood up, turning his back as he pulled the condom off. As if he
didn't even want to look at me any more.

I was too tired to deal with this now.
If he didn’t want the best blow job of his life from the girl he
loved, then I wanted to curl into a tiny, unwanted ball and
sleep.

"I’m tired, Nathan," I confessed.

He was all attention, without a hint of
disappointment or disgust. "I’ll find you one of my shirts to sleep
in. I’ll go wash up while you change."

He threw the shirt to me and hurried
out of the room. The used condom fluttered to the floor in his
wake, limp and unloved. The opposite of me as I stretched out, skin
now wrapped in shirt and sheet. Sensationally sated, yet
saddened.

Part 67

"Would you like me to sleep on the
couch or in here with you? I can sleep on the floor, if you
prefer," Nathan offered.

My body was still buzzing as I reached
out for him. "Here's fine. Hold me, Nathan. I feel safer that
way."

He spooned up to me and I sighed as I
relaxed into sleep.

"No…no…please wake up. No...you can't
be dead. Caitlin…please…wake up…" I woke to Nathan's panicked voice
as his hands patted me.

I'm not dead. I think I'm not dead. No,
I'm breathing. Definitely not dead.

I stayed still, trying to keep my
breathing even as I gathered my straying thoughts. My dream hadn't
been bad.

"Angel, I'm sorry…I'm sorry…Oh
God…"

I swallowed and said, "Nathan? It's
just a dream, right?"

"Caitlin? Caitlin? Please…" I could
feel his face through my shirt as he listened to my chest. My shirt
felt damp from…tears? Could he really be crying?

"It's okay," I murmured, cuddling
closer to him.

"Angel?" He lifted his head to kiss me
lightly. "It's okay. You're safe. You're safe…" His arms tightened
around me.

"I'm safe," I repeated, hoping it was
true. If he hugged me much tighter, he might break my ribs.

"Safe…" he murmured. "I'll keep you
safe, angel." His grip relaxed a little.

I waited for his breathing to become
even before I dared fall asleep again. His nightmares were getting
worse – and becoming more dangerous, too.

Part 68

Tied – Mike – Her – Knife – Cutting –
Blood

I screamed as hot pain sliced across my
thigh.

"Hold still. You, hold her still," she
said.

A warm body landed on my midsection,
crushing me to the cold concrete. Denim-clad legs pinned mine down,
apart.

Another slice and another scream.

"I can gag her, too, if it bothers you,
ma'am," Mike said.

"No need. There's no one to hear her,"
she said carelessly. I heard the knife point scrape my skin, the
pain a constant burn now. "Shine that torch here. I want the
letters clear."

I tried to scream, but there was no
voice left. A hoarse whimper was all the sound that came out.

"What the fuck are you doing?" I
rasped.

She ignored me, intent on mutilating my
body. She lifted the knife, so it glinted in the torchlight.
"There. A little present for the ASIO boy." She looked down at my
legs. "No. I need to do the other one, too. They must match."

She stabbed the blade into my other
leg.

I cried out, but no one took any
notice.