Necessary Evil of Nathan Miller (24 page)

I swallowed. I wanted a heavily armed
chance with Nathan for back-up. Alone and without him…I might not
stand a chance at all. "Nathan swore he wouldn't let them hurt me.
I believe him."

He laughed, taking his time before he
sobered and said, "Very sweet. And you believed him? So all your
injuries – the ones he failed to prevent – don't hurt at all?"

You fucking bastard. You ordered him to
stand by and do nothing while they raped me.

Tears burned my eyes, but I didn't dare
shed them in front of this prick. I tried to keep my voice steady.
"If I go into witness protection, it'll only be with my band and a
recording contract. I'm not asking for an advance – royalties only.
I'll even pay for the recording studio for the first album."

He shook his head. "You can't hide in
witness protection and be a pop star. It doesn't work like
that."

I pressed my lips together. "Do you
honestly think my band is the next One Direction? I'll write you a
list of indie recoding labels we'll consider, based on their
distribution and touring capability. I just want to make a living
while I'm at uni. If you prefer, we can discuss ex gratia payments
for people who have been significantly inconvenienced by
government. I heard people who have been wrongfully imprisoned can
get millions in compensation…" I watched him grow pale. Apparently
young girls like myself normally didn't do their fucking homework
either. "I'll change my name, move to a new city and study there.
But only with my band and a contract with an independent music
label."

"Not enough," he replied. "What about
your memories? If you want all that, I want a full account of
everything you remember in relation to the terror suspects and your
captivity. In writing."

"Then I want our arrangement in
writing, too, with details of the recording contract as part of the
agreement," I countered.

"We can discuss that at a later date,
when you provide said information," he said smoothly, rising to his
feet.

"Thursday," I replied, remaining
seated.
It's time to seriously look at those media offers – if
ever I need a bargaining chip, it's now. I don't trust him.

He looked surprised for a moment, but
his hesitation didn't last long. Maybe I should have asked for
more. "Thursday," he repeated.

I couldn't get out of there fast
enough.

Navid waited beside the reception desk.
"Sign out, turn in your visitor badge and I'll take you home," he
said.

We'd been driving for perhaps two
minutes when he asked, "Did you get what you came for?"

"Some of it," I answered. I hesitated.
"Is he that rude to everyone?"

Navid glanced at me and laughed. "He's
not polite, that's for sure."

I wet my lips. I couldn't Mott down by
myself and he wouldn't physically attack me so I could kill him in
self-defence. Nor would Nathan do it for me. I needed Navid's help
to get Mott charged for his crimes. "He…knew things I've never told
anyone. Things that happened while they held me captive. The only
person who could have told him is dead. I…something's not
right."

Navid frowned as he looked out of the
windscreen at the traffic. "I know he's rude, but to say he's
consorting with terrorists is quite an accusation for someone as
high up in ASIO as he is."

"I know," I replied in a small voice.
"That's why I'm telling you and not making a formal accusation. You
told me not to trust him. I don't. He's dodgy and someone needs to
find out how he knows these things…"

"I'll keep an eye out, Miss Lockyer,"
he said. "But it's not your problem any more. You should focus on
recovering and getting on with your own life. Catching terrorists
is our job."

Mutely, I nodded, while crossing my
fingers. I'd planted the seed and I only hoped it would take root
and flower. If I had my botany right, this was going to be a big,
stinking Rafflesia – a corpse flower.

Part 73

“Hello?” I answered cautiously, holding
the phone receiver to my ear.

“
Miss Lockyer? This
is Detective McGuinness. I’m sorry I didn’t get back to you sooner
about the break-in at your house – I managed to pick up a cold
somewhere...and just as I thought I was fine, my wife caught it,
too, and she was in bed for a solid week. She couldn’t do anything
– I even had to take the kids to school, cook dinner, do all the
cleaning... I don’t know how nurses do it – I’ve been on chicken
soup and tissues duty for a week. It’s a relief to be back at
work.”

“
I hope everyone’s
okay now,” I replied politely, wondering what he wanted.

“
Back at work and
all,” he said. “But I didn’t call to talk about me. I wanted to
know if anything else had happened since the break-in. Did you
notice anything missing, or anything in the house that shouldn’t
be? Had any further intruders?”

I hesitated. Nathan hadn’t said
anything about keeping Laura’s attack secret, but if he hadn’t told
the police how he and I’d killed four people between us that night,
I couldn’t just blurt it out. “No, no intruders after last week,” I
answered truthfully. I didn’t have to mention that they’d come back
two days running last week...

“
You keep a look out,
and call me if you see anything suspicious,” he insisted. “It’d be
a hell of a relief if there was anything else you could tell me
about what you remember from your captivity. Stuff we could use to
track them down, so you wouldn’t have to worry about an
attack...”

“
I’ve been writing
down a little of what I remember,” I replied cautiously. “I could
give you a copy on CD when I see you next.”

“
That'd be a great
help,” he said. “I’ll have to get back to you on when I can meet
with you again. I seem to be snowed under in the office. You’d
think I’d been on holidays instead of home sick...”

We both said polite goodbyes and ended
the call.

I headed back to my room to finish off
the Nightmares file so I could give copies to everyone who seemed
to want my memories.

One version for the police and Mott,
which didn’t include a single mention of Chris. From the police to
the judge, just like I promised. One complete version for Nathan,
omitting nothing.

I paused for a moment. There was one
thing I wanted to keep from Nathan, if I could. He felt guilty
enough now, with his vague knowledge of what they’d done. He didn’t
need to know explicit details. I took out every mention of rape and
replaced it with other words for the same thing. Torture. They hurt
me. Pain…but never admitted to him that they raped me. I imagined
the look on his face if he read it…and removed the lot. He knew. He
didn't need to be reminded. I hoped he never read it.

I set a copy of Nathan’s version to
print, too, just in case something went wrong with the data copy. A
hard copy backup – I wasn't taking any chances. Just as the first
page hummed off the printer, I heard Jo’s car pull up, perfectly on
time.

I headed for the front door to let her
in, then led the way back to my room. My work was only half
done.

“
So, what are you
doing?” Jo asked, seating herself on my bed.

I squinted at the screen. “I’ve been
writing down the details of everything they did to me so I can give
it to ASIO and the police. Now, I’m checking my emails to see how
much I can sell the story for.”

“
You’re selling your
story? To who?” she squealed.

I grimaced. “I haven’t decided yet.
This one’s offering the most money, but...they want to interview
Nathan as well as me. I’m not sure if that’s a good idea.”

She clapped her hands like an excited
child. “Are you serious? It’s a brilliant idea. Hell, I’d pay to
see his face when you tell people on live television how much of a
pervert he is! I still don’t understand how you can stand to have
him around after all he did to you. You know there’s a condition
called Stockholm Syndrome that you should really read up on...”

I stopped dead and grabbed her
shoulders so we were face to face. “Listen to me. Nathan Miller
never hurt me – not once. He may have stuffed up a bit and let
other people hurt me more than he should, but he’s paid for it. He
really did save my life, Jo. I’d be dead if it weren’t for
him.”

I itched to tell her the whole story,
but I stood by my word as Nathan stood by his. Now, if only he’d
stand by long enough to do this interview, I’d have the money to
start a new life, far from here and the memories of pain.

She stared at me, as if trying to read
my thoughts. I hoped she couldn’t – my head held more darkness than
she should see.

“
I want to believe
you,” she said finally. “Before this, I’d swear you’re telling the
truth. Now, I feel like you’re hiding something. Fine. Fine. But if
I’m supposed to be nice to him as your boyfriend, I won’t stand and
watch if he hurts you. I’ll break both his kneecaps if he so much
as thinks about hurting you.”

I smiled weakly. “Thanks, Jo. If he
hurts me, you can get in line. I’ll castrate him first and if I
leave him alive, then it’s your turn.”

She laughed. “That I believe. Though I
think you’re too nice to kill him. I’ll help you, if the time
comes.”

I forced a smile. Jo didn’t know I was
already a killer – and she didn’t need to, either.

“
So, how much are you
selling your soul for?” she asked, bouncing back onto the
bed.

“
My story,” I
corrected, tapping the screen. “This one is offering two million
for an exclusive interview with Nathan and I. Photos, recorded TV
interview and all magazine coverage.”

She whistled. “Seriously? Take it, take
it! With that much money, you could finish your degree without
having to work part-time, plus you could even record an album if
you wanted to.”

“
If only Nathan will
agree...” I mused.

“
Test him. Tell him
it’s a test of his love or commitment or whatever,” she
suggested.

I shrugged. “I’ll try. Hey, I’ve been
working on some new songs while I’ve been stuck at home. Part of my
physio exercise is daily piano practice and Nathan inspired this
one...”

I led the way to the music room and
lifted the lid on the piano. “It’s called Necessary Evil.”

A smile spread across her face,
widening as I played the opening notes of what definitely wasn’t a
love song.

Part 74

Beach – Ambulance – Sand – Shots – Surf
– Road – Nathan – Numb

So cold. So tired.

He made me drink something, full of
sugar and bubbles. He asked me irrelevant questions, but he
wouldn’t even tell me his name.

Shouts and lots of people on the beach.
After so much darkness, their bright torches were more than my eyes
could handle. Blindly, I clung to him.

Don’t leave me, blind, alone and
helpless with strangers. I’ve had more of that than I can take. My
eyes filled with tears, the torch beams shimmering and fracturing
through them, but I fought to stop them from falling.

I could feel him standing up, lifting
me in his arms. I couldn’t let go of him. He was the rock holding
me steady in this universe of whirling, erratic stars.

I could feel his footsteps on the beach
sand, then the sudden jarring of each step as we reached the
bitumen.

After only a few steps on the road,
bright light exploded overhead. I squinted, trying to adjust to
this brightness that hurt my eyes, as Nathan gently set me down on
something soft. The feeling of cool, crisp fabric on my exposed
skin. I tried to look, but the white sheet blinded me, reflecting
the beam from above.

Nathan’s gentle hands helped me lie
down. My vision blurred as I looked right at the fluorescent light
on the ceiling. Then he leaned over me, his face mercifully
blocking the worst of it, with the remainder haloing his head like
my own personal guardian angel.

As if he took this role seriously, he
told me, "You’re going to be all right." His voice cracked as he
said it, as if he was trying to convince himself.

I smiled at him. Of course I’m going to
be all right. I wanted to hug him and tell him thank you, but he
moved and the light blinded me again, my eyes watering. By the time
I'd blinked the tears away, an ambulance officer had usurped his
place.

"Where is he?" I asked this new
stranger. He pulled on gloves. I shrank away from the very thought
of him touching me, of anyone touching me.

His voice tried to soothe me, as he
held his hands up in a gesture of polite surrender. "It’s all
right. The police have him now. They’ll arrest him and lock him in
a cell where he won’t be able to hurt you. And when he goes to
prison, do you know what happens to child molesters and rapists?
The other prisoners think they’re the lowest of the low. He’ll get
a bit of his own medicine, and if you’re lucky he might not even
make it out alive."

He sounded pleased at the thought of
what awaited the man who’d hurt me.

My response was angry. "No! He never
hurt me. They can’t send him to prison! HE NEVER HURT ME!"

Part
75

Let the world know he’s the hero who saved my life. Whatever
else he did doesn’t matter now. I gave my word.

I focussed on slowing my breathing for
the drive to the TV station. Nathan talked non-stop but I didn't
listen to him. I had to try and keep the story straight in my head,
without opening the dark cesspool of memories.
Today I tell a
story that is only based in truth – the story people want to
hear.

Some of Nathan's words started to sink
in
.
If you've had enough, end it.
Remember what
you're protecting him from. A small price to pay for his
protection, as long as it's needed. If you've had enough, end it
before you can say too much about how it ended.