Need (21 page)

“And?”

“How could Dr. Cooper believe that horrible woman? How could he . . . ?”

The words died in her throat as more tears fell. I wiped them away with my thumbs.

“First of all, you
are
good enough, Brianna. I’m not sure why you think you’re not. As for my uncle believing Tami . . . I think it was more shock than anything. My uncle, as many parents, continues to see the children they raised—or helped raise, in this case—as kids. It’s hard enough for them to acknowledge their children have sex lives, let alone ones that include things that are outside of the norm.”

“You’re not a bad person,” she said in a firm, determined voice.

“Thank you.” I smiled, kissing her forehead.

With that, she smiled and snuggled back into my chest.

I’d had plans for us this morning that included working out and then a walk in the park, but I was content to sit with her on her bed for now. There was always tomorrow.

Stephan

We both ended up falling asleep on her bed.

    The only woman I’d ever woken up in bed with was my first submissive, Sara, and it had never felt like this. With Sara, I’d been indifferent about it. The few times it had happened were more accident than anything else, much as this had been. But with Sara, there hadn’t been this warm feeling that waking up next to her was where I most wanted to be. I began working on excuses to get Brianna into my bed.

What struck me the most, however, was that this feeling wasn’t only sexual. That desire was still there, but if all I could do was hold her, then I would take it.

The phone rang, causing Brianna to shift on my lap. I answered it before it could wake her. “Hello.”

“Good afternoon, Mr. Coleman.” I glanced at the clock beside her bed and saw that it was in fact after noon. I’d need to wake her soon, whether I wanted to or not. “There is a Mr. Cal Ross here to see Miss Reeves.”

I glanced down at her sleeping form. Even if she had been awake, she’d had a stressful morning and, if I was being honest with myself, I needed some time with her today that was just us. “Let me talk to him.”

“Yes, sir.”

A few seconds passed before I heard Cal’s voice come on the line. “Anna?”

“No.”

“Where’s Anna, Coleman?” he barked.

“Brianna is unavailable at the moment.”

“Why?”

I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself. It wouldn’t do any good losing my temper with him. “She’s taking a nap.”

“Oh,” he said, as if not expecting such a simple answer. It didn’t take him long to recover, however. “Will you tell her I came by to see her?”

“Yes. However, might I suggest that you call first before you show up on my doorstep?”

“Why?”

“Because it’s rude to show up unannounced.” Did his parents not teach him any manners?

Silence.

“I don’t have your number.”

“That can be easily fixed if you ask for it.
Politely
.”

I heard him exhale loudly. “May I please have your phone number so I may call Brianna?”

I played with Brianna’s hair as I rattled off the number to him. Seconds later, the line went dead. I guessed it was too much to ask him to say thank you.

Closing my eyes, I let all thoughts of Cal Ross disappear and concentrated on the feel of Brianna’s hair between my fingers. It was long and soft. I couldn’t help but think of all the things I could do with her beautiful hair.

I let her sleep another twenty minutes before gently waking her. 

Groggily, she turned to look up at me. “Hi,” she said, looking embarrassed to find her head in my lap.

“Hi,” I smiled. “How did you sleep?”

“Good,” she blushed, glancing down.

I knew I hadn’t been unaffected by her presence, but I was also trying very hard to ignore it. Her staring at my rapidly growing anatomy wasn’t helping. Her mouth was so close. I could feel her warm breath through my jeans. I tightened my grip on her hair, and her eyes locked with mine. It would be so very easy to tell her to unzip my jeans and take me into her mouth. I still hadn’t forgotten the last time. I wasn’t sure I ever would. Her gaze held mine, and I knew without a doubt that all I had to do was give the word.

But I couldn’t. She wasn’t ready. It had been less than a week since she’d panicked from me touching her. 

Reluctantly, I removed my hand from her hair and let it fall to the bed.

“Are you hungry?” I needed a distraction, and food seemed like the perfect choice.

“Yes, a little.”

“Go clean yourself up. I’ll wait here, and then we’ll go get something.”

She nodded, and walked into her bathroom.

I spent the time she was gone trying to calm myself down. That was too close, and I didn’t want to do anything that either of us would regret.

Brianna

I splashed water on my face, trying to get the sleep out of my eyes. My reflection looked back at me with uncertain eyes. Why had he stopped? I could see—feel—that he wanted it.

But even as I asked the question, I knew that it was me. I had messed up. It was my fault he wasn’t touching me anymore. I just didn’t know how to fix it.

Maybe Lily would know. He told me that I could ask her anything, so I could ask her this, right?

The tips of my fingers grazed over my lips and then down to my breasts. I wanted to feel that warmth again, the tingly feeling his hands left on my skin.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.
Lily
. She’d know what to do.

For the rest of the weekend, I wasn’t out of Stephan’s sight for long. We worked out together, took a walk in the park, and he even helped me make dinner Sunday. But what he didn’t do was push anything physical.

Monday came and went as I debated whether I could really call Lily and ask her such a question. By Tuesday morning, I was no closer to the answer. So instead of spending another day arguing with myself, I called Lily as soon as I hit send on my eight o’clock text to Stephan.

“Brianna!” Lily said with excitement.

“Hi, Lily.”

“Is everything okay? I mean, not that I’m not glad you called, but I’m usually the one calling you.”

“I . . .” Maybe this wasn’t the best idea.

“You can ask me anything, you know. Even if it’s about Stephan.”

I closed my eyes and mentally crossed my fingers.

“How do I get him to touch me again?” I said, as quickly as I could get it out. I just hoped she understood what I’d said and I didn’t have to repeat myself.

“What do you mean by
get him to touch you again
? What’s he not doing that he was?”

“He hasn’t . . . since last week. I panicked . . .”

“Ah,” she said. “He’s stopped the sexual stuff.”

“Yes,” I said, breathing a sigh of relief that she understood.

“Have you asked him? Talked to him about why he stopped?”

I pressed my lips together. There it was again. Talking. Communication.

“No,” I admitted.

“Maybe that’s what he’s waiting for.”

I continued to think about what Lily had said long after I hung up the phone. And the more I thought about it, the more I believed she could be right. I was sleeping on the floor beside his bed, texting him, following him around because I hadn’t talked to him about something that was bothering me. Now this was bothering me, and I still wasn’t talking. What was wrong with me?

When he came through the door that evening, I had talked myself into talking to him a dozen times. I’d also talked myself
out
of talking to him a dozen times.

He walked over to me, and pulled me into his arms.

Dinner was quiet as usual. I knew I was allowed to talk whenever, but it just didn’t feel right unless he was holding me. It also helped if we were sitting in his chair.

I cleaned up before going to sit with him. Since I’d been texting him what I was doing throughout the day, our evening conversations had changed a little. Instead of asking me
what
I did, he’d ask me questions about what I’d told him I’d done.

Because I’d called Lily right after I’d texted him that morning, and the call ended well before the next text, I’d not mentioned talking to her. I knew it was time. I needed to do this. Lily was right. He was probably waiting for me to say something.

“I called Lily.”

“Did you?” I couldn’t see his face since I was in my favorite position with my head on his shoulder, but he sounded surprised.

“Yes.” I pressed my lips together, nervous. “Was that okay?”

“Of course,” he said, running his fingers gently down my arm. “It’s just that you’ve never called her before on your own. I’m proud of you.”

I breathed a sigh of relief and smiled.

When I didn’t say anything else, he asked, “You know you can talk to Lily about anything you wish. Is there a reason you brought her up?”

“Yes. I . . . I called to ask her something.”

“Oh?”

“She said I should talk to you.”

To my surprise, he chuckled. I didn’t know how I felt about that. Why was he laughing? 

“And what are you to talk to me about, Brianna?” When I didn’t answer right away, he shifted me in his lap and lifted my chin so I was looking at him. “Talk to me,” he said, seriously.

“You . . . you haven’t . . . touched me . . . since I . . . since I . . .” I could feel the moisture pooling in my eyes.

“Deep breaths. You can do this.”

“Don’t you want me anymore?” I whispered.

“Do you still want that?”

“Yes,” I nodded. “I’ll do better. I promise. I’ll . . .”

He pressed his index finger against my lips, stopping my anxious words. “Thank you,” he said. “I’ve been waiting to see if you’d approach me. I’m very glad you did, even if you spoke to Lily first. She gave you good advice. You need to be able to come to me with these things, Brianna. With everything. Good or bad.”

I nodded, and when he released my face, I lay my head on his shoulder once again.

We sat there for a long time watching a movie on television. I only watched parts of it. I was too lost in my thoughts.

Did this mean that we’d be starting again? I thought it did.

I played with the buttons on the front of his shirt as I tried to think of ways I could make sure what happened the last time didn’t happen again. But as much as I didn’t want to panic or have a flashback, I wasn’t sure I could stop it from happening no matter how much I wanted to.

Talk to him. I just had to remember to talk to him. It wasn’t my panic that got me into trouble the last time, it was my
not
talking.

I closed my eyes and took slow even breaths, enjoying the feel of his hands as they rubbed gently on my back.

Suddenly, I realized the television wasn’t on anymore. The room was quiet except for our breathing. I looked up at him, wondering if something was wrong. 

“Time for bed, Brianna.”

Nodding, I stood reluctantly. I couldn’t believe it was time already. I didn’t want him to let me go yet.

He cupped my face. “Go get your nightclothes and bring them into my bedroom with you. Do not change. You have five minutes, Brianna.” Then he disappeared into his room.

Brianna

I was nervous. And excited. He had something planned. As quickly as I could, I brushed my teeth, gathered up my nightclothes, and made a dash into the bathroom before going to his room.

    When I entered, he was still fully dressed, minus his shoes. My brow wrinkled in confusion. Every other night, he’d been waiting for me in his boxers. He smiled and walked toward me. I pressed my lips together, and I could feel my teeth biting into my lip. 

“Relax, Brianna. Trust me.”

I nodded, and tried to take some deep breaths. His right hand came down to tangle with mine as he walked backward, leading me into his bathroom.

This bathroom was so much bigger than mine. I’d been in it once before, but its size still amazed me. There was a large counter with two sinks lining half of one wall. Each sink had tall mirrors topped with bright lights. On the other side of the room was a large bathtub that looked as if it could fit more than one person. It was deep, wide, and very different from the bathtub in my house in Dallas, or even the one at John’s.